James wandered through the corridors, lost in thought. He saw, for the millionth time, the look on her face, and for the millionth time he hated himself. Why was it that the only girl he liked was the only girl in school who hated him? What was he doing wrong?
He absentmindedly turned yet another corner, and there she was, crying. Sobbing really was probably the better word. Her red hair fell over her face, but couldn't hide her puffy eyes or the tears lingering on her cheeks. She held her knees to her chest, hugging herself because there was no one else to do it.
James didn't hesitate. In a moment he was sitting next to her. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her face into his chest. She sobbed harder, but to his amazement didn't push him away. He held her tighter and timidly reached up to touch her hair. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked.
She hiccupped. "It's Sev. I-" She sobbed again, unable to continue.
"It's okay," James whispered, "It's going to be okay."
He knew he should be at least a little upset. The girl of his dreams was crying, and it was at least partially his fault. But he couldn't help it, he felt fantastic. She was in his arms! She was so tiny, so frail, and she was in his arms! And though he wasn't sure what exactly was going on, he was pretty sure Snape was finally out of the picture. Snape, who had poisoned her against him from that very first day on the Hogwarts Express. Maybe, finally, he had a chance with her.
She hiccupped again. His heart soared. She was so adorable!
"How can it be okay?" she asked, sniffling. "I just lost my best friend."
"It's his loss, not yours," James replied, squeezing her extra tight.
She pulled herself loose, wiped her face with the sleeve of her robe, and tucked her hair behind her ears. He loved when she did that. And suddenly she looked right at him. His heart flipped. Her eyes were so green, so piercing. He smiled at her.
Instantly he regretted it. She glared at him, angry again. Even when she was mad she was just so beautiful. "You," she growled, "you are just as bad as he is." Before he could blink she was storming through the corridor and around the corner.
James, you idiot, don't just sit there. Go after her!
"Evans!" He ran through the corridor, past a tapestry, down the stairs. "Evans, wait!" He caught a flash of her red hair turning a corner. "Evans! Let me explain!"
He nearly ran in to her as she wheeled around to face him. "Explain? Explain what?" God she was gorgeous. "Explain how you bully other kids for your own entertainment? Explain how you break every school rule just to get attention? Go ahead Potter, explain."
For the first time in his life words utterly failed him.
"That's what I thought." There was that face again. Why did she hate him so much?
"L-L-Lily." Her eyes widened. He cursed himself for fumbling over a name he had doodled on so many pieces of parchment. He must seem like an idiot. "Lily, I'm sorry. I guess I just get a little carried away sometimes." He hung his head. "Maybe I just need someone like you around to tell me when I'm being a jerk." YES! Nailed it!
"Maybe what you need, Potter, is to grow up." She turned once again to walk away.
"Evans, please, give me a chance."
She didn't even turn around. "You lost your chance a long time ago Potter."
Stunned, James didn't even try to follow her. If possible this had ended even worse than the day before. So much for a chance with Lily Evans. Heartbroken, he watched her walk away in silence.
Lily silently scolded herself for being such a child. She hadn't cried like this since Tuney had called her a freak. Still, she couldn't help herself, and as she sobbed she was at least thankful she had found a deserted corridor where no one was likely to find her. She was so lonely, so hurt. She hugged her knees, pretending they were Sev, and cried even harder.
She heard footseteps, but was too far past caring to move. Still, she was surprised to feel arms pulling her into a desperately needed hug. She looked up and to her amazement recognized James Potter's face. Sobbing, she accepted his comfort, hating herself. What would Sev say if he could see her now? She was justifying everything he had said. But she had no one else to turn to, no one else who cared, especially not about Sev.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he whispered. She felt his hand on her hair.
She hiccupped. For Heaven's sake, she thought. She hated how she hiccupped when she cried. It was so embarrassing. "It's Sev. I-" I miss him. I hate that we're not talking. I hate that I stuck up for him when my friends said he was practicing the dark arts, and that he was joining the Death Eaters. I hate that they were right. I hate that I still want to be with him.
"It's okay," James reassured her. "It's going to be okay."
"How can it be okay?" She sniffled, hating her runny nose. "I just lost my best friend." More than her best friend. Snape could have been her… What? She asked herself. Could have been your what? She didn't dare answer.
"It's his loss, not yours." Lily had never been hugged this way before. Suddenly she felt uncomfortable. She wiggled out of his arms and wiped her nose as discreetly as possibly, keenly aware of his eyes on her. Tucking her hair behind her ears, she timidly met his eyes.
He smiled at her, and she was surprised to find that he really had a nice smile. Her heart felt funny, the way it used to feel when she thought of Sev.
Sev. She remembered the way James treated Sev, and it all vanished. Angry, she could not allow him to continue to be so close to her. "You," she snarled, "you are just as bad as he is." Not giving him the chance to respond, she stormed off.
She didn't know who she was more mad at, James Potter or Severus Snape. Or herself. She didn't pay attention to where she was going, or who she was bumping in to. She was furious.
"Evans!" She heard behind her. "Let me explain!"
Unable to contain her anger, she spun around and unleashed it on him. "Explain? Explain what? Explain how you bully other kids for your own entertainment? Explain how you break every school rule just to get attention?" Oh, he is so lucky I don't have my wand on me, she thought. "Go ahead Potter, explain."
As he stood there stammering, she found herself actually feeling sorry for him. He wasn't used to this, she realized, not being in charge of the situation. "L-L-Lily," he finally got out. Her heart shocked her by turning a summersault. That's the first time he's ever used your name.
"Lily, I'm sorry. I guess I just get a little carried away sometimes." He stared at the floor. "Maybe I just need someone like you around to tell me when I'm being a jerk." Yeah, you do. But she was still angry. Too angry to accept his apology, although she could see it was quite sincere.
"Maybe what you need, Potter, is to grow up." She turned her back on him.
"Evans, please, give me a chance."
She didn't even turn around. "You lost your chance a long time ago Potter."
Hating him more than ever before, she left him there alone with his own miserable self. But she couldn't help but noticing as she made her way to the common room, that as much as she might hate James Potter, her heart was still beating harder than normal, and she was smiling.