In a quaint cafe located in the heart of Ponyville, ponies of all kinds enjoyed their morning meals with no worries whatsoever. Every other table was occupied by either couples enjoying their meals or single ponies who sipped quietly on their coffees or drinks. One table in particular, was occupied by two mares, one a mint green unicorn conversing with a cream coated earth pony mare. They were chatting idly and smiling at each other.
"I love you bumpkin" said the cream colored mare.
"I love you honey bunny..." replied the mint unicorn in turn.
Suddenly, they both rose from their seats, one holding a shotgun while the other was holding a high caliber hoofgun. The unicorn was the first to shout at the unsuspecting ponies.
"Alright everypony cool this is a robbery!"
"Any of you ponies don't freakin' MOVE!" the earth pony mare screamed "or i'll freakin' kill every single freakin' last one of ya!"
PONY FICTION
(Cue guitar riff song)
By
RedDragonKan
A motel near the skirts of Ponyville. One of the doors of the various rooms opened up, revealing a tired looking earth pony with a brown colored coat and dark brown mane and tail. He promised his mareheart to bring her breakfast in the form of a big, scrumptious muffin. Just a few days ago, he was being chased by a gang of notorious criminals hell-bent on shooting him to death for not losing to the boxing match he was paid to. Afterwards, things got pretty interesting when he and the leader of said gang were faced with a pair of unfriendly backwater ponies at the back of a pawnshop. Needless to say, when they started bringing that freak to do who knows what with them, he rose to the occasion and got rid of them both, escaping and setting the crime boss free as well. After that, the debt was settled, and he was now a free pony. Moments later after remembering his flashback, he returned with a bag filled with muffins, and got inside the room to share with his marefriend. A few hours passed and both ponies exited the room to walk towards a motorcycle parked near the office. The mare, a grey coated yellow maned and tail pegasus talked to him as she noticed it.
"Who's motorcycle is this?"
"It's a chopper, darling." the colt corrected. "Got it from Zedd."
The pegasus blinked "Who's Zedd?"
"Zedd's dead baby," he stated as he revved the chopper "Zedd's dead."
They both mounted the chopper and drove off far away from Ponyville, their destination unknown.
The hit ponies just stared at the colt that shot them. He was still holding the gun with trembling hooves, not accepting what just happened. He shot them point blank yet they still stood there, without any indication of being wounded nor dead. The hit ponies, an orange coated earth pony and a cyan coated pegasus looked at each other then at the pony holding the gun. The rainbow maned cyan pegasus pointed her gun at him along with the orange earth pony and started reciting a passage from the good book. Everything she was saying the pony just kept absorbing, but the last part of the passage he heard was the one thing he would remember before his time was due.
"...and you will now my name is CELESTIA when I lay my vengeance upon thee!"
They both began shooting the pony to pieces. When they were done, there was an indescribable mess on the floor.
It was a grand night. The orange hit pony was in charge of treating her boss's filly to a dinner in a well known establishment. They drove inside the parking lot of a stylish 50's cafe that was decorated from the floor up to the roof in memorabilia. They both found a table soon enough, aided by the waiter, and began examining their menus. The filly, a pink pony with a mane that defied gravity, began humming as she read along. Suddenly the ponies in the restaurant paid attention to the voice of a pony in the middle of a dancing stage. He announced that the twist off competition was about to take place, and they were now taking names of who would participate. At this, the pink pony settled her menu down excitedly and tried to get the hit pony's attention.
"Ooh, I wanna dance! Can we go to compete?"
"Um...ah don't know sugarcube," the hit pony said "Ahm no good at dancin'"
"Aw, come on! I'll show you once we start dancing!"
The orange pony sighed and set her menu down, nodding to the filly. The pink pony squealed and then grabbed her hoof to drag her over to the stage. Once there, the host of the restaurant began announcing the opening of the competition.
"Fillies and gentlecolts, now the moment you all been waiting for, Equestria's famous, Sugarcube corner's dance twist competition..."
Everypony stomped their hooves on the ground anxiously. The host approached the two ponies on the stage and began talking to them.
"Now let us meet our first contestants this evening...young mare what's your name?"
"Pinkie Pie!"
He then turned to the orange earth pony.
"And uh, how about your fellow here?"
"Applejack" she said with a bit of embarrassment.
"Alright let's see what you can do, take it away!"
And then the music started playing. Both ponies were dancing to the song's delight; Applejack was actually doing fine on her own, much to Pinkie Pie's excitement. Once they finished, they sat back down at their table which was now having two sets of meals for each one of them, carrot burgers, hay fries, and a chocolate milkshake for Pinkie Pie, while Applejack got an apple cider. Pinkie Pie invited the hit pony to taste a bit of her milkshake, which Applejack did with gusto.
"Mmm, that is one thick shake there..."
"Uh huh! Um...would you excuse me for a tinsy bit? I need to use the fillies' room!"
Applejack continued eating her burger while waiting for the filly. Over an hour passed, and she wondered what was keeping her. Worried, she got up and went to the mare's room. She knocked on the door but got no response. A few knocks later, she decided to open it up and step inside to see what was going on. She spotted the pink pony on the floor, shivering uncontrollably while she was foaming at the mouth with her eyes halfway up. Gasping, Applejack looked to the side to notice a series of candy, sugarsticks, cupcakes, and other confections on the floor.
"She's got a sugar rush attack!" Applejack said as she rushed over to get the pink pony out from the restaurant. Soon, she was driving her back to the mansion, hoping that it was not too late...
The boxer pony messed up big time. He barely escaped from a window from the arena after accidentally hurting the other boxer pony to the point of a coma. He was paid to lose this match. He couldn't help it, when the fighting instinct got to him, he would not stop. Now that he had his head in the view of a gun, he escaped and got in his car, and drove away into the night. The next day, he was driving through the town while thinking on a way to escape his fate. He stopped at a red light while somepony was crossing through. The boxer's eyes got big once he noticed who it was. The pony in question, a red coated orange mane and tail stallion with a green apple cut in half cutie mark turned to see him as he sped up to him. The stallion's eyes narrowed as he went for his gun.
"You applebuckin'..."
The big earth pony got run over by the car, sending him rolling across the street. The boxer lost control of the vehicle and crashed on a lamppost. Seeing that his car was rendered useless, he got out and started galloping away as the red pony gave chase, trying to get a clear shot at him. The boxer quickly entered a pawnshop along the way, and frantically got to the counter where a skinny unicorn with green mane and dark orange coat was idly reading a newspaper.
"You gotta help me! I am being chased by a lunatic who wants to kill me!"
The unicorn raised his gaze and looked at him without much interest. The door swung open again and he noticed a big red pony coming in, pointing a gun to the brown pony in front of his counter. The red pony began yelling a series of nasty words at the brown one, while he kept pointing at him with his gun. Moments later, another pudgy unicorn colt entered from the back of the pawnshop, carrying a shotgun and cocking it as he pointed it at both of them.
"Zedd," he said "What's the hay going on here?"
"I dunno, seems these two wanna kill each other. What do ya wanna do with'em?"
"I got an idea..." the pudgy dark green unicorn said as he motioned the two ponies to follow him to the back of the pawnshop. The duo found themselves wirh their hooves tied up and on their knees, an apple in their mouths. The two pawnshop owners sneered at them.
"Bring out the gimp." the pudgy one said.
"The gimp's sleeping." Zedd replied.
"Well I guess you're gonna have to wake him up now, won't you?" the pudgy one said with annoyance. Sighing, Zedd walked out and then brought along a leather covered pony with a leather mask covering his entire head except his eyes. The boxer and the crime boss both looked in horror as the freaky pony advanced towards them. The other two ponies left them to their fortune. The boxer pony narrowed his eyes and got up from the floor, dashing towards the gimp and head butting him, rendering him unconscious. He then worked his way free from the restraints and helped the red pony to get free as well. The boxer got out from the back and before the other two got time to react, he reached for a katana on the wall. The boxer unsheathed the blade and then smiled at both of them...
Applejack parked the car in front of the mansion, almost passing over the front lawn. She brought inside Pinkie Pie who was getting worse by the minute. Knocking frantically at the door, she was let in by a mulberry earth pony mare with a look of surprise on her eyes. When she noticed the state Pinkie Pie was in, she glared at Applejack.
"Applejack! What did you do?"
"No time to explain', Cherilee..." Applejack said as she entered carrying the pink pony "Ah must do somethin' to save Pinkie Pie here who got herself into a sugar rush attack!"
Closing the door, Cherilee followed Applejack to the living room, where she laid down Pinkie Pie on the floor gently.
"Cheer...what the hay are we gonna do?"
"I got an idea," Cheerilee told her as she went inside a room within the mansion. She came back holding a large syringe in her mouth. Applejack stared at the needle with huge eyes.
"What in the hay?"
"Here, you must inject her with this," the mulberry pony said as she gave her the syringe. "insert it straight into her cutie mark!"
"Her cutie mark? Are you insane?"
"Trust me on this. It's not the first time it has happened."
Applejack gulped as she raised the skirt up enough to reveal the pink pony's flank. Breathing heavily, Applejack raised the syringe...then jammed it into her cutie mark. Within seconds, Pinkie Pie jolted upright with her eyes bulging out, a huge smile on her face. She remained in the air for a few moments before landing softly on her hoofs.
"That was FUN! Can we do it again? Can we, huh?"
"No sugarcube," Applejack said, relieved "We ain't gonna do that again..."
At the cafe, both mares were pointing their weapons at everypony who tried to leave. The mint mare told her companion to go and start getting the costumer's cash and valuables. As she did this, the mint coated pony noticed a mare pegasus sitting on the far corner of the cafe, with a briefcase on the table. Raising her eyebrow, she approached the rainbow maned pegasus, and motioned with her gun.
"You...what you got there?"
The pegasus stared at her with utmost care. She then sighed and shook her head.
"I ain't gonna show you."
"You either open it up, or I will blast your multi colored head off!"
Narrowing her eyes, the pegasus motioned the unicorn closer to her. When she was close enough, the cyan pegasus opened the briefcase slowly, revealing a soft glowing light coming from inside. The unicorn gulped and stared at it with surprise.
"Is that...is that what I think it is?"
"Yep," the pegasus confirmed "but you can't have it."
At that moment, Applejack was walking back from the bathroom when she noticed what was going on. She reached for her gun and pointed it at the unicorn, but realized that there was another mare pointing her shotgun at her at the same time. The cyan pegasus held out her hooves and directed her attention at Applejack.
"AJ, lower your gun...it's cool"
"But Rainbow Dash..."
"I said lowered it! I got this."
Applejack grimaced and lowered her gun, but the cream coated mare was still pointing her weapon at her. Rainbow Dash then looked back at the mint coated unicorn. The unicorn looked back at her with confusion on her eyes. The pegasus reached behind her back, raising her other hoof to let her know she was not going to pull any funny business, and then brought her wallet out with the words "bad pony bucker" written on it. She offered to the mint unicorn.
"Now see here...my "bad pony bucker"? I want you to have it and all that is within it. Now you just pick it up, leave here, and all will be good. Sounds like a deal?"
The unicorn licked her lips and reached for the wallet. She then nodded and started walking backwards as her companion joined her with bags filled with loot from the other pony costumers. They both soon bailed out before the authorities arrived. After a few moments, Applejack walked over to her hit pony friend at the table, shaking off what just happened.
"So Rainbow Dash..." she said as she sat down to continue eating "What's next on the list?"
Rainbow Dash breathed and settled on her seat. "We gonna deliver this to the boss pony."
"Alright," Applejack said, getting a mouthful of her breakfast "Say, have I ever told you about the differences between burger joints in here and Mareland...?"
THE END