Disclaimer- I own nothing relating to Law and Order
It's almost too easy for a person to allow a moment to define them, to take a role ion shaping their future. Some of it's done unconsciously the self-blame, depression, isolation, all those emotions and more intertwined, bulldozing their way into the middle of a victims brain and establishing themselves there. Threatening to become a permanent fixture in the mind of an innocent person.
As a detective in the Special Victims Unit it was Olivia Benson's job to intervene in that process, to protect and bring justice to those who are in desperate need of it. After having played a significant role in bringing closure to countless victims she instinctively knew the right actions to take in a wide variety of situations. She knew when victims needed to be pushed further to open up or when her presence alone would be comfort enough.
Emma Stevens, however, knew about none of this. She wasn't aware of the role her attack could play in her life if left a secret, She didn't even know Detective Olivia Benson existed. She knew that she should report what had happened to her, but telling that story would take more courage or strength than she thought she had in her at the time. Lately her mind had been racing, her emotions flying all over the place. She was depressed, then angry, then scared, then any other negative emotion she felt she could possibly experience. She always felt anything but content.
It was by chance that she was angry that rainy day on her walk home fro school. Angry at a variety of things, her family for not caring, her friends for not noticing, her rapist for what he'd done to her, and herself fro letting it happen. That's when the internal conflict always began , was it his fault or hers. She knew the right answer to that question, obviously his, she had said no. But everyday it was a battle just to convince herself of that fact, to remind herself that she was innocent, a victim.
It was on a whim that she ran into the precinct, a last second thought, a last ditch effort to be rescued. She went into the building and went through the process of figuring out which floor to go to. She was able to make it into the elevator and push the button for the correct before reality hit her. The doors opened indicating that she had made it to the correct location and as she saw the group of people crowded around to get on she hesitantly stepped off.
Her eyes immediately narrowed in on the door. "Special Victims Unit" was plastered on the lass and it took everything she had to just peek inside. No one paid much attention to her, she didn't really stick out. She was 17 years old, maybe 5'7" with medium to long length dark brown hair, and blue-green eyes that, at that moment, concentrated on what was happening ion the squad room.
Inside Elliot was discussing a case with Detective Munch while Fin was busy completing paper work that she needed to have finished last week. It wasn't a terribly intimidating scene, but right outside the door Emma was still staring in. The only sound she could hear now was her own heart beat as her anxiety steadily increased with the thought of telling one of theses men what had happened to her. Her anger was quickly vanishing as fear began to set in. She didn't have the slightest idea how she would be able to go through with this so she decided that the best course of action would be to just turn around, get back on the elevator, and continue her walk home as if this little excursion had never occurred.
She was so caught up in her own thoughts and now desperate need to escape that she had unknowingly become completely oblivious to her surroundings including the women who was walking toward her. Emma turned around in a hurry and accidentally collided with her.
"Sorry" She quickly managed to stutter out before attempting to walk away.
"That's ok." The women answered while stepping in front of Emma, blocking her path to the elevator. "Is there something I can help you with?" She asked.
It was then that Emma noticed the gun and badge the women had on. She was a detective. Emma stood there for a moment staring at her, thinking intently about whether or not she wanted to take this opportunity to let someone in.
"Are you ok?" The women asked again after Emma hadn't answered her first question. "I'm Detective Olivia Benson, I work with the Special Victims Unit." Olivia told her gesturing toward the door.
Emma knew this was the perfect chance. Someone had literally just walked into her and asked to help. This, however , did nothing for her nerves which had, by this point, sky rocketed to monumental proportions.
She tried to open her mouth to speak but quickly shut it after finding her voice had failed her and wasn't going to let her vocalize anything at that moment. She settled for shaking her head and shifting her gaze to the floor instead.
Olivia, picking up on the fact that she wasn't going to be able to get any more information out of the girl while they were in the hallway, decided to take her to an interrogation room. "Let's go someplace more private, ok?" She asked not waiting for an answer as she gently guided Emma toward a free room.
Emma felt like she was shaking as Olivia led her through the squad room and made eye contact with one of the men Emma had been staring in on earlier. He responded with a nod in return. Olivia opened another door and told her she could have a seat at the table. Emma was relieved to finally be sitting down. It was then that she noticed the man had also entered the room. He shut the door behind him but hung back a bit as Olivia sat across from her at the table.
"This is my partner, Elliot Stabler." Olivia told her as she pulled out her note pad.
Detective Stabler gave her a quick smile in a effort to not scare her more than she obviously already was.
"Ok, so can you tell us your name?" Olivia gently asked her.
Emma took a deep breath that did little to top her voice from shaking when she spoke. "Emma…Stevens" She managed to spit out.
Olivia scribbled it down. " Ok, Emma can you tell me what happened?"
Emma looked up at Olivia trying her hardest to ignore Elliot's presence who ,was himself, trying to be invisible for her comfort.
"Ummm.." She was starting to panic, "I…uhh." She glanced over at Elliot then quickly looked back down again.
"Would it help if Detective Stabler left?" Olivia asked, picking up on the girl's anxiety level.
Emma just nodded and Elliot silently left the room. "I don't want to be rude." She quietly told Olivia "It's just.."
"I understand." Olivia kindly told, her cutting her off. "Do you think you could tell me what happened? Just take your time."
"Ok, so I was at school last Tuesday." Emma began, stopping to take a breath. "I was feeling pretty bad, so I decided to leave early. I walked home and went to my room and was thinking about….doing something…" She paused and glanced at Olivia to see her reaction to the vague description she had just let slip out. Olivia just nodded at her indicating that she should continue with her story. She would be questioned about the "something" later ,but right now she just wanted to keep Emma talking. "Ok, so I decided that I was going to go through with it…or do it and had everything I needed ready when I heard a knock at the door. It was my friend Seth. We hadn't really talked in awhile and I didn't want him to even come in but he saw that I'd been crying and just pushed his way past me into my house. He asked me who was home with me and I told him no one, that's when he started walking toward my bedroom. He knew that I had seriously considered doing…this in the past. But I hadn't told him about now. I hadn't told anybody about now. He went in my room and saw everything laid out and got really mad. He started screaming "not again!" and grabbed me. The he told me if I thought I was so worthless he might as well treat me like I was. I said no over and over but…he didn't listen." Emma stopped her story and with tears running down her face risked a glance up at Olivia, who with a sympathetic smile placed a box of tissues in front of her.
Emma gratefully took one but continued to cry as she slowly reached her hand into her pocket. She had sworn to herself that she could ever tell anybody about this, but that was earlier today. Right now she was sitting in a room at a table with a detective that she'd met less than an hour ago crying her eyes out. Now was different. If she gave up part of the story she might as well give it all up.
"Did he rape you?" Olivia asked quietly.
Emma nodded her head yes and took her hand out of her pocket, slowly setting the contents of it down on the table. As she lifter her hand away Olivia leaned forward and picked up what Emma had just laid down. She looked in the plastic bag and estimated that it contained 30, maybe 40 pills.
"That's what Seth saw when he walked into my room." Emma blurted out.
" He raped you because you were about to do drugs?" Olivia asked her. Although the way she said it made it sound more like a statement than a question.
"No" She replied shaking her head.
She again looked down at the table and said just loud enough for Olivia to hear, "He did it because I was about to kill myself."