AN: I don't know WHY IN THE WORLD I am doing this. I was dared by my cousin to do this I think the ship is weird and nasty! Oh, well for those shippers that LURVE Crookshanks/ McGonagall here you go. Do not worry we are all weird ;p . FEMSLASH AT THE END PLEASE DON'T HATE ME FOR IT!
I was trotting down the hall when I heard a familiar meow. "Ah, Hello Crookshanks." I purred. "Minerva." The orange ball of fur trotted up to me. Crookshanks has been walking these castles walls since Lily went to school here. "How are you doing?" I asked, and he began to get very close to me. "Just fine, Minnie." He purred. I must admit he is almost irresistible at times, and him being half kneazle, he ages faster than I do. He is exactly two years older than I am in cat years, but you are going to have to do the math if you want to find out how old I am in cat years. All right, I know you are going to bug me about it, so I will just tell you. I am one thousand fifty years old that is bad, but it does make sense. You just multiply my human age by fifteen do not remind me.
I walked through my small cat door, and into my office, and I invited Crookshanks in as well. "Minnie, you have dirt behind your ear." Crookshanks purred in his deep brooding cat voice. Coming up close he groomed the back of my ear, which involuntarily made me shudder. He then nuzzled me and I began to purr without the realization. "You like that Min?" Crookshanks purred teasing me flirtatiously. I briskly moved away from him. "Now you know you can't pull that on me, you are dating Mrs. Norris remember?" I purred and sat down on the other corner of my desk, beginning to groom myself.
"Nelly hasn't even talked to me in three weeks; she's been spending all of her time with her owner Argus." He pouted and shuddered at Filch's name, and of course, I did too. "So why don't you go talk to Penelope? I'm sure you two could spend some down time together." I said, nonchalantly, I hated Mrs. Norris. In fact, when she arrived at the castle, every weekend at seven sharp we would have our fights, right in the dungeons.
Crookshanks hated being 'owned' by Hermione, but he loved her more than any one, just never call him a pet, or you are in for it. "Would come with me? You know how much I hate to ask her alone." Crookshanks asked, in a shy tone. "Now you know Penelope and I don't get on very well." I added, looking over at him. "Fine, have it your way." He purred in a seductive tone. "Crookshanks, you pain me. If I hadn't known you for all these years, I wouldn't be doing this." I replied jumping off my desk, transfiguring mid-way.
We went up to where we knew Mrs. Norris was sure to be hiding, the forbidden third floor corridor. "Minerva, Crookes." She greeted in that annoying obnoxious tone of hers. "Nelly, you haven't been spending much time with me." Crookshanks pouted to her. "I know, but you know how Argus is." She said, hoping to sound flirtatious, and rubbed her tail underneath his chin. That damn cat could have any male in the universe and she wanted poor hufflepuff Crookshanks. "Nelly, here's the thing. You seem to have been avoiding me for months; we haven't been on a date since last year for crying out loud." Crookshanks said, pained. "I will give you two some space." I whispered.
What happened afterward I do not know, but there is something I do know. I was grading some papers in my office, when Crookshanks walked in. What ever happened was not pretty, poor Crookshanks, his face was bloodstained. I was almost scared for him, and transfigured right away.
I started to tend to him, and clean him off. "What happened?!" I Asked, worried for the roguish cat. "I broke things off with her. I cannot believe I ever dated her. We started talking after you left and I said that we don't seem to click like we used to and I politely said that I wanted to break things off with her. She blew up at me and said 'It's because of her isn't it' and I attacked her because I was shocked she could have even said anything of that caliber, about you. In the end I was the one who lost." He explained in intricate detail. "I am sorry Crooks; I know how much she meant to you." I said finishing grooming him, back just to the way he was. "Oh it's fine, and like I said, we hadn't been on a date in a year." He purred, and nuzzled me close. "Besides, at least I still have you by my side." He purred, and I nuzzled him back. He had a tendency to flirt with me and just this once I had allowed it.
He then did something I have never seen him do before, he transfigured. "There much better." He said. He was rather tall, with the most ginger hair I think I have ever seen. He was lean, but roguishly handsome, and if I am permitted, sexy. "I have wanted to do that for years." He said, in human tongue. I stood and transfigured myself. "Then why haven't you?" I asked, still shocked by the thought that he could transfigure. "Has it really been that long that you don't recognize me?" He said brushing my cheek. "Bilius?" I questioned, I had not seen him since I could not remember when. "Yes, it's me Minerva." Bilius said, brushing my cheek yet again.
He then proceeded to tease me. "Minerva, do you remember how we met?" He asked, looking into my eyes. "How could I forget? You were in the nude, messing around with another student!" I laughed. "Oh, right." He blushed; it seems he had forgotten all about it. "Yes you were in my old office, nude, snogging another student. That was probably the WORST first impression ever." I chuckled. He ran his fingers up my arm, and I began to feel something, almost nauseous. My heart began to race, and my head was screaming 'just do it already!' the butterflies were getting restless and I felt like I could not breathe. He bent down, and kissed me.
Then he continued to kiss me. That was when we ran into some issues. "Professor have- Who are you?" Hermione burst in, looking over at the ginger man that held me in an embrace. "It's me Hermione, Crookshanks." He replied, with a smile on his face, and we quickly separated from one another. "That's not possible, Crookshanks is my cat. The most adorable thing he is too." Hermione contemplated. "He is correct Hermione, that is Crookshanks, or as he is known in his Wizard form, Bilius." I said, brushing my hair back into its strict bun, although it had not lost its form, and continued to attempt not to meet her gaze. "Weasley? As in Arthur's brother?" She asked, oblivious.
"Yes Hermione, Weasley. Professor and I were just reminiscing our past." Bilius lied to attempt to cover what we had been doing. "Right, because reminiscing has to do with snogging. Honestly, you thought that'd work on me Crooksey?" Hermione gave a knowing glare and smile. I could not hear what she had whispered into his ear, but he smiled, and she kissed him, ever so gently and it took me aghast. "Miss. Granger-." I began but I was interrupted be the young sixth year as she pulled me towards her. "Minerva, really, no need to be shy." She smiled wickedly and pulled me in for a kiss, caressing me ever so gently. I moaned slightly in her mouth as she ran her hand up my side. Bilius then came behind me and started whispering sweet nothings in my ear.
I pulled my mouth from Hermione, and started to snog Bilius. Hermione started feeling my outer linings and groaned with joy. "I have wanted to do this since the day you taught Ron how to waltz." She said and I felt heat turns to my cheeks. She the kissed down my neck as both Bilius and Hermione started to feel me, Bilius more preferably in the back almost reaching my rear, and Hermione seemed content with my stomach running down the side of my leg. Slowly we started to undress one another and I left it to Hermione to strip Bilius, I stripped Hermione, and Bilius stripped me.
Upon having removed our outer most layers, I grabbed my wand and concealed the door, so that way no one could hear us or come in unawares. "Minerva, how do you do it?" Bilius asked, I could feel his enlarged manliness rubbing against the backside of my rather lacy knickers. "You are a goddess Hermione." I moaned quite loudly as she seemed to know exactly just what she was doing her hands moving at all the right pulses, in exactly the right spots.
AN: Cliffhanger time and I know just when we were getting down to the Nitty Gritty right? We will pick up with this eventually, IDK maybe if it seems liked and I get some rather good reviews I might continue. It is very sensual at the end, which is not normally something I do; I am more somebody for the Plunnies and cute little fluffy ships, but this one just kind of, well yeah. I hope you enjoyed, and I would never admit to it because I HATE Minerva/ Crookshanks ship, I do enjoy Hermione/ Minerva, so I found the perfect compromise.