"When the Tigers Broke Free."

My head was pounding and my stomach was churning something awful, the drugs I'd taken the last time I was awake were wearing off and I could feel that feeling creeping inside me again. I lay paralysed with fear, not again please don't come back I closed my eyes squeezing them so tightly I saw strange shapes in front of my closed eyes and my ears pounded.

I began to take in where I was, I was lying on marble it was cold but I was used to that I would rather be cold than feel the nauseating heat that came over me when I was filled with fear. I wiggled my toes and lifted my head to look at myself, I was clad in my bra and knickers they looked worn and dirty, my legs were scuffed and bruised. I lifted my arms and checked out the latest bruises which marked them.

I couldn't move yet, this was the worst part of being able to function again, my body was unable to move but my mind was finally alive. The anxiety inside of me curled and slowly moved within my stomach like a snake it grew moving itself along the inside of me, using my veins and arteries as a way of moving inside of me. It knew how to cripple me, how to destroy me, I was dying I knew I was life was killing me I was rotting from the inside out and crumbling inwardly. Dying. Dead.

/

I don't know how long I lay on the floor; I couldn't move my head was spinning. My vision was startlingly bright and flashes of colour kept contorting in front of my eyes, I felt dizzy and scared and I couldn't even curl up in to ball and hope this went away. I was trapped lying on my back haunted by the visions in front of my eyes, immobilised by fear and visions of the dreams I ran away from. I was sucked in to a vortex within my mind and everything I hoped to avoid was flung upon me, I tried to scream but I couldn't hear anything only the whirring inside of my mind and my blood pumping hard within my ears.

My vision cleared and I heard it a long startled scream interrupted by deep heavy breathing, it took me a couple of moments to realise I was making the noise. I couldn't stop it, my throat felt like it was being ripped open, I couldn't breathe I shoved my fist in to my mouth and bit down until my breathing eased and began to steady through my nose. I wiggled my limbs realising I now had the power to move and stood up. I felt warmth on my hands, it was think and chunky. Vomit. I don't remember vomiting but then again I never remembered anything when the demons took over me, shakily I stood and gripped on to the towel rail. I manoeuvred my way out of the bathroom and in to my bedroom, I made it over to my bed and opened up my draw finding what I needed, pills.

I found my little bag containing my coloured pills to take me to my safe haven escaping from my living hell.

/

I had been asleep, what woke me up? I heard it again, the soft vibrating buzzing noise, my phone. I moved from bed slowly, my brain still hazy and clouded over just the way I liked it to be, rustling around on the floor beside my bed I managed to find my phone.

"Hello." My voice sounded scratchy, slow and low.

"Isabella. It's your mother."

"Isabella are you there?" I opened my eyes and realised I'd zoned out again.

"I'm here mom, what do you want?"

"You need to come round for seven, no excuses. Seven at mine, be presentable and for god sake no episodes."

"Ok."

"Good bye, and Isabella I mean it NO episodes, not this time."

I sighed; she ended the call and I fell back on to my bed. I wonder what it could be this time, I rarely saw my mom we were distant we didn't get on, I gave up. She gave up trying.

/

4:14. Two and a half hours before I'd have to leave to go to my mom's I was tempted to pop another pill and sleep it off but I knew that wouldn't work. I sat head in hands still on my cloud of haze and ease, I could do this. I could be her perfect daughter for a few hours, I just had to smile and talk about the right things. This meant no colours, no pictures of what is in my mind, no talk of the past and no talk of anything to do with myself, she didn't want to know. She didn't care; she didn't want anyone else knowing that I was a screw up that she'd lost one daughter. The perfect daughter, the successful beautiful one, she only had me left the screw up, the weirdo, the broken incomplete mess.

I sat and felt my body move inside and outside of itself, I couldn't move yet my body felt as though it was falling in to a vortex of some kind. My mind spinning in slow sweet circles moving in to itself.

5:05. I needed to get up, I needed to make myself presentable.

-/

So, this is something that has been on my mind for a while, the story is going to be a pretty dark one. I hope you like it as much as I am enjoying writing it, writing this story is very therapeutic like putting to bed demons of your own. Thank you for reading. x