Warning: Spoilers for season 3 episode 2 - Sign of Three.
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All at once the crowded room felt empty. Sherlock saw the obvious signs of happiness in the room. People smiling, laughter, flushed faces. But it all felt so empty. He didn't belong here. Who was he kidding?
He couldn't belong. The only person who ever accepted him had started a new chapter in life. Sherlock was alone. Again. His only friend, the only person he could trust just waltzed away.
Lost. He felt so lost in the midst of the happy crowd. Happy people laughed and smiled around him, but he didn't belong. He could never belong. He couldn't understand. The emotions the other people in the room felt eclipsed the consulting detective. He felt small, insignificant, and lost.
But why did he care?
The warm night air took him by surprise, but he still tugged his coat on. The coat was his protective layer. His own way to shut people out even when he was all alone.
He didn't feel guilty about leaving the wedding. He couldn't feel anything but overwhelming loneliness. John had moved on. Molly had moved on. The wedding was just a painful reminder that everyone had left Sherlock behind.
Was it worth it?
Sherlock walked away wondering if the pain of having a friend leave was worth the pleasure created from the friendship.
If it was only going to end in pain, why did he subject himself to it? The moment he met John, he should have shoved him away. He should never have let himself grow close to another human. They were fickle, unpredictable things, these humans. They functioned on emotion and sentiment that made them irrational and erratic. But he let himself go, and let this doctor into his life. He was emotion and care. He saved lives. John could look passed the murders, the clues, the suspects and see the human side of the crimes. John could see the emotions that bled into the crimes and the passion of the people who committed them.
But that didn't matter. Why? Why would he ever let himself grow close to another human? There was no chemical defect to be found in him. He was detached and pulled away. Was it due to a lack of friends when he was younger? No. Sherlock was just genuinely interested in John. It was strange, the feeling of companionship that consumed Sherlock, and it hurt feeling it ripped away by Mary.
But John deserved to be happy. Sherlock wanted John to have someone return the love and sentiment that he deserved.
He would give John up if it meant his happiness. He would relinquish him to Mary, who could love the doctor in ways Sherlock never could.
More than anything, Sherlock wanted to run. Leave the wedding behind and never look back. His whole life was going to change. He couldn't run to Molly this time. She could no longer be there to catch him. She was getting married, and was going to leave him behind. Strange how Mrs. Hudson was right. Marriage does change people.
Molly and John were both leaving him behind. The two best friends he had ever known. Sherlock was now alone, and it hurt.
The church looked so lively from the outside. Warm, welcoming, and happy. Maybe to the average person, but not Sherlock. The church would conjure up feelings of happiness in people, but not Sherlock. He couldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. The warm church filled with happy people just left him feeling cold.
It was strange how a simple thing like a marriage, that was the bane of people, could evoke such sentiments.
Sherlock Holmes purposely left behind the song he composed for the happy couple. Even if they never looked at it, it was closure for Sherlock. His final gift to John.
John was truly the best man. Sherlock didn't deserve to be a best. A best man, best friend, or otherwise.
I was fooled! I though SOT would be happy, but it ended on a sad note! Any predictions for the season finale? Personally, I think something is going to happen to Molly.
Thank you for reading, have a wonderful day!