The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters has been baked into extra cheese. I just had another insane idea that would not go away. I get a lot of them. I always try to come up with weird and different ideas and I guess this qualifies.
Into The Valley of Extra Cheese
"What is this place?" Shane Gooseman looked around in shock. "I've never seen anything like it."
"I've heard about places like this but I thought they were only stories…" Doc shuddered.
"It's horrible," Shane eyes took it all in. Gaudy blinking lights, buzzers going off everywhere, constant shrieks and screaming that sent chills down his spine. Strange machines everywhere and even more buzzers and lights.
And everywhere one looked they could see the image of a smiling raccoon in a chef's hat and a red apron carrying a pizza.
"It's just a Ricky Raccoon Pizza Place," Zach told them.
"It's the gaudiest loudest most bizarre place I've ever seen," Shane winced at the bright lights and the noise of kids running all over the place. "And I've been in a lot of weird places."
"So have I," Doc agreed. "The lights in this place makes Vegas seem mundane."
"It's not that bad," Zach said. "I went to Ricky's all the time as a kid and my kids used to go here a lot when they were younger."
"And I thought my childhood was a nightmare," Shane grumbled. "Why are we here?"
"We're here on an important mission concerning interplanetary relations," Zach said just before a flock of alien kids along with some human kids ran by squealing with delight.
"Pizza! Pizza! Pizza!" Swee, Zozo's niece ran by squealing along with dozens of other alien children ran by.
"Translation: We're the poor saps who got stuck with babysitting duty while their parents are at a party tonight at BETA," Shane grumbled.
"Babysitting these kids may seem like small potatoes but their parents are very powerful people," Zach said. "And it's one of the many favors Commander Cain has called in."
"Great," Shane folded his arms. "How did Niko get out of this?"
"She was called in as an expert in archeology on a new find they found on Tarkon," Doc told him. "King Spartos is now very interested in his planet's technological past. Why they didn't assign me that mission I'll never know!"
"Maybe because of that little stunt you pulled with Q-Ball involving the particle emitter engine and the whipped cream?" Zach gave him a look.
"Hey if that worked it would be a limitless supply of energy!" Doc pointed out. "It would have been a valuable resource!"
"Instead it became a huge mess in the commissary," Shane gave him a look.
"This isn't so bad," Zach said, pointing to Zach Jr., Jessica and Billy Sawyer with some kids their own age. "They're little friend Marrok is here."
"He didn't bring his toys did he?" Shane asked.
"No he left them at home," Zach said. "There's even a young teen hangout area for the older kids. Of course when I was a kid I kept coming here including the time I joined the Academy."
"Really?" Shane gave him a look.
"I couldn't wait until the kids were old enough to go to a Ricky Raccoon's," Zach smiled. "I even taught them the theme song! Oh Who's the guy you go to when you want a pizza treat? Who's the guy who knows where's the very best stuff you can ever eat? Who's the guy to go to when you want to eat something soon! Ricky! Ricky! Ricky Raccoon!"
It was then that Zach realized that he was singing and both Shane and Doc were looking at him as if he had confessed to being a mass murderer and had a bloody axe in his hand. "What?" Zach attempted to recover his dignity.
"Zachery…" Doc gave him a look. "You're scaring me."
"And people think Supertroopers are insane," Shane grumbled.
"Look this is not as bad as you think this is," Zach told them. "Jessica's classmates are here having a pizza party. So Goose you get to spend time with Billy and I get to spend time with my kids."
"Wheee!" Bubblehead popped out a pen filled with large soft balls to the delight of the Kiwi Kids and their alien playmates.
"Bubblehead is playing with the kids," Zach said. "By the way Goose why did you bring Bubblehead?"
"Two reasons," Shane sighed. "Remember the last time Bubblehead got loose when there was a party among those big shot ambassadors at BETA?"
"Oh yeah," Zach winced in agony.
"Remember? We nearly had three different interplanetary wars break out at the same time because of it!" Doc told him. "What's the other reason? You thought that if you stuck him here maybe one of the kids would break him or something?"
"Yeah that's pretty much it," Shane nodded. "Well it's worth a shot."
"I love you Bubblehead!" Little Joe squealed as he hugged Bubblehead.
"I'm so adorable!" Bubblehead tweeted.
"I'm so nauseated," Doc grumbled.
"Okay Goose I get, but you never went to a Ricky Raccoon?" Zach asked Doc.
"No way," Doc shook his head. "Even as a child I hated fast food. Unless you count steak tartar."
"But you like pizza," Zach said.
"Yes, real pizza roasted in a brick oven with traditional sauce and brimming with the choicest ingredients," Doc said. "Not stuffed in a box by a fake raccoon! There's nothing here that interests me!"
Just then a very beautiful woman with long dark hair and chocolate brown skin with a dazzling smile and a peach colored dress walked up to them with Jessica. "Dad, this is my English and Writing Studies teacher Miss Merriam."
"How do you do," She smiled.
"How do you do!" Doc grinned as he suavely took her hand and kissed it. "Walter Hartford, computer specialist, champion fencer…"
"Professional ham," Shane added.
"It's nice to meet you Miss Merriam," Zach said. "So you're chaperoning this little trip from the Albert Einstein School for the Gifted?"
"Since some of the children's parents are ambassadors I thought it would be a good idea for our young people to interact with children of other worlds and learn from each other in a non-structured environment," She said. "I was wondering if you or one of your men would assist me with some of the games."
"I'll help," Doc said brightly.
"Yeah Doc loves playing games," Shane smirked. Doc gave him a dirty look.
"Well Ranger Hartford if you don't mind," Miss Merriam said as she pointed to an area. Then she saw something. "Kerry! Kerry don't do that with a pizza! Oh hold on!" she went to handle the crisis.
Doc grinned. "I believe the Doctor has just found something on the menu he likes! If you'll excuse me…" He went after Miss Merriam.
"There's a shock," Shane grumbled. "And people call me a…" He then saw something in the back. "What does that thing do?"
"What that?" Jessica asked as they walked over to some machines that had several funny looking rodents popping out of holes. "That's the Goofy Gopher Game."
"The what?" Shane asked, clearly confused.
"Goofy Gopher," Zach explained. "He's a friend of Ricky Raccoon and he's a pepperoni prospector in the Provolone Mines and…" Shane gave him a strange look. "Uh Jessica you explain it…"
"Has your father always been a closet mental case?" Shane asked Jessica.
"When it comes to Ricky Raccoon, yeah," She said. She picked up a padded mallet. "It's simple, the goal is to hit the gophers as they come out of the holes as fast as you can. Like this." She demonstrated.
"I…I remember this!" Shane's eyes widened. "When I was very young and still in the nursery one of the many exercises Max made me do was hit the blinking colored lights with a small mallet to practice my dexterity and reflexes. This is the same thing only with gophers!"
"Here, try it," Jessica gave him the mallet.
Shane cautiously held the mallet and hit the next gopher that came out. And the next few. "Hey this is easy," He said. "And kind of fun."
A loud scream of glee could be heard. "Uh Goose maybe we should make sure things are going smoothly? Check on the kids."
"Yeah in a minute," Shane said as he kept playing. "I just wanna play with this for a while."
"Okay…" Zach blinked.
"WHEEEE!"
"What the…?" Zach blinked. "How did that kid get on the ceiling? And more important how is he staying there?"
"Must be the suctions on his tentacles," Jessica blinked. "That's the same kid that ate my lip gloss! Come back here!" She chased after him.
"Oh great…" Zach sighed. "Goose could you…?"
"Ha ha!" Shane was happily whacking the moles, reliving a pleasant childhood memory.
WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!
A pleasantly deranged childhood memory.
Speaking of deranged…
"Marrok what the devil is that?" Zach shouted as a large round furry creature with three eyes and six tentacles chomped on some pizza with it's very large mouth.
"Just my pet," Marrok told him as he held the leash around it's body. "His name is Chomper. Don't worry, he's harmless."
CHOMP!
"He just ate a table!" Zach yelled.
"Well he really likes wood," Marrok said. Suddenly he was yanked off his feet by his pet and dragged away. "No Chomper! Don't eat that giant wooden statue of Ricky!"
CHOMP!
"And I thought that kid's toys were trouble," Zach groaned.
"FOOD FIGHT!" Someone called out with glee as food flew everywhere.
"KIDS CUT THAT OUT! THAT'S AN ORDER!" Zach tried to stop the food fight but was helpless. "STOP IT! STOP IT! DON'T THROW PEPPERONI LIKE THEY WERE NINJA STARS!"
"Captain Foxx," Swee tugged at his leg. "Goose won't share the whack a gopher machines and we wanna hit stuff."
"Honey Goose is having some kind of mental relapse," Zach moaned as food flew over his head. "Not that I blame him! I've been in shoot outs on Tortuna that were safer!"
"I LOVE SUGAR!" A squid like boy alien ran on the ceiling.
"Some assignment this is," Zach moaned. "I've got hyped up alien kids on sugar, an alien pet on the loose eating the tables, Doc's chasing the teachers to get a date…"
"WHACK! WHACK! WHACK!" Shane cried out with glee as he whacked the moles on two machines with joy.
"And the Goose's brain has flown the coop," Zach moaned. "Where the devil is an armed thug trying to hijack the place when you need one?"
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Several very hyper alien kids ran by.
"Who am I kidding?" Zach sighed. "No criminal in their right mind would come to a place like this!"
"AAAAHHHH!" Suddenly Captain Kidd burst into the room with five bird like child aliens that looked mostly like him. "GET OFF! NO MORE! NO MORE!"
"Right on cue," Zach sighed. "KIDD!"
"Oh thank the Egg! Galaxy Ranger please! Take me to jail!" Captain Kidd flung himself to Zach's knees. "Whatever crime you have unsolved, I'll confess to it! If only to get some time alone! HELP ME!"
"Okay first of all what the devil are you doing here?" Zach growled.
"My wife made me take the kids for a weekend and they badgered me until I took them to this horrible place!" Kidd sobbed.
"I didn't know you had kids," Zach blinked.
"Neither did I," Kidd sighed. "I've been in space a long time. Anyway when I got back my dear sweet wife told me to either start babysitting or start shopping for a casket! I knew I made the wrong choice!"
"This is fun Daddy!" One of the alien bird kids squealed.
"Please Captain Foxx! Be merciful! Throw me in jail!" Captain Kidd cried.
"Swee, you wanna hit something? Go ahead kids, whack him!" Zach shouted. And they promptly did so.
"This is still about your wife isn't it? AAAAAAHH!" Captain Kidd cried out in pain.
"Yes," Zach snickered. "Well at least some good is coming out of this!"
"AAAAHHHHH!" Doc ran by in terror as he was chased by both Miss Merriam and a person dressed up as Ricky Raccoon.
"Now what?" Zach groaned.
"Dad we have a little crisis," Zach Jr. sighed as he and his sister walked up to him.
"Just one?" Zach asked his son.
"You see that woman in the Ricky Raccoon costume?" Jessica pointed.
"The one hitting Doc with the whiffle baseball bat?" Zach asked. "Let me guess, they used to date?"
"OW! OW! OW! OW! HEY! I'M NOT A PINATA!" Doc screamed. "YEOW!"
"It gets worse," Zach Jr. sighed. "She's also Miss Merriam's sister."
"Oh boy…" Zach sighed. "I'm gonna hear about this at the next parent/teacher conference I just know it."
"Dad can you do me a favor?" Jessica sighed.
"What is it sweetie?" Zach asked.
"Never introduce Doc to any other of my female teachers," Jessica groaned.
"AAAAHHH! NO! DON'T HIT ME THERE! AAHHH!" Doc screamed in agony.
"You got it, honey," Zach sighed.
"WHACK! WHACK! WHACK! HA HA HA HA !" Shane laughed manically.
"And can you get Goose away from the Whack a Mole machines before he…" Zach Jr. began.
CRASH! SMASH!
"Breaks them…" Zach Jr. sighed. "Never mind."
"Oops…" Shane blinked. "Hey! They have a shooting gallery here! All right!"
"Can you believe out of all of them Bubblehead is the most well behaved?" Zach groaned.
"Uh Dad…?" Zach Jr. pointed. "Hold that thought."
"Be free my fellow animatronics brethren!" Bubblehead cried out as he lead a pack of mechanical creatures rampaging the place. "Now you will eat the pizza! Ha ha ha ha!"
"What the…?" Zach shouted.
"Uh sorry," Marrok said as he rode Chomper by him. "That was me! I just wanted to see how they worked and if they could do stuff and I kind of tweeked their programming a little."
"AAAAH!" A robot raccoon holding a chainsaw chased Doc across the floor.
"Marrok remind me to have a very long talk with your parents!" Zach snapped as he readied his thunderbolt. With a blast he blew up the robot animal along with a wall.
"Oops," Zach blinked. "I think I overdid it."
"You're not the only one," Jessica pointed. "GOOSE! YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO USE YOUR REAL BLASTERS ON THE SHOOTING RANGE!"
"Now you tell me," Shane rolled his eyes as he saw the wreckage of a large machine as well as more holes in another wall.
"You guys just completely trashed a Ricky Raccoon didn't you?" Zach Jr. blinked.
"Yes we did," Zach sighed.
"And we're never going to be allowed back in here again are we?" Jessica sighed.
"If they ever rebuild this place again," Zach said.
BLEACCHHHHH!
"I think Chomper ate one table too many," Marrok winced as his pet threw up. "Oops, sorry mister!"
"Oddly enough this isn't even the worst part of my day…" Captain Kidd moaned in agony as he lay in monster vomit.
"Commander Walsh is gonna love reading this report," Zach moaned.