As I walked into the ballroom it looked beautiful, the lights were twinkling showing off the extravagant room and the music made for an elegant atmosphere. I couldn't remember being as nervous in my life, except maybe my finals at Berkley, although I can't remember shaking like this. Catherine had taken me shopping for the dress I was wearing; it was off the shoulder long and very red. I kept praying that I wouldn't fall as I made my entrance as I had on my exceptionally high heeled shoes.
Tonight was meant to be the LVPD Christmas ball, where attendance was mandatory this year. I had managed to escape the humiliation for the 4 years I had been in Vegas, but not so lucky this year.
After my recent run in with the law due to my DUI I was more and more aware when he was around. I felt like he was always watching my every move. When he took me home that night I had mixed feelings as I loved the fact that he was there for me and god he HELD MY HAND which was sooooo nice I didn't want to let him go but then when he took me home, which in my head I hoped he meant his home, but no such luck, he just dropped me off outside my apartment block, he didn't even come in, all he did was sit and lecture me for about 30 minutes on why I am not supposed to drink, I think I switched off about half way through. So here I am one week later at the Christmas Ball, I have only spoken to him briefly at work about everything work related and nothing personal as usual. We had one personal interaction and he obviously though that was too much and closed off back into his shell. So tonight I know he is going to be here as all of the supervisors had to be here just like the rest of us. I did not have a date and I didn't care. Greg had asked me to go with him many times, as well as Nick and David but I didn't want to, I have the confidence to go alone. The thoughts of Grissom coming with a date haunted me the nights before, what if he brought someone none of us knew and he had been dating her for ages and they were getting married and kids and a house and and and…… "Calm down Sara!" I said to myself. I agreed with myself to just go with the flow, if he was here with someone I would deal with it and not let it ruin my night, yeah right!
There were many couples on the dance floor all enjoying themselves and how I wished I could look that happy as I danced, with a certain enigmatic man… I couldn't see him anywhere, although I was trying to not look obvious so I may have missed him somewhere, so I headed to the bar.
"Double Gin and tonic please!" – I shouted at the bar tender. I sooooo needed something to calm my nerves.
I really didn't want to come tonight, there was a program on the Discovery Channel about butterflies that I really wanted to watch, but hear I am at this stupid Christmas Ball. Although there was one upside about being here, as I knew Sara would be here so I would have a nice species to study, so much more beautiful than any butterfly. I was going to arrive stag since she would be coming but then I assumed that she would be bringing a date and I didn't want to spend the whole evening drooling while I watched her dancing with some guy her age, it made be ill just thinking about it. So here I was with Sophia Curtis on my arm, she works for Ecklie on days and she asked me if I would accompany her, I initially said no but Catherine told me to go since she assumed Sara would have someone as did I. She was alright to talk to and to look at but she couldn't compare to Sara, there was no chemistry here which is why I knew it would be safe to escort her.
I was dancing with Sophia when I saw her enter, alone. I was shocked. She was stunning. She took my breath away. I could see her bare legs and shoulders and thought about what it would be like to lick her skin. I didn't realize I had stopped moving.
"What's wrong, Gil? – The blonde asked. I wanted to ignore her as at that moment I was captivated my Sara. If only I had the courage to tell her how I feel and if only I wasn't her boss. I suddenly felt uncomfortable and had to get out of the sight of the brunette that was unobtainable to me.
"Excuse me, sorry I'll be back."
I went over to the bar and ordered a double scotch to drown my sorrows in but something stopped me from drinking it as I thought that would not be a good example to set for Sara since I spent a long time lecturing her on alcohol so I left it in front of me, untouched. Something unexpected happened next; I heard her order a double gin and tonic. She didn't listen to anything I said that say. "Grow up Gil, you could have had her years ago, but now she is out of reach." I said to myself.
I decided there and then to down my scotch, I needed it. Then just as I lifted my glass to my lips our eyes met. She had her glass to her lips, we were symmetric. I could see the battle going on in her head, she didn't know whether to drink it or not. If she drank hers I was going to drink mine. Our eyes still locked and glasses now back on the counter. We were sitting across the bar from each other, its like the world had stopped, the music had faded and the other guests paled into insignificance. Suddenly the world was snatched away from us as I felt someone rub their arm along my shoulder. I saw Sara's expression change from confusion to what looked like disappointment as I realized it was Sophia. I awkwardly looked between Sara and the blonde a few times, not looking where to look.
"Here you are! I wondered where you went to!"
Her arm was still on me, and then I turned to see Sara gone and the glass sitting there empty.
I knew that we just had a moment and it was ruined by the blonde and I wondered whether or not I would get that moment back.
I can't believe him, that bastard. He turns me down for dinner but he brings Miss Slut to a ball! But god he looked hot in his tux, how I would love to watch him strip out of it….. "No Sara, you hate him you hate him!" I thought he wouldn't go out with me because we work together, but this confirms it, its not office politics stopping us being together, it's just the fact that he doesn't want to be with me. That's why I drank the alcohol, god that's why I started drinking in the first place because of him and his attitude; well this was just the icing on the cake.
In my fairytale dreams, he would always come after me and sweep me off my feet with a kiss so powerful my head would feel like it was spinning, but in my dreams he wasn't dating someone else.
Do I stay at the ball and have to watch them dance and laugh or do I leave with my dignity intact, this was the decision I had to make. Just as I was about to make my decision, Catherine approached me.
"Hey Sara, where's your date?"
"I don't have one, I came alone."
My voice was dull and monotonous portraying my feelings that I was tired of hiding.
"Oh, I didn't think you would come alone, we all assumed you would bring someone"
The use of "we" in that sentence seemed strange to me, as Nick, Warrick and Greg all knew I was coming alone, the only ones who didn't know where Cath and ….him.
"I'm always alone, why would you think any different."
I walked off, leaving a speechless Catherine in my wake.
God I've got to talk to Gil. If Sara came alone, maybe she thought he would come alone too. I only told him to accept the offer because I didn't want him moping all night since this thing was mandatory.
I saw him at the bar, with an empty look on his face and his empty headed date beside him, talking his ear off as he let the words go in one ear and out the other.
"Excuse me Sophia; can I borrow Gil for a minute?"
She made a huffing noise and agreed. Since it was loud and I really needed to talk to him we went outside to the balcony.
"Sara came alone Gil!"
"I know Cath I already saw her, and then she saw me with Sophia and ran off, I haven't even spoken to her."
She could hear in his voice how disappointed he was. She knew that they were meant for each other and decided a plan would have to be put in place to get them to talk, where no-one else could hear them and where they would not be disturbed. She knew that if they were to talk, it would end up as a heated argument and she didn't want the rest of the lab and PD to see it.
Since this ball was being held in a casino there were plenty empty rooms around, all I had to figure out was how to get them both in a room at the same time.
Cath told me about her plan and my part was to get Grissom up to the second floor VIP room, since it was the only room with an outside lock. I didn't know what to tell him to get him to go up there. My plan was to tell him that Greg was really ill and we needed him, for some reason I would make up.
"Hey Grissom, what's up?"
"Good evening Nick how are you?"
"I'm good, but I need your help with something. Greg is and he is drunk and I was hoping you could help me get him to my car as Warrick is tied up" – I said while pointing to Warrick and his date caught in a lip lock.
"I don't think so Nick, I don't want him to throw up on me, just leave him up there until he sobers up"
This wasn't going to plan; we needed him up there now!
"Please he is really out of it and you know you wouldn't want him to be sick since it would look bad for the lab would you?"
"Ok, you got me, let's go!"
I knew I would get him with the lab crap, now I just hope Catherine is as successful with Sara.
I put on my coat and went up to Sara. Hoping my plan was believable. I found her outside hanging over the balcony, deep in thought, probably about one man.
"Hey Sara could you come with me upstairs I need you to help me with something?"
"What is it Cath?"
"I am having a slight wardrobe malfunction and I need you to help!
"Oh! Ok sure lead the way!"
That was easy; I knew I could count on her to be helpful to a girl in need. I had so many butterflies in my stomach as I led her upstairs, I told her my problem was embarrassing and I didn't want to go to the toilets as others may see, so far so good I thought.
We got to the door and went inside.
"Nick if Greg's left the room can I go now!!"
"No we, should em what here for him"
Nick was treading water and luckily I had Sara there now as he would have blown it.
All I did then was signal Nick to get out and I pushed Sara in the room and locked the door, from the outside.
Evil I know but they need me to help them as they cannot do it on their own, they would thank me later.
"Cath what are you doing!! Let us out of here now!" – Sara screamed, so not wanting to me in the same room as this man. He has hurt her so much over the years that seeing him with that slut had confirmed all of her fears and she needed to get away from him.
"Nick get your ass back here now I mean it or your fired!" – Grissom bellowed, he wouldn't actually fire him but hoped the threat would do the trick.
"We are not opening this door until you both talk to each other! No more longing gazes and conversations that are one sided! So right here right now you will talk and we won't let you out until you do! So deal with it!" – Catherine, the queen matchmaker told them, she was happy with their accomplishment and told Nick she would sit outside the room and he could go, mainly because she wanted to be the one listening.
He sat on a chair at one end of the room and she was at the other end sitting on the sofa. They had been in the room for about 15 minutes and not a word had been spoken. Each one just as stubborn as the other to not start talking first.
"What does she even want us to talk about, there is nothing to say!" – Grissom said, obviously very uncomfortable with the whole situation.
"Of course you never have anything to say what's new!"
"Sara, if there is something you want to say, say it! I will sit here and take it as usual, like all of our conversations!"
"You bastard! The only reason I'm the only one who talks, is because if I was waiting for you to answer my questions, we would either die of old age or of over-awkwardness!"
"No, the only reason it is one sided is the fact that every time I try to say something, you end the conversation and leave! I try to talk but it takes me longer to think of what to say Sara! All of these years you have talked and talked and I never get a word in!"
"Ok Grissom this is your chance, say it all, answer all of my questions!"
"em..well…I..ok .."
"See you cant do it can you?? All the questions I have asked are still in the air and after all this time you still cant answer them! Or were you even listening when I asked.."
He approached her fast and grabbed her upper arms making her look at him, she has never seen him like this before, he was scary and kinda hot!
"Fine! When you said I feel nothing, that is bullshit, I feel everything Sara the only difference is that I keep all my emotions inside, when I see murdered children in haunts me for days. I have nightmares just like you; the only difference is that I don't bring it with me to next cases. That really hurt me when you, who knows me better than anyone, would say that"
"Your wrong Griss, I don't know you anymore, I used to know you. You were open and charismatic, you made me laugh, and you took me to dinner. That's all changed. You couldn't even ask me to come to this thing with you, you asked HER. So what makes you think I know you at all?"
"Ok you want me to be open, really open Sara! Fine! Yes I wanted to sleep with you, yes I wanted to go to dinner with you, yes I was jealous when you went out with that EMT, yes I wanted to be your diversion and yes I want you to be mine!! How is that, is that open enough for you!"
"I can't take your mind games anymore you son of a bitch!"
She was crying now, tears streaming down her face, what she did to deserve this from him. All she ever did was love him. And here he was in front of her now, saying these things she only heard him say in her dreams, but here in the situation they were in she didn't want to hear it. He was here at a Ball with another woman, and if he wanted her that badly he wouldn't have brought a date.
"Honey, don't cry, I, I , I thought that's what you wanted to hear! I must admit that when I pictured telling you these things in my dreams, it was a lot different, but here we are in this situation Sara."
She wasn't answering him; she kept staring at one point in the floor. He thought that this meant that she didn't want to hear those words, he was too late, she had moved on.
"Sorry, Sara. As soon as we get out of here I'll leave you alone. I've obviously got this all wrong. Sorry, I'm so sorry."
She watched him. She watched him go towards the door. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. All this time he did want to be with her. All this time he wanted to be with her but treated her like she has some disease. A disease that made him be a complete asshole, she supposed.
Just as he got to the door to order Catherine to open it, she said:
"I want you to answer a few questions before you run away and hide Griss. And you have to answer them truthfully. You have been playing games with me for 4 years and I can't take it anymore. So we have to finish this now, and I mean now! No more awkwardness, right now we say everything we haven't said. If you can't do this Griss, that's it we are finished professionally and personally. I will leave this time, and no plant or beauty comments will get me to stay."
He still had is back to her. His head was leaning against the door. He wasn't moving. The room was silent for what seemed like an hour.
"We haven't even started the conversation and you are already stumped! That's it, I've had it!"
She approached the door and started banging on it beside his head to get Catherine to open the door. She could see that his eyes were shut and he was grinding his teeth angrily.
"Catherine, can y……"
She was cut off by his lips on hers. He just pushed off the door and grabbed her. He shoved her up against the wall next to the door with such force that the wind was knocked out of her. His lips were so soft against hers yet hard at the same time. She was tingling all over, she wondered if he could make her cum by just kissing her, he was that damn good at it. The kiss was so passionate that Sara's knees gave way. The kiss was broken as she slumped to the floor before Grissom could catch her. When she looked up at him she could see the arousal in his eyes, he wanted this just as much as she did. He knelt down beside her and looked at her pink flushed cheeks. She wasn't shouting at him and she did return his kiss which was a good sign.
Sara tried to speak but only unrecognizable sounds came out.
"Hum eh uh….ok…hmm…yes….that was ….em …… ok."
Grissom smiled as he had managed to render Sara Sidle speechless.
"Are you ok, Sara? I didn't expect to do that but when you threatened to leave something came over me and I couldn't help it. I want you and I know you want me!"
"Yes Griss I want you, I have done ever since we met, and you know that! God I can't believe I kissed Gil Grissom" – Sara giggled to herself. Although she knew that they needed to talk before anything else could happen, but she knew that was a very brave thing for him to do, and hoped he would do it again and again and again...
He helped her up off of the floor and sat beside her on the couch.
"I'm sorry I'm a complete jerk Sara, I know I am, but I want to try, I am tired of being scared of pursuing this when it's all I've ever dreamed about since I met you."
"We can talk about this later, just shut up and kiss me!"
He leaned forward slowly; he wanted this kiss to be perfect. When their lips joined they could feel the electricity. She sucked on his bottom lip and made a sound that made wish he was alone in his home with her. His hands were all over her body, skimming over her sides and back and coming to rest on her hips, while her hands never left his hair gripping his curls as the kiss grew more and more intense. Her tongue licked his bottom lip, begging for entrance as they became more passionate. Now tongues were interlocked and the kiss was rough and Grissoms hands got more adventurous as now they were on her ass lifting her up and setting or on his lap. Now she was directly on top of him and grinding her hips into cock, feeling his erection grow with every movement. He kept groaning into her mouth and eventually they had to separate to breathe properly. She was looking deep in his eyes as she saw a smile form on his face. She hadn't seen him smile in such a long time.
"I knew this would be amazing, it's even better than in my dreams."- He said and she was slightly surprised that he was being so open and confident about this. She knew he would be a good lover. She continued to just stare at him as her hips gently rocked on his cock; he was still smiling and staring at her with a look of pure devotion. Just as she was about to ask if they were going too fast, they were interrupted.
"Gil baby are you up here?" – The slut said.
As soon as she heard 'baby' she was off his lap, due to his talents, she totally forgot where they were and all the questions she wanted to ask him flew back into her brain, such as 'Why the hell did you bring her if you want me?' That was on the top of her list.
He watched her retreat as Sophia came closer. And he cursed the day he accepted her offer. He didn't want Sophia he never did. He only had eyes for one person and she was backing away from him right now all the walls they had just ripped down were building back up. He knew their moment had been ruined by Sophia again and again he hoped he would get another chance.
I watched him leave the room with her. I knew he wouldn't want anyone to know what had gone on in here, but as soon as Sophia came in it was as if all the attention went to her. Sophia said to him, "Come on I want to finish our dance from earlier?" She grabbed his hand as they left the room. And from where I was standing he didn't reject it. Also I thought 'they were dancing earlier?' Now I was angry, this was the ultimate game for him. And he obviously won.
I left the room and saw that Catherine was no where to be found. She probably left when Sophia arrived so that nothing was suspected.
'What am I going to do now?' I asked myself. I was trying so hard to not let the tears fall. I could still taste him on my lips. I could smell him on me.
As I walked into the Ballroom to say my goodbyes I saw them. I knew what I would see and I wasn't disappointed. Our eyes met, but his hands didn't leave Sophia back, they continued to dance as we were staring at each other. The tears began to fall and I turned away from him, to shield the last of my dignity. I didn't bother to say any goodbyes, I just turned and went up the steps to the exit, and I could feel his eyes on my back. I wondered why he could just turn off the feelings as he went away with her. It was impossible to me, even though I hated him at that moment there is no way I could switch off the burning at my centre. I reached the top of the stairs and looked down to see that he was no longer dancing and I couldn't see him anywhere.
'They are probably in some closet banging each other' – I thought.
I approached the elevator and didn't look back as I pressed the button for the car park.
I was surprised when Sophia came in. I was so caught up in Sara I forgot where I was. I will never forget the look on her face as she heard her call me 'baby', she must think we are actually together. Although that could never be true, if I was going to date anyone within the office it would and could only be one person and she was retreating further and further away from me.
I didn't know what else I could do other than leave the room with Sophia. I was her date, plus it would have looked suspicious, me and Sara being together in a locked room. I would have told anyone what happened between Sara and me in that room as it made me the happiest man alive, but I myself didn't know what happened and I wouldn't say anything to anyone until I spoke to Sara first.
"Come on Gil, you owe me a dance!" – The slut said as she led me back to the dance floor, all I wanted was Sara here with me instead of her. I wanted to have my arms around Sara as I held her tight against me and I would smell her hair as she put her hands through mine as we both swayed to the music. But that couldn't happen right now since I was a jackass and wouldn't know if I would ever have my hands around her again.
I help Sophia like I would any woman, except Sara of course. There was nothing intimate about it. Although she kept trying to let go of my hand and wrap her arms around my neck, but I kept intervening and kept her hand in mine. That's when I saw my beautiful Sara walking up the stairs. I follow her every step as she walked so elegantly further and further away from me. Then she paused and turned, we were like magnets, she made eye contact with me and held it for what seemed like hours. God what that must have looked like, there I was holding this other woman who met nothing to me while the one I love is watching with a look of sheer pain on her face. 'I have to do something', I said to myself. She turned away from me as she waited on the elevator. Something in my head clicked. I'm 53 years old and in love for the first time in my life and I'm letting her leave, feeling she is unwanted and like I just used her, no way.
"Look Sophia I have to go and I hope you don't get the wrong impression but I am not interested in you in the way you seem to be in me so I apologize, but I have to go, I am truly sorry if you think I have led you on in anyway."
I let go of a stunned Sophia and made eye contact with a smiling Catherine as she knew what I was going to do. I was going to make probably the worst decision of my career but the best of my life.
I ran up the stairs to her, but I was too late the elevator doors were closing and she wasn't looking! The doors closed and I was left, empty.
"Take the stairs Gil!!!!!!!!!!"
I looked to my left and there was the fire exit. 'She must be going to the car park!'
I ran down all the stairs, it was 4 flights. I knew my knees couldn't take it anymore as I have been saying for years but mind over matter I told myself.
I burst through the door to see her pull out of her space. "SARA!!!"
She couldn't hear me and but by the way she was tearing out of the car park, I wondered if she did.
TBC - Please review and any ideas would be great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!