A/N 1: Thank you so much giving this fanfiction a chance, I hope you enjoy it! Please forgive my crappy excuse for literature, if you can even consider it literature XDD And if your heart is kind enough you could tell me about any mistakes you find :) I hope I can continue writing this, that is if I get enough love from the reviewers ^J^
A/N 2: Just as a side note, this entire fanfic is being narrated by our friend Canada, if you don't know that already, just saying if it confuses someone :) Maybe I'll let America narrate it in a future chapter… let me know in your comments :D
What's My Name Again?
Chapter 1- Realization! Could this be love?
It has been one year.
It has been over one year since Alfred had first kissed me.
The moment replays over and over again in my mind.
Even when his hand's grasp is so far away from my being…
He is torturing me in the cruelest way possible.
~l'amour?~
My left eye automatically slides open to the obnoxious buzzing of my alarm, and my gaze is immediately welcomed by the soft morning sunshine dipping into my bedroom through the small crack between the curtains.
Ah~ Sundays. I love Sundays. I mean, just by the name of it, it sounds so warm and welcoming. Like the tight embrace between a mother and her child. Sunday. Yet it was ruined by that annoying ringing that people call an 'alarm'. I knew I forgot to do something (or rather switch OFF the alarm) yesterday last night… *sigh*.
I slammed my palm against the button on top of my clock alarm and I drifted off into a light doze for about 30 minutes, then I decided to kick my butt of bed and get myself ready for the day.
I took a fifteen minute long shower and I brushed my teeth dutifully, then I slipped into some casual blue jeans and a white cotton shirt. I descended down the stairs to enter the kitchen. I sat alone at my small rectangular dining table with my daily bowl of cereal in hand.
I loved small moments in life like this, just alone, peacefully, no one or nothing to bother you. The only thing you can smell is the soft scent of life and breakfast, no speaking or thinking. All you do is breath. These moments in life are quite rare for me. I'm sure they are quite rare for many other nations too. It's best to savour them. I picked up a spoonful of cereal and began to eat. Until I wondered out of reality and that dreaded memory appeared again…
…
"Matthew, I… I love you."
"W-wha-"
Alfred cut my speaking off when he pressed his lips to mine and his hands started to snake up my shirt and ghostly trailed his fingers along my chest.
…
I softly slapped my right cheek to bring myself back into reality as a shiver went down my spine. That blasted memory… it's been mentally scarring me now for the past year or so. My cheeks flushed a bright pink from the thought of it and I tried to shake it off. Whenever I think of that moment it makes my heart hurt, unbearably. It's been like that for the past year now; my heart just can't stop hurting whenever I think of him.
"C'mon Matthew, get yourself together." I reassured myself. I stared at the clock hanged on the wall at the opposite of me and saw the time was 9:35 am. I feel like I'm forgetting something… something important… oh well, I'm sure it's nothing… I hope…
~l'amour?~
The wheels of the rusty trolley cart skidded across the rough gravel in the grocery's parking lot as I made my way to my car and I unloaded the shopping bags into the boot of my small car. I didn't buy much, just a few fruits and vegetables… maybe some maple syrup too…
As I closed the door of the boot, I noticed my mobile vibrating in the back pocket of my jeans. A text message? My phone vibrated again. Two texts? My phone vibrated a couple more times in the next three seconds. How many texts am I getting? I never knew I was so popular… I giggled silently to myself as I reached into my jeans taking out my mobile. I checked my mailbox to see that all these texts were coming from America… just his name reminds me of that moment…
…
"Matthew, I… I love you."
…
'Now's not the time to be thinking about that Mattie' I thought to myself as I opened the most recent text he sent.
Well if you're wondering what he sent me it was this:
"MATTIE! Where the hell r u! Every1 is already sitting down, the meeting is starting in 10 mins. Is something rong? R u sick? U can tell me bro, the hero will save the day :D"
It's always like this; he asks if I'm sick and badgers me to say things to him when I don't respond to his texts or phone calls. It's been like this for the past year, he tries to act like he's interested in my existence. But we all know he's only interested in himself with his overinflated ego…
My phone vibrates in the palm of my hands again and I read the text…
"I love u 3"
It's also like this, he constantly reminds me of his love for me, which brings this awkward relationship between us since, well, I don't love him. Don't get me wrong I love him as a brother but… I'm not sure these feelings I get when he tells me these things are 'brotherly love'. I'm just not… sure, so I try to ignore them… But I'm never going to tell America this; he'll just make it into a big fuss…
…Wait a second, did that last text say there was meeting? I checked the screen of my phone just to make sure…
…
Holy crap.
~l'amour?~
I slammed the door to my car closed in a rush, and I quickly sprinted inside of the building. If you're wondering, yes, yes I left my grocerys in my car and I'm still in my casual wear. There was just no time to put the food away into my fridge and change into more formal attire, you know. As I ran towards the meeting room, I checked my wrist watch. 'Great, I'm thirty minutes late.' I thought to myself.
As I kept running through the maze of hallways, I could see the door to the meeting room slowly approaching as I ran closer and closer. As I pushed open the doors I scrunched close my eyes and I immediately shouted my apologies.
"I'M SO SORRY I'M LATE!"
As I slightly opened my eyes, my gaze fell upon him, America. He looked up from the papers in his hands and met my eyes.
"Mattie! What took you so long, I didn't think you were gonna come for a second there!"
A rush of whispers filled the room, I think I heard one of them saying 'Who the hell is Mattie?'
"Ah, you're that Canadian chap. We were waiting… for you…" That English guy said turning to me from the documents in front of him.
"Come take a seat, there is a spare chair for you here, Mathieu~." The Frenchman said pointing to the empty seat next to him. I made a wise choice and sat next to the Italian.
As everyone stopped whispering and the room fell into silence, America carried on with his (what I believe was) ramblings.
"So as I was saying, we should create a HUGE robot that can protect the whole world from 2012!"
Before America could continue with his big idea, England shooed him off from the front and started saying things himself and I kind of lost interest so I started noticing the room's interior. It is quite classy, but not that much, the ceiling is much higher up than normal heights, and I can feel the dull-coloured carpet beneath my feet is quite rough. All the furniture looks so dead though, it's probably because it started raining outside. I stopped looking outside of the overly sized window and I noticed the Italian sitting next to me started to make that "vee~" noise he always makes. I always thought that sound he made was cute, although sometimes it could get annoying…
As I looked up to the opposite side of the table, I accidently looked into that Russian guy's violet eyes… does this mean I'll turn into stone? No, I'm kidding… I hope I'm kidding…
I didn't notice while I was observing my surroundings, that America had chosen to sit down on the chair next to me. He quite startled me when he started poking me in the upper arm. He then decided to start whispering to me… he was leaning into me too much for my own comfort…
"Psst, Mattie… Why were you so late?"
He insistently continued poking me in the upper arm.
"Hey, Mattie… Why didn't you text me back, dude?"
Poke Poke
"Mattie?"
Pokepokepokepokepoke
I decided to change the subject by pulling on the sheet of paper underneath America's forearm.
"What's this paper, America?" I asked, though I really didn't care for an answer…
"Oh, this? They're my plans for that huge giant robot I was talking about earlier."
He pushed the sheet into the area of the table in front of me. I picked it up and saw a carelessly drawn robot thingy-majig which was equally coloured in carelessly in crayons. It kind of reminded me of the times when America and I were only small children, his talent in drawing never improved from those days to now… although he did pick up this kind of cute pop drawing style from New York, it kinda looks 'gitchy' in a way. Though he rarely draws like that…
"Wow… crayons? Really?" slipping out of my mouth, I didn't really mean it to sound like that…
"Forget colouring pencils, dude, it's all about crayons!" He whispered a bit more loudly than intended. I shyly smiled at his innocence; really, sometimes America could be so cute~… just sometimes, rarely even…
"America, please try and pay attention." The British man put a bit too much emphasis on please.
"Your wish is my command, dude!" He obnoxiously yelled back. I decided to start paying attention to, I can't get distracted in these meetings… they're important! Well…
"Hey, Mattie. Hey, let's play eye-spy…" he whispered in my ear after England started talking again.
Poke Poke
I decided to change the subject: "How long is this meeting again?"
~l'amour?~
As the meeting ended, and the crowd of nations dissolved, America suddenly grabbed me by the hand and dragged me away from our seats and lead me to his car parked on the curb outside the building. I tried to resist, but he tugged onto my hand with insistence, not much people know this but America can actually be really strong when he wants to. He just doesn't use his strength very often.
"Mattie, can I talk to you?" Now we're standing in front of his car. All the other nations have left already and the only cars I can see are America's and mine.
"A-About what?" I'm kind of scared to know…
"…About us." He says with a certain sternness in his voice. I can feel this conversation won't be comfortable…
"What about us?"
"Well I know I love you, Mattie, but do you love me?" You know what? I might just tell him what I think about this whole scenario…
"Please America, just stop with this whole charade of yours, will you?"
"W-What?"
"Just stop pretending to think that you actually love me…"
"You think my feelings are fake?"
"Please, your ego is too inflated to even let any love out."
"How can you say that, Matthew?" Matthew… he rarely calls me that… "It really hurts me to think that you don't think I can be serious when I want to… ever since that day I kissed you I just wanted you more and more each day… but you never reply to me, I feel like you avoid me…"
"Well to me it just feels like you're mocking me, since you're the guy who gets all the attention and I'm always the one being neglected and forgotten…"
"Matthew…"
"And, well, whenever you say those words like 'I love you' and stuff it makes…"
"It makes what?"
"It makes my heart hurt."
"That… that must mean you're in love with me… right?"
"How am I supposed to know, I've never loved someone…"
"When you think of me… does it make your heart hurt?"
"Yes…"
"When I think of you it makes my heart hurt, a lot, just thinking you're not by my side…"
"America…"
"My name isn't America, its Alfred." He leaned his face closer to mine and he pressed his lips to my own. This warmth… is the same warmth I felt a year ago. I don't know how to explain it but… it's so heated it melts away all the ice surrounding my heart. Just in that moment where our lips touched, my heart stopped hurting for a while. Alfred deepened the kiss just begging to enter my mouth but I kept my lips tight shut. He placed his hands upon my waist while slowly sliding them down to my hips. As he slowly released our lips' embrace we both stared into each other's eyes. I never knew how blue Alfred's eyes were, they looked so pristine, and they make me just feel like diving into them. His cheeks are so round and full, they make me want to cup his face with my hands. And his locks of hair looks so soft and touchable, I never knew Alfred was this… beautiful before. Then as we stood silently on the curb just admiring each other's faces, I could feel rain droplets drip onto my cheeks rolling down to my chin. The downpour of rain increased and soon enough both of our clothes were soaked with rain. We didn't care though; we just stood there like fools for the next five minutes getting drenched without a care in the world.
"I don't know about you, but, I love you so much Matthew. Don't ever think my love for you is fake, ever." He informed me while cupping my face with both of his hands "Just give me a chance Mattie, I love you so much~!" His eyes glinted just a bit when he said that second sentence.
I picked up his hands from my face and placed them back to his sides, then I walked away slowly back to my own car.
"Mattie! I'll call you when I get home!" He screamed out to me while my back was facing him as I walked away. "MATTIE!"
I turned around "What?"
"I love you."
I turned my back around and continued walking to my car as my clothes continued to absorb the rain dribbling from the dark cloudy sky, I clutched the white cotton fabric with my hand sticking onto my chest with my heart aching even more than it ever did before, I silently replied 'I might love you too.'
A/N 3: So how did you like that guys? Was it good? Please give me your reviews and comments, they will make me a better person. Well you know what they say: Reviews = Love! Please be harsh, I want to improve as much as possible :D