A/N: Hey guys! So this is my first Big Time Rush story and it is on one of my favorite BTR couples: Kendall/Jo! :) They're my second favorite couple in the whole series. :D I just find them really sweet and I loved their "one-minute date" on Big Time Girlfriends. I think that's my favorite moment between them. Anyway let's get on with the story! I hope you guys will like it! :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush, (I wish I did but I don't) and the amazing song used in this story entitled: "Back to December" by the amazing Taylor Swift.

Big Time Memories

I'm so glad you made time to see me
How's life, tell me how's your family
I haven't seen them in a while
You've been good, busier than ever
We small talk, work and the weather
Your guard is up and I know why

Jo sat there, wearing her favorite Sunday dress that had a floral design and her brown flip flops with her shades perched on the top of her head; things she could have never worn back in New York except during the summer, drinking her blue smoothie in a quaint, little café in Los Angeles thinking back on the good times she shared with her friends and the life she lived here so many years ago. When Jo first started her acting career back at the Palm Woods Hotel just a couple of blocks from here, she knew this town would be way different from her home back in North Carolina but being the actress that she was, she had the confidence to face anything that came at her head on. She just didn't expect that "anything" to be a tall, gorgeous, green eyed, blonde stranger. She fell for him hook, line and sinker. She had to admit, at first she found him and his friends to be pretty crazy fighting over her like they did. But as she got to know him, she started feeling butterflies in her stomach even during the days where she was trying to keep her "I have a boyfriend secret" from being found out. Eventually he found out, thanks to his little sister Katie but now that she thinks about it, she's actually pretty happy she got busted. If it wasn't for that "incident" she would have never opened her heart to Kendall like she did and she would have never known what true happiness was. So now she regrets what had happened to change all that on that one December night all those years ago. Her thoughts got suddenly interrupted when she saw Kendall enter the café. She raised her hand and waved at him to motion for him to go to her direction. He looked incredible. He was wearing a blue plaid shirt with khaki shorts and brown sandals. He too had his sunglasses perched on top of his head, which his blonde hair was kind of messy but it did make him look cute. Jo didn't know whether it's because she hasn't seen him in a long time or because she missed him or both, he looked so damn amazing in her eyes. He saw her and made his way there. He sat down there on the chair across from her, looking at her with an emotionless expression plastered all over his face. She smiled at him and greeted him with a small "Hi" to which he responded with a half smile and an expressionless "Hey." To break the awkward silence that was present, she asked him practically about everything, like "how've you been?" and "how's the music career?" to which he replied nonchalantly, "I've been better" and "good… just good." Once again, an awkward silence filled their table while other people in the café were just chatting away, not knowing the tension between the two. Wanting to break the silence once more, Jo asked about his family and the rest of Big Time Rush, with questions like "How is everyone? Your mom and Katie? Oh and the guys! How are they all? I haven't seen them in forever!" Jo asked, hoping he wouldn't answer like he did a few moments ago. Sadly, he replied once again with the same tone: "They're all fine… just fine." Jo looked into his eyes, they were the same green ones he had always had but they had lost their spark. She could see the hurt in them with every passing moment that was happening, she had hurt him all those years ago and the pain still remained in him and she just wishes that she could take it all back and take all his pain away. The hurt he was feeling was the reason why he had his guard up which didn't surprise her but hurt her instead, all because of what had happened between them before she left. Though this just isn't like him at all. Normally, he would be so great and fun to be around but today, from the way he was acting, he wasn't being himself around her at all. She didn't like it but couldn't blame him for acting this way. She made a mistake and this is why she invited him here, to say she was sorry and ask him if things can go back to the way they were all those years ago but sadly, before anything else happened, Kendall stood up and left, thinking that Jo didn't have any more to say. She stood there, motionless. Obviously she tried to stop him from leaving but her efforts were futile. She watched him head back to the Palm Woods, not even turning his back once to her. She made her way to the cashier and paid for her smoothie and sadly made her way back to the apartment she had rented which was exactly like her apartment back in New York. Once she entered, she went to her bedroom, fell to her bed and cried to her pillow causing it to get wet. She was crying because of the pain she felt from being with Kendall a few moments ago. She saw the hurt in his eyes and she felt it. Then suddenly the scene that changed everything on that one December night started to play in her head.

'Cause the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die

Palm Woods Pool, Los Angeles

December 2011

Kendall and Jo had just arrived at the Palm Woods, the place they considered home in this new place they call: "Hollywood." They had just arrived from their date, which they both felt would be their last one. For Kendall, because he was going back home to Minnesota in 2 days and he knew Jo was going back home to North Carolina the very next day for the holidays and that's all he knew. Jo, on the other hand, had been keeping a secret from him for a while now. She promised herself she'd tell him when the time was right and she figured now would be a good a time as any.

"Kendall?" She asked him nervously, as he turned to face her.

"Yeah?" He replied with that cheeky grim of his which always made her heart melt.

"Um… I don't know exactly how to tell you this…" Jo stuttered, and then got interrupted by Kendall.

"Hold on, before you say anything…" He trailed off as he went to get something not too far behind, which made Jo worried. If she put off the subject any longer, the more painful it will be for both of them.

He came back a few moments later, with bouquet which had about a dozen of red roses in his hand.

"For you." He said sweetly as he handed it to her.

"Awwww… you're so sweet!"She said as she gave him a hug but she slowly pulled away, remembering she had bad news to tell him.

"What's wrong?" Kendall asked worriedly sensing Jo's feelings.

"You see… New Town High is on its third season and the director wants me to move to New York permanently after the holidays since he wants the setting of the show to be there from now on." Jo said sadly.

Kendall looked at her and asked:

"How long have you known about this?"

"Awhile, but I just needed to find the right time to tell you." She said sadly and quietly.

He looked in her eyes and said the words:

"I love you."

With all his heart.

Sadly, Jo's reaction wasn't one he was expecting.

"No… Kendall… Please…" Jo said sadly.

"Wait I don't understand…" Kendall trailed off a sad expression becoming visible on his face.

"I don't either. That's why we can't jump into things like this. I'm leaving and I'll probably never see you again." She said, tears starting to form in her eyes.

"Jo…" Kendall said as he tried to put a hand on her shoulder but she brushed it off as soon as he made contact.

"No, please, I…" Jo didn't know how to finish her sentence as the tears in her eyes kept falling.

"I'm sorry!" She cried as she handed the bouquet of roses back to Kendall and ran away to her apartment room leaving Kendall standing there, shocked, speechless and most importantly hurt.

The memory of that night kept playing in her head like a bad movie stuck on repeat. She really didn't want it to end like it did; she broke his heart by leaving and in the process, broke her own as well.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it alright and
I go back to December all the time

These days I haven't been sleeping
Staying up playing back myself leaving

When your birthday passed and I didn't call

Jo tried her best to fall asleep since usually when she would cry, Kendall was always the one to be her cure for her sadness but since she didn't have him now because he and her were so far away, both physically and emotionally, she decided to cry herself to sleep. She figured sleeping would at least take how many hours of the pain away but she knew it was a lost cause. Every night since she left Los Angeles, she had never had been able to get a good night's sleep. She would always stay up, thinking about Kendall and how hurt he must be, making her shed at least a couple of tears every night. Thanks to make-up and her incredible acting skills though, she was always able to arrive on set looking and acting like everything's just fine when deep down inside everything is quite the opposite. And when she would be able to sleep, she'd always have a nightmare involving her and Kendall, wherein everything was falling apart then when she would wake up, she would sigh to herself, knowing that her life isn't as good as her nightmare is. Sure she was famous beyond all she could have ever imagined but what good is that when she doesn't have the one she loves with her to celebrate? She then suddenly remembered the very day she ran to her apartment room after running away from the one she loved until her first month in living in Los Angeles.

Jo's Apartment Room at the Palm Woods

Jo ran inside her apartment, feeling so bad about what just happened. She felt her heart breaking into about a million pieces with each passing moment. The tears wouldn't stop falling from her eyes as she laid down on her bed with no covers and no pillows since she packed them already the night before but she didn't care. All she could think about was how hurt Kendall must be and the thought of that made her cry even more. She thought she was doing the right thing by leaving everything out in the open before she left forever but it didn't feel right. She now wished she could take back all that has happened but knows she can't. Kendall probably never wanted to speak to her again, which the thought made her heart break even more.

Los Angeles Airport

"I'm really going to miss you." Jo told her best friend, Camille sadly as the two hugged.

"I'm going to miss you more." Camille said, with the same tone, shedding real tears and not pretend ones. Jo wasn't really crying since she out cried herself already the night before but a couple of tears still fell from her eyes, rolling down to her cheeks.

Camille and Jo were both at the airport both going their separate ways. Jo was going back to North Carolina for the holidays then to New York for permanent residence while Camille was going back to Connecticut for Christmas and New Years then going back to Los Angeles to continue working on her acting career. As the two pulled away, Jo looked really upset. Camille noticed and knew it wasn't just because the two were saying good bye. She felt as though something else was bothering her even more.

"Jo what's wrong? Did something happen with Kendall last night?" Camille asked her best friend worriedly.

"No, nothing happened." Jo said, trying to lie, but Camille saw right through her and gave her a look saying: "You better tell me the truth right now!" with her arms crossed as well.

"Ok, fine! Here's what happened…" and Jo went off telling Camille all that happened.

"Jo…" was all Camille could say as she hugged her best friend for comfort.

"Did I do the right thing?" Jo asked in between tears.

"I'm not one to answer that question sweetie." Camille told her as they broke the hug and as she put a comforting hand on Jo's shoulder.

"Does it feel right?" Camille asked her.

Jo shook her in head up and down and side to side.

"I don't know! I mean, I love him I really do but…" Jo trailed off.

"Then tell him that!" Camille said as she forced her friend to stand up and run out the airport to find Kendall.

"But what if he doesn't want to speak to me?" Jo asked worriedly.

"Don't think 'what if'! It never helps!" Camille told Jo.

Jo didn't move but instead hung her head down which caused Camille to sigh.

"Look, I'm not going to force you to do anything but if you don't go after him now, you'll regret it forever." Camille said as she walked away with her things, getting ready to board her plane.

Jo took Camille's last words to heart but still walked the other way with her luggage, getting ready to board the plane to North Carolina.

New York City

January 2012

Jo entered her new apartment building which made her smile. The lobby looked incredible and the building was just a few steps away from Time Square. She was given her key and was led to her room. She opened the door and the apartment wasn't half bad. When she entered the first place of the apartment she was in was the kitchen which had a stove and a microwave. If you go straight from the kitchen, you'd be led to the living room which had one big couch and two recliners on the side. The living room also had a TV which came with a DVD player and channel box. To the right of the living room was her bedroom which had a double size bed and another TV which was attached to the wall. This TV also had a DVD player and a channel box. Right of her bed was her bathroom which had a telephone shower, a bathtub and everything else you could find in a normal bathroom. She exited her room and looked to the left of the living room. There was door and when she opened it, she realized it was just a storage room. The emptiness of it reminded her how her heart was feeling on her way here from North Carolina. Sure spending the holidays with her family did give her heart a better feeling but now that she was living by herself again, the heavy feeling came back. What made it worse was now she didn't have anyone who could take the loneliness away like Camille, Stephanie, Rachel and most importantly, Kendall. Thinking of him made her heart sink, realizing what day today was. It was the 24th of January also known as Kendall's birthday. How the heck could that idea have slipped her mind? She quickly grabbed her phone and looked for Kendall's name on her contact list but just when she was about to click his name to call him that was when she hesitated.

'I bet he doesn't even want to talk to me.' Jo thought sadly as she shed a tear. She put her phone down and hung her head in sadness and defeat.

Jo shook the bad memories from her head. She realized thinking these thoughts isn't going to help her stop crying and feeling bad. She then thought: 'My memories with Kendall aren't all sad and teary. Most of them are of us having a good time whether it was on a date or just enjoying each other's company.' This thought caused her to reminisce once again but this time on the good times and not the bad times.

And I think about summer, all the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side,
Realized I loved you in the fall

Palm Woods Pool

June 2011

Jo had just come back from a hard day on set. First of all, Jett tried to make a move on her AGAIN, off screen wise. She was getting annoyed by this. You'd figured though that she'd be use to this since he practically does this to her everyday but it gets more and more annoying with each passing day. He knew she had a boyfriend, but apparently that doesn't mean a thing to him. Secondly, the writers, producers and even the director want to feel more chemistry between their characters; Rachel and Drake so they're making Jo and Jett hang out on and off screen, much to Jo's dismay and Jett's happiness. She walked around the pool, obviously having a lot on her mind. She didn't even notice she had passed by Kendall gave her a small wave and said: "Hey!" until he stopped her from walking away by grabbing her by the shoulder. The sudden outside contact brought her back to reality.

"Oh hey Kendall!" Jo said as soon as she was out of her thoughts and she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Hey! So um… anything happen? You seem pretty zoned out." Kendall asked.

"Um... no it's nothing, really!" Jo lied.

"Jo." Kendall said sternly with his arms crossed. He knew she was lying and he was making her tell the truth.

"Okay fine! Here's what happened…" Jo said as she and Kendall sat down on one of the seats by the pool as she also started telling him everything that happened on set.

When she had finished her story, Kendall looked shocked at first but then gave her a small smile.

"Why are you giving me that smile?" Jo asked him obviously confused.

"If you really have to hang out with Jett for the sake of your career then I'll be ok with it." Kendall said.

"But…" Jo trailed off.

"So I don't like him, and I know you don't like him either, but Jo this is your career were talking about. You've worked so hard to get here so I'm not going to let you throw all that away." Kendall told Jo which caused her to smile and hug him. As they pulled away Jo said:

"You're the best you know that." She said as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

"Yeah I am." Kendall said so proudly with his chest out that Jo laughed which caused him to laugh too.

Palm Woods Park

October 2011

Jo sat on the park bench, smiling to herself. It was autumn, the leaves have changed color and were falling from the many trees found right here at Palm Woods park. The cool ambiance she was getting from her surroundings made her feel calm. She just got back from a day at the set, so it was really nice to just unwind and relax. Her train of different thoughts was interrupted though by a pair of hands covering her eyes. She immediately knew who it was because who else would do this kind of thing to her?

"Kendall, I know it's you." Jo said with a smile as Kendall took his hands off her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"How'd you know it was me?" He asked her with his cheeky grin that just made Jo's heart melt.

"No one else could pull something like that off." She told him with a smile on her face which caused Kendall to chuckle and Jo to giggle slightly.

They just practically talked about anything, the nice weather, each other's days and other topics.

"So Gustavo really didn't yell at you guys at all today? That doesn't sound like him at all." Jo told Kendall after he had told her about his day.

"Yeah… we're actually worried." Kendall said.

"Worried? You guys should be celebrating!" Jo said with a smile.

"Yeah… not really. Last time he was this calm, his song writing skills got so bad it wasn't even funny." Kendall told her, remembering the time when Buddha Bob actually calmed Gustavo down for awhile.

"Oh yeah, he was trying to write a new song for the New Town High soundtrack right?" Jo asked.

"Yup!" Kendall replied.

"Nothing Even Matters. I love that song." Jo told Kendall.

"Good, because the whole time we were recording that song I was thinking of you." Kendall told her sweetly which cause Jo to grin from ear to ear and blush slightly.

"Awwww…" was all she could say as they leaned in for a kiss.

Their lips made contact and it was a soft yet passionate kiss as the leaves fell all around them making it feel like a fairytale come true. That was a perfect day and Jo realized something very important on that very day. She, Jo Taylor was in love with her boyfriend, Kendall Knight.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye

Jo smiled at her happy memories with Kendall. She really wishes she could go back in time, warn her past self about all the trouble that was going to come, this was a lost cause but Jo still had hope.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night
And I'd go back to December all the time
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you
Wishing that I'd realized what I had when you were mine
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind and
I go back to December all the time

Jo realized that she can't live in the past because she has to live in the present and make her future the way she wants it to be and the kind of future she wants is one with Kendall in it. She wants him to be a part of her life again. She decided to try and talk to him again but she has no idea how to get him to be even in the same place with her considering what just happened back at the café. After pondering on the problem for a few moments, her wishes had been answered by a text from Camille.

"Hey Jo! I'm so glad your back here in LA! As soon as I found out, I immediately told everyone; the guys, Stephanie, Rachel, everyone! Even Guitar Dude. =)) James and Carlos decided to throw you a welcome back party here at the Palm Woods pool. We already got Bitters permission and he agreed as long as we clean up everything afterwards. The party is tomorrow at six and I can't wait to see you there!"

XOXO, Camille

Jo smiled at the text. James and Carlos are really nice for wanting to throw her a party but then again it might be just because they want to reinstate their status as the "Hollywood Super Party Kings of Hollywood" but either way she found the gesture to be sweet. She replied as well.

"Hey Camille! Yeah, it feels so good to be back. :) I've missed everyone! That's an awesome idea! I'll definitely be there then we can catch up on everything. I've missed you lots. :("

XOXO, Jo

Camille replied almost instantly after she got Jo's text.

"I know right? I missed you more. :( It's definitely been way too long but this party is for you to enjoy and socialize with everyone. Let's just plan another day for just the two of us."

Jo replied:

"Yeah, you're right. How about the day after tomorrow? We can get a smoothie and go shopping, just like the old days. :D"

Camille replied:

"Yes! Most definitely. :) Oh I gotta go, I have to meet Logan tonight and I have to get ready. :) See you tomorrow! ILY! :)"

Jo smiled at Camille's text. ILY also known as "I Love You." Why was it so easy to hear it from Camille but not from Kendall? Why did she think that just hearing him say those three words she had been waiting him to tell her for months was "jumping into things"? To this she concluded that she was stupid and or wasn't thinking straight at the time. Jo laughed at herself, usually when she'd try to deprive herself, Kendall would reassure her otherwise. It always made her feel loved when he'd do that and that was the best feeling she ever felt from Kendall all throughout the time they've known each other and dated. Jo then suddenly remembered that one time when all she needed was comfort and Kendall was the one who gave it to her.

I miss your tan skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night,
The first time you ever saw me cry

Jo's Apartment Room at the Palm Woods

September2011

Jo was lying down on her bed. Tears were falling from her eyes, rolling down her cheeks. She sniffled, sat up, got a tissue and blew her nose. She didn't even bother to lie down again .Her grandmother had just passed away and once she found out she just started crying. She loved her grandmother or as she liked to call her "Grammy" She has always been the one person who was always supportive in everything she wanted to do whether it was singing or acting, heck even at one point she wanted to be a model but only her grandmother believed in her. Making dreams a reality was something her Grammy always told her. If something makes you happy, then keep on pursuing it and also even though it may be a lost cause, she was always told by her Grammy to never give up. Thinking about her Grammy made Jo grab her knees hug them tightly so now she was in a ball position. She heard the doorbell ring, raised her head and said: "its open!" her voice cracking as she hung her head once more. After a few seconds, she felt someone's arms around her. She looked up slightly and saw Kendall.

"Are you ok?" Kendall asked her worriedly to which Jo just simply shook her head.

"My Grammy…" Jo said as she trailed off.

"Shhh… You don't have to say anything just rest in my arms." Kendall said comfortingly with a slight smile on his face hoping that it would cheer Jo up even just a little bit.

It did actually which made Jo smile slightly at him and resumed on crying about the loss of her #1 fan.

The weird thing was the fact that Jo actually smiled after the scene played in her head. Normally she wouldn't because this scene made her feel sad about losing someone she loved but now she realized that her Grammy is probably in a much better place and that one scene shows Kendall's true love for her. She missed the way he'd hug her like he did that night, the way he smiled at her, she even missed his tan skin against hers.

Maybe this is wishful thinking
Probably mindless dreaming
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't
So if the chain is on your door, I understand

Jo was now determined to make things right. She now realizes that she really does love Kendall and all she wants is him to be with her. She knows this is just probably wishful thinking or mindless dreaming but like her Grammy said; she shouldn't give up. And if Kendall did forgive her and took her back, she swore she'd love him the way he deserves to be loved.

A/N: So what do you guys think of the first part? This is my first BTR story so please go easy on me and no flames please. Part Two will be up as soon as possible which will probably be in about a week or so because this coming school week is full of tests for me plus Card Distribution, so please wish me luck! :) Oh and just wanted to say, this was actually supposed to be a Logan/Camille story, but someone already made one with this song, but on the bright side, that story made me think of this one. ;) And speaking of Logan/Camille, did anyone see the little Lomille hint I saw in "Big Time Guru"? At first Camille was alright with Logan having more swagger than James but when she saw that his swagger caused a bunch of girls to follow him she became determined to destroy his swagger app. That totally proves that she still has feelings for him because if she didn't, then she wouldn't have been so jealous but she was so… Yay! Please review! I would really appreciate it! :D