As the Planet Namek Burns...
A/N: I don't own Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, or anything else I decided to just add in for a bit
of comedy in this story. This takes place while Goku's in the healing tank Vegeta put him inside
for about 5+ episodes so he could heal up and kick Freeza's butt later on. I decided to change
the story just a little bit so we can get a good look on what was going on and I screwed the
story up even more. You'll have to wait and see what I've added in to enjoy the story.
Inside Freeza's pretty beat up ship in the medical room, Goku is floating around in a tank barely
conscious while the others summon the Dragon of Namek. His eyes are closed when Vegeta feels
something.
"Oh s***!" cried Vegeta. "Those sons of b****es have summoned the Dragon!"
Vegeta runs out leaving Goku alone inside the healing tank. After he leaves, Goku opens his eyes
that were now blue. He seemed to have gone semi-Super Saiyan.
'Hmmm... I wonder what's wrong with Vegeta,' thought Goku. 'If he kills my son...' His hair
glowed gold in the water for a second. 'then I'll kill him!'
Goku's anger made him a Super Saiya-jin, but he falls unconscious from it for only a few
seconds. He wakes up and doesn't remember a thing. He senses Freeza has arrived and the
Dragon disappeared.
'Oh no,' thought Goku. 'Freeza has arrived! I wish I got better. I thought I would be healed
by now!'
Time passes. While things warm up outside, Goku decided to pull out a deck of waterproof cards to
play Solitaire to keep things interesting. (Yeah, I know Goku's not good at puzzles, so I'm keeping that tradition alive!)
*******
Outside Freeza's spaceship, Freeza is charging up as Gohan, Vegeta, Dende and Krillin are looking
at Freeza in shock. Gohan though wasn't scared because Freeza was changing into a powerful
monster though. Oh no, he was scared of something far worse.
"Don't tell me that you're stripping down to your sport's bra!" said Gohan.
"No, I'm just changing into an evil monster," said Freeza.
"Oh," said Gohan. "Are you going to get undressed?"
"Gohan, he already broke his armor, so he's practically naked as it is!" said Krillin.
"He is?" said Gohan."You're a sick b****, Freeza!"
"Why are you calling me a b****?" said Freeza.
"Because you sound like a woman!" said Krillin. "An old woman!"
"Nice insults, but that will be your last," said Freeza as he finishes charging up.
Everyone goes flying. Krillin catches Dende in his arms while Gohan looks at Krillin with a
sweatdrop going down his head. Krillin has a scratch on his head
"Krillin!" said Gohan in a hurt voice.
"This isn't what it looks like, Gohan," said Krillin.
"It better not be!" said Gohan.
*******
'Hmmm... I wonder if I should get out of this thing yet?' thought Goku as he flips a 9 of hearts
on the 10 of clubs. 'I mean, I can move my arms easily now and I don't feel any pain, plus my
son's in trouble... Oh crap! I got so distracted that I messed up my deck. I've got to start
over.'
Little did Goku know that while he was playing Solitaire, one of the guards came inside and sat
down near the healing tank. (He looked very familiar.) Goku felt his energy and looked out the
window of the tank. The guard looked like a Saiyan with a brown fuzzy tail and wore a bandana in
his hair. His hairstyle mirrored Goku's as the man started to moan in pain. Goku tried to get
out, but the man felt his energy somehow and coughed, as he seemed aware of Goku being there.
Goku sat back down as the man began to speak to Goku.
"Don't worry about me, Kakarot," said the man.
"Huh?" said Goku through the mask.
The man turned around. He looked like Goku, well he had scars on his face. He tapped his forehead
as Goku got the message almost immediately. In moments, Goku and the man were both in a
telepathic conversation.
*So, who are you?* said Goku telepathically.
*Kakarot, have you forgotten who I am?* said the man. *I am your father, Bardock.*
*What?! No way!* said Goku. *Wait, are you dead?*
*Yes,* said Bardock.
*Dad, I see dead people,* said Goku. *I also talk to them since they're in the other world
training with King Kai.* (I know that joke's getting old, but heck! I thought it was alright.)
*Duh! I know that!* said Bardock. *Anyways, I've come to help you defeat Freeza, our planet's
oppressor who destroyed everyone of our people,*
*I'm not a Saiyan,* said Goku. *I deny being one since I don't know anything about them at all.*
*That's not true,* said Bardock. *You know, but you don't want to accept it. You will become a
powerful warrior and you will defeat Freeza!*
*How?* said Goku.
*You will become a Super Saiya-jin,* said Bardock. *Just like one did long ago. You will need to
be able to put your feelings aside when you become one so that you can kill him!*
*But I'm not a killer,* said Goku. *I don't want to kill anyone just because they...*
*You have to or else he'll kill your son, your friends, and hell, he'll blow up Earth!* said
Bardock.
*NO!* cried Goku as he goes SSJ again.
*What?!* said Bardock as the healing tank shone brightly. *A Super Saiya-jin this early? No. It's
way too soon and besides, he's not even able to control it yet! I wonder if that little brat
Vegeta is gonna die soon...*
*******
Meanwhile on the battlefield, Gohan feels a strong power. He is fighting Freeza after he nearly
kills Krillin with his horns as he gets distracted a bit and gets pounded into the ground.
"Father..." said Gohan before he passed out.
*******
The water inside the healing tank boiled, as a Super Saiyan was born, but after the light faded,
Goku was once again unconscious. Bardock facevaults and mentally sighs as he shakes his head.
*You had to bump your head when you were a baby, didn't you?* said Bardock. *I knew your mother
should have sent you to the planet Wexit to finish purging it and kill all of those little
insects, but nooo! Your mother and the other technicians had to send you off to Earth where you
bumped your head and...*
*******
Bardock continues to ramble on as some explosions and cool music is heard in the background.
Krillin is escaping Freeza when he pulls a picture of Bulma out of his pocket and flashes it at
Freeza. Seeing this, he drools for a minute or so over the picture while Krillin gets away.
"Where the hell are you?" said Freeza as he rubs his eyes. He drops the picture of Bulma while
Gohan gets fully healed. Krillin arrives just in time to find Gohan back in shape.
"Good," said Dende. "You're fully healed, Gohan."
"That brat was holding back that power?" said Vegeta with a shocked face.
"Where's my lollypop?" said Gohan as Dende facevaults.
"I'll get you some ice cream later once we go back to Earth," said Krillin.
"Yeah!" said Gohan.
"Krillin, how dare you not tell me about the green bean's powers?" said Vegeta.
"Hey, I didn't know until he healed me!" said Krillin.
"Ah screw it," said Vegeta. "Freeza's back to kill us now."
Freeza arrives and Gohan flies up they're to meet him followed by Krillin and Vegeta. But before
Freeza could kill any of them, Piccolo finally arrives. He seemed to be more powerful than he
did on Earth as Dende recognized who was in the cape and turban.
"Nail?" said Dende.
"Kid, you're not supposed to know that until the next episode," said Piccolo. "You screwed it
up!"
"Sorry," said Dende. "I'll go pick berries in the garden."
*******
Back on Freeza's spaceship, Bardock is still talking away.
*...and of course, your brother, Radditz had an interesting power level when he was born since it
was second that of the Prince's, * said Bardock as Goku remained asleep. *The only thing I
didn't really like about him was the fact that he used this mysterious hair tonic to grow his
hair out like a hippie and I freaked out because he looked like a woman with that long hair
style.*
*.......* said Goku as he continued to sleep.
*You know, I'll be surprised once you grow out your hair like that. Except it will be blonde
instead of black and at least you won't be stuck like it all the time,* said Bardock as he sat
down in a comfy chair that seemed to appear out of nowhere. He reclined in it as he turned on
the television. *Hmmm... The Cell Games...*
"Come one, come all to the Cell Games that takes place in 5 years or less, depending on when I
become perfect," said Imperfect Cell as he holds up pictures on two androids who we know and
love. They were at least a huge improvement over Android #19, #20, and #16.
*You know, I think your son is the ultimate fighter for a half-breed,* said Bardock. *I just wish
your wife didn't make him study so Kami-d***ed much!*
*******
"Do you have any fives?" said Krillin as Vegeta, Gohan, and Dende were playing "Go-Fish" while
Freeza and Piccolo duke it out.
"D***! You lucky b******!" said Vegeta as he throws the card at Krillin.
"Vegeta's got a potty mouth!" said Gohan as he and Dende laugh.
"Shut the hell up!" said Vegeta. "I can't believe that I'm stuck babysitting again!"
Vegeta pouts as Krillin laughs. Gohan and Dende had no pairs at all since Krillin seemed to have
all of the cards. Vegeta gets angry and throws the table, scattering the cards across the blood
soaked grass.
"Shut-up!" said Vegeta as he holds Krillin.
"Why?" said Krillin.
"I know for a fact that you like mop-top over there," said Vegeta. "Just between you and me, I
also like mop-top. If you don't like it, you can blast me to kingdom come for all I care!"
"Hmmm... Okay!" said Krillin as he fires a blast the size of a torpedo inside Vegeta's chest as
he goes flying into a cliff side.
"Krillin! Why?" said Gohan.
"He told me that he liked you too and I was jealous," said Krillin.
"Oy!" said Dende. "I'm surrounded by gay-lings!"
"Now I'm changing into my final form!" said Freeza as he pulls out some curtains and goes behind
them.
"Okay, that's really disturbing," said Dende.
"Hey Dende," said Gohan. "Heal Vegeta."
"No, he's worse than Freeza," said Dende.
"Do it or else Piccolo will be mad at you," said Gohan. "Oh yeah, and so will Nail."
"You're not supposed to know that, Gohan!" said Piccolo. "Dumb kids."
*******
*...and there was this one time Radditz pulled your cousin Taurus' tail pretending he was a dog
on a leash,* said Bardock. (A/N: I know some of you think Taurus, Tales, etc. is Goku's brother.
So, I decided that since this is a fanfic I'm making, he could be Goku's cousin. Well, very
distant cousin anyways. ^_^)
*...Nani?!* said Goku as he finally wakes up. *Thanks a lot dad. You could have waked me up, you
know than bore me to death with your stupid stories! Freeza's gone into his final form!*
*I guess that's not a good thing,* said Bardock. *Hey, when are you supposed to get better?*
*Who knows,* said Goku. *It's been like over an hour now and I'm still in here. By the time I get
out there, I'm going to have to bury Vegeta before fighting Freeza in his ultimate form!*
*Funny you should say that,* said Bardock. *That's definitely what's going to happen.*
*Dad!* said Goku. *Stop jinxing me!*
*I'm not!* said Bardock. *I'm only telling the truth!*
*******
Freeza started to transform. All of the animals start running all over the place as monkeys (What
the heck? Monkeys? O_o Well, Vegeta, Krillin, and Gohan are. No offense to you DBZ fans out
there!), frogs, dinosaurs, and any other animal started to run wild in the wilderness. Bulma was
thrown up by the stampede as she lands on a unicorn's back. The unicorn flies off as it flies
into the sky where a company was creating their logo. Of course, with Bulma on the back of it,
they got angry and left Namek without any trouble.
'At last,' thought Vegeta. 'Freeza's finally going to show all of his power!'
When the curtain rises, Freeza is in a silky pink robe. Everyone facevaults on the battlefield
and Freeza's spaceship falls over in the distance.
*******
The force of the spaceship falling over knocks Goku out again. The impact throws Bardock into a
conviently open closet, locking him in there for the time being. When Goku wakes up moments
later, he smiles funny. However, it changed when Bardock climbs out of the open window on the
top of the door and Goku facevaults inside the healing tank.
*What?* said Bardock.
*Nothing dad,* said Goku as he angrily starts to power up.
*******
"Let's go inside my spaceship, mop-top!" said Freeza as he kidnaps Gohan.
"No! Gohan!" cried Krillin. "D***! Why do all the bad guys want to kidnap him?"
"So they can have sex with him," said Vegeta as Dende stares at him funny. "Aren't you supposed
to be dead, now?"
"Yeah, but I'm still alive somehow," said Dende.
"Whatever," said Piccolo. "Come on!"
*******
"This time," said Freeza as he starts taking off his robe, "you can take off my sports bra!"
Freeza giggles as Gohan screams.
*******
*GOHAN!!!!!!!* cried Goku. *Stupid healing tank! Why don't you heal me already?! I want to get
out of here!*
-Status unknown,- said the healing tank as Goku facevaults again. -Time remaining: 5 more
episodes of Dragon Ball...-
*Shut-up!* cried Goku as he goes SSJ2.
*Wait a second,* said Bardock. *You can't even go Super Saiya-jin 2 until after the Cell Saga, so
why are you doing it now?*
*Why?* said Goku as his hair started growing down his back. *Because my son's about to get f***en
raped!*
Goku goes SSJ3. Bardock facevaults.
*******
In the other world, King Kai is looking down at Namek. All of the other dead Z Fighters pause in
their fight against the Sailor Ginyu Force for a brief introduction.
"I am Sailor Jaice!" said Jaice as he poses in his little dress.
"I am Sailor Burter!" said Burter as he strikes a flashy pose in his dress.
"I am Sailor Riccoom!" said Riccoom as he puts his finger to his mouth after kissing his finger.
"And I'm Sailor Guido," said Guido not really thrilled because he hated playing Sailor Uranus a
ton.
"And in the name of the moon, we shall punish you!" said all of them.
The Z Fighters had sweatdrops on the back of their heads. Bubbles and Gregory are both
unconscious, but still had sweatdrops on the back of their heads since they found this whole
situation a bit disturbing for children under 13. King Kai gasps at the horror on Namek at that
moment.
"Shame on you Freeza!" said King Kai.
"Huh?" said Chou-su as the Z Fighters ignore the Sailor Ginyu Force.
"What's going on?" said Tien.
"It seems that Freeza's kidnapped Gohan," said King Kai.
"GOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried a familiar voice which made everyone facevault. "Oh
wait a minute. I'm not dead, am I?"
"Who are you?" said King Kai as he looked at the purpled hair youth in mystery that just arrived
somehow by falling into a tree.
"I'm no one important until next season," said the boy. "So, what's going on down on Namek?"
"Do you know what's going to happen?" said King Kai.
"Well...um not really," said the boy. A buzzer is heard.
"Next person, Chou-zu," said Yamcha as the boy steps back while Chou-zu steps up.
"Do you really care?" said Chou-zu.
"Should I?" said King Kai.
"You shou-" said Chou-zu before he was cut off by the buzzer.
"Boy with purple hair," said Yamcha as the boy steps up again.
"Will you train me?" said the boy.
"Do you have any money?" said King Kai.
"Do you take cash or credit?" said the boy.
"How do you want to pay?" said King Kai.
"How much does it cost?" said the boy.
"What sessions do you want?" said King Kai
"Is there a session that makes me bulkier?" said the boy.
"If you try-" said King Kai before the buzzer was sounded by him.
"Tien." said Yamcha as Tien steps up.
"Is the fate of the Earth in trouble?" said Tien.
"Do you know where my mother lives?" said the boy.
"Do you know how to fight?" said Tien.
"Do you want to see my sword?" said the boy.
"Now that you mention it..." said Tien as the buzzer sounds a few times.
"We'll be right back after this!" said Yamcha. "So don't go away!"
The Sailor Ginyu Force cheers.
"That was excellent!" said Burter.
"Encore!" said Jaice.
"We tried our best," said the Z Fighters, King Kai and the purple haired boy.
*******
"Gohan!" cried Krillin as he tries to ram open the door with his head.
"Try all you want, but you will not get your little boy," said Freeza. "This door can only be
broken down by a Super Saiya-jin who gets really p***ed off because I'm about to rape his son
and somehow reached the fourth level before GT."
Suddenly, the healing tank explodes and Goku in SSJ4 comes out and breaks open the door with his
pinky. He goes inside the room and throws Freeza out the already broken window as Gohan stares
strangely at his father. Krillin, Vegeta, Dende, and Piccolo are shocked.
"What?" said Goku.
"Umm... what just happened?" said Gohan.
"Sorry, was my entrance too soon?" said Goku.
"No, it's just that you're not supposed to be in that form kicking Freeza's a**!" said Vegeta. "I
also know that's not until GT so get it right!"
"Fine," said Goku as he powers down. "If any of you need me, I'll be in the healing tank across
the hall."
"What healing tank? You blew that one up?" said Krillin.
"Oh yeah, I forgot!" said Goku as everyone facevaults.
"Son, the tank isn't broken anymore," said Bardock as he motions his son to the fixed up healing
tank.
"How did you repair it?" said Goku.
"I'm a scientist, remember?" said Bardock as he sits Goku down into the healing tank.
Will Goku heal in time? Will Krillin ever get to date Gohan? And what about Vegeta? Will he ever
defeat Freeza or will Bardock's jinx actually come true? Why is Dende still alive? Why can't he
just die already so I won't have to write him in this blasted story anymore?! Will Goku ever get
the Super Saiya-jin transformation right, or will Bardock have to beat some sense into his only
living son? Now that I think about it, why is Bardock hanging out with Goku? Isn't he supposed
to be dead? Find out next time As the Planet Namek Burns...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Like it? Hate it? Give me your comment. This is my second attempt at humor, so I'm trying to
rekindle the flames that I've already received from some fans who didn't really like my first
story, so flame away if you must, 'cause I'm going to have a Namek Stew later on tonight!
Until next time, see ya!
P.S. If you like to see more, I need some reviews, so fire away ya peeps!
* Chibi Mirai Gogeta * ^_-
A/N: I don't own Dragon Ball Z, Sailor Moon, or anything else I decided to just add in for a bit
of comedy in this story. This takes place while Goku's in the healing tank Vegeta put him inside
for about 5+ episodes so he could heal up and kick Freeza's butt later on. I decided to change
the story just a little bit so we can get a good look on what was going on and I screwed the
story up even more. You'll have to wait and see what I've added in to enjoy the story.
Inside Freeza's pretty beat up ship in the medical room, Goku is floating around in a tank barely
conscious while the others summon the Dragon of Namek. His eyes are closed when Vegeta feels
something.
"Oh s***!" cried Vegeta. "Those sons of b****es have summoned the Dragon!"
Vegeta runs out leaving Goku alone inside the healing tank. After he leaves, Goku opens his eyes
that were now blue. He seemed to have gone semi-Super Saiyan.
'Hmmm... I wonder what's wrong with Vegeta,' thought Goku. 'If he kills my son...' His hair
glowed gold in the water for a second. 'then I'll kill him!'
Goku's anger made him a Super Saiya-jin, but he falls unconscious from it for only a few
seconds. He wakes up and doesn't remember a thing. He senses Freeza has arrived and the
Dragon disappeared.
'Oh no,' thought Goku. 'Freeza has arrived! I wish I got better. I thought I would be healed
by now!'
Time passes. While things warm up outside, Goku decided to pull out a deck of waterproof cards to
play Solitaire to keep things interesting. (Yeah, I know Goku's not good at puzzles, so I'm keeping that tradition alive!)
*******
Outside Freeza's spaceship, Freeza is charging up as Gohan, Vegeta, Dende and Krillin are looking
at Freeza in shock. Gohan though wasn't scared because Freeza was changing into a powerful
monster though. Oh no, he was scared of something far worse.
"Don't tell me that you're stripping down to your sport's bra!" said Gohan.
"No, I'm just changing into an evil monster," said Freeza.
"Oh," said Gohan. "Are you going to get undressed?"
"Gohan, he already broke his armor, so he's practically naked as it is!" said Krillin.
"He is?" said Gohan."You're a sick b****, Freeza!"
"Why are you calling me a b****?" said Freeza.
"Because you sound like a woman!" said Krillin. "An old woman!"
"Nice insults, but that will be your last," said Freeza as he finishes charging up.
Everyone goes flying. Krillin catches Dende in his arms while Gohan looks at Krillin with a
sweatdrop going down his head. Krillin has a scratch on his head
"Krillin!" said Gohan in a hurt voice.
"This isn't what it looks like, Gohan," said Krillin.
"It better not be!" said Gohan.
*******
'Hmmm... I wonder if I should get out of this thing yet?' thought Goku as he flips a 9 of hearts
on the 10 of clubs. 'I mean, I can move my arms easily now and I don't feel any pain, plus my
son's in trouble... Oh crap! I got so distracted that I messed up my deck. I've got to start
over.'
Little did Goku know that while he was playing Solitaire, one of the guards came inside and sat
down near the healing tank. (He looked very familiar.) Goku felt his energy and looked out the
window of the tank. The guard looked like a Saiyan with a brown fuzzy tail and wore a bandana in
his hair. His hairstyle mirrored Goku's as the man started to moan in pain. Goku tried to get
out, but the man felt his energy somehow and coughed, as he seemed aware of Goku being there.
Goku sat back down as the man began to speak to Goku.
"Don't worry about me, Kakarot," said the man.
"Huh?" said Goku through the mask.
The man turned around. He looked like Goku, well he had scars on his face. He tapped his forehead
as Goku got the message almost immediately. In moments, Goku and the man were both in a
telepathic conversation.
*So, who are you?* said Goku telepathically.
*Kakarot, have you forgotten who I am?* said the man. *I am your father, Bardock.*
*What?! No way!* said Goku. *Wait, are you dead?*
*Yes,* said Bardock.
*Dad, I see dead people,* said Goku. *I also talk to them since they're in the other world
training with King Kai.* (I know that joke's getting old, but heck! I thought it was alright.)
*Duh! I know that!* said Bardock. *Anyways, I've come to help you defeat Freeza, our planet's
oppressor who destroyed everyone of our people,*
*I'm not a Saiyan,* said Goku. *I deny being one since I don't know anything about them at all.*
*That's not true,* said Bardock. *You know, but you don't want to accept it. You will become a
powerful warrior and you will defeat Freeza!*
*How?* said Goku.
*You will become a Super Saiya-jin,* said Bardock. *Just like one did long ago. You will need to
be able to put your feelings aside when you become one so that you can kill him!*
*But I'm not a killer,* said Goku. *I don't want to kill anyone just because they...*
*You have to or else he'll kill your son, your friends, and hell, he'll blow up Earth!* said
Bardock.
*NO!* cried Goku as he goes SSJ again.
*What?!* said Bardock as the healing tank shone brightly. *A Super Saiya-jin this early? No. It's
way too soon and besides, he's not even able to control it yet! I wonder if that little brat
Vegeta is gonna die soon...*
*******
Meanwhile on the battlefield, Gohan feels a strong power. He is fighting Freeza after he nearly
kills Krillin with his horns as he gets distracted a bit and gets pounded into the ground.
"Father..." said Gohan before he passed out.
*******
The water inside the healing tank boiled, as a Super Saiyan was born, but after the light faded,
Goku was once again unconscious. Bardock facevaults and mentally sighs as he shakes his head.
*You had to bump your head when you were a baby, didn't you?* said Bardock. *I knew your mother
should have sent you to the planet Wexit to finish purging it and kill all of those little
insects, but nooo! Your mother and the other technicians had to send you off to Earth where you
bumped your head and...*
*******
Bardock continues to ramble on as some explosions and cool music is heard in the background.
Krillin is escaping Freeza when he pulls a picture of Bulma out of his pocket and flashes it at
Freeza. Seeing this, he drools for a minute or so over the picture while Krillin gets away.
"Where the hell are you?" said Freeza as he rubs his eyes. He drops the picture of Bulma while
Gohan gets fully healed. Krillin arrives just in time to find Gohan back in shape.
"Good," said Dende. "You're fully healed, Gohan."
"That brat was holding back that power?" said Vegeta with a shocked face.
"Where's my lollypop?" said Gohan as Dende facevaults.
"I'll get you some ice cream later once we go back to Earth," said Krillin.
"Yeah!" said Gohan.
"Krillin, how dare you not tell me about the green bean's powers?" said Vegeta.
"Hey, I didn't know until he healed me!" said Krillin.
"Ah screw it," said Vegeta. "Freeza's back to kill us now."
Freeza arrives and Gohan flies up they're to meet him followed by Krillin and Vegeta. But before
Freeza could kill any of them, Piccolo finally arrives. He seemed to be more powerful than he
did on Earth as Dende recognized who was in the cape and turban.
"Nail?" said Dende.
"Kid, you're not supposed to know that until the next episode," said Piccolo. "You screwed it
up!"
"Sorry," said Dende. "I'll go pick berries in the garden."
*******
Back on Freeza's spaceship, Bardock is still talking away.
*...and of course, your brother, Radditz had an interesting power level when he was born since it
was second that of the Prince's, * said Bardock as Goku remained asleep. *The only thing I
didn't really like about him was the fact that he used this mysterious hair tonic to grow his
hair out like a hippie and I freaked out because he looked like a woman with that long hair
style.*
*.......* said Goku as he continued to sleep.
*You know, I'll be surprised once you grow out your hair like that. Except it will be blonde
instead of black and at least you won't be stuck like it all the time,* said Bardock as he sat
down in a comfy chair that seemed to appear out of nowhere. He reclined in it as he turned on
the television. *Hmmm... The Cell Games...*
"Come one, come all to the Cell Games that takes place in 5 years or less, depending on when I
become perfect," said Imperfect Cell as he holds up pictures on two androids who we know and
love. They were at least a huge improvement over Android #19, #20, and #16.
*You know, I think your son is the ultimate fighter for a half-breed,* said Bardock. *I just wish
your wife didn't make him study so Kami-d***ed much!*
*******
"Do you have any fives?" said Krillin as Vegeta, Gohan, and Dende were playing "Go-Fish" while
Freeza and Piccolo duke it out.
"D***! You lucky b******!" said Vegeta as he throws the card at Krillin.
"Vegeta's got a potty mouth!" said Gohan as he and Dende laugh.
"Shut the hell up!" said Vegeta. "I can't believe that I'm stuck babysitting again!"
Vegeta pouts as Krillin laughs. Gohan and Dende had no pairs at all since Krillin seemed to have
all of the cards. Vegeta gets angry and throws the table, scattering the cards across the blood
soaked grass.
"Shut-up!" said Vegeta as he holds Krillin.
"Why?" said Krillin.
"I know for a fact that you like mop-top over there," said Vegeta. "Just between you and me, I
also like mop-top. If you don't like it, you can blast me to kingdom come for all I care!"
"Hmmm... Okay!" said Krillin as he fires a blast the size of a torpedo inside Vegeta's chest as
he goes flying into a cliff side.
"Krillin! Why?" said Gohan.
"He told me that he liked you too and I was jealous," said Krillin.
"Oy!" said Dende. "I'm surrounded by gay-lings!"
"Now I'm changing into my final form!" said Freeza as he pulls out some curtains and goes behind
them.
"Okay, that's really disturbing," said Dende.
"Hey Dende," said Gohan. "Heal Vegeta."
"No, he's worse than Freeza," said Dende.
"Do it or else Piccolo will be mad at you," said Gohan. "Oh yeah, and so will Nail."
"You're not supposed to know that, Gohan!" said Piccolo. "Dumb kids."
*******
*...and there was this one time Radditz pulled your cousin Taurus' tail pretending he was a dog
on a leash,* said Bardock. (A/N: I know some of you think Taurus, Tales, etc. is Goku's brother.
So, I decided that since this is a fanfic I'm making, he could be Goku's cousin. Well, very
distant cousin anyways. ^_^)
*...Nani?!* said Goku as he finally wakes up. *Thanks a lot dad. You could have waked me up, you
know than bore me to death with your stupid stories! Freeza's gone into his final form!*
*I guess that's not a good thing,* said Bardock. *Hey, when are you supposed to get better?*
*Who knows,* said Goku. *It's been like over an hour now and I'm still in here. By the time I get
out there, I'm going to have to bury Vegeta before fighting Freeza in his ultimate form!*
*Funny you should say that,* said Bardock. *That's definitely what's going to happen.*
*Dad!* said Goku. *Stop jinxing me!*
*I'm not!* said Bardock. *I'm only telling the truth!*
*******
Freeza started to transform. All of the animals start running all over the place as monkeys (What
the heck? Monkeys? O_o Well, Vegeta, Krillin, and Gohan are. No offense to you DBZ fans out
there!), frogs, dinosaurs, and any other animal started to run wild in the wilderness. Bulma was
thrown up by the stampede as she lands on a unicorn's back. The unicorn flies off as it flies
into the sky where a company was creating their logo. Of course, with Bulma on the back of it,
they got angry and left Namek without any trouble.
'At last,' thought Vegeta. 'Freeza's finally going to show all of his power!'
When the curtain rises, Freeza is in a silky pink robe. Everyone facevaults on the battlefield
and Freeza's spaceship falls over in the distance.
*******
The force of the spaceship falling over knocks Goku out again. The impact throws Bardock into a
conviently open closet, locking him in there for the time being. When Goku wakes up moments
later, he smiles funny. However, it changed when Bardock climbs out of the open window on the
top of the door and Goku facevaults inside the healing tank.
*What?* said Bardock.
*Nothing dad,* said Goku as he angrily starts to power up.
*******
"Let's go inside my spaceship, mop-top!" said Freeza as he kidnaps Gohan.
"No! Gohan!" cried Krillin. "D***! Why do all the bad guys want to kidnap him?"
"So they can have sex with him," said Vegeta as Dende stares at him funny. "Aren't you supposed
to be dead, now?"
"Yeah, but I'm still alive somehow," said Dende.
"Whatever," said Piccolo. "Come on!"
*******
"This time," said Freeza as he starts taking off his robe, "you can take off my sports bra!"
Freeza giggles as Gohan screams.
*******
*GOHAN!!!!!!!* cried Goku. *Stupid healing tank! Why don't you heal me already?! I want to get
out of here!*
-Status unknown,- said the healing tank as Goku facevaults again. -Time remaining: 5 more
episodes of Dragon Ball...-
*Shut-up!* cried Goku as he goes SSJ2.
*Wait a second,* said Bardock. *You can't even go Super Saiya-jin 2 until after the Cell Saga, so
why are you doing it now?*
*Why?* said Goku as his hair started growing down his back. *Because my son's about to get f***en
raped!*
Goku goes SSJ3. Bardock facevaults.
*******
In the other world, King Kai is looking down at Namek. All of the other dead Z Fighters pause in
their fight against the Sailor Ginyu Force for a brief introduction.
"I am Sailor Jaice!" said Jaice as he poses in his little dress.
"I am Sailor Burter!" said Burter as he strikes a flashy pose in his dress.
"I am Sailor Riccoom!" said Riccoom as he puts his finger to his mouth after kissing his finger.
"And I'm Sailor Guido," said Guido not really thrilled because he hated playing Sailor Uranus a
ton.
"And in the name of the moon, we shall punish you!" said all of them.
The Z Fighters had sweatdrops on the back of their heads. Bubbles and Gregory are both
unconscious, but still had sweatdrops on the back of their heads since they found this whole
situation a bit disturbing for children under 13. King Kai gasps at the horror on Namek at that
moment.
"Shame on you Freeza!" said King Kai.
"Huh?" said Chou-su as the Z Fighters ignore the Sailor Ginyu Force.
"What's going on?" said Tien.
"It seems that Freeza's kidnapped Gohan," said King Kai.
"GOHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" cried a familiar voice which made everyone facevault. "Oh
wait a minute. I'm not dead, am I?"
"Who are you?" said King Kai as he looked at the purpled hair youth in mystery that just arrived
somehow by falling into a tree.
"I'm no one important until next season," said the boy. "So, what's going on down on Namek?"
"Do you know what's going to happen?" said King Kai.
"Well...um not really," said the boy. A buzzer is heard.
"Next person, Chou-zu," said Yamcha as the boy steps back while Chou-zu steps up.
"Do you really care?" said Chou-zu.
"Should I?" said King Kai.
"You shou-" said Chou-zu before he was cut off by the buzzer.
"Boy with purple hair," said Yamcha as the boy steps up again.
"Will you train me?" said the boy.
"Do you have any money?" said King Kai.
"Do you take cash or credit?" said the boy.
"How do you want to pay?" said King Kai.
"How much does it cost?" said the boy.
"What sessions do you want?" said King Kai
"Is there a session that makes me bulkier?" said the boy.
"If you try-" said King Kai before the buzzer was sounded by him.
"Tien." said Yamcha as Tien steps up.
"Is the fate of the Earth in trouble?" said Tien.
"Do you know where my mother lives?" said the boy.
"Do you know how to fight?" said Tien.
"Do you want to see my sword?" said the boy.
"Now that you mention it..." said Tien as the buzzer sounds a few times.
"We'll be right back after this!" said Yamcha. "So don't go away!"
The Sailor Ginyu Force cheers.
"That was excellent!" said Burter.
"Encore!" said Jaice.
"We tried our best," said the Z Fighters, King Kai and the purple haired boy.
*******
"Gohan!" cried Krillin as he tries to ram open the door with his head.
"Try all you want, but you will not get your little boy," said Freeza. "This door can only be
broken down by a Super Saiya-jin who gets really p***ed off because I'm about to rape his son
and somehow reached the fourth level before GT."
Suddenly, the healing tank explodes and Goku in SSJ4 comes out and breaks open the door with his
pinky. He goes inside the room and throws Freeza out the already broken window as Gohan stares
strangely at his father. Krillin, Vegeta, Dende, and Piccolo are shocked.
"What?" said Goku.
"Umm... what just happened?" said Gohan.
"Sorry, was my entrance too soon?" said Goku.
"No, it's just that you're not supposed to be in that form kicking Freeza's a**!" said Vegeta. "I
also know that's not until GT so get it right!"
"Fine," said Goku as he powers down. "If any of you need me, I'll be in the healing tank across
the hall."
"What healing tank? You blew that one up?" said Krillin.
"Oh yeah, I forgot!" said Goku as everyone facevaults.
"Son, the tank isn't broken anymore," said Bardock as he motions his son to the fixed up healing
tank.
"How did you repair it?" said Goku.
"I'm a scientist, remember?" said Bardock as he sits Goku down into the healing tank.
Will Goku heal in time? Will Krillin ever get to date Gohan? And what about Vegeta? Will he ever
defeat Freeza or will Bardock's jinx actually come true? Why is Dende still alive? Why can't he
just die already so I won't have to write him in this blasted story anymore?! Will Goku ever get
the Super Saiya-jin transformation right, or will Bardock have to beat some sense into his only
living son? Now that I think about it, why is Bardock hanging out with Goku? Isn't he supposed
to be dead? Find out next time As the Planet Namek Burns...
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Like it? Hate it? Give me your comment. This is my second attempt at humor, so I'm trying to
rekindle the flames that I've already received from some fans who didn't really like my first
story, so flame away if you must, 'cause I'm going to have a Namek Stew later on tonight!
Until next time, see ya!
P.S. If you like to see more, I need some reviews, so fire away ya peeps!
* Chibi Mirai Gogeta * ^_-