Disclaimer: I don't own anything OC related.
AN: Little plot bunny I couldn't stop gnawing at my brain. One-Shot.
"You do what you do
You say what you say
You always try to be everything to everyone
You know all the right people
You play all the right games
You always try to be everything to everyone
Spin around and fall down, do it again
You stumble and you fall
Yeah why don't you ever learn…"
--Everclear
Ryan lugged his overflowing backpack into the poolhouse and immediately sat down on his bed. He sighed.
He was damned tired. School had been in for a week and with his new class load, he was behind again. He was always behind. The guidance counselor had already set up weekly meetings with him. She was determined to make him an example. Poor kid gets into college.
But he felt like he was swimming upstream, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't make any progress.
Ever since he'd been back, he'd been trying to stay focused on putting things back together.
He had no idea that his leaving would set off such a chain reaction.
Seth ran away from his parents and Summer. Sandy and Kirsten could barely look at each other without arguing. Marissa's new cologne was 'eau de vodka'.
And it was all his fault.
On the plane ride from Portland, he'd done a lot of thinking. How he could go about fixing the destruction that he had left in his wake. When he'd come to Newport, drama followed him. When he left, all he left was drama. Now it was up to him to fix it.
He had been trying to make it up to Seth. He was his confidant now, his perfect sidekick. He listened patiently, fired back sarcastic comments to try and distract Seth from the loss of Summer. He'd even gone to talk to Summer, to try and convince her that everything was okay.
But he'd failed. He didn't really blame Summer, she had to do what was right for her, but now he was left to fill the void all alone.
And he couldn't seem to help mend Kirsten and Sandy's relationship either. Since Caleb's arrest, Sandy hadn't been home before midnight. And Kirsten was so upset about losing the CEO job to Julie that she'd been sequestered in her bedroom, one of the few places still untouched by the inept contractors.
He'd been told that he brooded and was generally anti-social during the previous year, Seth babbled a lot but Ryan had taken his words to heart. He was trying to change. He had to change.
He'd even started talking more, telling the Cohens what was going on in his life, telling Seth about Marissa's betrayal.
But it wasn't working. Everything was still messed up. And it was still his fault.
His talk with Summer had sent Seth on his obsessive, failed attempt to get her back, thus losing her forever. His suggestion to the contractors had ended up getting them fired by Sandy and causing more drama between Sandy and Kirsten.
It seemed like the Atwood luck was back with full force. Everything he touched turned to shit.
But he couldn't give up. Sometimes, change took time.
He reached over and picked up the phone.
He'd called Teresa every night since he moved back to Newport. She swore she was fine, but she'd barely talk to him. He hadn't told the Cohens, he didn't want them to think he regretted coming back.
And it hurt too bad for him to see her. He hadn't even gone back for his things.
He couldn't face her. She didn't want him. He'd given up his life for her, for her baby but she didn't want him there.
He couldn't help her.
A clean break was best.
But he still needed to call. The pregnancy, the summer, it was all his fault, too. He owed Teresa support.
He dialed her number.
Eva answered.
"Can I speak to Teresa?"
"Ryan. I'm sorry she didn't call. She's gone. She's moving to Atlanta with her cousin. She wanted…she needed to leave."
"Oh. Okay. Thanks, Mrs. Torres…" He said, stunned.
"Ryan?"
He hung up. He couldn't talk to her either.
She was gone. To Atlanta. Across the country.
Wow.
He was really on a roll.
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"Ryan seems really happy to be back. Him and Seth are closer than I've ever seen them," Sandy said, in the kitchen for breakfast.
"It's almost surreal. Having him smiling and making jokes all the time…he's even been helping me with errands…" Kirsten replied. The boys had been back three weeks. She hadn't left the house in four days.
"I wondered why we had packaged bagels instead of the fresh ones from the bakery," Sandy nodded.
"He does his best," Kirsten said. "I've been trying to make him feel more welcome, he did bring Seth home after all."
Sandy glanced at her. "So…that's the reason you've been so nice to Ryan?"
"What?"
"Even Caleb's noticed that you hug him and talk to him a lot more this year. I thought it was because you missed him…"
"It is, Sandy. But I'm also grateful to him for bringing Seth home. If keeping Ryan here keeps Seth…well, it's just nice to have them back," Kirsten said, uncomfortable.
"I don't think I've had a chance to talk to him in the past couple of weeks. Is he in the poolhouse?"
"He's at school…"
"It's not even seven," Sandy replied, confused.
"He goes early. Says he likes the walk. Dr. Kim says that he's excelling in his new classes, though," Kirsten said.
"I'll have to talk to him tonight. You think he'll be around?"
"Should be. He's going to pick up your dry-cleaning after school so…"
"Is he using your car?"
"Seth's on the car. I…I hadn't thought of that. I'll leave Seth a message, see if he can't give him a ride."
"I'll see you later, I have to run." Sandy gave her a quick kiss and picked up his briefcase.
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"God…how'd you learn how to do that?" She panted as he rolled off her.
"You really want to know?" He asked.
"No…but God…"
"We have to get going…I can't be late again…" He was already pulling on his pants, his boxers forgotten in his rush to meet her.
"I'll write you a note…" She said, reaching for him again.
"You're going to be late, too, Wendy…" He leaned over and kissed her on the mouth. "I'll see you at school, okay?"
"Okay. I hate it when you act all mature…" She pouted.
"No you don't," He scoffed.
"You're right. Of course. I'll see you later…maybe we can have lunch? Here?"
"You're going to spring for the room?" He raised an eyebrow. He knew she didn't make much money, even though she was the guidance counselor at such an elite school as Harbor.
"Yeah. Can you get away?" She asked, pulling her skirt on.
"I'll try," He promised. He pulled on his shirt and tucked it in as best he could before shouldering his backpack and leaning over to kiss her again.
He walked out of the hotel, cautiously, glancing around to make sure no one saw him.
They were playing with fire, he knew it. It had started after she upgraded his classes. It was like she genuinely wanted to help him succeed. Then she'd kissed him. And he'd kissed back.
He felt like a hypocrite, but at least she wasn't his ex-girlfriend's mom or anything. She was just older. He'd been with older women before, but this was different. She was almost his teacher. It just felt wrong. Maybe that's why he enjoyed it so much.
They knew it was wrong, so they didn't talk about it. At school, she advised him and helped him with his scholarship applications. But when they weren't at school? They didn't talk.
He felt like he was finally worthy of Newport in the way he was handling things. Seth was still content and confided everything in him. He was making perfect grades due to his extensive studying. Kirsten had started to depend on him, helping her buy groceries and run errands finally made him feel useful in the house. He wore so many different masks that he thought he'd make Julie Cooper proud. He was Seth's best friend, he was Sandy's good student, he was Kirsten's son's helper, he was Wendy's little sex-toy. He was filling his roles as best he could.
It wasn't getting easier. Wendy was his only release, his only chance to let down his guard and stop pretending.
But he didn't let her know that. It was about sex for them both, he made it a point not to tell her anything too personal and she respected that. They both knew that this was not a relationship, it was just an arrangement.
She didn't mind his lack of conversation skills.
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"Hey, kid. Long time-no see," Sandy grinned, walking into the poolhouse.
Ryan froze, dropping his backpack and planting a smile on his face as he turned to meet Sandy's gaze. "Hey, Sandy."
"I have a few minutes before I have to be at Caleb's, I just wanted to see how things are going. You haven't been around much lately," Sandy said. It'd been three weeks since his conversation with Kirsten and this was the first chance he'd had to talk to Ryan.
"Busy with school…"
"We're very proud of you, your teachers have been telling us how well you're doing. Sorry we missed the conference last week…"
Ryan knew they'd made the conference about Seth's dropping grades, but they'd both been too busy to make his meeting. He didn't really want them to meet Wendy, either.
"It's cool. It was just a status meeting anyway."
"So, the counselor, she's really helping you out, isn't she?" Sandy asked.
"Yeah, she's been great," He said.
"Kirsten says you've been a lifesaver for her, too. Grocery runs, mail delivery, party arrangements, she calls you her 'gopher'."
Ryan smiled. "Thanks."
Sandy sensed something bothering Ryan, but he couldn't put his finger on it. "So, any new girls in your life?"
"Nope. I'm focusing on school now. And the family, you know?" Ryan asked.
"I just want you to know that I'm still here for you, even though I'm pretty tied up with Caleb's case."
"I know," Ryan nodded. "I'm okay. No dramatics to talk about. Not like last year when I caused so much trouble…"
"Ryan, you were no trouble…"
"I have to get to school…" Ryan said suddenly, glancing at his watch.
"It's only six-thirty, why do you leave so early?" Sandy asked, confused.
"Schoolwork. I have to get to the library. There's a reason my grades are so good, you know."
"Ah. You want a ride?"
"I like the walk. Thanks, though." Ryan picked up his backpack and gave Sandy a big smile. "I'll see you later?"
"Yeah. Later," Sandy nodded. He watched Ryan hurry across the patio, avoiding the main house.
He trusted Ryan. Since returning from Chino, the boy had been different. Happier, on the outside anyway. But he couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong.
He pulled out his phone and called Caleb. He'd be late for his meeting. He needed to check on something.
He waited a few minutes before getting in his car. He started down the road that Ryan would have to take to get to school. He glimpsed Ryan's hunched shoulders about a mile from home. He wasn't headed to school. As Sandy inched down the road, he saw Ryan walk into a motel parking lot near the school.
Sandy parked the car and waited. He wouldn't knock on the door, he just wanted to see who came out. He trusted Ryan. He knew he wasn't slinging drugs or anything, he was doing so well…but he needed to see. Why would he be at a hotel at 7 am?
Seven thirty came and went. It was seven forty five before Ryan emerged. His hair was unkempt and his shirt was untucked in the back. Sandy didn't need his imagination to know that he'd been undressed earlier.
Sandy watched Ryan leave the motel and take off in a brisk walk toward school.
At seven-fifty, the motel room door opened again. The nice-looking black lady that stepped out was at least ten years older than Ryan. He recognized her from somewhere…
She didn't notice his car as she approached hers. It was a blue Honda. He recognized the Harbor Faculty parking pass on her mirror.
He had to talk to Ryan. This couldn't be good.
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"Man, where were you yesterday? You missed the biggest food fight in the cafeteria yesterday, I feel like we never talk anymore…" Seth started as Ryan took his seat in homeroom.
"We live in the same house."
"I know, but with Summer and me back together and Zach, it's like you're never around," Seth said.
Ryan wanted to roll his eyes but he gave Seth a smile. Seth had finally gotten Summer back and had developed a friendship with Zach despite the tension. He was happy and content and Ryan hadn't seen him in three days.
His plan had worked, to a point. Happy, upbeat Ryan had brought Seth back to normal and he had returned to his self-absorbed routine of being all about Summer. Ryan was glad to see Seth happy again, but he missed their time. With Summer back in the picture, Seth didn't need a confidant anymore. His best friend was Summer again.
Ryan was focusing on school now. Doing well in school made Kirsten happy, it kept Sandy happy and it might actually give him a second chance when he turned eighteen. Wendy kept telling him that the scholarships would come through, that he'd know something soon and he really wanted to believe her.
The only one he'd heard back from wasn't a good sign. His criminal record was the deciding factor. He wondered if his work was all for nothing.
"Ryan Atwood? You've been excused…" Mr. Evans announced, holding up a note.
"What?" Seth whispered. Ryan shrugged, going to the front. He took the note and walked out of the room into the hallway.
"Ryan. We need to talk." Sandy was waiting.
"Sandy? What's up?" Ryan asked, confused.
"We'll talk in the car. Come on," Sandy said.
Ryan knew that Sandy was angry and he was searching his memory for anything that he'd done. Sandy's hand was clamped on his shoulder.
"Is everything okay?" Ryan asked, glancing at him as they walked toward the exit.
"No, obviously. We'll talk in the car…" Sandy repeated. The door to the office opened and Wendy stepped out. Sandy's grip tightened on Ryan's shoulder.
Ryan knew then that Sandy knew. He didn't say anything. He didn't know how Sandy knew, but he knew he was in for it now.
He'd been doing so well. No trouble, no fights, only good things.
And the one thing he had that was purely his…was about to go up in smoke.
He didn't have feelings for Wendy, but he enjoyed their time together. No masks, just sex. No talking, just sex. It was freeing.
But it was all about to change again.
Ryan got into the car silently. Sandy's knuckles were white around the steering wheel.
"How'd you find out?" Ryan asked. He wasn't smiling now, he wasn't joking. He was back to normal for the moment. He didn't have time to figure out how his new persona would react.
"I followed you. Saw you leave the motel. How long?"
"A few weeks."
"She's your guidance counselor?" Sandy asked. His voice was cold with disappointment.
"Yes, sir."
"Why? You've been doing so well, why would you risk it, what is going on?"
Ryan's eyes flashed. Why would he risk it? Risk what? His family? Kirsten called him her 'gopher', she wasn't exactly aware when he wasn't around, only when he was. Seth was back with Summer, he didn't need him anymore and Sandy hadn't seen him in weeks. What was he risking?
"Ryan. Talk to me…"
"I'm trying," Ryan said flatly. "It's nothing serious. It's just sex."
"You're sixteen."
"Seventeen, Sandy. I turned seventeen over the summer."
"She's a teacher…"
"So? She's a woman," Ryan said, forcing himself to keep his tone even.
"Exactly. You're a boy…" Sandy started, driving slowly toward home.
"What do you want from me, Sandy? I'm sorry. I'll stop seeing her," Ryan said.
"What is wrong with you?" Sandy demanded. He parked in the driveway.
Ryan met his gaze steadily.
"I mean it! This is totally unlike you…" Sandy continued.
"Unlike me?" Ryan replied, unable to hold his tongue. "What do you even know about me? What have you ever known about me?"
Sandy was startled but Ryan didn't continue.
He turned his face away. "I'm sorry. This is my fault. I'll fix it…"
"You'll fix it?" Sandy asked.
"Yes. I'll end it. Isn't that what you want?"
"I want you to tell me what's going on?"
"Nothing, Sandy. It's a fling. I didn't know it would bother you…"
"Bother me? Ryan…" Sandy started.
Ryan took a deep breath and met Sandy's gaze again. "Just tell me what you want."
Sandy realized that he really didn't recognize the boy in front of him. He was the epitome of the perfect student, model foster son, and brother to his son. But he didn't recognize this boy.
"I want to know what you were thinking when you started sleeping with your guidance counselor."
Ryan was silent.
"Why?"
"Because. She's nice. She likes me. She doesn't expect me to make things better, to fix things. She doesn't have high expectations, she just expects me to fuck her," He said evenly, his eyes cold.
"Ryan…" Sandy whispered, confused.
"What do you want from me, Sandy? I mean…" Ryan felt his control slipping, his masks crumbling. "What is it you want?"
"What's happened to you?" Sandy asked.
Ryan laughed despite himself. "Nothing, Sandy. Nothing at all. Why don't you think of an appropriate punishment and let me know…"
"Stop it, Ryan…"
He dropped his smile immediately. "Okay."
"Why are you being like this?"
"Like what? Aren't I what you want? I brought Seth back from Portland, I'm making good grades for you, I'm applying for colleges for you, I'm helping your wife, what else do you want from me, Sandy? I've changed everything about me to fit into this life. I'm sorry that my little romp with Wendy has ruined all that. Do you want me to leave?"
Sandy was speechless.
"Tell me what you want me to do, Sandy," Ryan stated flatly.
"I want you to go in the house. Go to your room and wait for me."
Ryan stared at him for a long moment before getting out of the car.
Sandy had no idea how to handle this.
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Ryan was pacing. He was clenching his fists and pacing.
All his hard work, all his time and energy just so he could lose his fucking temper and blow it all in one sitting.
He wouldn't run. Last year, his bags would already be packed, but he couldn't leave. He'd broken the family last time, he couldn't do it again. He wouldn't be responsible for ruining another family.
Where the hell was Sandy?
He'd gotten good at anticipating Kirsten and Seth's actions and reactions, but he didn't know what Sandy was going to do.
He was worried.
He'd been doing so well…
Sandy had brought him home over an hour ago and he still hadn't shown up to punish him.
This wasn't good at all. What the hell was he doing?
God, if he told Seth and Kirsten, he'd never hear the end of it.
Sandy didn't knock, he walked into the poolhouse. "Sit down, Ryan."
Ryan nodded, stopping mid-pace and sitting down on his bed.
"We need to talk. I don't want you acting like you're listening, I want you to listen."
Ryan nodded, staying silent.
Sandy sat down beside him. "This family is not your responsibility. You are seventeen years old, it is not your job to take care of anyone but yourself. It's our job to take care of you."
"I know."
"Obviously, you don't. You're putting on this act, hell, I even believed it, making us think that you're happy here, that you're settling into our family, but you're so busy trying to please us…"
"Sandy. What do you…"
"Don't ask me to tell you what to do again," Sandy interrupted, serious.
Ryan was silent.
"Kirsten loves you. I love you. Seth loves you. You are a part of this family. I'm sorry that I asked you to go get Seth…it wasn't your responsibility to bring him home."
"He left because of me."
"I'm sorry, Ryan. It…I shouldn't have come to you."
"That makes me feel so much better," Ryan snapped. "Finally, there was something good I could do for your family and you're telling me you wish you hadn't asked. I owe you…I owe you everything…"
"No, Ryan. We owe you. You gave us our son back, twice. You think Seth ever talked to us before you came here? No. Seth was introverted and angry and anti-social until you came to us…" Sandy took a deep breath. "So…working hard at school, taking care of Seth and Kirsten…you were just doing it because…"
"I'm trying to undo the damage I created. I left…everything fell apart. Kirsten hasn't left the house in a week, Sandy. A week. And maybe that's because of Caleb's trial, but it doesn't make much difference. Anything I can do…I'm going to do," Ryan replied.
Sandy was clearly surprised to hear about Kirsten. "I…"
"Why'd you take Caleb's case? You hate the guy, you've never made it a secret. But you have to help him in order to help Kirsten. It's the same thing. I have to be here, I have to do this in order to help you guys," Ryan said. "I'm sorry about Wendy, I really am."
"I'm sorry we haven't been here for you."
"You are here. If anything was wrong, I'd come to you."
Sandy stared at him. "You don't think anything's wrong?"
"I am fine."
"You're anything but fine. You want me to tell you what to do? Okay. Stop. Stop doing everything for other people. Start doing things for yourself. Start applying to colleges that you want to go to. Start taking classes that you want to take. Start seeing girls that you want to see." Sandy took his shoulders and shook him. "Start living for you. Not for us, not for Teresa or your mother, but for you."
Ryan was speechless.
"Can you do that?"
He nodded.
"Honestly, Ryan?" Sandy urged.
"Yes, Sandy…I'll…I'll try."
"That's all I ask."
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