A/N: A tribute to Dramione. This would probably take place before the final battle if it had to be on a time line.
I tried to keep it ambiguous so it could apply to both Hermione and Draco but it's not as easy as it seems. If you ever find a part where you're like "Draco/Hermione would never say something like that!" then let me remind of 2-3 things.
1. The Draco/Hermione that you picture in your mind might be slightly different from the one who I picture in mine (I am also slightly brainwashed by all the Dramione fanfics I read).
2. It's tricky coming up with a thousand words that could be thought by two people in different yet similar situations. I can't how many times I thought, "Arggg! Draco/Hermione would never think that! Delete delete delete. Rewrite."
3. If you are not a Dramione fan, obviously you don't see them in love. In this case, try to apply it to another ship, I made it purposefully vague for this reason too.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything you can sue me for.
I can't love you because the world doesn't work that way. People don't just change and every obstacle doesn't just disappear because you're in love and love must prevail. The hard cold reality is that life is about compromise, and doing all you can to keep the darkness off the doorstep and away from your loved ones. Too many stories like ours, throughout history, are wrought with tragedy.
I can't love you because there are those who matter and who have already sacrificed so much for me and I can't just abandon them so I can cling to an intangible hope that could be crushed any minute. It doesn't mean a thing how I feel when I know how much my family and friends would suffer for my selfishness. Because that's what it is: my selfishness.
I can't love you because the only thing that there is would be this ridiculous attraction and unwelcome chemistry. And sexual tension. Loads of it. Buckets. So really I should just write this off as lust and move on, but for some strange reason, I've become attached to you. In a more than a "you want the one you can't have" way. To the point where I'm actually, (Merlin, I thought I'd never say something as sappy as this), almost about to believe in that whole retarded love at first sight thing. Except that, when you think about it, it isn't some love at first sight. We've known each for seven years and, trust me, I've seen you plenty enough times during it.
I can't love you because we don't work; there's no magical "we fit perfectly together." Because we don't. Our hands are all the wrong sizes and shapes. Our personalities don't complement each other, and we don't, as a whole, see eye to eye on pretty much everything. We're both so stubborn, sarcastic, and proud that we'd kill each other within minutes.
I can't love you because this wasn't supposed to happen. Our past and future should not have this type of present. Our animosity knows no boundaries. One of us has hated the other since birth and one of us has hated him since she learnt of his hatred. And some things don't just change. Or so it should be. And so this…This love idea. It doesn't exist well with the rest of the timeline, and well, you're smart, you should know what happens when you go messing with timelines.
I can't love you because love is supposed to be unpredictable, and since I could predict exactly what is going to happen, depending on how the war plays out, this obviously isn't love. It is going to end with one of either imprisoned or dead and the other married to someone that has already been predestined for us. So, I can't love you because of him, and her; and because if we let them, they could make us happy. Maybe. Someday. Then again it isn't the end of the world if you stay just best friends with whoever you marry as long as everyone else never knows.
I can't love you because I can't keep this hope that if we both survive this; something could still happen after this is all over, when you're supposed to be the enemy. And I'm supposed to, if I was a decent person, be loyal to my family and friends, and want you dead. Or at least for you to lose, which, essentially, means for you to end up in chains or… Gone. And the idea of that happening is not supposed to drive me crazy and cause me no end of sleepless nights when I'm supposed to be worrying about the task at hand. Well, at least the task at hand gives me a plausible excuse for the bags under my eyes.
I can't love you because people are supposed to love unconditionally, and whatever this is it's riddled with conditions. There is hardly anything left at the base to keep it stable, and I'm beginning wonder if there ever was anything there. And yet, miracle of all miracles, it's still standing, still existing. Why this is, is so far beyond me that everything else almost feels comprehensible in retrospect.
I can't love you because I can think up an infinite number of arguments why I can't love you that could persuade any sane person to not love you.
And it's not right for me to love you just because none of them work.
It's not right for me to love you just because this is working on some sort of dysfunctional level. We're not "in love" but there's no rule against me keeping my unrequited affection for you to myself and continuing on without giving you up. As long as I keep my mouth shut, the world should keep turning.
It's not right for me to love you just because I still can love you across the distance where I stand with my friends and family to where you stand with yours. Never mind that these two places are as far apart as the North Pole and the South Pole. Polar opposites with the same weather on both ends, how fitting.
It's not right for me to love you just because there is this ridiculous attraction between us. And I'd be a fool to believe that our chemistry, no matter how screwed it is, isn't mutual. Given the right place and time, and a lot of patience and forgiveness on both our parts, it could become something.
It's not right for me to love you just because this is more real than that fairy-tale idealistic nonsense where people have to resemble two adjoining pieces of a puzzle in order to be in love. I know you agree with me that "happily ever after" is incredibly implausible and foolish to believe and that you prefer, personally, to believe in a "happily ever now".
It's not right for me to love you just because it has happened when no one else thought it would. And maybe the present knows something that the future hasn't figured out yet. Because some things do change. And the future is in no way concrete; even those who believe in divination manage to come up with a million possible outcomes. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate divination?
It's not right for me to love you just because it has been unpredictable; there was no way on Earth that anyone could have guessed that I would fall in love with someone like you. Until I met you, and well, somewhere along the line, it just happened. And I think that's what it's like with love: it just happens. No amount of analyzing can explain it.
It's not right for me to love you just because I do have this hope, unreasonable as it sounds, that the war will end with both of us still alive and that we will be free to do what we desire and something could happen. And even though you're the enemy, I know that when I'm fighting against you and your loved ones, I won't be fighting to end lives but just to keep my own and if I come across you, I'd be more likely to help you than hurt you, and then pass it off as confusion in the middle of the battle.
It's not right for me to love you just because, even with all these conditions,I'm still stuck with my mind in a turmoil, and all these reasons that are reasonable but aren't and I have no excuse as to why. And if the conditions don't seem to change how I feel then is it unconditional?
And so maybe I do love you, even though it's not right, and I can't.
But maybe that's just how love is.
Because love…
It just happens.
A/N: Just in case you're wondering, Draco/Hermione haven't communicated their feelings. That's why the letters unwritten.