Hello, everyone, and welcome to Trolls: Branch's Thoughts! My name is QuickestSecret.
I will be uploading chapters twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening. I'm not so cruel as to leave you on a cliffhanger for days on end. If you haven't seen the Dreamworks moive Trolls yet, I suggest you back out, watch it, then come back. 'Cause, you know…spoilers!
Just one thing I think I should mention: I didn't write this myself.
It was the strangest thing—I got an email with a document attached: This one. I read it over and thought it was very good, despite grammatical errors. It was based off of the Trolls (which, by the way, I loved!)
The email itself read, in all caps, "SPREAD THIS AROUND. PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW MY STORY AND THAT TRUE HAPPINESS IS POSSIBLE." The address was happy blue stick hair mail. com. I spread it apart so you could read it.
Wait a minute…no…it can't be…is it from…him?
I guess we'll never know.
Please enjoy.
I was on a hunt.
The hunt that would change it all.
The hunt for the final stick.
This was serious. I needed nine sticks. Right then, I only had eight. If I didn't have nine sticks, I couldn't set the trap. If I couldn't set the trap, the bell wouldn't ring. If the bell didn't ring, I wouldn't know if there was a breach. And if I didn't know there was a breach, how would I warn everyone about the Burgen?
My name is Branch, and I'm a troll. While everybody else was off singing or dancing or hugging or whatever, I built traps and kept watch. I survive. I didn't sing, I didn't dance, and I definitly didn't hug.
Wait a minute. I tilted my head back a fraction. And…there! There it was. The perfect stick. Come to Papa.
I picked up the twig and turned around to go back home. Most other trolls had flower pods hanging in the trees. I had an underground bunker.
A few moments after I started walking back, I began to hear the faint sound of music.
"Everybody! Move your hair and feel united! Ohohohh! Everybody! Shake your hair and feel united! Ohohohh!"
Perfect, I left for ten minutes and they threw a party.
Well, in all fairness, they would have done so even if I hadn't left.
"Yeah! Everybody's coming to the celebration, I'ma hook you up with an invitation, let your hair swing and party with me! No bad vibes, just love, you'll see!"
Hold up. That voice sounded familiar. The song continues: "D. A. N. C. E! One two three four fight. Stick to the B. E. A. T! Get ready to ignite. You are such a P.Y.T! Catching all the lights. Just as easy as ABC, that's how you make it right."
Oy. Why did they have to sing songs about dancing? Isn't dancing by itself enough?
"Oh, it ain't hard out here, when you're doing it right! Put a smile on, that's the Troll life!'
Yeah, I don't smile. While the song is going on, I snuck to the front of a bush and peeked out.
Apparently, Cooper, a rare four-legged Troll, sang that last part. And someone was bouncing along behind him, heading for Smidge.
"And I'm here to help you through it, come on Smidge, I know you can do it!"
I should had known.
That was Poppy, princess of the trolls. Insanely happy, yet insanely naïve. Strangely, every time I saw her, my heart did a little hop, skip and a jump.
I should get that checked out. It might be heart palpitations.
"Your confidence gives me streeggnnth!" Smidge shouted/sang, pumping the gigantic barbell into the air with her hair, Poppy on top.
Once up as high as possible, Smidge began twirling the barbell, Poppy tossing out invitations left and right. Unnoticed, I slipped out of the bush and hid in the shadow of a mushroom.
"Everybody! Shake your hair and feel united! Ohohohh! Sunshine day! Everybody's laughing! Sunshine day! Everybody's singing! Don't stop, don't stop, don't stop the beat, I can't stop I can't stop, I can't stop the beat, I won't stop, I won't stop, I won't stop the beat-GO!"
Oh, hooray. Now DJ Suki, Biggie, Guy Diamond, Satin and Chenille (The Snack Pack, as they're called) were in on it. Not to mention Mr. Dinkles, Biggie's pet glowworm.
Do, stop the beat. Please.
"Everybody! Shake your hair and feel united! Oh-oh-ohh! Sunshine day! Everybody's laughing! Sunshine day! Everybody's singing! Sunshine day! Everybody! Move your hair and feel united! Oh-oh-ohh! Oh yeah! Oh! Yeah!"
They ended in formation right in front of me, their hair forming rainbows and clouds and flowers. Somehow, they still didn't see me. I decided to make my presence known.
Shifting the sticks to a more comfortable spot under my arm, I began to sarcastically slow-clap. Poppy looked down and I came out from under the mushroom. "Unbelievable guys, really, really great job—I can hear you from a mile away!"
Poppy got off of Cooper's head. "Good! I was worried we weren't projecting enough," she said breathlessly.
"Poppy! If I can hear you—" I dropped my voice to a whisper, "—so can the Burgens!"
"Oh boy," said Guy Diamond.
"Here we go again," went Cooper.
"Really, Branch?" sighed Biggie.
"You always ruin everything…" said Chenille.
"…Warning us about the Burgens," finished Satin.
There was a pause.
"No I don't," I said, hoping they wouldn't remember all those other times. Birthday parties, weddings, funerals…I had interrupted them all.
"Come on!" said Poppy cajolingly. "We haven't seen a Burgen in twenty years! They're never going to find us."
"No," I corrected her, "they're not going to find me. Because I'll be in my highly camouflaged, heavily fortified, Burgen-proof survival bunker."
"You mean you're not coming to the party tonight?" Poppy sounded upset. That was a first.
That party she mentioned? It was to celebrate her father, King Peppy, leading the trolls to freedom from the Burgens 20 years ago.
Smart guy.
"But it's going to be the biggest…" Chenille and Satin started.
"…The loudest…" DJ Suki continued.
"…The craziest party ever!" Cooper finished, a goofy grin on his face.
Everybody started babbling on about how awesome the party would be. I decided to just be blunt with them. "Big? Loud? Crazy? You're just going to lead the Burgens right to us!"
Cooper leaned conspiratorially toward Poppy. "Are you sure you want to invite this party pooper to poop at your party?"
"Yes!" Poppy said firmly. "Everybody deserves to be happy."
Hold up. Happy? "I don't do happy," I said.
"Branch." Poppy walked toward me. "I know you have happiness inside you, you just need our help—" she gestured around "—to find it!" She reached into the back of her hair and pulled out an invitation.
It sprung to life with a sun and banner that said: BRANCH: YOU'RE INVITED. A miniature me popped out.
"Celebrate…freedom from the Burgens!" Mini-Branch sang.
Then, to top it all off, it sprayed glitter in my face.
Great.
"Whattya say, Branch, hm?" Poppy asked, thinking she knew my answer.
I plastered a smile onto my face and took the invite. Poppy's grin grew, if possible, even wider.
Then I threw the invite on the ground and smush it with my foot. Just enough to make it look broken, but without too much damage.
Nevertheless, the act had the desired effect. Everybody gasped, including Poppy.
"Oh my God." Smidge said, looking scandalized.
"I wouldn't be caught dead at your party," I said to Poppy, wiping glitter off my face. "But you will be. Caught—and dead." Poppy glared at me, obviously put-off.
"Whoa, whoa, easy, Branch, easy!" said a voice from the sky. Everybody glanced up in time to see a purple troll with yellow pants and blue hair float over us and drop—aided by a giant mosquito.
The newcomer turned to the bug and nuzzled its nose with his own. "Thank you for providing safe passage, brother. Namaste." The bug flew off. After watching it leave, he turned to face me.
Creek.
For some reason, the guy really irked me. Maybe it was his state of constant calm, or his constant hinting that he knew the secrets of the universe, or his blatant flirting with Poppy. I wasn't sure.
Creek started talking. "Okay, mate, first of all, thanks for sharing your unique perspective on things. Again."
Cooper and Biggie stifle chuckles.
"Just for now," Creek continued, "why don't you try some positivity, ay? A little positivity might go with that vest." He swatted my arm as he said it. I flinched away. This guy was definitely nuts.
I shifted my sticks a little higher up. Time to shock the dude.
"Okay. I'm positive you all are going to get eaten." I smiled sedately when I finished.
Poppy still looked put-off. Everyone was quiet for a moment. Then Poppy's bracelet opened to reveal a pink light accompanied by a ding.
Oh no.
"It's hug-time!" she said.
Oh no.
"It is hug-time." Creek agreed, taking her hand.
Oh no.
"Hug-time!" everyone yelled.
Oh no.
Everyone went into a sort of pile-on, and somehow I got swept in.
It was horror. Hands everywhere, pressure everywhere, it was horror. Creek was mumbling something about synchronization and Guy Diamond was squeezing me so hard I couldn't breathe.
I poked through and flipped myself out, landing on my back. Before anyone could see, I snatched Poppy's invitation off the ground and stuffed it into my stick pile.
Poppy followed me. I turned back to get the last word.
"Someday, when the Burgens find us and the survival of every troll is in your hands, I sure hope the answer is singing, dancing and hugging, because that is all you know how to do!"
"That is not true," Biggie jumped in indignantly. "Poppy can also scrapbook!" I gave him my best seriously, dude? glare.
I tried one last time. "I can't believe you're going to be queen one day." I said scornfully. I then turned my back and walked off.
Okay, ouch, Branch. Really? I did like to get the last word, but actually hearing this particular sentence out loud, it seemed mean. Soul-crushing, even. Poppy was probably devastated.
Wait, back up. Since when have I cared what Poppy thinks? She's the one who throws all these dangerous parties. She's the one who's endangering us. So who's the better thinker here? Me.
So then why did I feel so bad?