Author's Note: Requested by Gabby, as a prize for winning the Game of Life Competition. :)
Thanks to Liza for betaing.
Lost
728 words
Narcissa clung tightly to her son as all around her people rushed to reunite with their own loved ones and tend to the wounded. She felt out of place in the middle of the commotion, neither helping nor interested in their pain. She could feel Lucius behind her, his breath hot on her neck as he shifted closer, and even without turning to look at his face, she knew he was feeling the same.
They made no attempt to leave. There was nowhere to go and no sense in running. She had no desire to stay hidden any longer and would face the consequences of her inaction.
Blankets were handed out but she took none. House-elves passed out fruit and bowls of soup, and Narcissa was daring enough to ask for something for Draco, but refused any for herself. Lucius, she believed, could look after himself.
At some point they found themselves migrating to a corner of the Great Hall to stay out of everyone's way. Draco managed to fall into a fitful sleep while huddled against the wall. Narcissa stayed awake and watchful beside him with Lucius on her other side. She could feel her husband's eyes on her, but she kept her focus on Draco.
"You're angry with me," Lucius deduced quietly.
"There's quite a lot to be angry about."
"Yes. Yes, of course there is. I understand."
She glared at him. "Do you, really? I thought Draco had died. Do you have any idea the panic I felt? Do you even care that he was in the middle of all of this?"
"Yes." He looked away. "Yes, I do. I know it's my fault, all I've done-"
"What you've done is put my son in danger, Lucius, and not for the first time. I played my part in this, I know. I sat back and did what was expected of me, and I'll gladly pay the price for my idleness so long as Draco is safe."
"I'm sorry," he said quietly, and the sincerity behind the words surprised her. "I didn't mean for the both of you to get dragged into this, to get hurt. If I'd known Draco was going to be involved in this-"
"You would have still gone through with it."
He hung his head. "You're right. What I've done … I'm despicable. I lost my way, Narcissa. I don't deserve forgiveness."
"Don't be dramatic," she admonished. "You're not despicable."
Lucius chuckled. "My own family doesn't even like me. I have nothing to show for twenty years of misplaced devotion and I'll most likely be going to prison after this."
"You'll get what you deserve, but that's not necessarily separation from your family. Draco still loves you. I know he does."
"And you?" He looked at her pleadingly. "Do you still love me, Narcissa? Have you ever?"
She pursed her lips. There was no doubt in her mind that she loved him. She had been infatuated with him since their school days. She could still clearly remember sneaking glances at him over meals in this very room.
Yet there was more to consider now than just her heart. She had spent too long as a slave to her marriage, forgetting that she had a working mind.
Draco needed her, now more than ever. She couldn't lose herself as she once had. She needed to stay strong and take charge, and if that meant distancing herself from the man she loved, then so be it. She couldn't let Lucius take them down with him.
"I do love you," Narcissa admitted quietly. "I think I always will."
"But it's not enough," he finished for her.
"I don't know. I want what's best for Draco."
"So do I." She glanced at him and he was smiling. "I've caused you both so much trouble. I want you to be happy. I love you."
It had been months since he'd said those words, and even longer since she'd felt that he meant them. Her eyes teared up as she thought that this could be the last day that all three of them got to spend together.
Without thinking, she reached for Lucius' hand. She said nothing, unable to make promises she couldn't keep if one or both of them were sent to prison, but she hoped for a different outcome, one where they could start again, together.