Author's Note: This is seriously a random idea that appeared to me while I was thinking some headcanons regarding Levi and his view of sexuality. At the time I also encountered a rather nice post on tumblr that shared my view on quite a lot of it. scout850 . tumblr com post /158717849768/levi-has-a-troubled-relationship-to-sex-the

This is probably not thoughtout enough, and it's more of a very basic 'scratching of the surface' in a scenario that Kenny would almost deem funny and there's a whole depth of troubles he didn't bother thinking. If I planned this properly, it wouldn't be this shallow, but here we are.

Warnings: conversation about sex and unhealthy relations with quite a young Levi.

Disclaimer: Don't own Shingeki no Kyojin

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"He's so cute!"

"I remember him when he was so tiny, he was so young! Remember, Kenny?"

"Bah, wish I could forget."

"This hair looks good on you, Levi! When did you cut it?"

"It does look good! Makes you look older!"

Kenny chuckled as he drank, seeing Levi and his growing discomfort at the attention. Seeing the midget's reaction to stuff like this was quickly starting to be his favorite hobby. To him, it was teenage sheepish panic and it was fucking hilarious from where he was standing.

"So yar name's Levi? Ya want another drink, Levi?"

"You'll get off of me, so please do."

The woman giggled, perhaps a bit intoxicated on her own right.

"We're kidding, Levi," Ella, the other woman, reassured. "You should get used to it though, you'll become quite the catch!"

"Go on kid, stop being so fuckin' sullen all the time, ya're gonna waste the attention? That's two gorgeous ladies for a damn midget! Might as well share, huh?"

Ella, the woman that knew Levi from his tiny kid days, pretended to be mildly interested for the sake of the joke, but the other didn't even bother, just giggled like a dumbass and patted Levi on the shoulder, arm fully and closely wrapped around him.

"We're just kiddin'!" she added, now waggling him playfully. "Don't look so stern! Ya'll make a fine man for some happy lasses some day soon!"

"I don't like to be glomped around," Levi muttered, far more calm than Kenny could have expected seeing at how squeezed he was against the woman. "You're laying over me."

The woman cackled and patted him again, removing her weight from over him (Levi more or less bounced back straight immediately) and standing up, readjusting her breasts on her dress as she went, something that attracted Kenny's attention far more than Levi's. She effectively ignored Kenny and his approving whistle, while Ella smiled once more to the kid and waved him goodbye. She babbled something cooing to Kenny about cuteness.

Levi was uncomfortably readjusting his jacket and shirt, moving to his hair and the strands that had gotten muffled this and that way. That ridiculous shade of pink was still too clear on his face for Kenny to let him off the hook that fast.

"Why do people always ruffle my hair," he complained under his breath.

"Didn't ya hear? Ya're an adorable cutie pie."

Kenny barked ot a loud laughter as Levi threw him an empty plate littered next to them, three shades stronger of pink.

"Ah, ya'll kill me with one of these someday. What if it breaks and gets shoved on my chest?" Kenny babbled, ignoring the dull ache on the side of his torso and throwing the plate aside.

"I was aiming for your teeth."

"Are ya finally drunk, then? Ah! Might get around those girls after all!"

"Shut the fuck up already!"

"Ya wouldn't say that if ya fooled around." To Levi's lack of reaction, Kenny added some demonstration with a mockingly puppet show with his hands, adding all sorts of loud kissing noises he knew would make Levi's skin crawl.

"Why the fuck would I?"

Kenny chuckled again, throwing some more beer down his mouth. It was fun to mock Levi's sheepness, but it did occur to him that it could sooner rather than later lead to one of those atrocious, terrifying moments he had heard some other people talk about. That 'talk'. Oh the fucking 'talk'. He was supposed to have had it with Kuchel, and it was instead her that had it with him all those years ago.

"Ya know. The talk. Ya know, ya're grown up already, aren't ya? That... well parents are supposed to do this shit, not me!"

"Kenny, I know what sex is. Are you shy? You're turning pink. If you want to, I can try to tell you what you did wrong with Felicia and why she won't look at you after you were together."

Bah. Shivers.

"How old are ya again?"

Levi's frown deepened.

"Ten."

He breathed out another laugh, shrugging. "Ah, how'd I know? I thought ya were older. If ya're ten, I'm off the hook. When ya're like thirteen then."

"Off the hook of what?"

Kenny snorted and threw his arms to his side.

"I ain't gonna have the talk with ya!"

Levi's brow furrowed anew, this time for a different reason.

"You're making less sense then usual and I'm the one that has to put up with your alcoholic rambles. What talk?"

"Here ya go, Levi!" the giggling woman from before returned, laying a beer mug for Levi. She blinked at him but carried on, something that Levi would certainly be appreciative of but he was now focused on Kenny.

"Drink it," he ordered Kenny, shoving the mug to Kenny's side of the table.

"Manipulative little bastard huh?"

"I can knock some teeth out of you if you think it'll help."

"What the fuck ya want, huh?"

"You're the one that started it, and are always annoying and mocking me when girls clutch me around. That talk has anything to do with it?"

Kenny tried to straightened his hat on his head, only remembering it was dropped next to him when his hand hit his scalp, greasy hair by the sweaty atmosphere of the pub. Damn midget should hate it here, but now he wasn't complaining because of the fucking 'talk'.

"The 'talk', the 'talk'... the 'talk' is just somethin' about sex, ok? Someone's supposed to have it with ya when ya get old. Like what boys and girls do and all that, and I ain't gonna have it with ya 'cause I don't have patience for this kinda stuff. And apparently ya're younger than I thought, so get off my back."

"Sex?"

Oh boy.

"Why don't ya start asking some other people, huh? Hey, go ask Martha the bartender, huh? I'm sure she'll have a hell lot more of patience, with the amount she puts up with ya."

"I know what it is."

Kenny chocked on his beer and withdrew the mug safetly from his mouth. Well might as well get this out of the way fast and don't think about it again.

"Yeah, well that's that. See? Grown people do it and it's good. Ya'll see when ya get around to it. That's that. That's the talk. I've done my part for the day."

"No it's not."

He must have had some beer left in his mouth to choke on. Kenny was considerably intoxicated on his own right, so his thought process was considerably slowed down.

"It's not what?"

"It's not good. It hurts. That's why my mother got injured and her dresses bloody and I had to pretend I didn't see it."

There was no more beer for him to choke on.

"Well, shit. Kid, that's not sex, that's..." Kenny's gropped his hair and his nape, trying to releave some tension suddenly there. "That's just people being bad."

"If someone kills another person because they're bad, that's still murder."

"Don't fuckin' change... ya've seen me that time, ya caught me with that girl, that..." Well, names were details right now. "Did she seem harmed, did she?"

"You're not a good person, Kenny."

"So what? Did I hurt her? Huh? There's different levels of bad."

Levi seemed ready to continue, but his brow frowned in consideration for Kenny's words and the contradiction between the two facts.

During the pause, Kenny recalled that one ocasion, and how livid the midget had turned afterwards. Kenny probably should have thought about the subject at the time, but he shrugged it off, not finding it a big deal that Levi had heard or peeked something.

"I'm a bad person. Damn right I am, and it's good ya know that. There's just people that're even worse than me." Now that was something Kenny never thought he would admit out loud, but given the subject... "There are very bad people out there. It's a good thing ya know that already."

"So you're saying that not all men hurt women, like they did my mother and the other ladies?"

"I'm saying sex isn't that. That's something else."

Saying he was wrong thinking what he did would be the same as saying Kenny was wrong in killing MPs. Levi didn't really have any proof of the truth of his words, and his experience was quite different.

"When ya're older and girls start flirtin' with ya, ya think they expect ya to harm them? Would ya?"

"I don't want girls flirting with me."

"Well boys, whatever. Either way, ya'll learn there's a lot to the subject. Sex doesn't equal what ya think it does."

Levi didn't seem convinced in the slightest, but he did seem confused with the new prospect.

Kenny scoffed and shoved his hat deep in his head, throwing a new portion of beer down his throat, now without choking hazard.

"That's the talk for ya. Hope ya're satisfied, ya tricked me into it."

"I didn't trick you into anything."

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the end

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Author's Note: Written in a single go. Thanks for reading, point out mistakes.