A/N: I was skimming through all my old fics on my computer and came across a bunch that were written literally three years ago. So yeah... I decided to post it. Being as lazy and uninspired as I am nowadays I couldn't be bothered editing it so what you are reading is the story in all its original glory. I hope you can find some humour in it as I did in reading over a long forgotten and extremely ridiculous storyline.
I may post other stories from this absurd period in my writing history as I come across them (and if they are finished). So if you like this one, be on the lookout!
DISCLAIMER: Don't own the characters. I don't even think I own the concept. It was my sister's idea first.
SUMMARY: "Hey… I hear Sasuke-kun likes girls with long hair." A decade ago a rumour was born that put all the academy girls into a frenzy. Now, one of those girls is out for sweet sweet revenge.
The Konoha Hair Rush
"Hey… I hear Sasuke-kun likes girls with long hair." A brown haired boy whispered to a young girl whose hair happened to be cropped just below the ears.
The girl's eyes widened in horror and mouth laid agape. She was one of Sasuke Uchiha's dozens of fan girls. She was in both Sasuke and the other boys Academy class; hence she was one of Sasuke's fan girls. Absolutely every girl in their class was. And this predicament was astonishing. All this time she had been sporting a shortly cropped hairdo when her dearly beloved liked long hair. Hair she did not have.
The brown haired boy watched on in amusement as the girl ran off to tell her friends about this new revelation.
He was rather surprised to find the next day that the girl had grown hair that now reached down to her waist. He had always known girls were strange but he never thought their hair grew that quickly. After all it had only been ONE night!
He later learnt from his sister that there were such things in the world called 'hair extensions'. Strange implements they were.
Over the next few days, weeks, months, and years the boy found himself exceedingly satisfied with himself and what he had accomplished in terms of his creation. It was because of that one dogboy that the entire female population of their class grew their hair to unfathomable lengths.
-:0:-
"ARGH! I mean really?" Ino ranted. "How could I have been so obsessed with him? He is such a jerk! He is the most arrogant self-reliant whore I have ever met in my entire life! If I ever see his face again I'll kill him! And I can't believe I wasted all those years growing my hair so long just because he likes long hair! Could I care less what he likes? He damn well doesn't like Sakura! If he did he wouldn't have left the girl heartbroken on Heartbreak Bench."
Ino was of course referring to the bench just inside the village's gates, or any bench in that matter. After Sakura's encounter with Sasuke just before he left, Ino develop a sudden hatred not only for Sasuke himself but also for all benches in general. She had somehow decided that bench seats were bad 'omens'.
Especially for relationships.
Hence the name Heartbreak Bench.
She was currently stomping around her family's flower shop slamming all the different flowers into their selected spots. Kiba – the other occupant of the room, the one she was ranting to – took a few seconds to decipher all that she had said. In a mood like this, anyone who knew the kunoichi knew that her speech was almost completely incoherent.
His mum had sent him around to the shop to buy some flowers for who knows what. He had learnt not to argue, just to do. So he had come around as he was ordered, bought his flowers, and was almost gone when he was kept there against his will by the shop owner's daughter.
Ino Yamanaka was in the mood for a vent.
Kiba Inuzuka was the first 'sane' person she had seen all day.
Another rampage as to how she was such a stupid idiot for having a crush on the village's biggest asshole (newly named by Ino herself), Sasuke Uchiha, was on the agenda. An agenda that to Kiba had seemingly been decided on prior to his entry, in blunt, there was no way out. And he knew that. He was going to have to stay and listen to his friend's rant even if it did go on for hours.
"WHAT?" Ino fumed. Kiba had burst out laughing for reasons unbeknownst to her. An antic of his she most definitely was not in the mood for at the moment. "What is so funny? Are you making fun of me? Because if you are… I'll… I'll… Inuzuka if you are you don't even want to know what I'll do to you."
"You-Your hair!" Kiba was very much in hysterics.
"What about my hair?" Ino was beginning to get very irritated.
"You grew your hair out for Sasuke! Is it because of that rumour?"
"What rumour?"
"That one that Sasuke liked girls with long hair?"
"It wasn't a rumour! It was true! Akira said so!"
"It was a rumour!" Kiba was practically bawling his eyes out from laughing so much.
"How do you know that?"
"I started it."
Ino looked startled for a second before her eyes turned to slits of rage. She took a step towards him threateningly. "You mean." She growled viciously, her face was an inch apart from his causing him to back off in fear. "To tell me. That all these years. I have grown my hair. Just because. You concocted. A silly little rumour. That Sasuke. Liked girls. With long hair."
"Yep!"
"KIBA!" She screeched deafeningly.
Kiba could hear the callousness in her voice and he wasn't willing to stick around and find out his fate. He knew that under every circumstance his punishment would be excruciatingly painful. He ran out the shop at top speed not daring to take a second to look back. There was no need to. He knew, for sure, that Ino would run after him.
After hurling the flowers she still held in her hand on the floor Ino stormed out of the store only stopping when she realised she was supposed to be the shopkeeper. She scanned her surroundings quickly and upon seeing Chouji she pushed him into the shop ordering him to 'mind it' and make any necessary sales while she was gone. Chouji just stared at her quickly retreating back with bewilderment. He'd never understand women.
They ran through possibly the busiest street of Konoha dodging a number of other civilians and avoiding cynical looks. Ino caused many heads to be turned by shouting numerous threats and curses to the dogboy that was a number of metres ahead of her. A number had something to do with castrating him or inflicting other bodily harms onto him.
He would pay for all those hours she had to spend in the shower or in front of the mirror brushing her hair. He would.
A number of passerby's (many of which were fellow shinobi they knew) wondered if Kiba had stolen the flowers he was carrying from her shop. Boy, were they wrong.
Kiba stopped only for a couple of seconds to give Shino the flowers and tell him to take them to his mother; however Ino managed to gain quite good distance in that short amount of time. When she passed Shino she swiped the flowers gracefully, thanking him nicely for providing her with such a nice and effective weapon. He just shrugged off the occurrence and continued on his merry way. Clearly his teammate was in for a whole lot of pain, and frankly he didn't wish to get involved.
After a few more blocks and only getting further and further away from Kiba, Ino realised that she was never going to catch him if she didn't devise a new game plan. She stopped to begin plotting when out of the corner of her eye she saw Nara Shikamaru turn the corner. At this point in time he was a godsend.
"SHIKAMARU!"
"What?" Shikamaru eyed her sceptically. He knew that voice. That was her 'wanna do something – I'll love you for the rest of your life for – for me?' voice.
"There's someone I really need to get back at… and he's just too fast." She puckered her lips innocently.
"Who?"
"Inuzuka. And I figured that he can't run away if you catch him in your shadow possession."
"Are you sure you don't just wanna kiss him?"
"WHAT!" She looked absolutely mortified. The very idea was ghastly in her mind. However, Shikamaru knew her better. She liked Kiba. And the very idea screwed her.
"Fine." Shikamaru sighed. "I'll do it. Just as long as you don't make out with him." Ino squealed excitedly, apparently not having heard his last comment. She grabbed his arm and dragged him in the direction that Kiba had run.
A short distance into their expedition Ino opened her mouth to complain quite vocally about not having found the Inuzuka yet, however she found herself silenced by Shikamaru's hand over her mouth and his gestures for her to stay where she was and in silence.
Shikamaru then rounded the corner and stood, casting a shadow over the offending dogboy who was sitting leant up against the wall.
Kiba Inuzuka.
Kiba saw the strange look on Shikamaru's face and eyed him rather sceptically. However, before he was able to do or say anything he found himself somehow caught in Shikamaru's infamous shadow possession jutsu.
"The hell?" Kiba yelled in confusion.
"I have someone who wanted to see you." At that point Ino walked into view, an impish smirk plastered on her features.
"Oh God…" Kiba cringed. There was only one thing worse than a fuming Ino. And that was a fuming sadistic Ino.
Ino kept her gaze on Kiba while she told Shikamaru to let him go. Shikamaru did as she commanded. He was only there to do the dirty work. As always.
Kiba found himself being pulled up by the front of his shirt by a hand that he thought was somewhat strong for its delicate appearance. Ino pushed his back against the wall with a thud, forcefully resting her hand against his chest to stop him should he try to escape.
She was about to begin scolding him when she noticed the bunch of flowers in her hand. Figuring she couldn't let a good weapon go to waste she started pelting him with them. They were his flowers after all. He had payed money for them. So why not attack him with his own purchase?
After the blonde was satisfied that she had messed up his hair adequately and that the flowers had been turned into a complete and utter oblivion, she dropped the remains on the dirt beside her and lifted her other hand up to his chest, pushing him even harder up against the wall.
"Do you have any idea how many hours of my life you have made me waste on this hair?" She whipped her ponytail around so it was in front of his face. "Washing! Brushing! Straightening! Do you have absolutely ANY idea as to how many hours that takes! And why? Why did I do it all? BECAUSE someone told me that SASUKE liked girls with long hair! And what basis was that presumption on? NOTHING!"
"But you don't even like Sasuke any more. So you chose to keep it long. You can't blame me." Kiba mumbled. Even he had to admit his remark was quite game. And he never even thought before he spoke… well usually anyway… around her he always seemed to over think before speaking, usually resulting in a loss for words.
"But I never would have grown it long in the first place had no one claimed that Sasuke liked long hair. Then I wouldn't have figured out that I liked it long!"
"If you like it long why are you complaining to me?"
"Because," She whined, "now I've wasted half my life and half my savings on my hair. This is damn expensive hair boy!" She ran her finger through her long ponytail. "Do you know how much product I have to use to keep this clean?
"If it helps… I think it looks nice when it's long…"
"Really?" She asked softly with a hint of surprise. Ino hadn't wanted to let on that she thought it sweet of Kiba to say that but it just slipped out before she could stop it. The truth is she was flattered by it. She didn't really know why but his opinion actually meant something to her.
"Wait! Of course you think it looks nice! After all it is you I ended up growing it out for in the end. Isn't it? So it must have been you who liked girls with long hair to start with!" That was her way of attempting to hide her previous so-called slipup. What she considered to be a slipup anyway. In her mind she may just as well have told Kiba she loved him.
Not that she loved him of course. I mean she would 'never' love someone like him. And even if she did she would never admit it to anyone, probably not even herself. But she had come to deal with the fact, mentally of course, that she liked the Inuzuka.
And even that was too far of a stretch for her liking.
When she first discovered she had certain feelings for him she purposefully tried to discard them. Then, when she realised they weren't going away she tried to blow them off as her having just another crush, since she was no stranger to those. She'd had one on practically every boy in their village. Yes, even Shikamaru.
But that didn't work either.
Crushes go away, they blow over. This didn't.
She eventually settled for liking Kiba. And at that point she swore to herself her feelings would never accumulate into something more. Though, at the time, they probably already had.
-:0:-
Shikamaru got bored.
Shikamaru Nara got extremely bored.
He had switched off from listening to their conversation at an early stage. They were talking about hair and something useless. Did he mention it was boring?
Well anyway, he settled for staring up into the sky and admiring the clouds. But even this managed to stretch itself to the brink of boredom. (Entirely because it was a clear day and there were no longer any clouds in the blue sky.)
So what does a bored Shikamaru do? He 'accidentally' pushes his female teammate's face into another boy's face until their lips are touching.
He made Ino and Kiba kiss.
After his work was done, the lazy genius then sauntered off down the street clearly impressed with his accomplishment. He could deal with Ino's wrath later. Right now he was content to go find Chouji. In his mind he needed a civil acquaintance for once. Something he had always considered Ino and Kiba not to be.
-:0:-
"Hey ass." Ino growled at her good-for-nothing teammate when she returned to her family's shop. Chouji was standing behind the counter actually looking hospitable, a great contrast to his friend who was sprawled over it lazily.
"Oh come on. You act as though you didn't like it."
Ino only grunted for a reply before moving to fix some flowers which she didn't like the arrangement of. The messed up flowers must be Shikamaru's fault, she concluded. Everything was always his fault.
"Yep, she liked it." Shikamaru mumbled as he watched her move around the room. His remark caused her to turn and glare daggers at him.
"What makes you say that?" Chouji asked.
"She hasn't killed me yet."
"Oh so you want me to kill you? Cause I would be more than glad to." Ino growled at him through gritted teeth.
"Bark." Shikamaru muttered lazily as he crossed his arms on the counter and brought his chin to rest over them.
"What?"
"You heard me. Bark."
"I am not barking for you!"
"Well you just growled. I want to hear you bark." His grin turned wicked and mischievous. "That way I'll know you're perfect for the mutt."
"Hahaha." She deadpanned sourly.
Chouji just rolled his eyes. When the two got like this, there was no point of interrupting or arguing with them. Not if you valued your life anyway. Out of the three of them, he was the only one who noticed a certain brown-haired Inuzuka approaching the shop. Shikamaru and Ino were far too occupied in glaring at each other.
"Hmm. Speak of the devil." Chouji glanced down at Shikamaru before kicking him in the side. His gesture was a hint for him to stand up but did the Nara move? No. Instead he just removed his arms from beneath his chin and let his cheek fall onto the counter. Really, that position was going to get them so many customers.
"Back for more I see?" Shikamaru mumbled lazily after Kiba entered the shop, the chimes at the door indicating a visitor.
"Kiba?" Ino looked at him in shock. "What are you doing here?"
"Well umm…" Kiba held up the mangled flowers that Ino had used to belt him with when she first caught him.
"Oh, yeah. Sorry about that…" She moved to get some replacement flowers and then swapped those for the ones Kiba was holding. "Here you go." She smiled at him sweetly before yelling bossily to the person behind her, not even bothering to even turn her head. "SHIKAMARU! Go dispose of these flowers!"
"What? Why? You're the one who distorted them!" Shikamaru complained as he raised his head a little from the counter.
Ino inclined her head to stare at him. "Hey! I didn't ask for smart talk! Now just go do."
"You don't rule me troublesome woman."
"Last time I checked it was Ino-Shika-Cho. Ino comes first. That means I come before you."
Shikamaru lazily walked over to her with a smirk. "Maybe, but I'm older than you."
"By what six hours!" Ino snapped her fingers in his face before taking a step closer to him.
"Six hours and forty three minutes actually."
Kiba who had been watching the whole scene with mild amusement burst out laughing.
"What now mutt?" Ino asked grittily.
"You know the exact time? Man you people are sad."
Ino strut over to the Inuzuka stopping centimetres from his face. "I wouldn't go teasing me if I were you. Otherwise I might just make you pay for your replacements."
Kiba took a step closer to Ino, causing her to take a step backwards from the proximity. "Why don't you make me?" He stared down at her, his breath fanning her face a little.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes. "Must they always do this?" He turned to Chouji in exasperation. "All they do is flirt with each other!"
"Much like you and Temari huh?" Chouji mumbled as he fiddled with a vase on the counter.
Shikamaru glared at him. "I heard that."
"Well it's all you do."
Shikamaru gave him one last death glare before turning around and walking out of the shop. He decided to leave, after all, the two people he had set out to avoid somehow managed to come back and haunt him. So much for civil acquaintances.
A/N: Well let me know what you think. Reviews are always welcomed :)
God Bless
ARC