A/N: Who's the biggest asshole we ever did see? A-SIAN-ME! Characters are BB's OCs, Mexico (Alejandro Cortez-Hernandez) and Philly (Gabriel "Gabby" Kalayaan). She's writing some odd Yaoi with these guys. This one's for you BB!
One-shot of countries bitching at America. Enjoy? Slight Mex/Phil, if you're interested.
The official purpose of a World Conference was to state major issues around the globe and suggest reasonable ways to solve them. However each country knew that this was certainly not the case. The true purpose of a World Conference was to re-establish your spot in the hierarchy of the global food chain. A (rigged) popularity contest, if you will. Unsurprisingly America has managed to remain alpha dog, with every other country kissing his stately ass for another hundred years or so. The next slots near the top belonged to so-called "developed-countries" which really meant that they were super rich and in Alfred's good Graces. Near the middle were "second-world countries" who lacked one of the aforementioned traits. Last came the "third-world" or "developing nations." Code words for "America's bitch" countries. These countries were overworked, underpaid, and damn near tired of that burger-eating bastard kicking them around. Hardly, if ever, did these fellas move up. It's safe to say that these guys would be a bit miffed at coming to these conferences only to be left at the bottom of the barrel. Again.
"Another World Conference that only confirms what we already know; our people's needs aren't worth giving a damn. It's all America, all the time." stated a dejected Mexico. He'd been brooding ever since he got here. Mexico didn't need a conference meeting to tell him that his wonderful, yet very poor, country was third-rate in big-shot America's eyes. Hell, if anything America should be the first one to know. His people have been border hopping for years to make enough money to send back. Only recently did he start getting so touchy about it.
"Calm down, Mex. It's not so bad. America's people have needs too. He can't help everyone, you know." Phil soothed, his sad brown eyes gazing into Mex's bitter ones. This calmed Mexico down, but only slightly. He disliked America immensely, but getting on his permanent bad side was not going to be beneficial for his people. Especially because said idiot was in earshot (but to hell with that, he's talking about how his people are all fatasses who don't understand why they're fatassses.) Absentmindedly, the two continued to listen to America's spirited speech about another contrived diet that will make his people shed pounds like magic.
"Easy for you to say, ese. You got it easy. You're a whole ocean away! If he wants you to do something stupid, by the time he's there he's probably forgotten and already snapping pictures of that weird monkey-rat thing with his iPhone."
"Tarsier, Mex. Tarsier. They're mammals like you and me. And sometimes he forgets a little too easily. Not like um...Canada, but he has his moments. Last time I visited him at his embassy, when we raised my flag he inverted it."
"So?"
"The inversion of my flag is a sign that we're at war!"
"You're at war? Who with? I'll help you kick his ass!"
"No!"
"No? You're gonna take this bastard on your own? That's suicide."
"We're not at war, Mex. Not officially. Point is, I'm not fighting any big guns at the moment."
"Then why the fuck did he do that?"
"I don't know...America said it was an 'honest mistake.'"
"Orale, ese! If that was an honest mistake, then it was also an 'honest mistake' that I happened to light one up near his flag."
"That's arson."
"That's justice."
Mexico smiled. After all he's been through Philly's found a way to remain affable and polite, staying on the good side of everyone he came in contact with (which is not to say that he's a fucking wimp, because his pare Pac-man could punch you out and then some). At an early point in Mex's life, probably right after he fought for his independence, he ceased to give a shit about what the world thought of him. All the world with the slight exception of his cousins in South and Central. Oh, and Philly of course.
"You know what I don't get?"
"What?"
"If he wants all jobs for all-Americans, by pushing out all of my people from doing the jobs that his people don't wanna do in the first place, why he doesn't just give 'em to the Injuns."
"Mex! They're called Native-"
"Yeah, yeah. But seriously, America's a hypocrite. His country is a country founded by immigrants."
"Maybe his boss is being stupid."
"Maybe he's stupid."
"...Maybe."
Shortly afterwards the meeting was adjourned, partly due to the fact that Alfred would shut the hell up about the graphic descriptions of liposuction and partly due to gossip concerning Switzerland's "accidental" invasion of Lichtenstein's vital regions. Even after such a meeting, the countries' social standings haven't budged a single centimeter. Which was fine by them. They never seemed to have changed much anyway in recent years. America took this time to make an announcement before all the attention was completely gone from him.
"Dudes! To ensure that everyone was totally listening to my awesome hero voice during the meeting, I've installed hidden video cameras in this room. Me and my security guys will review the tapes later, 'kay? Just in case, you know, anyone of you guys missed anything during the meeting." said America warmly, but then added a little darkly, "I'll be seeing every move you've all made throughout this entire meeting. Every word, every breath, and every hitch. Just somethin' to keep in mind while you all rest easy in your hotel rooms."
Later that day America would discover (a little bit suspiciously if you asked him) that footage of Mexico and Philippines were nowhere to be found on his tapes. He made notes to keep a closer eye on them,but promptyl forgot as soon as a McDonald's advertisement popped up on his screen.
E/N: America happens to be my favorite character in Hetalia, doncha see? [No, I'm not being sarcastic]If I feel like it, maybe this will be a collection of one-shots. Or maybe a rainbow will shoot out of my ass. Either one is equally likely.
Notes/Translations: (Please feel free to correct me. I'm wrong all the time.)
Ese - verbal tic for Mexico.
Orale ese! - Chicano slang. Like "hell yeah" or an amplifier to something.
Swiss invadin' Lichtenstein (Accidentally!) - Actually happened. The only reason I know about it is because a comedian made a funny about it.
America wanting Illegals O-U-T - Partially true. Arizona (which is gonna go through to the Supreme Court this year) and that mega-fence of the Governator's. Such things like that.
Tarsier - Animal native to the Philippines. I think it's called an aye-aye. Anyway, it's eyes are huge and supposed to be creepy and super bad are nature reserves chock full of them.
Inversion of the Flag - Also actually happened. At a US Embassy in September of 2010, the inverted Philippine flag was raised-a sign that the country is at war. The US quickly corrected its mistake and apologized profusely. An "honest mistake".
Not "officially" at war - Partially true. The Philippines has had some issues with Islamic extremist groups on its southern island of Mindanao. With aid from Australia and US it's trying to find the root of it. Success may vary.