Y'know what is mine? The laptop I wrote this little thing on. Y'know what isn't? One Piece. That's that Oda guy's.

The level of joy that consumed his body was unlike anything he'd experienced before. Monkey D. Luffy was a loud, forthcoming young man who would vocalize a stomach growl if it were possible, but for one of the few times in his life, he was speechless. His eyes were stretched as wide as he could manage, his voice sunk open and shuddering. The sight before him was enough to consume all of the strength in his legs, causing him to sink to his knees.

When Luffy set out to the seas two years ago, it was to achieve his dreams. Never had he imagine what it would feel like if they came true, and he certainly hadn't imagined that they would come in this sight. It was so beautiful, so foreign, but so right. This was it. He'd traversed through the treacherous seas of the Grand Line, withstood endless triumph and tragedy, nearly died and traveled to hell and back to reach the New World, and it was all vindicated by this very moment. Even as his vision became obscured by the pure tears of joy consuming his eyes, what was standing before him was as clear as the beautiful blue skies.

His ability to form words had at least returned. With what little strength he had, he raised his arms to the skies, the feeling of triumph strong even through his inelegant blubbering.

"I HAVE FOUND THE ONE PIECE!"

…

"Oh, shut up."

Nami's words were the proverbial toothpick through balloon that snapped Luffy back to normal.

Okay, so it wasn't the fabled treasure. In fact, it wasn't even treasure at all. Hell, they weren't even on Raftel, or anywhere close, and if Luffy wasn't such a glutton this would be yet another ordinary retreat as they traveled to more important matters.

The thing that had Luffy so wracked with bliss was actually the burning corpse of what had to have been the largest Tyrannosaurus Rex Nami had ever seen. Well, she'd never actually seen a Tyrannosaurus Rex up close for herself, but every book she'd ever read said they were approximately 40 feet tall, and this behemoth decidedly dwarfed that and then some.

The island she and the rest of the crew (and Trafalgar Law) were on was called Cretacia, a "lost" island that was said to have been annihilated in an intense meteor shower over a millennia ago. But the Log Pose knew what it saw, and this island had been making it go haywire. That alone drew Luffy to wanting to stop there, and if that wasn't enough, Robin had to go and detail its history, where in its heyday the most powerful reptilian beasts land had ever seen stomped across the surface, engaging in wars and crushing all that came in their path. Despite the storm of meteors that proved to be its downfall, it was said that the roars of one surviving beast could still be heard piercing through the skies to this day.

At this point, it would be a waste of words to say what effect that had on Luffy's decision. Luffy wanted to see this beast for himself. And eat it. The mere prospect of a legendary monster was too good for Luffy to pass up searching for it. But he mostly wanted to eat it. And sure, Robin had lectured him about respecting history and the fruitlessness of killing off the only remaining trace of an ancient species, but stomach beat out logic every day of the week.

When they arrived on the island, the monstrosity of a T-Rex made his presence known immediately, but proved no match for the combined attack of the more powerful Straw Hats. A punch from Luffy, a kick from Sanji, and a few slashes from Zoro were all that were needed to subdue it, and once it was thoroughly dead, Usopp miraculously recovered from his "I can't be eaten by a Prehistoric Monster" disease to add one of his more explosive projectiles and roast it.

And so here they were now. After Nami zapped Luffy out of his trance, he wasted no time in hopping on the back of the largest piece of meat he'd ever laid eyes upon. He was clutching it like a newborn baby. A newborn baby he was going to eat.

"Hey dumbass, let me cook the damn thing first!" Sanji yelled, his sensibilities as a chef being offended.

"Oh come on, you can't disrespect the purity of the meat!" Luffy whined with sparkles in eyes. "This is a dinosaur! It'd be so lame if we didn't eat it the same way that cavemen did!"

"Translation: 'I'm a pig and don't want to wait to get it all in the ship first'. Just don't whine to me when you get sick." Sanji lit up a cigarette and strolled over to the dinosaur's side, and then kicked one of its arms so hard it broke off. Sure, a T-Rex's arm was stubby and unappetizing, but in the case of a giant of this size it was more than adequate. Then, he kicked the arm in half.

Bowing politely, Sanji held it out and presented it to Nami. "Would you like me to cook this for you, mademoiselle? I would never serve you anything less than the freshest, healthiest foods."

"Yeah, thanks!" Nami said with a gracious smile.

Sanji's suave demeanor died on the spot at the sight of her beautiful smile and he twirled his way to the ship with hearts in his eyes. "As you wish, my dear, sweet Nami!"

It had been several minutes and Luffy still hadn't eaten the damn thing. He was either unsure of how to begin his ravenous assault on its flesh, or he was too busy marveling over the mere idea of having it in his clutches that he was too stupefied to think about eating. After all, his eyes had basically become giant sparkles.

"Jeez, I know it's a SUPER piece of meat, but he's acting like it really is the One Piece!" Franky remarked. He broke off a piece of its tail and handed it to Robin, who shrugged and took a bite. "Whelp, guess the party's over, Straw Hat's become the King of the Pirates you guys!"

Luffy cheered through a stuffed mouth. It was safe to say that he'd completely come down from his delighted trance and began his gluttonous assault on the prehistoric carcass. Nami laughed at Luffy's crude behavior, because no matter how indecent it was, she had to admit he was adorable when he was happy and enjoying himself.

"When I really do become King of the Pirates, I'm gonna need a feast twice this big!" Luffy exclaimed, his mouth just a little less full. "Might have to save some for the queen, though!"

That last part made everyone in the vicinity drop what they were doing and look at Luffy with wide eyes. Nami had especially tensed up, abnormally so.

"A…a queen?!" Usopp gasped. "You, Monkey D. Luffy, have actually thought about something like that?"

It certainly was bizarre, to say the least. Outside of that one little incident in the hot tubs over in Alabasta (which he still owed ten thousand berries for, actually) Luffy hadn't showed an iota of interest in the opposite sex; any sex, really. The asexual captain had been dedicated to adventure, making friends, and meat.

Luffy obliviously shrugged and picked at a piece of meat from between his teeth. "Uh huh. Hell, I've already had it decided for a while!"

The rest of the gang stepped closer to the captain in wonder. Even Zoro and Law were interested in hearing more about this.

"So then who's the lucky lady, Luffy?" Robin asked with a humored smile.

"Well duh, it's Nami!"

Wait, what?

Everyone, save for Robin, nearly fell over in shock. Zoro spat out his sake. Usopp and Chopper were shrieking so loud the nearest island could probably hear it. Franky and Brook had had somehow drenched the ground with tears of joy already. Law, of course, didn't have enough context to know why his choice was such a shock and just used his powers to bring a piece of the T-Rex towards him. All eyes turned to the orange-haired, slender elephant in the room, who had come down with a severe case of flushed cheeks syndrome.

"What's the matter?" Luffy asked, genuinely confused by everyone's reactions.

"Nami?" Zoro was the first one to speak up. "Of all the women in the world, you wanna settle down and marry her? Where did all of this come from, anyway?" If Nami hadn't been so overwhelmed, Zoro would've had his head shoved into the ground for such a rude remark.

"Whoa whoa whoa, I didn't say all that, I just said I'd make her the queen!" Luffy clarified, raising his arms defensively. Now he was the one who was flustered.

Zoro could only face-palm at his dimwitted captain. Nami was quite frankly a little pissed off by how apprehensive Luffy was about the subject.

"Uh, Luffy, you are aware of what role a queen plays to a king, right?" Usopp asked. After all, with Luffy, it was entirely possible that he didn't.

"Yeah, but I don't care about all that," Luffy responded, turning his attention back to devouring the T-Rex, pretty much displaying his level of thought processing and regard for the subject. "She's part of my crew, isn't she? And she's a girl. I think Robin's too fancy for that type of stuff, so it seems pretty simple to me."

Law raised a hand in preparation of pointing out the inherent contradiction of that last part, but then remembered this was Luffy he was dealing with.

Usopp scratched his head. "Oh, well…I guess that makes sense, I think?"

"Now can I go back to eating?" Luffy pouted. Usopp and the others shrugged, and that was all Luffy needed to see before continuing his journey to eating the monstrosity, never noticing Nami's heightening temper. In all honesty, the "Queen of the Pirates" stuff was never anything he put much thought into, especially the marriage aspect.

Usopp broke off a couple of pieces of the T-Rex and stood next to Nami, offering her one. "So, Queen, do you wa-"

Nami clobbered Usopp to the ground which more vigor than usual. Her actions startled the rest of the group, including Luffy. Her face could nearly rival the Captain's vest. It was clear that she was in the type of mood that meant everyone should probably avoid her at all costs.

"I don't want to be your stupid Queen anyway," Nami finally spoke. Her arms were folded and she was directing a scary glare at Luffy. "When we're done with all of this, I'm cashing in my share and lounging for the rest of my life, and maybe I'll find a man who can beg enough and actually appreciate me."

Nami roughly turned around and marched away from the rest of the crew. Luffy raised a curious eyebrow, as he was particularly alarmed by how Nami's voice cracked towards the end. Of course, he also knew pressing it wasn't a good idea for now.

"Whoa, she actually seemed pretty hurt. I think you oughta talk to her, Luffy," Franky said.

"Eh, just let her think about it for a little," Luffy dismissed. "I mean, she said she didn't wanna marry me anyway."

"If only it were that simple, Captain," Robin mischievously chuckled.

"I guess…" Luffy muttered. He continued to eat but also watched Nami sit down on top of a rock near the ship, her head slumped in her hands. As Franky said, whatever Luffy said had definitely stung her a little, but he couldn't put his finger on why. The complicated emotions about the whole marriage deal were exactly why he didn't think about it in the first place.

Nami was seething while she sat down on top of the rock. Sure, this was Luffy she was dealing with, so he definitely wasn't trying to hurt her with his comments…but his quick dismissal of the subject and vehement objection to marrying her was more annoying than she would have liked to admit. Why does that idiot make me feel this way?

A few minutes later, the object of her conflicted emotions showed up in front of her. Or at least…a cartoonishly bloated balloon that looked like him. Luffy was groaning in pain, having eaten as much of the T-Rex as his body would've allowed. Usopp was painstakingly rolling Luffy's body to the ship so he could make a crucial trip to the bathroom. The long-nosed sniper stumbled to the ground and wiped the sweat of his forehead.

"That's it…I can't do it anymore…!" Usopp heaved.

Luffy tried to roll himself but to no success. He caught Nami out of the corner of his glazed over eyes and shifted so he could face her slightly. "Nami…why are you mad at me...?"

As pissed off as she was, seeing Luffy in that ridiculous state did manage to get a few laughs out of Nami. "Luffy, just lea-"

"Wait!" Luffy rasped. His face contorted into a pained expression and became drenched in sweat. "Get outta the…g-get outta the w-" was as much of a warning as Luffy could muster before blowing a massive fart. Right in Nami's face.

Nami was consumed with enough rage to terrify Satan himself and hopped off of the rock. With all the strength she could summon, she kicked Luffy's bloated figure and sent him flying straight into the Thousand Sunny and crashing into the side of the Dining Room. Nami gasped in shock at her strength.

"Oh crap, I didn't mean to do all that…!"

Nami rushed into ship to check on Luffy and survey the damage. Luckily, it was sturdy enough that no major damage was made by Luffy's crash. However, a certain cook wasn't too happy, and by the time Nami made it all the way to the ship, she could hear him ranting about "shitty Captains" and "Nami-swan's meal." When she rushed to the kitchen, she spotted Sanji putting the boots to the captain, who had reduced to his normal size.

"It's okay, Sanji. It was my fault anyway." She lightly shoved Sanji off of Luffy.

Predictably, Sanji's anger was out in a flash and he gushed over Nami. "Oh, I forgive you, Nami-swan!" Sanji scowled down at Luffy and lifted his foot once more. "Hey, you didn't do anything to piss off Nami, did you…?!"

"Seriously Sanji, it's okay!" Nami said, her voice stern. "Go see what the rest of the crew wants to eat."

"Of course, my dear! Your meal is almost ready as well!" The blonde doormat leaped off of the ship to do exactly as ordered. Nami rolled her eyes at Sanji's perversions and fluctuating moods.

"W-why don't you just marry Sanji…?"

Nami blinked in surprise and turned around to look at her captain. He was lying in a heap of pain on the floor, and his glassy eyes looked like they were deep in thought. A statement like that was definitely out-of-character coming from him.

"What do you mean?" Nami asked.

"What you said back there - you said you wanted a guy who would beg and shower you with affection, and Sanji does that all the time. So marry him." Luffy definitely knew how to get straight to the point.

Nami blushed and chuckled nervously. "I was just talking back there; I didn't really mean it."

Luffy shoved his hat back on his head, sat up and leaned against the wall, cracking his neck a few times to loosen it up. "So then why do you wanna marry me instead of a lovey-dovey guy like Sanji?"

"I don't want to marry you!" Nami shrieked. She was blushing so much that her face might have wound up becoming permanently red.

"So why are you so mad that I don't wanna marry you?"

Luffy was pressing Nami like a child, which made her sigh because she was going to have to explain all of this to him like he was one. This was probably going to take a while, so Nami sat down against the kitchen next to Luffy. She turned her head to look at him, and he seemed to be staring at the floor, deep in thought.

"When you look at me, what do you see?"

Luffy's head was slumped down, so when he turned it over to Nami to answer her, he said exactly what he saw.

"Your boobs?"

"NOT THAT, IDIOT!" Nami punched Luffy right on the back of his head, leaving a bruise. "I mean, what do you think of me?"

"That's a really stupid question," Luffy chuckled with that trademark grin.

"Well if it's so stupid, then why did it look like you hated even the idea of marrying me so much?" Nami growled, her anger from earlier returning. Her fists were clenched tightly and she was uncomfortably close to Luffy.

"What's the big deal?!" Luffy replied evenly. "I mean, you're really pretty, but you're also scary."

"S-scary…?!" Luffy braced himself for another hit, but Nami wasn't quite as mad as he thought she would be. In fact, it seemed like the first part of that statement had bit her fury back a bit.

"It's not like I don't like you. You're my Navigator. My friend. Yeah…you're scary when you get mad, b-but if I didn't like you, you wouldn't be here, would you?" Luffy said. His words were becoming jumbled because he was trying to string his thoughts together, and also because the way she was looking at him was unlike anything he'd ever seen from her before.

"Well if you don't want me to marry you, then why would you want to make me your queen?" Nami pressed. She wasn't even angry anymore, but her own emotions kept spurring her on.

Luffy shrugged as if the answer should've been obvious. "We're pirates. Being King of the Pirates doesn't mean becoming some fancy-pants bigshot to me. It's all about…ultimate freedom, I guess. And ever since I kicked Arlong's ass back then, you've enjoyed freedom for yourself. I don't need weddings and royal ceremonies to know that the title fits you."

A small tear fell from Nami's eye, which confused Luffy. Luffy's words left her trembling, and when she tried to form a response, she failed miserably. This was why Luffy being so dismissive of a relationship with her had hurt her so much. Seeing Luffy resolve at all costs to save her from Arlong two years ago had given her an appreciation for the man that knew no bounds.

The intensity in Nami's eyes made Luffy ruffle his hair and awkwardly smile. He was mulling over a few things, reassessing his ideals of particular subjects. "And besides…doesn't a wife keep her husband in line?" He was spilling his ideas out aloud as they came to him.

"Y-yeah…?"

"And she lives with him and sometimes she has to knock him flat when he gets too stupid." Luffy became more confident as he continued. "You do all of that with me already, just without all of the gross stuff. I'd be lost without you around, so…I guess you're already like my wife!"

"Luffy…!" Nami gasped, her voice overwhelmed with affection. It didn't mean a damn thing to her what he'd actually meant by that. Just hearing those words from Luffy made a storm of emotions surge through her. Her heart was beating so fast she was waiting for it to burst out her chest at any second. Luffy had a way about him that drove her nuts. "I…I lo-"

"Nami…why are you acting all weird like Hancock? 'Cuz even though I like her, she reeeeeaaaally cree-"

That was all Luffy could get out before Nami grabbed him by his red cardigan, pulled him forward, and mashed their lips together in a sudden, sloppy, kiss. Luffy's eyes were gaping out, his hands were waving violently at his sides, and he was shouting muffled yells. He was caught by surprise…but it felt pretty good.

Seconds later, Nami shoved Luffy off of her, folded her arms, and looked straight ahead into the distance. She sucked her lips in completely and stared ahead with blank eyes, basically pretending those previous five seconds never happened. Luffy's mouth was gaping open, the only thing escaping from them being flabbergasted shudders. However, after a few seconds, he mimicked Nami's behavior.

Silence.

Well, until impulse took over and he pulled her into an even more uncouth kiss. Nami's blissful moan made Luffy's eyes roll back slightly, but also flustered him enough to shove her off of him.

They scooted away from each other and looked straight ahead, again. Now it was both of them with absurdly intense heartbeats. They even started whistling some of Brook's melodies.

But then, a few sneak glances were all they needed to pounce on each other like a couple of bears who just found a goldmine of honey. Their lips and tongues were moving slovenly against each other, and they soon stumbled to the floor in a rush of passion. At some point, Luffy's hat fell off.

They were both rolling around the floor, until reality hit them both. Luffy rolled on top of Nami and broke the kiss.

"Uh, Nami?" Luffy felt like he had a spider clutching the inside of his throat.

"Yeah…?" Nami whispered. She was still trying to process what exactly just happened.

"I…think…we should go back to the island."

"That'd be a good idea…"

The two slowly rose back up, dusting off their clothes and getting their hair straightened out so they wouldn't show any signs that would set off suspicions. Of course, they didn't realize that their comically billowed up eyes would surely raise a few eyebrows, but it was the effort that counted.

When they returned to the island, the rest of the crew took note of how they were staring off into space. Despite their efforts, Nami's hair was still pretty ruffled, and spikes could even be seen jutting out from Luffy's Straw Hat.

"Jeez, I thought you guys got stuck in a vortex or something," Frank remarked.

Nami breathed a relieved sigh. At least they were in the clear as far as the boys were concerned, but the smirk on Robin's face meant she'd have a lot of explaining to do lately.

"NOTHING HAPPENED AT ALL!" Luffy suddenly blurted out.

"Luffy…!" Nami nervously whispered. Suspicion took over the eyes of the male Straw Hats (except for Law, who was enjoying the dinosaur's remains). Lying definitely wasn't one of Luffy's finer talents.

"Me and Nami totally didn't kiss on the ship, so you can stop looking at us like that!"

Nami slapped her forehead and exhaled. Yup, they were busted. If the boys weren't shocked enough when Luffy first mentioned being interested in a queen, they had gotten their money's worth now. Sure, they were all close friends and spent so many hours shacked up in the ship, but never did they imagine a romance would spark on the Thousand Sunny. Even Law had to spit out a wad of T-Rex meat at that!

Sanji suddenly became engulfed with flames and stormed towards Luffy. "YOU SHITTY DUMBASS CAPTAIN! HOW DARE YOU DESECRATE NAMI'S LIPS AND STEAL HER FIRST KISS!"

Luffy brushed his growing stomachache off and evaded all of Sanji's kicks. He stretched his arm out and latched onto a distant tree so he could escape the furious love-cook with ease, but much to his chagrin, Sanji caught up within seconds. He was chasing Luffy through the jungle as if he was preparing a Straw Hat filet for dinner. Nami meekly smiled and tried to play it cool.

"Yeah, Sanji, kick his ass!" Nami weakly cheered, fooling absolutely nobody. "Uh…th-that'll cost you ten million berries, Luffy! You…you perv!"

Usopp inched towards Nami with a sly grin. "Uh uh uh, it looks like you're totally in love to me!"

Nami could only shrug her shoulders and let Usopp have that one. For once, he wasn't lying.

The End