Rugged boots thumped along the corridor, rhythmically pulsating a frantic battle cry. The angry man wearing those boots strode purposefully along his path, fire burning in his eyes. The warrior's heart and boots echoing the beat of his people's war drums. He had been lost; lost to his pride, his people, his resolve, his fire, his love, his soul, his faith, and his soul mate.
"Who are you but a coward? I see not a man, I see not an angry warrior, Chakotay. I see a coward who has allowed himself to be walked on, walked over, trampled, and now? Now you are simply ignored. She doesn't even expect any opinion from you. You are, what, my angry, contrary son? Furniture? Her "token Maquis"? Everything you said you'd never become?" The old man looked at him with a sneer that was both mocking and disgusted.
Chakotay continued on down the corridor, frightening crewmen he passed along the way, as he recalled the content of his last vision quest. The crewmen, seeing him in his of Maquis clothing, walking with a roaring inferno blazing in his eyes that had not been seen since his battles with the Cardassians, shrunk away in terror. The lucky ones removing themselves from his path before he removed them himself.
"She's the Captain, father! What would you have me do? Force the issue and end up in the brig?" Chakotay defended himself.
"HA! You speak as if you believe this is what she wants!"
"It may not be what she wants father, but it is what she feels is necessary. She needs my support, not my love. I would be a distraction. Her work would suffer, and such things are not allowed."
"And so you sit back like a coward? I would refer to you as a lap dog but that is too good for you! What have you been lately but a lazy SLOTH! You do not contribute to her council. You go along with anything at all, not to please but to avoid! You avoid effort, opinions, confrontation… in short you are NOTHING! Not man, not beast, not warrior… you are… waste! OH MY SON! You have lost your, dignity, your life, your honor, and your respect for yourself. And Why?"
As he walked along his anger rising with every step, consuming him, enraging him into action, finally. "She's walked all over me, giving me my opinions, telling me what I should be allowed to think and feel!" Ah, but he would have it no longer. Not after what he learned, about himself, about her, about everything.
"This is what she needs from me father. I pledged to keep her needs ahead of my own."
"Oh, that's bullshit, Chakotay, and you know it!"
"Father!" Chakotay replied, aghast at his father's uncharacteristic vulgarity.
"Are you so blind that you have not seen her DYING right before your eyes? The only light in her eyes these days is rage, empty rage. Where is the glow of wonder she used to emit? Where is the fire that burned when she defended the innocent, the oppressed? The mirth at the mischievousness of her people? When was the last time she shared a moment of happiness with, well, anyone? She dies slowly inside because her soulmate has given up, has failed to challenge her, has given up on her altogether."
Chakotay was dumbfounded. He wanted to refute it, to argue. The contrary in him wanted to scream words of denial to his father, but he could not. Every word his father said was true. The equinox incident came to mind. That was the last true emotion he had sensed from her, and it WAS one of emptiness and rage.
"What would you have me do?"
"Well, my stupid, stupid son. I certainly wouldn't have you mindlessly accepting meals from a woman she sees as a child and has a tendency to mother. You have become so complacent, you just agree to anything from anyone, without giving it a thought. Did you ever think that the woman showing interest in you does so solely because every teenage girl tries to provoke her mother at one point or another? Think! You used to me so much more intuitive than this! Losing touch with your soulmate has left you adrift and out of touch with yourself and others around you as well."
He thought back; Kathryn had been the one to smile, to tell jokes, to talk about sneaking out as a teenager, and to flirt on the bridge. She had broken the ice with the crew. She, Kathryn, had befriended her crew, encouraged socialization, and even said fraternization rules shouldn't apply to Voyager. She conceded that it would likely become a generational ship, and she didn't object to it. True, at the time she had excluded herself, but then, at the time she had been engaged and certainly not ready to give up on what had become a comfortable relationship with Mark. When he realized this he realized that Kathryn HAD given up. Not on getting them home, no. Kathryn had given up on herself, on love, on happiness, on friendships, on everything she once thrived on. It was true, Kathryn was dying. How had he failed to see this?
The doors to cargo bay 2 slid quietly open and the enraged man entered, eyes searching for the spiteful brat that had used a simple meal and socialization lesson to drive his soulmate further away from him.
"I had one meal father and it was as a mentor, not a romantic partner. I would think Kathryn would be happy that I've finally accepted her borg pet, and that I am helping her!"
"You may have had one meal, but she has had "fantasy" encounters with you. You know our people never liked others stealing our likeness; it damages our souls when used improperly. In other circumstances I think you would have suspected, investigated, and protected yourself and your yaah."
"How do I do that now, Father?
The bay was empty. The enraged man stomped on! Upon reaching the holodeck he overrode the privacy codes and stormed into a horrifying scenario. A scene set for seduction, his own quarter, a rose, a hologram of himself kissing a cold, calculating witch, it all made his stomach turn. He noticed a holoimager set up on a shelf taking occasional photos; evidence of his guilt, even in innocence. He tore the bitchy blond out of the holograms arms just as the imager took another photo. He grabbed the imager with one hand and, grabbing hold of her wrist, dragged Seven out with the other.
He entered the bridge where Kathryn was on duty. He was met with a stunned bridge crew as he growled, "Kathryn, we need to talk."
"Commander what are you doing? How dare you speak to me in that tone?" Her eyes roamed over to the struggling Seven who was still trying to pull away. "Release Seven!" She demanded.
"No."
"No?"
"I said no, Kathryn."
"Commander, we are on the bridge and you will address me as Captain!"
"No, Kathryn. I'm off duty and I will address you as Kathryn!" He saw a spark in her eyes, a fire that told him she was up for his challenge, but also the empty rage his father spoke of. He knew he was in a precarious situation. He pulled Seven around, tossing her to the center of the bridge between Kathryn and himself. Seven quickly composed herself and regained her equilibrium, pulling herself straight and standing tall between them.
"Tuvok, rotate the images from this holoimager on the viewscreen." Chakotay tossed Tuvok the imager. Photos of all of Seven's dates began to flash on the view screen. Larger than life pictures of Seven and Chakotay in any number of intimate situations appeared; photos of them sitting at a piano together, enjoying a picnic, preparing food, sharing a dessert in the mess hall. So many pictures that it made Chakotay nauseous as he realized that Seven had done this many time before.
Kathryn's face flushed red, maybe with anger at his insubordination, but Chakotay hoped it was jealously she was feeling.
"Why does your personal life need to be announced on my bridge, Commander?" She demanded.
Chakotay was not about to back down. "Because, Kathryn, this is not MY personal life on display, no! It is the life of a holographic representation of me. Keep watching maybe you'll recognize me when I actually enter the scene!"
As Seven squirmed she attempted to defend herself. "The doctor said I could practice social scenarios on the holodeck!" And poor, selfish, self-centered, self-righteous, Seven continued on. "The doctor has assured me that Icheb's cortical node will hold until I can have the fail-safe removed. It won't overload during intimate moments with Chakotay like the last one did."
The entirety of the bridge crew drew in a stunned breath.
It was Chakotay who spoke. "What the HELL, do you mean "intimate moments" with me? You must mean with my HOLOGRAM!"
"Well, your hologram… but once the fail-safe is removed, the holographic version of you will be unnecessary and we can pursue…" Seven didn't finish.
"The doctor KNEW you were violating a hologram of me?" As he said this the images on the screen showed the holodeck doors slide open in contrast to the image around them of Chakotay's quarters. The real Chakotay appeared, obviously angry, and clothed in the attire he was currently wearing, proving that the pictures were not of the real Chakotay.
"That's it!" Chakotay ranted, feeling even angrier than before. "I'm through being everyone's malleable plaything, putty, clay, toy, whatever! Tuvok, remove the doctor's holodeck privileges for 6 months, feel free to let him know why his privileges are gone! As this ships first officer, I also decide that, Seven, you are confined to Cargo Bay 2 while off duty for the next six months and you've lost your holodeck privileges indefinitely."
"Chakotay," Kathryn tried to cut in. "Don't you think…"
"NO! You made me First Officer! You trusted me to handle personnel issues and discipline, are you saying that now, after all these years, you were wrong to give me that responsibility?" A challenge! She hesitated.
"No."
"Are you going to take over all disciplinary issues on this ship? I won't object, if you no longer trust my judgement." She could practically see him daring her to take that responsibility on herself.
He was challenging her, on her own bridge! While this incensed her she couldn't show a lack of faith in her XO. Not in front of the crew; the people very people he disciplined and those he interacted with far more than she did these days. And she certainly couldn't commit herself to handling these additional responsibilities on her own.
"No, Chakotay. I'm not challenging your punishment. I just think you may be a little… privacy, would be in order. Your decision, however, will be upheld. I trust you implicitly."
His father was right! He needed to wake up and put his foot down.
"Chakotay, you must use her very decisions, reasoning, and arguments against her. Not to hurt her, of course, but to save her from herself and help her see those who would hurt you both."
"That maybe, Father, but she will continue to reject me so long as her Starfleet rules and regulations form a barrier."
"Surely the Starfleet doesn't insist that those pledged to each other remain separate from each other at all times."
"She will never accept my pledge, Father." He said dejected.
Kolopak laughed at his son. "The pledge has been made and accepted. Did you not pledge to stay by her side?"
"Yes, but I made it a story not a pledge."
"Did you not clarify that it was easier to present the pledge to her that way?"
"Yes, but that doesn't mean… Does she not…" It finally dawned on Chakotay that a pledge, in his culture, could be accepted with a physical gesture, such as a move to entwine hands; a handshake of sorts, sealing a deal.
"Ahh, now you understand, son. Now it is up to you to use her own arguments to make her accept and uphold that pledge between you."
"Good!" He handed Seven over to Ayala, to be escorted back to the cargo bay. "Now, I need to speak to you and Tuvok in the Ready Room if you have a minute, Captain." It was clear that he was demanding that minute. While it irritated Janeway to be challenged so, she also recognized that this was the Chakotay that intrigued her from the beginning. He didn't quite cross the line but he definitely pushed the boundaries. He challenged her, kept her guessing, and kept her on her toes. The challenge, the need to spar with him, the thrill of besting him, or knowing she had been bested by a very worthy opponent, had kept her going many times. It was not until he became, what… almost lethargic, that she herself became unhappy, unsatisfied, and unfulfilled, to the point of depression at times.
"Lead the way, gentlemen." She gestured ahead with her hand as she struggled to keep her extended hand steady, wondering what sort of surprise Chakotay had in store.