A/N: Hurkey dokey. Why am I writing this when I already have two other fanfictions that require my attention? Eh...I dunno. I wanted to try my hand at something darker than what I normally do. No, I haven't seen the whole series, and if it ends the way I think it does, I'd rather not. But I do know enough about it, and this is probably better than ten percent of what's out there, so I don't really care all that much.
THIS IS NOT A HARUHI / HIKARU FIC. THIS IS A HITACHIIN TWINCEST FIC. THAT MEANS YAOI.
So don't read if you hate yaoi or think Haruhi belongs with Hikaru (I honestly don't. Actually, I don't think she belongs with anyone in the host club). If you don't like Haruhi all that much (hate her with a passion), and you think the Hitachiin brothers belong together for now and forever, read on.
Disclaimer: If I owned Ouran High School Host Club, would Haruhi be paired with any of the guys? In case you can't tell, that would be a NO!
Warnings: Yaoi, slight Haruhi-bashing, angst, drama, sad-stuff
This is mostly in Kaoru's point of view.
Let Nothing Come Between Us
Chapter One
It was sunny. How just like the weather, to be so bright when he felt so awful. Kaoru sighed and collected the rest of the teacups. Normally, this was Haruhi's job. She was, after all, their servant. The reason she wasn't doing this particular chore and the reason for Kaoru's low spirits were one in the same: Hikaru and Haruhi were planning on going on a date. Kaoru knew he should feel happy that they were getting along so well. It was what he'd wanted, wasn't it? For Hikaru to realize his feelings for Haruhi? That was exactly what he wanted.
Generally, Kaoru could swallow his own lies to himself. But this one couldn't make it past his throat. It was like there was this big lump stuck in the middle that he couldn't force down. He tried physically swallowing, but that only made the lump worse, and now he felt like throwing up. Setting the tray down in the 'kitchen', the younger Hitachiin twin closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to will down the feeling of bile rising in the back of his throat. This was silly! He wanted Hikaru to be happy, and he was happy, wasn't he? So he should be happy too, right? He was getting what he wanted.
So…why did it feel so horrible?
"Are you all right?" Head snapping up, Kaoru nearly had a heart attack at the sight of Takashi standing in the doorway with dirty plates. Instantly putting on a smile, Kaoru willed his voice to be normal and even.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I must have eaten too many sweets or something." Takashi just kept staring at him and Kaoru tried to edge around him, knowing the taller male knew he was lying through his teeth. He hadn't touched any sweets at all today and Takashi knew. Like Kyoya, Takashi seemed to know everything. It was creepy. Quickly, Kaoru slipped around him and tried to get out of the band room as quickly as possible. He wanted to get out of there, away from all of them. Half of him wished Hikaru would see him and stop him, but the other half just wanted everyone to go away.
Much to his distress and relief, Hikaru didn't notice him leaving. He headed for the room and only when his hand touched the cold metal of the handle that he realized this was the first place they would look for him. When Hikaru got back, he would go here first. If any of the host members were curious as to where he went, they would go here first. And he didn't want to deal with any of them right now. Not Tamaki, not Kyoya, not Takashi, not Hunni, not Renji, not Haruhi, and especially not Hikaru.
Lowering his hand, he tried to think of somewhere he could go that they wouldn't look for him. He heard someone coming down the hall and after a second, recognized it to be two of the people he most wanted to avoid. Turning, he ran down the hall as fast as he could towards the science section. He almost never hung out there, so it might be one of the last places they looked. He would rather sit in the corner of a dark room and just hide than smile and pretend he was happy when his brother chose someone over him.
As he ran, tears pressed against his eyes and he hastily tried to wipe them away. By the time he reached one of the chemistry rooms with the blinds that blocked all sunlight trying to get in, the salty liquid was rolling down his face. He grabbed the door and hastily shut it behind him, sinking to the ground against it and curling into a ball. He tried not to sob at the very least, but didn't even bother to try and stop crying. He had never thought Hikaru would leave him for someone, and he wasn't ready to let him go. But he had no choice to do otherwise, as much as it tore at him.
"Hitachiin-kun?" The younger twin's head snapped up and he gripped his knees tighter.
"W-who…" He winced. His voice sounded strained, cracked, weak. It was embarrassing. The Hitachiin twins were elegant, graceful, confident, lovely, beautiful. He must have looked like a right mess: eyes red, tears streaming down his face, voice sounding so pathetic. However, the person didn't seem to mind as they knelt in front of him and cool hands gently touched his hands before moving up his arms to his face. They brushed over his hair and the voice sounded a bit curious.
"Kaoru-kun?" That owner of the voice came into the younger twin's head and he quickly rubbed his eyes.
"I-I'm s-sorry if I-I d-disturbed y-you, N-Nekozawa-s-sempai…" The hands took his again, moving up to stroke his forehead.
"What's wrong? Are you all right? Where's Hikaru-kun?" The name of his older brother sent a wave of sadness through Kaoru and he felt that lump return, everything turning blurry. His voice hurt and his throat felt weird, like it was strained.
"I-I…I-I…h-he…" He burst into tears, flinging himself into Umehito's chest. He didn't care that he barely knew him, he didn't care that this was probably inappropriate, he didn't care that he looked weak and pathetic right now. He couldn't take care of himself right now and he needed help, and he couldn't go to anyone in the host club: they were the people he wanted to avoid the most. Umehito took it in stride and held him gently, letting him cry into his chest and stroking his hair. Kaoru sobbed into the black fabric of his cloak.
"I-I d-don't want t-to l-lose him!" Shifting Kaoru gently, Umehito stroked his hair and tried to figure out what he was talking about. He assumed 'him' was Hikaru, judging from the way he'd reacted to the older Hitachiin's name and how he was the most important person in Kaoru's life.
"Where is Hi…er…he going?"
"S-she's t-taking h-him f-from m-me!" She? Who was 'she'? That Renji girl? No, that couldn't be right. One of the girls that went to the host club? That narrowed it down to about the whole female population of the school.
"Er…which 'she'?"
"Haruhi!" Umehito continued soothing him through actions, but it was mostly autopilot. Mentally, he was confused as everything. He had though Haruhi was a boy. Was he…er…she…er…Haruhi a girl? Well, it made sense. Sort of. And then it made more sense. The Hitachiin brothers were often seen with Haruhi, Hikaru often playing with her…him…Haruhi more than Kaoru. So after some time, he'd realized he liked Haruhi more than just a friend, or at the very least thought he did. And he had chosen Haruhi over Kaoru.
"Kaoru-kun…"
"I-I d-don't w-want to l-lose h-him!" A stab of sympathy went through the blonde and he gently rocked the distressed twin back and forth, trying to soothe him at least a bit. He could understand Kaoru so much it hurt. When Kirimi had chosen Tamaki over him as her brother…it had hurt so badly. He'd cared about her so much, but she'd chosen someone else.
And now Kaoru was going through the same thing, only at least ten times worse. He was losing the person who had been his world for nearly all his life to an intruder. And he couldn't do anything but smile and pretend he didn't mind. Fighting down the lump in his own throat, Umehito tried to calm him down. After a while, the twin finally calmed down enough to tell him the whole story. When he was finished, Umehito felt even worse for Kaoru. He spent several more minutes letting him settle completely, even supplying tissues to wipe his eyes and blow his nose with.
Kaoru wiped his eyes and looked down at the floor, miserable. He felt embarrassed and pathetic, not to mention tired and exhausted.
"I just don't want to talk to anyone in the host club…so I came here to hide." Umehito nodded, tossing the used tissues into the trashcan.
"Do you want to stay in may room? They probably wouldn't expect for you to be there." Forcing a small smile, Kaoru gave the older male a grateful look.
"If it would be all right…" Umehito stood and helped the younger Hitachiin brother up, supporting him a bit.
"I wouldn't have offered if it hadn't been." Kaoru tried to laugh, but decided it would come out as something pathetic sounding and gave up. The older of the two gave a weak smile and led Kaoru to his room, gently closing the door behind him. Kaoru was too tired and miserable to comment on his choice of décor. Thick, black curtains were drawn over the windows, the only light being that by very dim candles placed about the room. Pictures of cats and magic-users covered the walls, hard to see in the dark light. Umehito helped Kaoru remove his shoes and jacket before settling him in the bed and pulling the covers over him.
"Just rest here until you feel better." Kaoru curled up under the covers, eyes downcast.
"I'm going to be here a long time then." The humor did nothing to lighten the mood. Actually, it probably wasn't meant to anyway. Umehito made sure he was asleep before leaving and locking the door behind him, leaving a spare key where Kaoru could find it. Now the younger twin was safe. No one would go looking for him there. No one even knew where his room was. Sighing a bit, he headed for the library. He wondered how long Kaoru would stay, and then shrugged it off. Kaoru would stay as long as he needed to.
Kaoru blinked himself awake, trying to see through the utter darkness of the room. He frowned as he realized this wasn't his room. It smelled too strongly of incense. Then he remembered everything that had happened and why he was here. Sinking back into the comforting sheets, he tried to fight back a wave of tears. He'd already gotten Umehito's cloak wet with his tears; he didn't need to do the same to his sheets.
It took a while for him to regain his composure and he scolded himself as he sat up.
"You got what you wanted, why are you acting so miserable? Hikaru is happy, that's all that matters. That's…" He fought back another wave of tears and stood, straightening the bed before collecting his shoes and jacket. He wanted to go get a change of clothes from his and Hikaru's room. People usually didn't think they actually had a room here at the school, but they did since sometimes they were too tired to go all the way home and just slept in their dorm room.
Kaoru was grateful they had it as he opened the door and closed it behind him, already removing his jacket. His shoes came off as well and he started on his white shirt when suddenly the door to their bathroom opened and his head snapped up. His eyes locked with Hikaru's for what felt like an eternity, but was only a few seconds. Then he turned and tried to yank the door open to run, forgetting about his shoes and jacket. He didn't care. He just wanted to get away from Hikaru. Just as he got the door open, Hikaru's hand slammed it shut. The older twin forced him back from the door, making him back up further into the room and clutch his white dress shirt together.
"H-Hikaru…" Hissing, Hikaru advanced on him and grabbed his wrist, yanking him forward.
"Where were you?! I was worried sick about you! I looked everywhere for you! I thought you'd been kidnapped!" More scared than he'd ever been, Kaoru tried to pull away from his twin's bruising grip.
"I-I was j-just…"
"And why the hell did you run out anyway?! Kyoya told me you just ran out of the host club without telling anyone! What the hell is your problem?!" It suddenly seemed too much for Kaoru and he pushed back instead of just submitting like always. He wasn't going to let Hikaru win this.
"My problem is you, all right?! You want to know so bad, it's you!" Hikaru seemed taken aback and his grip loosened, eyes widening.
"Kaoru…" The younger pressed forward, driving the other twin back.
"How can you expect me to just follow you around everywhere for the rest of my life?! How can you expect to have this perfect relationship and have me always there as the rebound if it fails?! How can you expect me to be okay with someone taking you away from me?! How can you just expect me to be absolutely fine with my world getting taken away from me?! You can't! You can't do that! It's not fair! But you do it anyway!" Tears started falling from Kaoru's eyes, but he was too angry and upset to care about how he looked right now.
"You expect me to just drop years of forming my whole life around you and let some…some…intruder take you away after knowing you for less than a year! You expect me to always be there in the background, to never have a life of my own, to not have feelings, to not do anything you don't want me to! And you can't do that! I don't belong to you, and if I ever did, I sure as Hell don't now!" Hikaru seemed at a loss for words. He tried to find some, but nothing came. He tried to move towards his twin, arms spread.
"Kao-chan…" To hear that nickname again made Kaoru burst into tears.
"S-shut up…j-just shut up! G-get away from me! J-just get the hell away from me!"
"Kao-chan-" Shoving the other aside, Kaoru ran for the door and ripped it open, running out as fast as he could. He heard Hikaru call to him, but he kept running. He ran down the steps of the front hall and shoved through the door just as a streak of lightning lit up the sky. He ran down the courtyard, ignoring the people beginning to move inside. His fingers wrapped around the cold metal of the gate and he pulled it open just enough to slip through and ran out, heading for the nearby forest. He had to get away. He had to. It was just way too much. Hikaru, Haruhi, the host club, Umehito, the girls, the teachers, the classes, the emotions, the drama, there was just too much of it. He ran off the paved road onto dirt and into the forest just as the sky began to open up. The rain ran down his face, mingling with his tears.
Kyoya looked out the window, only half listening to the conversation. Haruhi and Hikaru had canceled their date when it was discovered that Kaoru had run off and was missing. Tamaki was, of course, trying to cheer up Haruhi, who wasn't really all that distressed. He rolled his eyes and as his eyes went skyward, a flash of lightning streaked across the sky. As his eyes went back to the ground, he noticed something rather odd. One of the Hitachiin brothers was running down the driveway, jacket and shoes vacant. Then, only a few yards or so behind him, the other twin came racing after him. He sat up a bit, frowning. Had they gotten into a real fight? What had happened. He felt himself stiffen as he recognized the first to be Kaoru. And he was crying. Not fake, eye-drop tears, but actual tears.
He grabbed the black gates at the front of Ouran Academy and ran through them, headed for the forest. Hikaru ran right after him, a somewhat panicked look on his face. And Kyoya knew, with a sinking sense of dread, that that wasn't a show. There was something really wrong with the Hitachiin brothers. Standing quickly, he headed for the door. Tamaki looked up from Haruhi.
"Kaa-san?"
"Something's wrong with Hikaru and Kaoru. We've got to go find them. Now." Instantly, the remaining club stood up and hurried after the usually stoic male. They all raced down the steps, all of them dead serious, even Hunni. They ran out into the rain, none of them even stopping. They followed the Hitachiin steps out the gate and towards the forest. Takashi spotted a set of footprints in the mud and they followed them to a small clearing where Hikaru was looking around frantically.
"Kaoru! Kaoru!"
"Hikaru!" The older twin looked around at them, eyes frantic and that sense of dread filled Kyoya's stomach. This was definitely not a show. Hikaru was really scared. Kaoru was really upset. They weren't playing a prank. Haruhi ran over to Hikaru, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Hikaru, what's wrong? What happened?" Hikaru was obviously beyond rational thinking as he ran a shaky hand through his hair.
"I don't know. I mean…he…Kaoru…came back to our room and when he saw me…he tried to leave…and…we had a fight…then he ran off…I don't know what's going on! All I know is that Kaoru is upset and it's my fault!" Haruhi frowned a bit.
"How is it your fault?"
"I don't know! All he said was I-" He suddenly froze, eyes staying on Haruhi's face.
"Was I…I…" The girl cocked her head.
"You what?" Shaking his head, Hikaru quickly pulled away from her grasp and turned his back on her.
"I don't know. All I know is that I have to find Kaoru." Kyoya nodded.
"We're going to help. Spread out and look for him." The members immediately fanned out, looking around for something that would help lead to finding the lost twin. Haruhi gave Hikaru a strange look before doing that same. Almost an hour later, they were drenched, freeing and filthy, completely covered in mud. But none of them seemed to care, since Kaoru was still missing and he was probably colder, wetter, and filthier than they were. Haruhi pressed her lips together and went up to Hikaru.
"Hikaru, maybe we should head back." The older twin turned around, practically growling.
"I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." The girl scowled, not intimidated.
"We're soaked, we're filthy, and we're freezing. If Kaoru is smart at all, he'll come back on his own."
"He's upset right now! He's not going to come back on his own! And he's never been in here! He's probably lost!"
"Then he shouldn't have run in here in the first place!"
"I told you before, he's not thinking clearly! He's upset and confused and angry!"
"That's no excuse!"
"Oh and you've never done stupid things when you were upset!"
"I've never done something like this!"
"I bet you've never gone through something as bad as what he's going through!"
"Oh and what's that?! Maybe he didn't get a toy he wanted?! Or maybe there's a stain on one of his shirts?! What could you rich bastards know about strife and real pain?!" Hikaru's fists clenched and he shouted straight in Haruhi's face.
"Maybe having his entire world ripped away by a damn intruder because his ass of a brother is too selfish to realize he's hurting himself for his brother's happiness!" There was quiet among the members, all of them freezing to stare at the two. Even the rain seemed to quiet. Haruhi's eyes widened and her mouth fell open a bit.
"W…what…" Hikaru kept on, voice turning rather cold.
"I can't believe it took me this long to figure out why Kaoru's so upset. It's because of you."
"Me?"
"You're taking me away from him. He's been encouraging us to go out because he wants me to be happy, even if it kills him. We've always been together, always. No matter how many friends we have, none of them have made it into our world. And I was tricked into thinking you actually understood us. You don't understand a damn thing about us."
"H-Hikaru…"
"None of you understand a damn thing about us! So you can tell us apart! Big fucking deal! You don't deserve a place in our world you-" Haruhi suddenly slapped the teen across the face, her eyes angry.
"How can you have such a narrow mind?! There are more people in the world than just you and Kaoru! You can't just say none of them understand!" And Hikaru slapped her across the face just as hard as she had slapped him. He glared hard at her, eyes furious.
"You can't even come close to understanding, so don't even think you can. You never even had any normal siblings." Haruhi slapped him again, this time on the other side of his face.
"Kaoru is not the only person on the planet!"
"But he's the most important!" Haruhi seemed a bit taken aback by this and Hikaru turned away from her, fists clenching.
"Kaoru is the most important person in the world to me. I would never choose him over anyone. And I can't believe I chose you over him. If it's a choice between you and Kaoru…if being your boyfriend means I hurt Kaoru even the slightest…then consider yourself dumped." There was dead silence yet again. No one said anything for a rather long time, then Takashi tapped Hikaru's shoulder and pointed to a nearby tree. The older twin blinked in surprise and then moved forward. On the other side, huddled on the ground, was Kaoru. His head snapped up as Hikaru appeared and the two just stared at each other for a bit. Then Hikaru knelt, placing a hand on his head.
"You didn't have to run off like that." Haruhi suddenly appeared, apparently still angry. She glared down at Kaoru, who avoided her gaze and edged away from her a bit.
"Are you happy now? You got what you wanted." Kaoru winced, chewing on his lip. Hikaru glared up at the girl.
"Haruhi, back off."
"You can't see this is all just a show? Do you really think he'd be this upset over something so stupid as a date?" Kaoru suddenly shoved past both of them, running into the forest again. Hikaru swore violently.
"Damn it Haruhi! Kaoru! Kaoru, wait!" Takashi suddenly lunged forward.
"Kaoru, stop, there's a-" The next few seconds would forever haunt Hikaru. Everything was slowed down and shown in minute detail. Kaoru running out of the brush, his feet hitting the wet pavement, his head turning, the light of the headlights reflecting in his widening eyes, his mouth opening just a bit, his arms coming up slowly as if to protect himself. Then, the shriek of the tires, the front of the truck hitting his small, frail body, the force of it sending his form back down the road where he hit the pavement, bounced, and then hit the pavement with a dull thud and rolled a bit, then didn't move.
Hikaru couldn't feel or hear anything. Hell he couldn't see anything except for Kaoru and the area just around him. He was suddenly kneeling next to his mirror, Kyoya and Takashi beside him. Haruhi was standing at the edge of the road, eyes wide. Hunni was next to Kaoru as well, tears dripping down his face. Hikaru couldn't tell if he was crying or not, but he bet he was. He could see Kyoya frantically dial something into his cell phone and then talk into it in the same panicked tone. But Hikaru couldn't hear what he was saying. He couldn't hear anything. All he could see was Kaoru's perfect face, curved exactly the same way as his, hair damp from the rain, a thin trickle of blood leaking from the corner of his lips, getting mixed in the raindrops, creating an abstract red flow that moved down his face and dripped onto the pavement. His white dress shirt was stained crimson, but Hikaru couldn't tell where the wound was.
Suddenly, he felt so blindingly angry. Standing, he wheeled around and his eyes fixated on Haruhi's face.
"This…is your fault…" Takashi's eyes flicked up to Hikaru and then widened as the older Hitachiin lunged for her.
"I'll kill you!" Haruhi had no time to defend herself as Hikaru's hands closed around her neck and he knocked her onto the ground, squeezing tightly. She chocked and clawed at his hands frantically, trying to pull them away. Hikaru felt himself gain a strange satisfaction from watching her claw desperately for her life. If killing her would bring Kaoru back…if her pathetic little life was enough for his… Suddenly, strong arms enclosed around his waist and hauled him back while two arms grabbed Haruhi, taking her out of his grasp. Hikaru thrashed in anger, wanting to feel his hands around her neck again. She had killed his brother. She had killed Kaoru. Kaoru: wonderful, sweet, gentle, smart, beautiful, graceful, elegant, caring, selfless, cunning, mischievous, and everything that was wonderful Kaoru.
She had killed him. It was her fault that Kaoru's life had been taken. It was all her fault. It was her fault he'd been upset in the first place. It was her fault he'd run away. It was her fault he'd run onto the road. It was her fault he had been hit by a truck. It was her fault his body had been broken. It was her fault he was lying on the pavement, his life leaking out of him in a crimson liquid. It was all. Her. Damned. Fault. And he was going to kill her.
He barely felt it as Takashi pinned him to the ground and Tamaki made sure Haruhi was okay. He wanted his hands around her neck again. He wanted to beat her head into the ground until her blood ran all over the pavement. He wanted to strangle her to death, until she turned blue and fell limp in his hands.
The ambulance arrived and medics in white came out, moving over to Kaoru. Hikaru wanted to scream at them not to touch him. He didn't want anyone touching Kaoru's body. They would only bury him, which would only prove that he was dead. And Hikaru wouldn't be able to bear that. The medics shifted him gently, one hooking a strange mask around his face. They lifted him up as gently as possible and as they did, golden eyes fluttered open for a brief second and soft lips just barely moved.
Hi…ka…ru…
Hikaru felt his chest tighten and he stopped struggling against Takashi. That couldn't have been real. That couldn't have been. The ambulance pulled away and Kyoya knelt next to him, talking to him. It was all muffled at first, but his senses were coming back and he caught the last few words.
"…but he's alive."
End of Chapter One