A/N: Writing this up because I'm currently in a slump with "To Womanhood" due to the set back with Julchen's chapter and I currently have no ideas for any new chapters for "Family Shenanigans" – not to mention, I'm currently craving big time for SuDen and whY ISN'T THERE MORE SUDEN IN THIS WORLD!?

So without further ado, enjoy this (debatably glorious) mess my currently fucked up emotions conjured up.

Almost forgot, this entire story has crude language. But not much, don't worry. After all, I don't think Romano would be making an appearance in this. I think?

I don't own Hetalia!

Introduction

Beware mortal, for in your hand is the 95632748593th journal of the awesome demon awesomely named Gilbert.

For this volume, I have opted out of writing another bloody cruel tale (it can get repetitive honestly, especially since I've been doing this for thousands of years already.) You could well say this is a special volume for instead, I would share to you the rather peculiar story of how my favorite drinking buddy – who had been imprisoned for a thousand years, mind you. The last time we shared a toast was too long ago – Matthias Kohler found his other half who was, well, a human, naturally.

Have I caught your interest? No? Well, yoU BETTER SHUT YOUR YAPPING AND SIT YOUR ASSES DOWN FOR MY AWESOME STORY TELLING. IT WAS A DARE OKAY?

Pardon my Hungarian.

(On that note, do remind me to never drink with Francis and Antonio again. Lest we, my dear avid readers, shall suffer something the likes of this again.)

I know you were expecting something greater than this – we're demons! Romance is beneath us – but well, what can we do? It was Francis (for those new readers of mine, he's the Angel of Love by the way) who asked for this. (Exclusively for Francis only: Fuck you man. Hope you go bald. And get your damned Pierre away from my awesome Gilbird!)

Worry not though! I promise to make it up to you by telling you the awesome story of how I awesomely cheated on Captain Arthur Kirkland and ultimately won against him for the very first time. You wouldn't want to miss it, trust me.

Now before I start the story here are a few reminders:

*Everything that has been transcribed into this book shall remain between us and my other readers. Lowly humans who aren't part of my cult following shall have no privy to my awesome tales.

*I NEVER tolerate plagiarism. We all know that. If ever I find out this VERY VERY HOLY RULE has been broken. WATCH OUT.

*My email is very selective. Complaints, negative reviews, lawsuits filed against me, and hate mails would be sent back to the sender.

*If ever your particular copy squeals loudly whenever you open it, please do ignore. That must be one of the special copies that the Angel of Love personally blessed. It's guaranteed (by him) to make you fall in love.

*On that note, same applies for the copies that would whisper "fusosososos~". Those were the ones the Demon Turtle Pirate blessed and is guaranteed (by him) to make you feel better from anything negative you might be feeling.

*I don't accept returns for refunds or replacement. I don't accept returns at all.

*If ever you do come across my younger brother, do me a favor and keep this particular volume from him. That angel might get ideas and none of us would want that now, won't we?

*If at the event that Lieutenant Elizabeta Héderváryof the Angel Army would knock on your doors and ask about me, please feign innocence and deny our relations. I'm actually doing you a huge favor by warning you so PLEASE HEED THE WARNING.

*Same goes for Angel Court Musician, Roderich Edelstein.

Now that we have gotten those away, do make these next preparations: sit back, straighten your postures, have a snack and drink close to you, and make sure to have good lighting.

Once you have read and understood the reminders and done the preparations, you may now proceed on reading the prologue.

Awesome,

Gilbert Beilschmidt

Keeper of Demon Tales and Demon Court Musician

WARNING: This epic saga features a dangerously powerful Danish demon who acts nothing like his title; a completely lovesick stoic Swede who's obsessed with furniture; a pair of sharp tongued Icelandic and Norwegian brothers whose comments are as hurtful as a knife to the back; an adorable fluffy Finnish man who can completely take down three bears with one pebble; a huffy English demon pirate king who fancies himself as a gentleman; a rather boisterous American hero who actually knows everything; and some others that aren't really worth mentioning.