A/N: So, in Episode 4.12, "A Family Matter," Lorelai and Rory see Jess in his car. Rory goes home because she doesn't want to deal with it. Well, I think she should, and this is fanfiction, so I get to make that happen. :) Lyrics at the end are from "When It Started" by The Strokes. Anyway, enjoy and please review!
"I'll see you at home."
As Rory turned and walked away, she couldn't help questioning her motives. Why didn't she want to deal with this? Why was it so weird? Sure, he was her ex, but that was months ago, and she still wasn't comfortable even talking about it. He just left - without any notice - and never contacted her again, unless you counted the not-so-mysterious silent phone calls. She should be nothing but mad at him, ready to kick the door down and give him a piece of her mind - if she had any emotion other than disgust towards him at all, that is. So why was she so anxious to avoid him, to ignore the fact he was there, or that he existed at all, for that matter? God, she hadn't even been able to start a relationship with someone else since he...
Rory whipped around and started angrily back toward Jess' car. That was it. She had to talk to him, talk this whole stupid situation out, once and for all, and get him out of her system. Then she could finally move on. Jess was in the past. He was a jerk, and he left her, and she could do so much better than him. She could find someone dependable, and trustworthy... someone safe, like Dean was. How stupid was she to give up on him for Jess? Well, she wasn't going to make that mistake again. She was going to tell Jess off, which would free her to go find a very safe kind of guy, which was exactly what she needed.
Rory stopped a few yards from the car, staring blankly at it. Since when was she looking for someone safe? That wasn't what she wanted... but maybe it was what she needed, whether she was smart enough to want it or not? I'm just going to get more confused the longer I stand here. Let's just get this over with. I can figure out what kind of guy to move on to later. I just need to concentrate on the moving on part now. Rory took the last few steps to the car door and pounded her fist on the window.
"Leave me the hell alone." Jess bit out before opening his eyes. He stared at Rory for a moment, then bolted up and opened the door, accidentally hitting her with it. "Oh, sorry." He muttered, and quickly got out of the car, swinging the door shut behind him.
Rory stared at him, trying hard to remember what she had wanted to say. She really should have planned this out better. I'll-just-go-talk-things-out was turning out to be not such a good game plan.
"So..." Jess mumbled, his eyes darting to Luke's behind her, where Luke and Lorelai were talking. "How's Yale?"
Rory stared at him in disbelief. "How's Yale? That's what you say? That's what you pick after all this time? How's YALE?" The anger she was missing before had arrived in full force now. "You left, Jess. Do you know how much that hurt? I thought things were going good... and then you were gone. How was I supposed to take that?" She was speaking quietly now, staring him down with tears in her eyes.
The lost-puppy look. So not good... And he had caused that. He looked away. "Listen, Rory, I didn't have a choice-"
"Oh, don't give me that crap. What, did Luke force you onto that bus at gunpoint and put a spell on you so you couldn't tell me you were leaving or call me after you were gone?" She bit off sarcastically.
"Hey, I tried!"
"Tried what? To call me? 'Cause you succeeded, it was just the talking part you couldn't figure out. But then, you never were good at communication!"
"Oh, yeah, that's real nice. Make me the bad guy, pretend I was the world's worst boyfriend, do whatever you need to do to convince yourself you're over me." Jess shook his head and turned away.
Rory narrowed her eyes. "I don't need to convince myself. I just am."
"Really?" Jess asked incredulously. "'Cause you're sure as hell not acting like it."
"Well... what... God, Jess!" Rory stared down at her shoes for a moment before continuing. "Why do you have to be like this?"
"Like what, Rory?" Jess meant for that to sound tough and unaffected, but it just came out tired.
"Like... on the offensive, all the time." Rory sighed and looked up at him. "Just tell me one thing... do you regret leaving?"
Jess stared down at her, contemplating his answer. He spent too much of his life being dishonest, too much time lying... even to this beautiful girl. "Every day." He said softly.
Rory kept her eyes locked with his. "Then... I guess I can tell you... that I think you're right. I don't think I'm over you. There are a thousand guys at Yale that I have no good reason not to be interested in. But I'm not. And… look, I have to get over you, and I'm going crazy because I don't know how to do that."
Jess gaped at her, opening and closing his mouth silently several times before choking out, "I'm sorry that… it's upsetting you." He finished, looking away and breaking her gaze.
"Unbelievable." Rory said quietly after a moment. "You will never, ever fight for me, will you?"
Jess turned back to see the bitterness in her eyes. "Rory! I – what do you want me to say? You stand there and tell me that it's killing you that you can't get over me, and then you want me to say, what, that that's great, we'll live happily ever after? Even though you clearly don't want to? I don't want to fight against you, Rory. I'm not gonna fight for something you don't even want." Jess finished, shaking his head.
"I don't know what I want, Jess. I mean, I want you, I've always wanted you, but not like it was last time, not like sometimes I have you and sometimes I don't, and maybe one day I'll wake up and you just won't be there anymore." Rory ducked her head, tears in her eyes. "God, you have no idea how much it scares me to be telling you this, let alone how I never say stuff like this – well, actually, you probably do have some idea of that. Maybe if I had said a little more when we were together things would be different." She crossed her arms protectively over her chest. "Who am I kidding? I didn't have that kind of courage then, and I probably still don't. I actually can't believe I'm saying any of this. I don't even know what I'm saying, I must be crazy – I should probably be institutionalized, maybe you should call someone to come pick me up–"
"Rory." Jess cut off her babbling. "If… if things were different from last time – just hypothetically speaking – would you…" He glanced away before looking back at her. "Would you maybe consider… giving us another try?"
Rory gazed at him, taking in his face, the face she had missed for the past year, letting his voice wash over her, the voice she would have killed to hear on the end of the line when she picked up her phone–
"Yes." She gasped out. "Yes." She repeated, nodding shakily.
Jess nodded slowly, his eyes roving over her. "Well… maybe we get a cup of coffee?" He asked, unsure. "Just coffee." He added upon seeing the same uncertainty in her eyes.
"Can't really go wrong with coffee." Rory replied, smiling a little. "But, Jess – hypothetically speaking – how would I know things were going to be different?" She waited for him to answer, worrying her lower lip with her teeth.
"We take it slow." Jess shrugged, a trace of his smirk visible at the corners of his mouth. "And, if at any time you feel that I'm reverting to my old, foolhardy ways, you have my permission – no, my appeal – to call me on it, thereby kicking my ass into gear." His smirk was full blown now, and Rory found herself swept up in his infectious attitude. She had forgotten how very much she loved being near him, just talking to him, basking in his presence. He made it too easy for her to forget everything in their past, all the obstacles sure to be in their future, and everything else she had to think about this time.
"Jess… it can't be like last time. We'll need to really talk about things, not just when it gets so awful that we have to, but when it seems good, too."
Jess' face grew sober. "I know. And we need to start by really talking, too, because you need to know how ready I am for this. I've learned a lot, Rory, and it was pretty much all the hard way, but I've learned it. And maybe, this is how it was supposed to be. As screwed up as that sounds, maybe we needed to go through all of this crap to really get it. I'm so sure that I wanna be with you, Rory. And I know that we can work, and I didn't know that before." He waited for her reaction in tense silence. She still wore her most serious of expressions, which in the past had usually meant their relationship was on the rocks. But now… he saw the hope in her eyes, and he knew his held the same optimism.
Rory nodded slowly. "Against all odds…" she whispered. "I know that now, too."
Come on tell me
Does she warm the room when he comes?
Or does he just know how to leave when it gets cold?
Well, I don't care, I don't care
'Cause it's free
A/N: I wrote this almost two years ago, and I just found it because I'm going through my fanfiction folder with thoughts of continuing a currently posted story, "Every Second Counts." Anyway, let me know if it was a good idea to finally post this. :)