He doing it because he has to, a twilight fanfic

One. Two. Three. Breath.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen don't you dare open your eyes. Do not look at him. Not yet. Wait. Calm DOWN Renesmee.
OK. One. Two. Three. Open.

No no no, i knew this would happen. The sting of the warm tears rolling down my cheek made me feel physically sick. I don't understand. I thought he loved me?
Or was that a lie? No my Jakey wouldn't lie. I know he loves me by the way he looks at me. The way he looks at me with those big brown eyes. My Jakey does love me. So why is he telling me this? Of course it was going to hurt me. I love him. I thought he loved me. He told me he loved me. He has been there as long as i can remember. Always making me laugh, playing with me when everyone else was too busy, listening to me when i felt like i had no one to talk to. He was my confidant. My rock. Why is he ruining it all now?

I woke up this morning and the first thing i thought of was Jacob. How excited i was that we were seeing a movie tonight. I looked out the window. Groan, it was raining. But the thought of Jacobs warm bright smile, made it seem as if the sun was shining brilliantly through the emeraldtissue paper leaves, casting brilliant green beams across the floor. I know I'm meant to see Jake as a brother. That's what he always says to me 'Oh Ness, your the best sister ever'. And he was the best brother anyone could ever ever wish for. But that's the thing, he WAS the best brother. As the years went by, and i quickly grew to physically 15, the hormones began to kick in, and i started getting interested in boys. Well not really boys, more like a boy. Jacob Black. For the first time in the 6 years i had been alive, i began to notice his bulging muscles under his shirt, how beautiful his warm, bright face is, the feather soft texture of his warm russet skin, and the way it contrasts with the brilliant gleaming white of his smile, and the way his smile makes me feel. All warm inside. I began to wonder if his imprinting thing would let him love me the way i love him. More than friends. I sure hope so. Why would he say no? Hes always saying how much he loves me and couldn't be without me. And always telling me how beautiful i am. And he cant even use my family as an excuse, Mum and Dad are always encouraging us to spend time together, they totally get this whole imprinting thing, and Dad knows how i feel obviously, so he must be OK with it all. The rest of the family actually like Jake, even Rosalie. It was such a good idea. The butterflies started to beat there wings against the walls of my stomach. I heard Jacobs car pull up the driveway and ran out and jumped in the car.
"Hey Nessie, you ready?" he smiled THAT smile.
"Yeah, lets go" i said with a huge grin to match his.
He laughed at my obvious enthusiasm to be alone with him. I wondered if he dreams about me the way i do him. Whether he thinks about running his fingers through my long bronze curls, staring deep into my chocolate brown eyes, running his hand down my slender waist, kissing my soft peach lips. I sure hope so. The movie was OK, i didn't really watch it, too busy concentrating on Jake's thick, warm arm around my shoulder, and my head against his shoulder breathing in his warm, musk smell. As the film ended, the butterflies in my stomach grew 10 times there original size. I had it all planned out in my head, we would go to our clearing in the woods, the one with the stream and the rocks. I would tell him how i feel, just tell him, with words, it would mean more if it came out with words, rather than project my thoughts.
"Jake, can we go to our stream? we havent been in a while and i wanna talk to you about something"
"Sure Ness, is everything OK?"
"It will be"
"Course it will, i promise"
He was so understanding. God i love him.
We got out of the truck and he helped me through the forest to our clearing,holding my hand, helping me up when i tripped, and keeping the conversation light and friendly. We got to the clearing and i pulled him over to sit on the big rock next to me. It was getting dark now, and the temperature was dropping. He put his 108 degrees arm around me as to stop me shivering. "So Nessie, what is it you brought me here for?"
"Jake" i paused "You love me right?"
"You know i do"
"Better than all the other girls you know?"
"Better than all the other girls in the world, and the boys" He had that look in his eye, knowing i was saying something important and hard, but keeping it light so i wouldn't be nervous.
"Feelings mutual Jake" i smiled nervously "Except i think the actaul feeling is different"
"Renesmee what are you trying to say"
"Well, Jacob, the thing is, like, i understand this imprinting thing, and like, well, i was wondering, does that mean you'll always love me the same?"
"Renesmee, listen i will always love you, no matter what, no matter what you, or anyone else does, youll always be my number one girl"
"number one?"
"Yes definitely, Ness, you know this, we've had this talk before about my imprinting, and about the way you are my life, my sun, my air, my everything, and I'm glad about it too" he laughed "no matter how cheesy that sounds"
His laughed was so infectious i just had to giggle back.
"So youll always be like my big brother?"
"Of course i will Nessie, Ill never let you down" He saw the obvious disappointment on my face "What is is Ness?"
I forced a smile "Nothing, im glad youll always be my big brother" putting emphasis on the last words, wanting him to take the hint.
"Renesmee tell me whats wrong, I've known you your whole life, i know when something is wrong." his voice suddenly took a serious tone, obviously scared i was in danger or had been hurt.
"Please Jake, please don't shout, I'm fine"
"If you wont tell me, ill find out for myself" he was so worried about me he was threatening to take advantage of my powers, i should have been angry by this but i knew it was just because he cared so much, he wanted to see what had upset me so much.
"Jacob, its you"
"Renesmee I'm so sorry, what have i done?"
"No Jake you haven't done anything, its me, i love you"
"i love you too Ness, but i don't understand why you're upset"
"I LOVE YOU JACOB, not lke a brother, or a friend or whatever, i LOVE you" His face was unreadable, he was processing what i had just said.
I couldn't breathe, i had to bite my lip to stop me from crying, i couldn't let him see me upset, it would break his heart knowing i was upset because i loved him.
"Renesmee" he whispered "i don't think you understand"
"understand what? what love is? im too young am i?" i said, frustrated, not at him but at myself "no Ness, i don't think you understand that i cant love you in that way, not now"
What? but he said he loved me?
"But, but i asked Carlisle about imprinting and he said the imprinter will love the person they imprint on in whatever way they need them to, and i need you Jacob, i need you in this way"
I leant forward to kiss him, and my lips touched his for a brief moment. He pulled away.
"Renesmee, please, don't do this, i cant im sorry, i want to but i cant" i could tell by the look in his eyes that he was telling the truth, he wanted to. He really did. My eyes suddenly blurred and my voice caught in my throat. i shut my eyes. i couldn't breathe. i can not let him see me like this.

One. Two. Three. Breath.

Renesmee Carlie Cullen don't you dare open your eyes. Do not look at him. Not yet. Wait. Calm DOWN Renesmee.
OK. One. Two. Three. Open.

He touched the tear rolling down my cheek and wiped it away. His finger slid under my jaw and tilted my head up so i had to look at him.
"Renesmee Cullen, listen to me" His eyes bore into mine, i couldn't take my eyes away from his "I Love you more than anyone has ever loved anyone, and if you say you understand imprinting, then you know this as much as i do. One day, i promise, if you need me in this way, i will be there and it will happen and i will love you in another way. But your 6"
"im 15" i interuppeted "physically and even older mentally"
"i know Ness i know, but your family still see you as a 6 year old"
"Jake, they like you, they will understand, they wont be angry at you, they'll understand, i promise" i pleaded "I know Ness, but i have a secret myself to admit"
he waited for me to say something, the look on my face was my answer.
"When you were born, and i imprinted, i couldn't stay away from you, you were the most beautiful thing i had ever seen, i love you more than anything ever, i knew instantaneously i would do anything for you, and that we had an amazing future ahead of us"
"Jake, why are you telling me this?"
"Wait Ness, when your mother and father found out about this, they were furious, they knew i couldn't help it, but they were upset by the fact you were less than an hour old and you were their baby girl, and they had to share you with me. After a few days, they saw how much i loved you, and how i just wanted the best for you. They saw i meant no harm, and you told, well showed, them that you loved me too, like a brother, and that you were happy. When they saw this, they could not bear to take you away from me and agreed for me to be a brother type figure to you. As the years went by, we grew into best friends, and i started to think you were beautiful in a different way, when your father heard this, he spoke to me about our future. He knew how happy i made you, and wouldn't possibly deny you of me and of being happy. He knew that one day i would start seeing you in a different way still, and when you saw me in the same way, and when you were ready, we would make each other very happy in a different way then at the time. His only concern is when. As your physical and mental age would always be miles ahead of your biological age, there was no way to tell when you would be ready. We discussed this and your father and i decided i would wait until you were 7, your predicted age of full maturity, if you felt the same way, and if not, i would wait until you did, if you ever did. So Ness,you now know, i want you. i need you in the way you want me right now. But we cant. Not yet. you will be 7 in a few months, then we have you family's blessing to do whatever we want, get married, whatever, but not until then."
"But Jacob, what if you feel differently by then?"
"I wont Nessie, i promise you i wont"
"Why do we have to wait, please, you want me as much as i want you, please Jake" i pleaded with him "Renesmee, don't do this, you know i cant deny you of what you want, but i cant do this, its for the best, i promise. i would never have agreed to it if i didn't think it was for the best. trust me Nessie"
"Ok, Jake, i trust you" i whispered, devastated, but at least now we both know.