Dear Shinji
How are you son? It's been a long time since I've spoken to you, I suppose you must be about ten now. I trust you are in suitable hands with your sensei.I hope you are working hard at school. Hard work can be it's own reward if you let it be.
Are you still playing the cello? Last time I heard Your playing was admirable for a boy of your age. You have talent, do not allow it to go to waste. If you do not seize these opportunities you will regret it. I myself have many regrets in life I do not wish the same for you.
I have some very important at work to do at the moment so I can't be there for you. This maybe for the best. I know I've always been a somewhat distant Father to you, physically and emotionally. I know I appear cold and heartless to you and I'm sure you don't think very much of me. After all I ran off and left you to pursue my work. It was necessary but nevertheless regrettable. I haven't been there for you growing up, if it wasn't for your photo on my desk I would have forgotten you're face a long time ago. I still remember the day I left you after what happened to Your mother. You might have been too young to remember but I can recall my exact last words to you. Obey your sensei, I'll be back when I need you. That's what I said, not goodbye, not a trace of affection just what needed to be said nothing more.
I realize that even before then I was not much of a Father. I was too abundant with criticism about you and far too sparse with praise.Sometimes, and you'll realize this when your older son, it can be easy to chastise and scold people for doing wrong but not so easy to tell them how much they really mean to you. In pursuing this project, this obsession, I think I've lost what truly matters. Love and family.
I can be cruel, heartless, manipulative, and anything else I need to be in my line of work. But I can never be the loving father that you need so this I am sorry. I'm more comfortable here in this playpen of gods and demons than I ever would be in my own home. While I cannot be a good Father now, In the future I hope you will appreciate the importance of my work, that everything I'm doing I have to do. To offer an end to this pain.
I'm going to have to ask much of you in the coming years and know that I will expect total obedience for my will and nothing less. You may grow to resent me for this. I cannot promise I will be kind to you if you disappoint me, or merciful should you disobey me.
Just know that everything I'm doing, the project I'm working on,all these years of research it's all for you. And you're late mother of course. She used to be so beautiful. Shinji I want you to know that whatever happens you will always be important to me. Even if throughout the coming years I appear imposing and tyrannical, I will still care about you and love you son. There is not a day goes by that I don't think of you, my only child.
I know that you think that you are much less than a perfect son for me but you are a much better son than I ever deserved. You are kind and gentle with a good heart. I wish I didn't have to ask more from you than that. Please Shinji take care
Love from
Gendo your father.
With a controlled frown Gendo methodically scrunched up the piece of paper and threw it into the waste paper basket.
Just as he had done with all the rest.