Merged

" No matter how close I am to you, no matter how I want it and strive for it, there is always a very small distance that makes the difference between what I possess and what I am hoping for... Beyond the things that I am ready and willing to devote for the good of the people and thus finding the reason of my own life, I know that you mean the world to me. If I had you, it would be like having everything.

My whole existence, with all that my heart is gifted, could be contained inside your soul. Why should I not show it? And not tell the truth to you? The answer is that I do not wish to demolish the settled ideas you have built in your mind about the nature and intensity of our proximity, risking to lose you in the end. I wouldn't want you to think this is a move of despair on my part; that would ruin everything. Even if I prepared some sort of scheme to voice the truth on my behalf, it wouldn't secure the frail balances of proper timing and the rightness of the action itself. "

Lu Su was sitting on the carpeted floor, leaning one side of his body against the wall. This room was a safe place to leaf through the personal reflections he had kept, the ones that he didn't have time or comfort earlier to look upon freely, without the worry of being distracted. His eyes were fixed on an indefinable spot, in any case it didn't matter because on that moment he was gazing deep in his thoughts and his vision had blurred from the increasing tears filling all of their space close at the source and escaped, falling down the man's face.

That pain was not the kind he despised, nor he was seeking to get rid of it right away using the cane of denial. He admittedly needed to experience it wholly, seeing this as the only means to let it go later. Whenever he had to be with Zhou Yu to work together on some task, he behaved calmly and he was most accommodating, keeping in check any sort of inward agitation, even if sometimes was subtly mirrored in a nervous gesture or a minor carelessness which he always made sure to correct it. While being busy with a given assignment, Lu Su consciously attempted to ignore the fiery stir scraping his bosom in cases when he sensed the gaze of the warrior observing him closely, not that it bothered him really, or ever disturbed his attention to a point of becoming unable to concentrate. He knew how to maintain his self-control even under the hardest condition. It was during relaxation that Lu Su allowed any strong impression or feeling he had throughout the day to come and overwhelm him, accepting the impact without objection.

He raised his loosely opened palm to cover a part of his face as he inclined his head and closed his eyes. His throat was sore as a result of an unconscious effort to keep a part of the emotion silent.

Suddenly he straightened up as he was quickly incited by some stimulus to turn his attention to the outer environment and then it was easy to become sure that someone was approaching the room.

Lu Su wiped the tears away from his face and carefully dried the moisture glistening underneath his eyes. He breathed deeply and waited.

" Ah, Lu Su. I was told you had finished earlier today so after I left my post I decided it was a good chance to see you, even for a while."

Luck had not spared the preoccupied man at all and brought him face to face with the case that would seem most awkward at the moment.

" Zhou Yu." His presence was welcome and though Lu Su was finding the sight of his visitor pleasurable, he didn't feel much comfortable at the moment to maintain eye contact with him for more than a few minutes and hoped that his friend wouldn't suspect or discern anything about his previous mood. " Is there any sort of matter or issue you would like me to attend before this day ends?" He asked in a consciously, yet somewhat forced, sedate manner, paying attention to each word spoken, making sure that his voice sounded clear as usual.

" No, nothing for the time being." Zhou Yu replied more readily and sat on the carpet, near to his friend. " Hm, this short-term break has surprisingly arose after a long series of busy preparations and organised skirmishes and while it can be seen as a quick occasion to catch our breath, I believe that in our situation, it is necessary that we preserve our spirit and body in a constant state of preparedness."

There was tiredness, but not exhaustion, on the commander's appearance. His complexion indicated good health and vigorous devotion, both proving excellent supporters of Zhou Yu's active part from the beginning when the alliance with Liu Bei was made, till this moment, close to the major clash which was going to decide the fate of the southern kingdom.

" It is certainly you who have taken most of the burden. I know. And it's good to see that capable people like master Zhuge Liang are assisting you in the operations you 're orchestrating and towards the realization of our cause." Zhou Yu was ready to reply, but then his comrade took hold of the tiny, intervening silence to reduce a sudden sense of vulnerability that occurred to him unexpectedly, deviating from the topic. " I don't seem to have any wine here or other drink to treat you... but, I can bring if you want it."

" No, it's fine..." Zhou Yu moved his gaze lower, observing the thin, detailed patterns on the broad sleeves of Lu Su's cotton robe. " My eyes may deceive me at times but my ears never. As soon as you spoke, I noted that you didn't sound very well."

Great.

If there was a small table in front of him, Lu Su thought that he would have probably slid his rather expressive hands beneath it so they wouldn't betray his uneasiness in any way. Not bothering furthermore to gauge the degree of this inconvenience, he made sure to keep his hands still and calmly outstretched upon his lap. And since Zhou Yu had discovered that something wasn't right and wordlessly insisted to become aware of the reason, it would be foolish to try to hide behind an unsuccessful excuse.

" When I return to the quiet of the room, I allow myself to take ease. And earlier, before I realised it, it was impossible to hold back my tears."

" Were you...?" Zhou Yu began to form his query with a distinguishing apprehension and genuine yet apparently restrained interest, as if there was something forbidden in what he was seeking to learn.

" Sometimes I cry alone if... I get too stressed. It is my way to abate it quicker, as long as I am given that opportunity. This time it happened because I was having these thoughts..." He stopped and looked away, in the direction of the door from which Zhou Yu had entered. Lying seemed like a harmless resort but Lu Su was not fond of deceit, especially towards people for whom he cared deeply and comrades. He had to search for another option. " Although the perspective of our ensured victory fills me with contentment and pride of both our kingdom and the alliance, my mind is heavy with the likely horrid images we are going to witness of those who are to be doomed. It bothers me as I think that if you disregard our differences in allegiance and origin with the enemy, it is clear that they are people exactly like us." Despite that the subject of the presented thoughts did not match with the actual temporal point, it was really an idea on which he had contemplated.

" Somehow I was sure you were going to say this." The warrior commented gently. Then his stare darkened, as if he was going to refer indirectly to a secretly possessed kind of knowledge on that matter that shouldn't be shared with people characterised by deep humane sense, such as Lu Su. " I admit however that I don't feel much compassion about our adversaries right now. I can't. What I see is a huge, faceless mass disturbing the peace in Wu."

" Don't think your view is not understandable to me; You and the people who are like family to us, have fought devotedly for years to regain the right to govern the south lands and live here. Wu was obtained with pain, hope and sacrifices and that is something to be respected, by an ally or even an opponent." The scholar explained, colouring each word carefully.

" Lu Su, I wouldn't enforce you to justify the harshness of my opinion."

" I wasn't trying to agree with you. I simply said what I believe."

Zhou Yu nodded then, " If you can comprehend my reasoning and develop it while staying loyal to your own ideas, your natural talent of advising will be enriched. I wouldn't ever ask you to change anything about your character. You have..." His coherence was cut suddenly and he stopped. Perhaps he wanted to rephrase something but wasn't sure about the selection of words, Lu Su thought. He waited, continuing to look into his friend's eyes without feeling uncomfortable anymore. Only when he noticed that Zhou Yu had strangely met some difficulty in concluding the sentence, he decided to resolve the quiet moment. " I appreciate what you said to me. And perhaps, it might be better that you didn't go on, so I won't become too full of myself."

The warrior laughed kindly, " Really, I wouldn't mind that. You are prudent enough to know the difference between pride and boast."

Zhou Yu appeared like he was ready to leave. Lu Su stood up after the warrior and escorted him to the entrance. " I would have liked to be here longer, but there are still some affairs requiring my attention tomorrow morning."

" It was good talking to you."

Zhou Yu halted and stared at his friend, thoughtfully. " But I don't seem to have helped cheering you up much."

" Don't say that."

The warrior found himself not wanting to go. The sense of discipline dictated him to depart. And there was this person before him, whom always gave him the impression that he was meant to meet him and slowly penetrate his world.

Zhou Yu leaned forward a little and brushed Lu Su's arm with light, unfaltering pressure, his hand sliding smoothly across the soft fabric of the sleeve. The move surprised the receiver, as he remembered that Zhou Yu never used to touch people without a reason, even when he wanted to show sympathy or affinity.

" I will see you later."

Lu Su was probably too stunned to give his reply in time, but as he watched his friend receding, a smile dawned on his face.

XxX

Note: Lu Su has not (yet) gained a prominent position in the game series of Dynasty Warriors, staying in the pages of Luo Guanzhong's respectful novel which is the source (perhaps it is better that way). This certainly doesn't lessen my interest in exploring the traits of his character, forming him with the help of imagery.

As for the section of text used for the summary, it is part of the next chapter.