Ranma is not owned by me. Kintaro and Miko are also not owned by me. Big Mouth is not owned by me.

I got sick over the holidays, and in a fever dream, while binging Netflix shows, I came up with this Ranma story. This is, Ranma's Big Mouth. This is very much an AU.

"Ejaculation"

Something was seriously wrong with Ranma. He had been followed all day by a strange man. But Ranma could not sense any ki from the guy. The guy wore outdated clothes, and even had a baseball cap he wore backwards. But no matter what Ranma did, the guy managed to keep up with him. Ranma tried pointing the guy out to Akane and Ukyo while they were in class, but they couldn't see him.

But what was really bothering Ranma was, that as much as he noticed the guy, he kept noticing Ukyo and Akane that day. Gym, was especially difficult for Ranma that day. Just legs and butts and… he was a pervert. Akane had been right this whole time. Ranma finally realized he was a pervert.

After getting home, Ranma decided to work out. He spent two hours, going all out in his katas, and by the end of it, he nearly collapsed. Nabiki stood at the door, camera in hand. "Nice job Saotome," Nabiki said, leering at him as he took off his shirt and laid back on the floor of the dojo.

Nabiki walked over and stood above Ranma. She was wearing her incredible short jeans shorts today and a pretty halter top that was slightly loose. Looking up at her, Ranma's eyes traced up her legs, to where they met at her crotch. And just beyond he could see her belly as the shirt exposed her at this angle. Ranma swallowed hard.

Nabiki eyed Ranma's reaction and chuckled, she took a quick picture of him and said, "Well now, looks like both of us will have something to think about later."

Ranma nodded dumbly as Nabiki, walked away.

With greater effort than he thought he would need, Ranma headed to the bathroom. As he was about to open the door, Akane came out. They stared at each other briefly, previous encounters flashing through both their minds at the same time. Akane was dressed, but obviously had recently showered. Ranma on the other hand was still topless. Akane looked away.

Ranma suddenly felt incredibly self conscious. He covered himself holding his shirt in front of him. He apologized and stepped out of the way and Akane just nodded and walked off. Ranma was about to walk in when Kasumi came out of the bathroom as well. With a smile, she simply let him know the bathroom was now available and Ranma just nodded.

Once inside, Ranma flipped the shower room door to say occupied and stripped off the rest of his clothes. Ranma stared at the shower seat. Suddenly from behind, Ranma heard a masculine voice he had never heard before say, "You think if you smell it, you can smell Akane's butt on that stool?"

A shiver travelled up Ranma's spine, and he froze. There was no ki behind him. No one was there. But as Ranma turned around he saw the man that had been haunting him all day. The man with the old fashioned 90s clothes. With the backwards baseball cap. With the… fanny pack? Seriously?

Ranma felt defensive, but he couldn't read anything off this guy. Preparing himself to attack, Ranma asked, "Who are you? How did you get in here? Why have you been following me?"

The man laughed, "Oh Ranma. I'm sorry I showed up so late. I'm Kintaro, your hormone kami."

Ranma stared at the guy and asked, "What?"

"I am that sensation you get when you look at Nabiki's belly. I'm what makes you want to fight Kuno for touching Akane. I'm what shows up when your penis becomes erect."

Ranma shook his head, "What are you talking about?"

Kintaro pointed down to Ranma's crotch. Ranma's eyes followed the pointing finger until he saw his manhood. It was doing something he had never seen it do before. It was bigger than usual, and it was floating. Ranma reached down and poked it down, and it bounced back up. Ranma asked, "What is this?"

Kintaro stepped closer and said, "It is pleasure and happiness like you have never known. Now grab your destiny, Ranma. If you know what I mean."

Akane got dressed. She still couldn't believe what she saw in the bathroom. Shivering she quickly headed down stairs, she was almost out the door, hoping not to run into that person again. As she was closing the front door, she heard Nabiki behind her, "Hey Akane."

Akane froze up. She wanted to just close the door, but Nabiki had caught her. Her hands were suddenly slippery and she couldn't even turn the handle of the door. Akane swallowed deeply. She forced a smile on her face and said, "Oh, umm sorry Nabiki, I have to get going. Umm let everyone know I won't make it to dinner okay?"

Nabiki was going to ask where Akane was off to, but her little sister closed the door and ran off before Nabiki could even digest what she said. Interesting, Nabiki thought with a smile. She wondered what was going on. But whatever it was, when she found out, she would be making a lot of money.

Akane rushed off away from her house. Away from that person. She could still see everything so clearly, and she just wasn't sure what to do about it. Her aimless gait was halted when she approached Ucchan's. Rival or not, Akane needed to talk to someone.

Akane was greeted by Konatsu at the door. She sat down at the grill bar, and ordered a simple okonomiyaki to hide her intent. Though, with the way Ukyo kept looking at her she thought that maybe she had failed that. By the time the store closed, and not a conversation had been had, Akane realized that Ukyo knew that something had happened to her.

Still the okonomiyaki chef said nothing as she began to clean up. Konatsu locked the front door. Akane looked around and realized they were finally alone. Suddenly she couldn't hold back anymore. Akane screamed as quietly as she could, "Ukyo!"

Ukyo looked up at Akane, with a sigh she walked around the bar and sat beside her rival for Ranma. She took a breath, preparing to hear something about Ranma, preparing to be angry at someone. She looked at Akane's obviously stressed face and asked, "What is it sugar?"

Akane took a big gulp of air and disjointedly and in between hiccups she said, "I… I saw … so much hair… down there."

Ukyo's brow furrowed. This might be an issue. A game changer. It seems maybe Akane made more progress with Ranma than anticipated. This could mean a lot of changes were coming up soon. Ukyo put a hand on Akane's shoulder and said, "Calm down Akane, you saw hair down where?"

Akane took a big breath and let it out in one shuddering go. Her eyes closed as she gathered all her will power. Finally she opened her eyes and she said, "I wanted to take a bath today. But Kasumi was in there. She said it was okay for us to share, I mean, we are sisters and all, but I haven't shared a bath with her in so long. Well, anyways, when she got up to leave the furo… she had, all this hair down… down… between her legs."

Ukyo almost wanted to laugh, "Oh come on Akane. Obviously she has hair. It's really common for anyone who has gone through puberty."

Akane stared at Ukyo as if she had grown an extra head.

Ukyo looked back at Akane, her incredulous smile slowly fading. As time passed without a response from Akane, Ukyo began to get worried. Finally Ukyo asked, "Akane, have you, ever had a period?"

Akane shook her head no. Now she was starting to worry if something was wrong with her. Akane looked away from Ukyo and said, "I had, heard about it, but I've never had one."

Ukyo nodded, "Well, let me finish cleaning up, I think maybe we need to talk about this."

Ranma lay on his bed roll unable to sleep. His father was in panda form snoring next to him. Ranma just couldn't understand what had happened today. All he knew is that it scared him. Now as he thought back, images of Shampoo floated up from his memories, all the times she showed up in his bath. Even Akane appeared in his mind's eye.

"Hey there roomie," Kintaro said, suddenly kneeling right next to Ranma.

Ranma shook his head, "No, you can't be here. I'm not doing that again. My dad is right there! I'm not that kind of person."

Kintaro laughed, "Yes you are. Otherwise, why would I be here?"

Ranma's eyes opened wide as he realized the truth. "I am that kind of person aren't I?"

"Yes, now grab your dick and start stroking it."

Ranma closed his eyes as he felt his hot member under the sheet. He began to jerk off as quietly as he could. He looked away from Kintaro, and muttered, "I can't believe I'm doing this."

Kintaro leaned in to Ranma's ear and whispered, "Hey, remember what Nabiki was wearing today?"

Ranma nodded.

Kintaro smiled, "She gave you quite a view of her belly didn't she?"

"Yeah," Ranma's answer came out quietly.

"Remember what she said?"

"She said, both of us would have something to think about tonight."

Kintaro smiled widely, "You think she's doing the same thing right now?"

Oh my god! Ranma thought, Nabiki. Nabiki might be touching herself right now. Her hands on her legs. Her shorts pulled down. Her fingers touching herself. Like Ranma. Like…. suddenly everything ended. Ranma spent collapsed back on the bed roll.

"Good night Ranma," Kintaro said, as he began to go into Ranma's closet.

"Wait! What do I do with this mess?"

Kintaro laughs, "You sleep in it like the filthy pervert you are."

Konatsu was crying atop his bed, he sat there on his knees, exposed completely as Akane was inches from his erect member. Ukyo was nearby, as she described all the parts of the penis as she read from the school biology book.

Akane would then point to the part that Ukyo mention, sometimes even touching Konatsu as the poor guy wept. "Ukyo-sama, you know I'm just a simple girl. This is too much!"

Ukyo smiled and said, "I'll pay you triple time for this Konatsu!"

Suddenly, with images of 30 yen dancing across his vision, Konatsu relented and tolerated the embarrassing prodding of the youngest Tendo sister.

The rest of the week found Ranma experiencing a very real, and very private hobby. Every moment at the Tendo house resulted in random stimuli that would result in Ranma looking to get away from Akane, Nabiki, and even Kasumi.

A random visit from Shampoo caused Ranma to disappear for over three hours as he practiced his new hobby until things started to hurt.

Kintaro never helped either. He would just pour gasoline on the fire. Like when he convinced Ranma to go to Happosai's room to get back Akane's underwear for her. Nevermind that it gave him a chance to shove it into his face and breath deeply her most private scent.

Ranma spent school fidgeting with anxiety that everyone could see and hear everything Kintaro kept saying to him, like when he accidentally saw up Akane's skirt. He felt his whole face flush as Kintaro said the most lewd and degrading things that Ranma had ever imagined before in his life.

During the week, buzz started sounding around school about a party that Tatewaki Kuno was throwing at his mansion. It seemed that it was an open invitation with free food. Ranma had briefly thought of crashing it, though he fully suspected his name wasn't on the list, when he saw Akane talking to Kuno.

And for the first time since Ranma had met Kintaro, he saw him standing next to him when he wasn't erect. Ranma glanced at Kintaro before looking back as he saw Akane laughing at something Kuno said.

Kintaro scowled, "What is she doing laughing at his jokes?"

Ranma shook his head, "Maybe she is just trying to get him to leave her alone."

Kintaro growled, "No, she walked up to him remember? Is she cheating on us?"

Ranma wanted to scream, but instead he spoke through clenched teeth, "She better have a good explanation for talking to him."

The conversation seemed to wind down, and Akane smiled at Kuno as she walked away, she shouted back, "Okay sempai! I'll see you at the party!"

Akane turned around smiling when she saw Ranma and Ukyo staring at her.

"What was that Akane?" Ranma yelled at her.

Akane crossed her arms in front of her and answered back, "I was just asking if we'd all be able to go to the party."

Kintaro yelled, "Oh my god, she wants to fuck Kuno!"

"What the hell Akane! You're suddenly into Kuno or something?" Ranma yelled.

Akane's eyes grew wide before she narrowed them in anger, "No you dummy! Maybe I just thought a party would be fun!"

Kintaro pointed an accusatory finger at Akane and shouted, "Smack her! Show her what it's happens to sluts who cheat on you!"

Ranma clenched and unclenched his fists. He could feel tears building up in his eyes. By now a crowd was starting to gather, with Nabiki goading them on to fight. Ranma's throat clenched and he let out a long held breath. With as much control as he could, Ranma opened his hands as wide as they could go, and then said, "Fine. Go with Kuno to his stupid party. I have other fiancées I can go with."

Before Akane could even respond to that, Ranma was gone.

Ranma was in the dojo just beating the hell out of one the practice dummies. Kintaro had followed him home and was shadow boxing the same dummy. Ranma couldn't stand whatever it was that Akane had done. What had she done?

Kintaro continued to shout as he punched. "How dare she dump you. We should rape her. Show her what's she's missing. What's it called when you rape someone without permission?"

Ranma stopped punching. He looked at Kintaro and just shook his head, "I think, that's just rape."

Kintaro started humping the training dummy and shouted, "Yeah we should do that!"

Ranma thought about hurting Akane and all his anger deflated. Suddenly he just felt sick from the thoughts that had been running from his head. Ranma almost threw up from the thoughts and forcefully shouted, "No!"

Kintaro looked at Ranma and shrugged. He started walking to one of the shadows in the dojo, as he started fading out he said, "Well, I have to go hang out with Ryoga, seems like he remembered one time when he saw your girl side naked. See ya."

Akane lay on her sister's bed crying to Nabiki. With a wail she continued telling her what happened that afternoon in school, "And he went and left before I could explain that I wanted to go with him!"

Nabiki gave Akane's back a few heavy pats. With a sigh she stopped and leaned back in her desk chair and said, "Look little sis, it seems to me like you're just getting to taste some of your own medicine."

Ranma couldn't quite face up to Akane yet. He instead decided to skip dinner at home and headed over to the Nekohanten, preferring to have hot soup to soothe his throat than okonomiyaki. When he got there Shampoo immediately oozed onto him, immediately causing Kintaro to pop up behind Ranma and shout, "Look at those titties! They're pressing up against your arm man! Can you feel the nipples? Her nipples are hard and are pushing right into your arm!"

Ranma tried desperately to ignore Kintaro as he smiled at Shampoo. Ranma looked down at his pants and realized he needed a way to hide the effect Shampoo was having on him and fast. So he quickly found an empty table and sat down. Shampoo managed to stick to him the entire time and she cooed into Ranma's ear. Ranma nervously cleared his throat and said, "Hey, Shampoo! Umm, do you think I could get something to eat?"

Shampoo traced her hand from Ranma's face down his chest and as she reached past his belly she could feel him completely tighten up. Shampoo stopped moving her arm and started drawing little circles along Ranma's stomach. She looked up into his eyes, which were storming with all sorts of emotions. Shampoo smiled brightly at Ranma and said, "Of course, Airen, Shampoo glad to give food. If Ranma, take Shampoo on date!"

Ranma laughed, his free hand moving up to the back of his neck, Ranma looked away and mumbled. He looked back to Shampoo and realized she didn't hear him, so he cleared his throat and said, "Actually, that's why I came here."

"Aiyah!"

The Kuno Mansion was kicking with a party that included not only Furinkan High students, but kids from St. Hebereke's School for Girls. Akane was in a corner hanging out with Ukyo and Konatsu, and trying very hard to not be spotted by Tatewaki. Bad enough that she was trying to get Ranma to come, and partially promised Tatewaki that his "pig-tailed goddess" might show up. Although, with Ranma coming with one of the other girls, and not giving her a chance to talk to him, means that she might have to backtrack on her conversation with Kuno.

Akane was also having trouble looking at Konatsu and sometimes even Ranma. Ever since the night Ukyo gave her the birds and the bees lecture with a live model, Akane kept remembering the penis of those boys more so than their actual face. Which meant sometimes when she would look at them, their face would be their penis instead. Needless to say, she was starting to feel freaked out.

A faster song came on and Ukyo asked Akane to join her and Konatsu for a dance, but Akane chose to not spend any more time with the supple penis head of Konatsu and to also avoid placing herself in a situation where she'd be more visible to Tatewaki.

Feeling thirsty Akane ventured towards a table that had drinks and snacks, and it was then that she saw Ranma and Shampoo walk into the party. Shampoo immediately dragged Ranma to an open area and they began dancing. The wild beats of the dance, and the crazy rhythm kept the two somewhat apart from each other, much to Akane's relief.

Suddenly, the music changed and Akane felt a presence behind her. Turning around she saw Kuno there, in his tuxedo, which was absolutely ridiculous considering the dress code of the rest of the party. Akane knew this cost was coming, but she had hoped Ranma as the pig-tailed girl would be here to soften the cost. Instead he was dancing with Shampoo. During a slow dance even!

Kuno guided Akane to the dance floor and she seethed at how Ranma let Shampoo rub all the way up against him. The two of them were slowly grinding into each other. Shampoo was even shoving her mons pubis (thanks Ukyo for clearing that up!) into Ranma's obvious erection! The slut!

After the slow dance was over, Akane excused herself and went upstairs, trying to get away from Kuno, from Ranma, and from everything.

After the slow dance in which Ranma could do nothing about breath heavily so he didn't lose control, another fast dance started. At which point Shampoo turned around and in rhythm to the crazy beat, she began rubbing her rear end up and down on Ranma's pronounced tent.

Kintaro had his arms over Ranma's shoulders, practically drooling, as Ranma whispered, "Oh kami, oh kami, oh kami," over and over again. That's when it happened. Ranma lost all control, and he experienced a sensation he had become all too familiar with this week. In a panic, before Shampoo noticed the wetness on the front of his pants, or before anyone else noticed a stain, Ranma ran upstairs, past Akane and into the bathroom.

Ranma took off his pants and put the crotch into the sink, hoping to wash off his shame. He pulled away his underwear and shuddered. This entire week of sloughing off excess spunk, and this was easily the most Ranma had ever made. The mess was travelling down his leg. Ranma reached for toilet paper and started wiping his leg clean. When he looked up to check on his pants he caught Akane's reflection in the mirror. Ranma instantly grabbed his wet pants and held it front of him while shouting, "It's not what it looks like!"

Akane looked at the wet pants, the glob of goop on the ground, and Ranma's guilty face. She remembered how Shampoo had been dancing with Ranma, and the lessons Ukyo gave her. She remembered Kasumi's massive jungle like bush. Akane took a deep breath and steading herself. Finally her eyes met Ranma's and she asked, "So you didn't jizz yourself while dancing with Shampoo then threw your pants in the sink getting them all wet?"

Ranma looked around and then sighed, he answered, "Well, then I guess it is what it looks like. Sorry about this."

Akane laughed, and walked up to Ranma and gave him a hug, carefully making sure her hips were away from his wet pants. She hugged him for a moment before letting him go and saying, "Ranma, don't let Shampoo sexually harass you. Also, why did you soak your pants?"

Ranma sighed, "I panicked okay? I've never had this happen before and I didn't want my pants to stain. Now what am I going to do?"

Akane smiled as an idea came to her. Cupping her hands under the running water, she splashed Ranma with the cold water. With a laugh Akane said, "I think I have an idea."

Akane traded her dress for Ranma's shirt, and then wore his large shirt as if it were a mini-dress. Ranma looked pretty good in her dress, now that she looked at the boy turned girl. Feeling brave, half naked in the hall of Kuno's mansion, Akane suddenly leaned over and gave Ranma a kiss on the cheek.

When Ranma didn't run, Akane got braver and turned her head and kiss Ranma on the lips. They gave and parted. After a moment Akane pulled away and smiled. She said, "Well then let's go enjoy the party."

Ranma looked around, feeling like maybe Kintaro should have showed up. But he didn't. He almost started to smile, which is when Nabiki came out of the shadows holding a video camera. With a big smile Nabiki asked, "So, when's the wedding?"