I always thought that in the moments before I died, my life would flash before my eyes.
Growing up with Caroline and Bonnie. Teasing Jeremy on the playground. Cooking with Dad in the kitchen. Crying and being held by my mother the first time a boy broke my heart. Falling in love with Matt. Falling out of love with Matt. Losing my parents. Almost dying. Meeting Stefan. Falling in love with him, more and more every day. Meeting Damon. Finding out about vampires. Werewolves. Strangers with my face. Losing Jenna. Losing Stefan. Hurting so bad that I thought I'd break. Turning to Damon and feeling things for him. Big, scary things. Stefan coming home. Jeremy leaving and going to Denver. Losing Alaric.
I've lost so many people.
And that's really my only thought before I hit the water.
They should have repaired Wickery Bridge a long time ago. I take one last breath as the water closes over the car, embracing it, pulling it down. I remember my dad, holding his hand. My mother was already gone, fainted or dead on impact with the water. I look over at Matt. He looks like she did, pale and still. He looks dead.
I've lost so many people.
I scream his name, but sound doesn't pass my lips. Water rushes into my lungs, I can feel it, but I don't care. Matt is ordinary, probably the only ordinary thing left in my life. He's not supposed to die here. He's supposed to get a normal, boring job and marry a normal, boring girl. Live a normal, boring life.
Once upon a time, he thought I was that normal, boring girl. Once upon a time, I sort of thought so too.
But I'm not normal, not even a little bit. I'm the Petrova doppleganger, I'm the one in love with two vampires. Not Matt. Matt is normal. Matt didn't ask for any of this. He doesn't deserve any of this. My fingers scrabble uselessly over his seatbelt. I spent months training, getting stronger, but my best efforts are being foiled by a goddamned seatbelt.
There are spots dancing in front of my eyes.
I can't feel my fingers.
And then, Stefan is there. He's floating in the water like an angel and part of me thinks that this can't be reality. He can't save me from this twice. But I feel his hands against me, pulling me out, pulling me up.
No. The refusal is silent, but he sees it. I point to Matt, insistent. He's normal. He isn't supposed to die.
Stefan still reaches for me, but I won't go. I see it in his eyes, the horrible, painful decision that he's making. No. It's in his eyes too. But I shake my head again and resist the urge to grab him and scream. I won't go.
He grabs Matt, fixes me with a look that I could never, ever describe and then swims frantically towards the surface. Towards light I don't think I'll ever see again. I knew he would do it. That was Stefan, determined to make me happy even if it killed me.
The water swirls around me and the cold stings less and less every second.
After escaping the first time, I never thought that I'd drown. If I was going to die, I thought that it might be Klaus, teeth against my neck, something violent, fiery and hot. Not this, snuffed out like a match in a cold, dark, quiet place.
But, as my vision flickers and the aching in my chest grows strangely distant, it seems right. I've been living on borrowed time for a while now. This is right, this is good. Alaric will die. Klaus won't be able to make hybrids. Stefan will live. Damon will live. Matt and Jeremy and Caroline and Bonnie and the rest will all live and be safe without me.
I never had to make a choice, not really. At least, not one that I followed through on. Even now, closed in darkness and silence, I don't know if I would have been able to give Damon up. I always seemed to end up back at him in the end.
Damon would have saved me, Matt be damned. He would have ripped me from the car, ignoring my silent no and would have had me checked into the hospital before he even gave Matt a second thought.
I don't know what thoughts to be thinking in these last seconds. Should I be praying? I haven't gone near a church since my parents died. Our father, I try. It feels hollow and wrong in this muted place. Still, I keep going, who art in Heaven...
I don't remember any more of it.
But that is distant now. Fading into blue and black. There is nothing left at all besides this. Here and now. Me, this car and the place where my parents died.
My life doesn't flash before my eyes. The end comes slowly, wrapped in darkness and cold and numbness. My arms are limp like dead things. My hair floats around me like a tattered halo of weeds. I can't feel anything. There's no white light, no warmth and laughter and comforting embraces.
The night folds in on itself, my vision winking out slowly like a dying morning star. The last things I think of are Damon's eyes, Stefan's smile.
Even in death, I can't make a choice.
A/N: So...there's that. I may continue it...or just leave it a one shot. The choice is yours, really. Actually, less yours and more mine. Anyway. Review and all that jazz!
Disclaimer: I sell lawn mowers right now. As sexy as it is, it's not half as sexy as owning the Vampire Diaries