I warn you now. This is only being written because I am BEYOND bored and I thought this was abso-fucking-lutely hilarious. Only read this if you think you can handle my borderline insanity. I also know it is no-where near Christmas…in fact its practically July…the polar opposite of December. Also, the only reason I wrote this is because the thought of X screaming a certain phrase made me wish I was drinking milk so that it would shoot out of my nose and all over my expensive, expensive computer.
I don't own the Megaman X series.
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Christmas Eve, a night spent enjoying the precious time together with friends and family. A time when you can relax and enjoy the warm glow of the fire, or share a laugh with a friend all while basking in the warm fuzzy feeling that is Christmas and say, "Thank you baby Jesus. Thank you for giving me Christmas." That was the feeling at the commander center in Giga City where our hero, the blue bomber, Megaman X himself, was throwing a party with all of his friends. There was Signas; Alia; Axle; Douglas; Zero; Layer; Pallet and his newest friends Massimo; Cinnamon; Nana and Marino. X is pretty popular.
While X was the one who threw the party he was the one who was enjoying it the least. Axle and Zero had tried to get him under the mistletoe with every girl at the party so far. They'd almost succeeded a couple times but X was savvy to their plans…which wasn't too hard because they pretty much told them they were gonna do it. That and while he loved his friends and Christmas taking this time off was allowing mountains of paperwork to pile up.
Zero scanned the crowd once again for his blue best friend but no avail. Zero knew how much X loved the holidays but he could never enjoy them; this year he'd help his buddy loosen up. "Goddammit. X is like a freaking shadow! Axle, you almost done?" Zero asked as he looked over his shoulder. Axle was busy stapling something to something else.
"Ow! Dammit! Yes I'm done. You could have helped, you ass." Axle said as he hefted their new super-advanced device. Mistletoe stapled to the end of a big stick. "Tremble at the awesome power of my mistle-pole! Stickletoe? No, no." Zero smacked the younger reploid upside the head.
"Shut up. Now I'll go distract X and then you sneak up and BAM! X isn't as much of a tight ass." Zero said as he began to peruse the crowd. "Beside it should be called the mistle-master. The Mistle-Master 2000."
"Yeah whatever hurry up my arms are getting tired." Axle said as he bang to stealthily prowl behind Zero.
Marino breathed a sigh of relief as she had finally cornered X. She had been trying all night to get her former team leader to relax. The guy certainly was hard to keep track of. They had been chatting pleasantly for a few minutes now and he seemed to be losing his edge a little. That is, until he tensed up all of a sudden.
X had been enjoying his talk with the former thief. He really had been, but then he spotted something that made his oil run cold. Zero had spotted him and began making his way over, but it wasn't Zero that scared him. It was what was behind him. Axle, with a really long pole, with friggin' mistletoe stapled to it, very poorly by the way. And he was sitting next to Marino! Things did not bode well. As Axle saw X spot him he dove into the crowd; X had to do something fast or some bad shit was gonna go down. He glanced around to see if there was anything he could use in this situation to save himself, eureka! There it is!
"Hey! You know what's good? Eggnog! You want some eggnog? I'll go get us some eggnog! Stay right there! And…and don't turn around." With that X leapt to his feet leaving a confused and frustrated Marino behind. Dashing past Zero he dove into the crowd after Axle.
Marino sighed as she stood up. She walked over to the table of refreshments and was surprised to find that X wasn't there. With a wicked glint in her eye she grabbed a cup and filled it with some nog, and a "little" something extra. The current content of the cup was 5 percent eggnog and 95 percent…pure alcohol.
Zero waltzed up to the table as well and let a growl escape his lips as he downed a glass of his own "special" eggnog that he kept with him. No need to let X get any…'not after last time' he shuddered. He heard a crack and he looked into the crowd with Marino.
After rolling into the crowd he spotted Axle eyeing his previous position on the couch where he had been sitting with Marino. Good, he hadn't spotted him yet. Deciding to make it loud and nasty to get his point across he ran head long into the red headed reploid. After Axle fell to the ground with a shriek X grabbed the offending stick and broke it over his knee, but he wasn't done there. Quickly jogging over to the fire place he raised the two broken portions with one hand over his head before hurling them into the dancing flames. It was at this point he realized everyone was starring at him, most out of concern.
"The uh, the fire was dieing down." X laughed nervously as the party goers slowly returned to their conversations. The shock seemed to have left Axle's system because it was then his turn to attract attention to himself.
"NOOO NOT THE MISTLE-MASTER TWO THOUSAAAAAAND!!" He screamed as he began crying into his hands and mumbling things like, "my baby" and "why couldn't it have been me?" Concerned stares were abundant that night. X then walked over to Marino sighing as he saw her at the table he said he was going to.
"Sorry, I had to-" He was cut off as she thrust a plastic cup in his face.
"Can it and drink your nog." Marino said as she lifted her own cup to her lips, keeping one eye trained on X the whole time. He thanked her and then he began lifting the cup to his lips. She smirked. The rim was almost touching his lips. 'Almost, almost wait. Why is he stopping!? SOOOO CLOSE!' She screamed mentally.
X turned and walked into the crowd where Nana was calling him over. She was holding a fake beard and a red hat. Crap, he knew what she wanted him to do. And being the nice guys he is he wasn't about to say no, at least not on Christmas Eve.
"Geeze, I wish X would chill out. All we want to do is help him enjoy his favorite time of the year." Zero said as Marino turned away from X's direction with a disgruntled moan. Well, at least he took his eggnog with him.
"I know. That's why I put about half a cup of alcohol in his drink." She said off handedly as she picked up a cookie in the shape of a tree. Zero cupped clattered to the floor.
"You put half a cup of what in the who now?" Zero asked as he began to sweat.
"I spiked the shit out of his drink. What's the problem? It'll loosen him up." The green haired super robot asked as she munched the cookie. Axle, who was next to them sobbing stopped and looked up at the red reploid.
"Yeah dude, what's the matter with getting X a little drunk?" He asked as he got up from his knees.
"Oh, you guys don't know what happens when he gets drunk. Oh this is bad. Where's Signas? SIGNAS!" Zero yelled into the crowd Marino and Axle wearing matching quizzical expressions(Twinsies! Yay!). "You don't understand. X is like, a super lightweight. I mean, he can't take his alcohol at all! He'll get drunk off rum raisin ice cream for Christ's sake! SIGNAS!" The normally stoic hunter was getting hysterical.
"So?" Axle deadpanned.
"Yeah, so what. He'll pass out in a second then." Marino said, walking up to Zero.
"No, no, no. This is bad. This is so bad! SIGNAS! Oh God! He's a raging drunk."
"X? The guy who openly admits that he hates fighting? Cha' right." Axle said while waving a dismissive hand in the air.
"I've got to agree with the squirt on this one. X wouldn't hurt a fly even if it had him at knife point." Marino Added. Zero turned on them with fear etched all across his face.
"You just don't get it! I mean he goes literally crazy! The more alcohol the worse it is. Combine that with his zeal for Christmas and he's going to fucking flip! SIGNAS GET YOU PUNK ASS OVER HERE!" That got said commander's attention.
"Well Zero, you'd better have a damn good—" He began but was cut off by the same reploid he was going to reprimand.
"We've got a code XX on our hands, sir!" Zero said as he straightened up and tried to control his voice from cracking in panic.
"Jesus Christ! A XX!? What level?" Signas asked, all thoughts of Zero's punishment forgotten.
"Code blue, sir. Navy blue." Zero responded.
"Oh holy, sweet, sacred, mother of GOD! I'll begin evacuating the city! Zero you know what to do." Signas then ran into the mob of guests and began ushering them to the door in hopes that it wasn't to late to minimalize casualties.
"Okay you two take cover. I need to set up a containment area and begin preparations for plan ZX." Zero said as he turned to Axle and Marino.
"It can't seriously be that bad can it?" Marino asked.
"We've only used code XX twice. One was an accident and the other time was used against Sigma. I assume you know who that is." Zero asked.
"You mean the legendary reploid who was supposed to be the most powerful and destructive force on the planet?" Marino asked. "I thought he was destroyed by an all-out assault by the old Repliforce and the Army."
"Nope. Me, Zero and X beat him together! Just the three of us. Twice." Axle exclaimed proudly jutting his chest out. Marino was awed.
"Just the three of you!? TWICE!?" Marino exclaimed.
"Yeah, but he's regenerated himself 9 times." Zero said as he began placing strange looking beacons on the floor.
"NINE TIMES!?" Axle and Marino screamed in unison.
"Yeah, X beat him the other seven times." Zero placed another beacon.
"All by himself? That's not possible! No one is that strong!" Marino said.
"Don't underestimate X. He's got more surprises in him than I thought was robotically possible." Zero said as he placed the last beacon. "But the seventh time Sigma was revived was almost immediately after X beat him the sixth time. No one, not even X, was ready to fight. That is when we used code XX. He stormed into Sigma's lair and went angry rhino on his ass."
"What did Sigma do? I'm sure he had been planning on X coming to attack him." Axle said.
"He was waiting for X. But when X kicked in the doors to the throne room I believe the technical term for what Sigma did was "Shit his pants and scream like a little girl in a bear trap" or something to that effect." Zero said, exhibiting a skillful use of air quotes.
"Wow." Was all Axle could say.
"So is he going to 'angry rhino' us?" Marino asked, she too seemed to have mastered air quotes.
"Let's pray tat he doesn't" Zero said.
"Zero! I couldn't the others out in time! And I think X has made his way onto the roof!" Signas shouted as he jogged over to the trio.
"I thought this might happen. So I set up the energy drainers by the fire place. We need to set up the hologram project NOW!" Even as he said this Douglas was diligently putting the final touches on plan ZX.
"Everything's set up! Everyone behind the maximum strength plasma shield." The genius reploid ordered as he stood up.
"Well if Sigma was defeated so easily why didn't you use it these last two times?" Marino asked as they ran behind the barrier.
"You know how plans have letters?" At everyone's nod he continued, "well, code XX is like, backup, contingency plan triple Z. It is so destructive it was labeled as a war crime to use it…by us. THAT'S why." Zero finished as he leveled his blaster at the fireplace, while sliding his other hand to the hilt of his Z sabre. "We may not make it out of this alive so…if you have anything to say to someone say it now."
Zero murmured a good by to Layer, as Axle hugged Pallet. Signas patted Douglas on the shoulder while telling him the he was a good soldier, even if he'd never fired a gun before. Cinnamon and the massive Massimo began to cry. Nana and Alia hugged each other, each wishing that they had been friends earlier. Axle and Signas both aimed their respective weapons at the burning fire in case they had to take down their friend. Marino gulped as she prayed that X would make it out alright.
An eternity seemed to slip by between each loud THUMP of X's footfalls on the roof. Before, finally, they stopped and time seemed to come to a standstill. Flames in the fire place seemed to flicker before they were smothered by a blue, armored foot. Stepping out of the fireplace a slightly sooty X stood, staggering slightly. His left eye was drooping a little but all in all he seemed rather jolly.
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas!" X laughed with a wave of his arm.
"Doug, turn on the hologram. Like, NOW please!" Zero whispered. Douglas nodded once before flipping a switch on his arm. An image of Sigma flashed to life in front of X.
"Now the plasma shield should protect us. And as long as he doesn't use any melee attacks the beacons should drain him dry." Douglas explained in a low voice.
"Oh! Sigma! It's so good to see you again! You've been very naughty," Zero punched Axle in the arm as he started giggling at the word naughty, "But don't worry! I've still got a present for yooooou." X reached into the sack that he had had over his shoulder and he pulled his hand out only this time it was actually his X-buster. Then he began to utterly unload into the Sigma hologram.
"HO! HO! HO! MERRY CHRISTMAS MOTHER FUCKER! AAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Needless to say this went on for a good solid hour, the others too afraid to move. Soon X began to tire. The gem on his helmet began to flash, a sure sign that he was low on power.
"Okay, we need to hit him now so that he'll pass out." Zero said as he picked up Douglas and began doing a few test swings as though the robot was only a bat. He would have followed through if he hadn't heard the angry roar escape X's throat.
"RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAA!" X screamed as his helmet gem began emitting more light than it had prior to his rampage! Changing his buster back into a hand, he charged the hologram. Luckily Douglas had built a heavy, solid, metal replica of Sigma for the Hologram to overlay. X tackled it to the ground and began punching its "face". His were punches growing fiercer and fiercer by the second and his hands began to glow. Soon there was no face, hell, there wasn't even a head! It was around this time that he just started punching the floor. As the floor began to crack X lost consciousness mid punch and collapsed.
Signas uncovered his head and asked, "Is it over?" Zero, Who still had Douglas brandished over head in a ready stance, breathed a sigh of relief. Douglas finally lost it and went completely limp as he fainted, causing Zero to tumble to the ground with him. Marino got up and walked over to X's body Cinnamon was hot on her heals.
"Damn, I'm no good at this kind of stuff. Cinnamon you're a nurse you check him out." Marino suggested as she kneeled near his body. Cinnamon followed suit and began running a diagnostics.
"I think he'll be fine when he wakes up. I hope he'll be alright though." Cinnamon said. Crack. "What was that?" Crack!
"I don't know. But I think we should move." Marino said as, CRACK, she began slowly moving away.
"WhyyyYYYYYEAAAAAAH!" Cinnamon shrieked as the floor finally gave out after X's assault. The three landed in a crumpled, collectively unconscious pile in the room below. The others all looked down the hole. Zero and Axle both had devilish little smirks on as they viewed the scene.
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"Owwww. My head. What did I do last night?" X said as he sat up scratching his head. He looked to the left and saw his helmet on his night stand, and he could tell he was just in his boxers; well at least he was in his own bed. But then he noticed another helmet on the stand. It was white with a blue cross on it. His eyes widened a little and he looked down, lying next to him was Cinnamon. X was frozen to the spot until he felt a movement to his right. It was Marino, she too was missing her helmet and her bare arm was draped over the covers. X's thoughts went as followed: 'OH SHIT! OH SHIT! OH NO! NONONONONONO! OH MAN! I'M SO DEAD! OH GOD NO! Marino I can understand but Cinnamon! AND ON CHRISTMAS EVE!? I'm going to hell.'
A tiny giggle broke his train of thought. Looking down he could see that Marino seemed to find his expression funny. She stretched a little and X could tell that she was, in fact, naked. That didn't help his 'Maybe I didn't actually do what I think I did' theory.
"Morning party animal." She said as she curled up a little.
"M-m-morning." They stared at each other for a little while before he broke the silence. "Did…did we, you know?" He began inserting his finger in the hole made by his other hand to signify "sexy sex time" as Axle called it.
"No." Marino answered. He let out a huge breath that he knew he had been holding.
"Oh thank God. But, then why are you naked?" He asked, getting a little red in the face.
"Well, last thing I remember is the floor collapsing from underneath you and Cinny and I fell with you." She said as she raised a finger to her chin. "The others must have brought us here."
"Code XX?" He asked with his head in his hands.
"Code XX. Level navy blue." She answered with a nod. X gave a low whistle.
"Must have been scary. Sorry. No one was hurt right?' He asked with concern.
"Well, no actually. Though my shoulder is a little sore." She said rubbing her said appendage.
"Sorry…wait, why would they s-strip you na-naked?" X said getting even redder.
"Oh, they didn't." He gave her a confused looked as she crawled up to him. "I woke up about an hour ago. So, are you going to make this injury up to me or what?" At this point it would be best to note that X was redder that Zero and Marino's face was about an inch away from his own, and in an attempt to back away he placed his hand on certain…parts, of Cinnamon by accident. At that exact moment Zero and Axle burst into the room with a camera flashing.
"Dude, X! Way to go!" Axle shouted while he snapped more pictures.
"SCORE!" Zero yelled as he slapped X on the back. Cinnamon then woke up slowly rising to a sitting position while rubbing her eyes of sleepiness. X's hand still placed on her breast; luckily she was still wearing clothes. She looked towards the blue hero with innocent eyes and X looked at her. He couldn't help but think, 'cute'.
"Good morning X." Cinnamon said as she yawned. X retracted his hand as though someone had lit the damn thing aflame. X looked over to see that Marino was obviously uncomfortable as she pulled the covers up to…well…cover…herself. Cinnamon seemed a little startled too as she pulled the blankets up to her nose. Standing on the bed, X kicked Axle in the head sending him careening into Zero, throwing them both down the laundry chute.
"GET OUTTA HERE!" X roared as he brought his leg back, panting. He then sat down again. There was an awkward silence for awhile before Cinnamon broke it into a thousand tiny pieces.
"Did we all have sex last night?" She asked as she looked under the covers. X froze in place and his face was completely red. He swiftly turned around.
"NO!" He said shaking his head. Cinnamon looked to Marino, who just laughed at the whole situation.
"No, Cinny, we didn't." She said as she reached over and brushed a few hairs out of the blonde reploid's face. X was nodding vigorously. Marino pulled back and sat up allowing the covers to fall from her chest. "Not yet anyway." X gulped as Cinnamon giggled. 'Oh snap.'
Zero and Axle had managed to prevent themselves from falling all the way down the chute. They then began to giggle as their plan had worked. Axle then sent the fiber optic cable from the camera up the shaft until they could see into X's room again from their place in the chute. What they led them to label the date as "The Best Christmas Evar."
A/N: The end. Congrats on wading through my twisted little mind and getting this far. Thanks for reading I hope you enjoyed it at least a little anyway. Review if you could please. They make me feel important.