Greetings Dearest Readers,
If you have read any of my other stories, you will know that I'm not wonderful with updates. I want to deeply and sincerely apologize for this in advance. I like starting new stories and I work on multiple stories at the same time while going to college.
**IMPORTANT NOTICE**
-This story has triggers in it. However, this story needs to have those triggers in order for it to "work," so if you're not comfortable with this, then I honestly don't know what to tell you.
**NOTICE**
-I put all 4 teams together. Meaning, they train together and such. It's just something I wanted to do.
Read on, Cherubs.
Over and out.
Breaking the Ice
One.
Two.
Three.
Deep and shallow cuts litter his left forearm.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Crimson pools from his wounds, dripping onto the white tiled floor.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
Shikamaru blinked, his dull brown eyes staring mindlessly up at the bathroom ceiling. The dim lights of the bathroom appeared to make the room small and lifeless as it reflected in his eyes. His slim fingers tapped lightly against the cool handle of his pocketknife, seeming to send an electric pulse of anticipation through his body.
He blinked.
The sound of the clock down the hall seemed to be amplified in the silent apartment.
Tick.
Tock.
Tick.
Tock.
His left arm felt cold and wet as blood continued to slip slowly from his open wounds, dripping onto the white tiled floor.
Drip.
Drip.
Drip.
He looked down at his arm, his dull brown eyes not truly seeing or processing anything. The sting of pain pulsed through his arm and through his thin fragile frame, bringing relief in the process. He looked back up at the ceiling and sighed quietly, his pupils dilating as he felt himself drown.
xXxXx
He opened his eyes and sighed in relief at he looked at the familiar surroundings. He laid in a field, black trees and bright white snow surrounding him. Even though there was snow, he was not cold. He turned his gaze up at the sky. It was light purple with light pink clouds. He smiled, remembering why he chose those colors. He had a weak spot for cotton candy and clouds always remind him of it, so he made the clouds pink. Light purple was one of his favorite colors because he found it to be so calming.
He stood up and walked towards a large, dark blue lake that had no layer of ice on its surface. He sat down on the bank, tucking his knees underneath his chin. A breeze came and he smiled lightly as some of his shoulder-length brown hair blew into face.
In this place, no one could touch him...no one could hurt him. In his world, it was safer.
As it has always been: it's him against the world.
But it was in this little place inside his mind where he took a break from his battle with reality.
xXxXx
Shikamaru blinked rapidly, looking dully at the ceiling as he felt himself breathe again. He heard a clink as his pocketknife hit the floor, leaving dried flakes of blood on his hand. Sighing, he slowly stood and trudged over to the mirror.
As he stared at his reflection, he took out his ponytail holder, letting his brown hair fall on top of his bony shoulders. He ran his hands down his sides, feeling the slight bumps of his faintly protruding ribs and the slimness of his tiny waist beneath them. His doe eyes drifted lazily over his protruding collarbone and slim hips. He started to wonder how much longer he'll be able to hide his drastic weight loss. He's always been slim...but his current physical state would be considered 'extreme'. He didn't necessarily starve himself, he just never had an appetite and he couldn't force himself to eat without feeling nauseous [1]. So he didn't bother.
He turned around and looked at his back in the mirror, flinching. His spine and shoulder blades protruded, but that wasn't what he was flinching at. It was the markings on his back. Small, red horizontal lines lay on either side of his back, 6 on each side just below his shoulder blades and above his hips. But his dull brown eyes stared unblinkingly at the thin white lines on the center of his back that formed the word "whore". He sighed in frustration, pushing back the memory of how he got those markings. He ran a hand through his hair, causing it to fall into his eyes as he stared at the floor. As he felt his throat tighten with building tears and brushed his hand against his face to brush away the tears that had already slipped through.
xXxXx
"Ow! What was that for, Sakura?" Naruto whined, rubbing his head where Sakura just hit him.
"For annoying Sasuke!" She retorted, glancing at the raven, hoping that he was paying attention to her.
Here we go again.
Shikamaru rolled his eyes as he fiddled with a piece of grass.
"Well, well, well Billboard-Brow, looks like Sasuke isn't even paying attention to you." Ino said casually, biting into her rice ball. Sakura growled at her.
"What is it with you guys and Sasuke?" Naruto asked exasperatedly, "He ignores you anyway, no matter what you do!" Ino and Sakura glared at him. Shikamaru rubbed his temples, feeling a massive headache forming.
"Naruto...shut up." He said, closing his eyes and continuing to rub his temples. Everyone looked at him, surprised. Shikamaru wasn't someone who would tell someone to shut up or even break up an argument. Asuma and Neji eyed the nin carefully.
Shikamaru isn't the kind of kid who would get involved with something this stupid.
Asuma took a long drag from his cigarette, concern swelling in his chest about his student.
"This doesn't involve you, Shikamaru." Naruto growled, turning to Sasuke.
Shikamaru shook his head, causing his headache to become worse. He had an idea as to why he's been having intense headaches for the past few months. He developed a habit that caused headaches and other physical symptoms, but he didn't mind. He always needed some kind of physical pain to get him through the day, and he obviously couldn't cut himself in public or pick at the cuts because the wounds would bleed and possibly be noticed.
So he turned to prescription medications.
The medication cabinet in his apartment kind of looked like a pharmacy; a variety of anti-convulsants and sleeping pills [2] sat neatly in orange capsules, waiting for him when he got home.
Shikamaru sighed as Naruto and Sakura continued to shout at each other, the senseis not bothering to break up the fight since they knew it would be pointless. His heart rate began to rise slightly more as he clenched his teeth, feeling his anger begin to sizzle.
No one knew this, but he wasn't as laid-back and lazy as people labeled him to be, but the unmotivated label very much accurate. He's gotten to the point now where he didn't see the point in fighting for anything in particular. Since he didn't see the point in fighting for anything, he didn't which led to his label of being lazy. Same with being laidback: he didn't see the point in fighting for anything, so he just went with the flow when other people did.
But for some time, he's been more aggravated and been starting to not truly care who knew. He was pissed for events past and present, so what? However, he's never actually acted on his anger because he didn't want people asking questions; same thing with his depression. The biggest thing he didn't want thrown at him was questions. But he's gotten to the point where he didn't care about anything, including questions. He's been fighting everything and everyone else, so why not fight against questions as well?
"Naruto, quit being annoying and loud." Sasuke said coolly, glaring at him. Naruto fumed.
Shikamaru tugged at the sleeves of his black, long-sleeved, form-fitting shirt; making sure that the fabric around the holes in the sleeves he made to slip his thumbs through weren't ripping. Neji's sharp pale eyes caught this and he continued to stare unnoticed at the Nara.
"Don't tell me what do! Why do you deserve so much attention?"
"Because I'm better than you." Sasuke said simply, still glaring at the blonde.
"Alright guys, cool it." Kakashi said lazily, now deciding that now was a good time to stop any brash action from happening.
"But Kakashi-sensei, you can't deny that the amount of attention Sasuke gets is really annoying!" Naruto shouted.
"It's not Sasuke's fault though." Kakashi replied, trying to calm the hot-headed blonde.
"But he-"
"Naruto, I swear on all that is holy if you don't shut your fucking mouth, I will slowly chop off your fingers and shove them down your throat." Shikamaru snapped angrily, drawing everyone's stunned attention towards him.
What's gotten into him? This isn't just a "bad day"…this is something much different.
Neji's eyes had widened slightly at Shikamaru's outburst, but he quickly regained control of himself.
"What's the matter with you, Shikamaru?" Naruto asked, worriedly. "First you tell me to shut up, now you're threatening me."
"I've had enough of you and," He stood slowly. "my intelligence is in danger of being lowered by this much stupidity." Shikamaru said shortly as he turned and began walking away from his stunned comrades. But Naruto wouldn't let him go that easily.
"Hey!" Naruto shouted angrily, his worry now gone. "Get back here, you asshole!"
"Naruto!" Asuma and Kakashi said loudly, jumping to their feet; Kakashi grabbing Naruto's arm as the blonde started to move towards Shikamaru.
"That's enough, Naruto. Cool it."
"But—"
"He's gone." Asuma said shortly, continuing to stare at where his student had walked off. Naruto stopped struggling.
"He didn't even care about what Naruto said." Ino said, turning towards her sensei. "That's pretty typical of him though: not caring about anything."
"Well he's caring about something so much that it's pissing him off." Asuma said as he walked away from them.
"Where are you going?" Kurenai called after him.
"Something tells me that something's bothering him."
xXxXx
He found Shikamaru sitting on the ledge of his apartment building's roof, looking up at the clouds. He approached his student slowly and quietly, not wanting to scare him or make him angry. He sat next to his student, turning his gaze up to the sky as well.
"Something tells me that something's bothering you." Asuma started, not sure how to behave when Shikamaru was like this.
"Brilliant deduction. Do you know what color the sky is too?" Shikamaru snapped back sarcastically, catching Asuma off guard.
Something's definitely not right.
"Why are you so snippy today?"
"It's that time of the month." He shot back. Asuma sighed quietly. He's never seen Shikamaru so angry and stubborn before...and he never thought that those emotions existed in him.
"Shikamaru, what's wrong?" Shikamaru didn't say anything, but instead, he stood up and walked inside the apartment building, leaving Asuma more confused than ever.
xXxXx
"Well?" Kurenai asked as soon as she saw Asuma come near them.
"He's not budging." He sighed, sitting next to her.
"Shikamaru's being stubborn?" Ino asked incredulously.
"I never thought he could be stubborn." Choji added, looking at his sensei.
"Same here. We all have bad days…he should be fine tomorrow."
xXxXx
The sound of rattling pill bottles filled the air of the quiet apartment as Shikamaru placed 3 light-blue pills on the bathroom counter. He capped the bottle and placed it back in the medicine cabinet, closing it and catching his reflection in the mirror.
His brown eyes were dull and his face was thin, but what else was new?
He grabbed the 9 pills off the counter and walked towards his bedroom, turning the bathroom light off behind him. His cup of milk was already sitting on his nightstand as he sank down on his bed and picked up his cup of milk, and took the medication in 3 even gulps.
He was too weak and tired to take more.
Shikamaru rolled over and pulled his thick blanket over him, burying his face in his pillow and sighing deeply. His brown hair formed a curtain around his head as his eyes slowly blinked close as the medication and exhaustion took hold.
xXxXx
Alright Gang,
[1]: True story. I'm this kind of person and I know that many other people are as well…and it's really annoying when I'm accused of having an eating disorder just b/c I don't eat as much or as often as I should. End rant. ^^;
[2]: An overdose of any kind is obviously bad, but the side effects of certain overdoses are much worse than others. Anti-convulsants (AKA mood stabilizers) have worse side effects than a lot of other medications b/c they're typically used to treat Epilepsy, thus dealing with brain electricity (usually). Plus many psychiatric and sleeping medications are potentially addictive. Thus my reasoning behind using these two meds in this story ^_^
[3]: This is what I do and a great idea if you also take medication. Milk coats your stomach and so your body doesn't recognize that you've taken medication, and it'll absorb it. If your body recognizes that a medication "shouldn't" be there, it'll usually reject it which is why you get nauseous. And I don't really know how to explain how a medication "shouldn't" be in your body. Ask your health care provider ^_^
ANYWAY, like I said, I'm doing a bit of editing with this story. Now, I won't be able to edit all the chapters in one go, so if you come across something that doesn't make sense, then that means that I've changed it in the previous chapters.
Reviews would be appreciated!
When-Rabbit-Howls