Author's Note: My first songfic! This is what I thought of the first time I heard this song, and now its all I can think about whenever I hear it. I have a little amv that plays inside my head. I've never always thought the same thing listening to a song, so I figure this one's just special; I must share it with the world! Anyway, for those of you who don't recognize it the song is "Funhouse" by P!nk. You know, the new spelling that doesn't show up as the same artist on your ipod. Goddess that's annoying. Yeah yeah, more Sasuke bashing, anybody reading this should know that's what I do best. Sasuke Uchiha: just when you thought you were too mature to hate a cartoon character.
Uchiha Funhouse:
Even Naruto's admitted it.
Its official. Sasuke's never coming back.
After three years as a missing nin, he's finally been declared a missing nin.
Sasuke inherited the entire Uchiha estate as the last survivor. Now, as the closest thing he's got to next of kin, the whole thing goes to his squad. Kakashi gave up his share on the spot, letting Naruto and Sakura split it between them. Once they'd divided up the money, auctioned off everything of value and split that as well, and checked every nook and cranny for important scrolls and other things that might be of use to the village, the issue came up of what to do with the actual house.
Sakura had a few ideas.
They picked a date, and in the late afternoon the old rookie nine descended on the house. Shino didn't want to come, and obviously Sasuke wasn't there, so they had invited Neji and Tenten to come as well, since Lee didn't really have the vindictive side for what they were about to do. Hot dogs, marshmallows, chestnuts and other roast-able things were packed into coolers along with several bottles of champagne. They also brought a number of large cannisters of kerosene, and each one brought a book of matches.
I dance around this empty house.
Everybody filed inside, talking, laughing, pushing each other. They each picked a different direction and took off, starting their exploration.
Tear us down, throw you out.
Sakura found the room Sasuke had been living in first. Finding a picture of Team 7 face down on the dresser, she seized the frame and threw it as hard as she could through the nearest window.
Screaming down the halls.
Ino's screeching laughter could be heard all over the house as she found Sasuke's childhood bedroom next.
Spinning all around.
Neji wandered into a courtyard. Dissatisfied with the still neat look of the only slightly overgrown plants and the clear water of the koi pond, he decided to mar the unbroken ground with a number of wide, shallow circular holes.
Pictures framing up the past.
Tenten found a long hallway, the walls hung with framed pictures, mostly of Sasuke and his family, as this was their section of the compound. She smirked, pulling a bunch of shuriken from her pouch.
Your taunting smirk behind the glass.
Sakura came to a full length mirror in Sasuke's room. Reflected in the glass she saw, like a ghost, Sasuke's twelve year old self, giving her his patented bastard smirk. She slammed her fist into the glass, sending a spiderweb of cracks through the mirror and leaving only her own pissed expression staring back at her.
This museum full of ash.
Shikamaru came upon a mausoleum, the stone walls lined with shelves holding urns full of the ashes of dead Uchihas. One by one he sent a kunai through each, spilling gray ash all over the floor.
Once a tickle now a rash.
Kiba smirked as he noticed two rats fleeing the house. Just as they might know to flee a ship about to sink before it leaves the harbor, they know what's coming.
This used to be a fun-house.
Ino gather up all the toys in the room, lining them up on the bed.
But now its full of evil clowns.
Pulling out her matchbook she set fire to each, one by one, leaving them in a burning pile on the bed but not allowing the flames to spread to the walls yet.
Its time to start the count-down.
They began gathering the cannisters in the front hall.
I'm gonna burn it down,
Three cannisters.
down,
Five cannisters.
down.
Seven cannisters.
I'm gonna burn it down.
Tenten held up her shuriken and took aim.
9
The first picture in the line on the wall shattered as a shuriken went crashing through the glass to puncture the photograph.
8
Another picture destroyed
7
Crash.
6
Crack.
5
Break.
4
Shatter.
3
Crack.
2
Crash.
1
Shatter, the last picture of Sasuke and his whole murderous family.
Fun
Sakura laughed, popping the cork on a bottle of champagne.
Echoes knocking on locked doors.
Kiba led Akamaru down hallways, kicking down doors as he went and laughing as Akamaru barreled down even more.
All the laughter from before.
Hinata laughed in delight as she came upon what looked like the room of a teenage girl. She flopped onto the bed, satisfied with how soft and bouncy it was, even after all this time. Giggling, she began jumping up and down on it.
I'd rather live out on the street,
than in this haunted memory.
Naruto found his way into what he thought must have been a master bedroom in one section of the compound. He assumed it was a master suite because it had its own bathroom, and of course there was the fact that it was bigger then his entire apartment. He ran his hand over a beautiful oak dresser, wondering how it would look in his own bedroom. Immediately a rasengan crashed through it. He needed nothing from this house.
I've called the movers, called the maids.
By now everyone had a glass of champagne, Sakura skipping happily from room to room, distributing the alcohol in a set of dusty, ornate flutes she'd found in a cupboard. When they were done they simple through the glasses over their shoulders to shatter against the walls.
We'll try to exorcise this place.
Kiba disappeared for a bit, then came back, grinning, dragging his own surprise. Everyone, laughing, took a can of red spray paint.
Drag my mattress to the yard.
Hinata pulled the mattress off the bed in the room next to the one she had been playing in, pulling it outside so that she could do some more jumping after they were done, during the bonfire party they were all sure would last late into the night. Then she scrambled back to the first room, giggling, and started thinking of how to make jumping on the bed even more fun.
Crumble, tumble house a cards!
Shikamaru found Choji looking at a butterfly collection someone had hung up on a wall. He showed his friend the can of spray paint he was contemplating what to do first with, and Choji turned towards the door of the room. Then he stopped, laughed, and turned back, expanding himself into a human boulder and simply crashing through the wall that held the butterflies on his way to where Kiba had left the box.
This used to be a fun-house.
Hinata tore open the feather pillows on the bed, throwing them up and laughing delightedly as feathers rained down all over the room, floating through the air as she continued to jump up and down on the bed. She'd never been allowed to do this at home, and squealed in delight at how much fun it was proving, especially considering she wouldn't have to clean up this mess.
But now its full of evil clowns.
A picture caught her eye through the white storm of feathers, an exceptionally sour looking girl to whom she presumed the room belonged. Annoyed with it, Hinata took out a kunai and sent it crashing to the floor, then continued her happy bouncing.
Its time to start the count-down.
A brilliant though struck Tenten as she wandered into a spacious kitchen, the walls lined with glass front cabinets full of ornate, ornamental dishes. She called Sakura and Ino, and a while later Neji and Kiba joined them, and took great stacks of the heirloom looking china outside. Sakura picked up each fragile dish delicately, then threw it hard into the air, the others taking turns using them for target practice.
I'm gonna burn it down,
Tenten sent a kunai crashing through a plate.
down,
Ino hit another dead on.
down.
Kiba whooped as Neji smashed another solidly with a shuriken.
I'm gonna burn it down
They all went around the compound, to every Uchiha symbol stenciled on the walls, and took the spray paint to them.
9
Scribbled over.
8
A forbidden sign.
7
A cross-eyed, dead smiley face.
5
A hidden leaf symbol.
6
An Uzumaki swirl.
5
Completely blocked out by a large red circle.
4
The Hyuuga symbol.
3
A smiley face with its tongue out.
2
Accentuated with dripping blood designs.
1
The words "Good Riddance to Bad Rubbish!"
fun
Sakura popped the cork on another champagne bottle, cackling.
I'm crawling through
the doggy door.
My key don't fit my lock no more.
As per the plan, everybody made sure to kick down an exit and a path to it. Then they all went back for the kerosene.
I'll change the drapes,
I'll break the plates,
I'll find a new place.
They dragged the upended cannisters all through the house. They spilled it all over the floor, splashed it on the walls and doors, drenched the furniture and filled anything that could hold the liquid inside. They poured it over the pieces of the broken dishes, over the rubble of knocked down walls and the glass of broken windows, over the ashes and broken urns, over the charred toys, over the broken mirror, over the feathers on the floor.
Burn this sucker down.
Sakura stood up on a hill overlooking the house. Taking up a third bottle of champagne and pulling out her book of matches, she went down to take up her place beside Naruto by the front wall, and wait for the others to give the signals.
Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo
doo doo doo doo doo doodoo
They all left the cannisters, a little bit of liquid left in each, standing in random places throughout the house. Quickly turning they then scampered for the exits they had prepared.
Doo doo doo doo doo doodoo
doo doo doo doo dat dat dat dat!
Once they had all made it out they each gave a signal that said they were safely outside. Once all nine signals had been given, they each took out their book of matches.
9
Tenten struck a match.
8
Neji struck a match.
7
Ino struck a match.
6
Shikamaru struck a match.
5
Choji struck a match.
4
Kiba struck a match.
3
Hinata struck a match.
2
Naruto struck a match.
1
Sakura struck a match.
fun
Sakura popped the cork on the third bottle, taking a long swig directly from it as she watched the flames creep up over the house.
This used to be a fun-house,
but now its full of evil clowns.
Its time to start the count-down.
I'm gonna burn it down
down
down.
The bonfire party did indeed last late into the night and carried on to the wee small hours of the morning. They toasted all the food they brought, drank all the champagne and other alcohol. They all danced crazily around the fire, laughing wildly as the flames licked the shimmering stars. The girls took turns jumping on the mattress Hinata had brought out, until at last they let Akamaru tear the thing apart and throw it on the fire.
This used to be a fun-house,
but now its full of evil clowns.
Its time to start the count-down.
I'm gonna burn it down
down
down.
I'm gonna burn it down.
And so passed the night when the rookie nine got down to the only thing the Uchiha clan was really good for.
Kindling.
Author's Note: I know. I'm evil. Come on though, name one constructive thing an the Uchiha clan has done in, well, ever. They were a clan of psychos, even Itachi admitted that. They were mean, they were evil and now they're dead. Yay, karma does work! XD Ok I'm done. REVIEW!