~a/n: it's random moments like these that just make my life feel
worthwhile, and let me know that maybe it IS time to get a job, or do my
summer reading project, or save the world...something important like. As I
read The Ersatz Elevator again looking for inspiration, this scenario
popped into my head and refused to relent until I wrote it. I think it came
out pretty good, but it runs on the assumption that Mrs. Baudelaire was
none other than Beatrice.
P a w n
"You have got to be kidding me." Lemony sat at his brother's scrubbed kitchen table and stared at him over his tea. His voice read blatant disbelief. "You simply have got to be joking."
"I know he's not very sensible at times, but Jerome gives very good advice," Jacques said, dismissing his brother's skepticism with a wave of his hand. "And don't give me that look."
"What look?"
"The look you've been giving me since we were children, that glare that says you know everything and I know nothing."
"Well about this, you know nothing."
"You're usually a very rational person, L, and I don't know why it hasn't occurred to you that there may be life after Beatrice."
Lemony nearly choked on his tea. "Life after Beatrice?? Are you mad? She was the most important thing in my life, and I just learned that I could never contact her again! What the hell do you mean, life after Beatrice??!"
"I really think you should talk to Jerome. He's very knowledgeable about things like this."
Lemony snorted bitterly. "Sure, ask him about what to do, the man whose engaged to E."
It was Jacques' turn to choke on his tea. "He's ENGAGED to her??"
"Didn't you know?" Lemony's voice had taken on a novel, absent tone. "They only knew each other a few days. And this is the man you trust with everything."
Jacques wasn't listening, but he darted to the phone. "Jerome is the one who bought the penthouse apartment on Dark Avenue that I begged him to never, ever sell."
Lemony leapt up, spilling his tea and hardly caring. "So you mean to say that that-that-WOMAN-has access to the Baudelaire mansion?"
****
"Squalor residence," Jerome said, knowing his happiness was seeping into his voice.
His best friend's voice sounded panicked over the phone. "Jerome? Did you marry Esme?"
"So you didn't know? I was wondering why you didn't respond to my letter."
"Has she moved in?"
"Of course she has. What's wrong?"
"Why oh why didn't you follow my advice?"
"I always follow your advice, old friend. What are you on about, Jacques?"
"I just can't believe you did this. The most important thing I've ever asked of you and yet here you are with that woman."
"Really, Jacques, would you please stop calling her 'that woman'?"
"You don't know her, Jacques. You don't know her like I do."
"What, you think I don't know my own wife?"
Jacques' side of the line was silent with shock. "You MARRIED her?" he asked, his voice low with pained amazement.
"Well, yes. We just got back from our honeymoon. I know it was a short engagement, but I just knew she was the one for me."
Jacques felt like he was going to be sick. Lemony had already disappeared, probably to go warn Beatrice about the relationship between her new home and E.
"Jacques? Are you there?"
Jacques' silence on the other end was due to the darkness on the horizon.
P a w n
"You have got to be kidding me." Lemony sat at his brother's scrubbed kitchen table and stared at him over his tea. His voice read blatant disbelief. "You simply have got to be joking."
"I know he's not very sensible at times, but Jerome gives very good advice," Jacques said, dismissing his brother's skepticism with a wave of his hand. "And don't give me that look."
"What look?"
"The look you've been giving me since we were children, that glare that says you know everything and I know nothing."
"Well about this, you know nothing."
"You're usually a very rational person, L, and I don't know why it hasn't occurred to you that there may be life after Beatrice."
Lemony nearly choked on his tea. "Life after Beatrice?? Are you mad? She was the most important thing in my life, and I just learned that I could never contact her again! What the hell do you mean, life after Beatrice??!"
"I really think you should talk to Jerome. He's very knowledgeable about things like this."
Lemony snorted bitterly. "Sure, ask him about what to do, the man whose engaged to E."
It was Jacques' turn to choke on his tea. "He's ENGAGED to her??"
"Didn't you know?" Lemony's voice had taken on a novel, absent tone. "They only knew each other a few days. And this is the man you trust with everything."
Jacques wasn't listening, but he darted to the phone. "Jerome is the one who bought the penthouse apartment on Dark Avenue that I begged him to never, ever sell."
Lemony leapt up, spilling his tea and hardly caring. "So you mean to say that that-that-WOMAN-has access to the Baudelaire mansion?"
****
"Squalor residence," Jerome said, knowing his happiness was seeping into his voice.
His best friend's voice sounded panicked over the phone. "Jerome? Did you marry Esme?"
"So you didn't know? I was wondering why you didn't respond to my letter."
"Has she moved in?"
"Of course she has. What's wrong?"
"Why oh why didn't you follow my advice?"
"I always follow your advice, old friend. What are you on about, Jacques?"
"I just can't believe you did this. The most important thing I've ever asked of you and yet here you are with that woman."
"Really, Jacques, would you please stop calling her 'that woman'?"
"You don't know her, Jacques. You don't know her like I do."
"What, you think I don't know my own wife?"
Jacques' side of the line was silent with shock. "You MARRIED her?" he asked, his voice low with pained amazement.
"Well, yes. We just got back from our honeymoon. I know it was a short engagement, but I just knew she was the one for me."
Jacques felt like he was going to be sick. Lemony had already disappeared, probably to go warn Beatrice about the relationship between her new home and E.
"Jacques? Are you there?"
Jacques' silence on the other end was due to the darkness on the horizon.