1/11/03

I don't speak much. In fact, I haven't spoken for the past four years. Even then, I spoke rarely. I'm scared to speak. In elementary school, the other kids used to make fun of me because I stuttered too much, and as a result, no one had the patience to be my friend. Some people talk to me now, but I don't talk back. I'm the type who's a good listener. I can't give any advice back, even on the rare occasion where I'm able to give some. If I spoke, they'd hear my stutter and lose interest. They'd turn away from me and I'd be alone again.

I'm a freshman now and I'm fifteen years old. It's second semester in Kennedy High School. I'm a good student. I get good grades and I have excuses written by my mom and signed by my councilor that excuse me from speeches and other verbal assignments.

I sit at a lunch table with people who I like to refer to as friends. We're all our own outcasts in some sort of way, but they're delightful people to be around.

Naelia seems to be the leader of the group. She's got blazing dark-red hair (I think it's dyed) and always holds a strange grin on her face. She is the type who likes to clown around and is mostly always very sarcastic, however, she is very kind to me. She tries to get me to talk or at least laugh, and sometimes directs her jokes at me. It makes me happy to see her smile at me. She has this content smile on her face that I think reassures her that she's done something right. There's a rumor going around about her, started by her former best friend, Cristy. I'm surprised people believe that rumor. It makes comedic and cheerful Naelia seem like a villain. I know she's into Satan and things like that, but elaborating on such strange beliefs, she doesn't seem that bad at all. She thinks Satan is a good guy or something. I suppose everyone needs something to believe in.

Danielle is Naelia's best friend. She's got this long, curly hair, like phone cords, that she can wrap into the smallest bun you've ever seen. Her family is poor, from what I've gathered. She was raised by a single mother of two, and from the sounds of it, her mother is not a cheerful person. Her father is from a country on the West Coast of Africa, and her mother is French-Canadian. Danielle has the most cheerful smile I've ever seen. She's always calling me cute. I don't see how anyone could see me as something cute. Danielle loves to compliment people, but I don't think she gets enough in return. She's a very shy person outside of lunch. She wears a pewter pentacle around her neck and can usually be found wither with Naelia, or off on her own, reading a book. Every book I've seen her read has been by an author named Anne Bishop. It seems in class that she re-reads the same books over and over and over again when she doesn't feel like paying the teacher or lesson any mind. I don't understand much about religion as a whole, but she says that she's Wiccan. She's tried to explain what the five points on the star in a pentacle mean. I don't really understand, but it's fascinating to hear about good luck spells and such.

Laura is probably my best friend of all of the people I eat lunch with. She has short brown... or maybe dark blonde hair, which seems to never be brushed, and she wears glasses. She's very short compared to Naelia and Danielle, but I am shorter. Naelia often finds us to be suitable arm rests. Laura is taller than me by a little - maybe an inch, but I look much smaller than her because I suppose I have a very small frame. Laura's mom is an older lady. She's maybe in her late fifties, I would assume, judging from her silver hair, where as Laura is sixteen. Laura doesn't talk that much either, but she talks to me a lot about things that she likes. She likes to travel, even if it's only a little. She went to Alexandria Minnesota on her last trip, and we all live in Bloomington Minnesota. It's not far but she had a good time from the sounds of it. She showed me pictures and everything. She even let me keep one of her, sitting in a fake wooden drag racing car. I put it on my wall with other pictures that she's taken before. She let me keep all of the photos she took for photo class last semester as well.

Amelio is one of two boys at our table. He's very tall and he wears glasses. He speaks Spanish fluently because he's originally from Cuba. He's always in the school plays as an extra, but he's very fun to watch anyway. He always wants to talk to Danielle and Naelia, but Naelia is too loud and really gets into her stories. Danielle will talk to him every once in a while, but she feels bad for not listening to her friend's stories, so she doesn't talk to him much. I think he likes Danielle a lot, but his parents won't let him date until he's twenty-one years old. He's a very good person for listening to his parents. I respect him for that. I think the others at the table, not including Laura, are naturally defiant of their parents.

Matt is the other boy at our table. He loves drawing and often criticizes other peoples' work. He makes comics and really likes to be on his computer. He has some sort of web site where he puts his comics up for everyone to look at. His comics are usually about his old friends from other states and cities where he used to live. He moves around a lot and he's going to be moving again after this year. He really likes to talk about video games and Japanese cartoons and things like that. In fact, I think I'm the only one at our table that has never seen a Japanese cartoon before. They're all in some sort of club for watching cartoons with the exception of Amelio. I've never gone to it but it's in our school and Naelia's the leader. Matt always brings DVDs to school for people to watch in that club. He loves technology. He even built his own computer. He's explained it to everyone at the table before, but I think no one really follows...

Pei Ling is a short little Chinese girl that absolutely loves those Japanese cartoons. She is very hyper and is much louder than even Naelia. She loves to move around a lot. She is very silly. Her stories and jokes usually have a sort of inappropriate undertone, or else it's all some inside joke that I don't understand. She flirts with Matt a lot and isn't the least bit discreet about it. It's sort of funny in a way because I think Matt knows that she likes him, but he purposely pretends he doesn't. I don't think I've ever seen Pei Ling act seriously before, but I've heard of such a case. If she gets mad, she gets scary. She really likes Laura and myself. She calls us her "two short peoples" but she's about the same height as us. That's why it's funny. Laura acts sarcastically terrified of her, and I think I don't really need to be sarcastic about that sort of thing. She is kind of scary. I think it's her goal in life to traumatize people. Laura and I are often the targets.

My name is Alysa and you already know about me. I would do anything I can to keep these people I call friends. Maybe they don't see me that way, but that's okay. I love to learn about them and their interesting lives. I'm keeping everything I learn down in a notebook. This one.

I'll have more to write soon.

Alysa