Something More
Pairing: Sirius/James
Rating: Mature
Summary: Sirius made a mistake last term. Could James forgive him? What if Sirius makes an even bigger mistake?
Could their innocent friendship ever turn into something more? Something like... love?
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (That belongs to the wonderful JK Rowling) nor do I own the characters/places/events/etc.
He had been avoiding me all summer, I just knew it. I hadn't seen him, hadn't even received a letter for the past three months. Why had I been so stupid? Why did I have to screw up so bad?
I was so nervous as I ran through the barrier of platform 9 3/4. What if he told everyone? Worse, what if he hated me? I clutched tightly to the handle of my trunk. I couldn't see him through the crowd of people and for a split second I wondered if maybe something happened to him. Maybe he was so disgusted by me he wasn't going to come back to school.
I climbed onto the train and sat down in an empty compartment. I tried to slow my heart down. I had been so focused on how nervous I was to see him that I had never even considered him not showing up. Ugh. Why did I have to be so stupid? Why did I have to screw up so bad?
I sat staring out the window, completely lost in thought. I watched as all the excited students bustled onto the train. I watched loving parents give tight hugs to squirming children. I watched as nervous first years began to make friends. I can't believe that was James, Remus, and I only four years ago. They all looked so young.
I still didn't spot either of my friends. Maybe James already told Remus what happened and now they both just hated me. Maybe-
The compartment door slid open, interrupting my thoughts.
"Oh! There you are!" His blue eyes seemed to sparkle when he spoke.
I faked a nervous smile.
"I was looking for you." He continued quietly. He slid the door shut behind him and sat down directly across from me.
"I haven't heard from you…" I avoided eye contact while trying to remember to breathe.
"I'm sorry."
"Do you hate me?" I blurted out.
"Of course not!" James smiled. "I… I don't- It's just-" He stuttered.
"It's ok." I assured him quietly.
"I'm… Straight." He finally got out. "I'm sorry."
I forced an awkward laugh. "You shouldn't be sorry for that."
"You know what I mean."
"Yeah. I do. And I'm sorry."
"For what?" He asked. "Being honest with me?"
"For feeling the way I do."
"You can't control that."
"Fine. For putting you in that awkward situation."
"It's ok. I'm just… I'm sorry I don't reciprocate."
I shook my head. "Don't be."
"I really love you, Sirius, just not… that way."
That hurt more to hear, somehow. Luckily, I didn't have to respond as the compartment door slid open again.
"Remus!" James greeted his friend with a smile."
"There you guys are! Been looking all over for you." Remus sat down next to me and I tried to act like my heart hadn't just been crushed to pieces.
"How was your summer?" I asked him.
"Ugh," he groaned. "Way too long. My mom has been talking to doctors all last year trying to find ways to alleviate my problem." He emphasized that last word and we both knew he meant his werewolf problem.
"Any luck?" James asked.
"Of course not! But I spent the entire summer trying different cold cabbage soups and weird lotions."
James and I both made a face.
"Exactly." Remus sighed. "Thank god we're back to school today."
"Have to agree with you there." James laughed. "Got to tell ya, I love my little sisters and all but I am very tired of being used as a built in babysitter…"
James has four younger sisters and his parents just divorced last year. Since his dad is now completely out of the picture, James' mom is working more than ever to support all her kids. This of course means that James, being the oldest and most responsible, is put in charge a lot of the time.
"How old are they now James?" Remus asked.
"8, 5, 3, and Nessa will be a year in October."
Wow. That sure is a handful."
"Yeah. You're telling me. School is a welcome change."
"What about you Sirius? Did you have a good summer?"
"With my family?" I laughed. "You have got to be kidding."
I just pushed all thoughts of James out of my mind. I had to. I tried, he said he wasn't interested. Now I had to let things go back to normal. I just had to.
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