Between Me and the Flames
I once told him that he was my brother and I would die for him, I meant it then and I still do. But it's easy to say that because I know he will never let me.
He would never allow me to take the fall for him, quite the opposite; he would place himself in front of me without a moment of hesitation. He would use is own body to shield me from whatever danger that was threatening to take my life away.
He does it on a regular basis, puts his life in danger, just to keep me safe.
When I confront him about, he either shrugs it off, tells me I'm seeing things or that he's the older brother and it's his job to keep me safe. The last one is very rare, but it does happen.
It's the Dean way of saying I love you.
I won't lie and say that it doesn't drive me mad sometimes. That it doesn't get annoying to have him there all the time. And I definitely won't say that my heart doesn't clench painfully every time he uses his body as a shield. He might be the older one, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about him or his health. I love him too, even though I've only told him that enough times to count on two hands. Last time I said I was 13. But it doesn't matter because I know he knows. We might not always get along, might have our fair share of fights, but there were happy moments too, nestled between weeks of killings.
For a very long time I had no idea why he was so protective of me, yes he was my big brother but still.
But I now why, he didn't actually tell me straight out, no but he did tell me without even knowing. It was in the gas station when we we're back in Lawrence, when he told me that he had been the one to carry me out the front door on the night of the fire. The night mom died.
When he told me that it all made sense.
It had been the first time he stood between me and the flames. Literally. And since that, it had happened too many times to count. It always makes me worry for him, but never more then when it's actual flames he's protecting me from.
Like when he pulled me out of bed, away from the sight of Jess burning on the ceiling, away from the danger, away from the flames. When he turned his back to the flames, so that he was closer to them, shielding me even as I desperately tried to push him away so I could go back in, back to Jess.
I didn't realize it back then, I was too caught up in grieving, but I see things clearly now. Mom dieing above my crib, Jess dieing above my bed, it all means something. And whatever it is it's connected to me. They were killed because of me. And now Dean is here with me, standing in front of whatever danger comes my way.
And I know it'll only be a matter of time before the demon that killed mom and Jess will come along, for whatever reason.
When it does, it won't get me, because Dean will stand between me and the fire, like he stands between me and everything bad.
He already did it twice before, the first time 22 years ago when he was only 4 years old. The second time 6 months ago.
And it's not that I'm not grateful, because I am, but I'm afraid. Afraid that I will lose the person closest to my heart.
It's inevitable that if Dean keeps standing between me and the flames, he will get burned, that the flames will devour him.
Because 'third time is the charmed' even for the bad guys.