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Chapter 1: The Jetset Life is Gonna Kill You

/gaze into her killing jar I'd sometimes stare for hours/ she even poked the whole so i can breathe/ she bought the last line/ I'm just the worst kind/ of guy to argue with what you might find/ and for the last night I lie/ could I lie with you/ Alright/ Give up/ Get down it's just the hardest part of living/ Alright/ she wants it all to come down this time/ lost in the perscription she's got something else in mind/ check into the hotel bella muerte/ it gives the weak flight/ it gives the blind sight/ Until the cops come/ or by the last night/ and for the last night i lie/ could i lie next to you/ pull the plug/ but i'd like to learn your name/ when holding on/ well i hope you do the same/ Aww sugar/

"I can't believe you!" Cloud yelled across the room. He turned away from her and walked out the door. She followed him out into the hall, hysterically crying now.

"Why won't you just listen to me?" Tifa cried. "You said you loved me! If you love me, give me a chance to explain myself!"

He kept walking and she followed into the kitchen. He went to the cabinet to the sink and grabbed a glass. He filled it with water and took a drink. Turning around to face her again he nodded his head for her to start talking again.

"I spoke to her last night Cloud." Tifa began softly. "She was scared and wanted desperately to tell me something."

"Tifa…" Cloud warned quietly.

"Don't dismiss this as some hallucination, it happened." Tifa said, her voice rising again as she stomped her foot in frustration.

"Oh, I'm sure it did Tifa." Cloud said nodding his head. There was something in his tone Tifa didn't like. "It happened. To you, it happened, you found it so real. It happened because you wanted it bad enough."

"What?" Tifa creased her brow in confusion. Cloud's smirk made her stomach flip and she almost felt sick.

"You were always jealous of her." Cloud said, more to himself than to her.

"Jealous?" Tifa was so confused and her nausea didn't abate in the slightest.

"Yes, jealous." Cloud leaned back against the counter. "She was able to talk to the planet and it killed you that maybe someone was more special than you. I'm so sorry Tifa that the spotlight was taken away from you for a few moments. Well, now you have nothing to worry about. She's gone, you get all the attention again. Congratulations, you benefit in her death."

"She shouldn't have died." Tifa said quietly, hanging her head. The tears slipped down her cheeks at the thought of her deceased friend. She brought her gaze back up to Cloud's. "But we're still here." She continued, "She may be gone, but we're still here and we need to listen to what she has to say and fight this. We're not dead yet Cloud."

The glass shattered as it hit the wall, the water running down from the spot Cloud threw it. He lunged at her and pinned her to the wall, holding her up by her shoulders. He pressed tightly on her muscles, making sure he'd leave a mark. He wanted nothing more in that moment but to give her pain. It was hard to keep hold of her through her black long sleeved shirt though, and he felt her start to slip from his grasp.

"Yes, we are still here, Tifa! But as far as I'm concerned, it should have been you instead of her." He threw her to the ground and walked over her not taking notice of her head hitting the tile floor hard enough to temporarily daze her. He grabbed the bag he'd been packing earlier and turned the door knob. Opening the door he turned back to her. "I'd rather you be dead." With that he walked outside, slamming the door behind him.

She didn't get up immediately. She sat there on the ground crying like she couldn't remember doing since her father died. He wanted her dead? He would rather have Aerith here and alive and herself dead and under the water in the forgotten city? She didn't know he felt that way. She hadn't meant to make him mad, what had she done?

You didn't do anything darling, you know that. You know to listen to us, he has never heard any of us speak. He cannot understand what you do is important.

But he said he loved me. Now he's telling me he wants me dead. I just wanted to help you. You don't realize that you're making my life hell.

DON'T SPEAK TO US LIKE THAT TIFA, YOU KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO YOU. NOW WHAT DO YOU NEED TO DO?

She held her ears against the yelling going on inside her head. With it came bright lights and excruciating pain. Her eyes watered when she shut them tight against the pain. She wanted nothing more than for it to stop. It was happening more often than usual. The voices would come in times when she was feeling extreme emotions and they were usually not very friendly. She slowly got up from the floor and stumbled to a chair at the table. She held herself and rocked back and forth trying to stave off threatening gooseflesh. She let the tears fall down her face freely and she listened as the voices continued to verbally attack her. They were always so degrading, always finding something to put her down . She couldn't seem to ignore them.

Eventually she just listened to them, she stopped fighting back and listened to every slanderous word that came from the voice. This one was angry, she'd never heard it before. She had been so grateful last night to hear Aerith, someone she knew. That was until Aerith told her that terrible news. The news Cloud wouldn't listen to. Didn't he know that if Aerith was speaking to her, it must be important. She knew she shouldn't have told him about the voices. She was probably lucky he hadn't thrown her in some asylum yet.

The voice grew dimmer in her mind. Eventually she could just hear, she wasn't forced to listen to whatever it was saying. She was completely numb. She smiled faintly at that thought. Oh what would life be like to go through it not being able to feel anything. It would be scary, she told herself. She was already starting to get scared. She really couldn't feel anything and it was scaring the shit out of her. She wanted to feel something, anything.

She started scratching at her left arm. Her fingernails dug into that soft skin and it turned red. It wasn't enough, all she felt was pressure nothing else. She needed something different.

She forced her breathing to calm. She wasn't going to give in this time. This time she'd fight it. The last time she nearly passed out and she didn't want Cloud to come home to see her lying on the ground unconscious. But Cloud wasn't coming home anymore. He was gone for good. No one would know what happened until the cops showed up next Tuesday when she didn't go to work.

She stood from the chair and bent down to start picking up the glass that had shattered on the floor. No, she wouldn't give in this time. She couldn't, the feeling would eventually come back. She just had to give it some time. After all, she had felt the pressure of her nails on her skin just a few seconds ago. That was a start, she didn't need to take it this far.

A piece of glass escaped her fingers and fell to the floor again. At the sound of it hitting the tile she looked down at it. It was the biggest piece of glass laying there. Setting the other pieces down next to her she picked up the one that had fallen.

It sparkled in the dim lights of her kitchen. The fluorescent lamps illuminating it somewhat. It was still slick with water and it drenched her fingers where she was touching it. It felt heavy in her hand and she almost dropped it again.

It would give her the feeling she needed, it could be her escape from the numbness that threatened to consume her. She raised it to her eyes and looked through it. She saw the kitchen table and the sink behind it. Cloud was just standing right there, talking normally to her. The events of what just happened played through her mind again and she closed her eyes against the images. The numb feeling became more and more complete and she dropped her hand back down to her lap.

Both of her arms were laying limply in front of her. She lifted the glass again and lightly traced a thin line across the inside of her forearm. Again all she felt was pressure and she pressed harder on the skin. The jagged edge of the glass broke through and she smiled at the pain it brought. But along with pain brought blood. With each stroke she made with the glass the more blood poured from the wound. The incision was just as jagged as the glass itself and her arm looked like a five-year-old's piece of paper. Each time she made another little slit she would pick the glass up out of her arm and start a new one. Soon her arm was nothing but a mess of deep gashes and a thick sheen of blood covering the now ripped skin.

She dropped the glass at the sight of it. Her tears had stopped and her eyes looked in horror at what she had done. Feeling was coming back to her quickly, too quickly. She cried out in pain and cradled her injured arm in the other. She scooted back and leaned against the wall. The floor below her was covered in the warm, crimson liquid that was flowing from her wrist. The sight almost made her sick.

You shouldn't do these things to yourself little one, see what happens when you do? You bleed, you bleed more and more each time. When will you stop bleeding darling? When you finally die. You deserve to die, you know that? You deserve to be with the damned that always speak to you. They want you with them, they want to hurt you, rape you, and kill you. If you kill yourself you won't give them that chance.

"Stop, please just stop…" Tifa whimpered to the voices. She wanted them to just go away. "Leave me in peace. Please, just go away."

You do know it, don't you little one? How can you not when you have him screaming it in your face. You should have died Tifa, she should have lived. You should have died, you should have died, you should have died, you should have died, you should have died…

Maybe it would be better to live numbly. She wouldn't have to listen to these voices anymore. She wanted nothing more than to shut them up. They were repeating the same line to her over and over. There was one person she knew that had escaped the pain. One person who was completely numb to emotion. One person who could help her, and that one person only lived a few blocks away.

Note: How did you like it? Was it okay or did it suck. You know who that one person is, don't you? I hope so, I mean it's pretty obvious. To me anyways. Yeah I know very angsty and depressing and sort of disturbing but it gets better… I think… I hope… for Tifa's sake at least. No, I have nothing against Cloud and Tifa. In fact, believe it or not, I'm a Cloud and Tifa fan. If you hate me because of the Cloud yelling at Tifa bit, I'm sorry. All I can say is that it does get better, with time. And just to set a record strait, I'd like to say that I didn't mean for Tifa to be all weak and helpless. It's just, that's how I see things happening if someone were to have disturbing voices speaking to them.