AN: Hey guys! So here's another one. Very Arizona-centric. Set sometime in Season 9.
AN2: Obviously none of the characters belong to me. I hope you like it!
Callie had asked her what was wrong, why she had been so quiet all night, but Arizona just shrugged it off with an "I'm tired." and "My leg hurts." Anything to keep Callie's overprotective nature at bay. The truth was Arizona couldn't really explain what was wrong, because at first glance, nothing was. Sure her leg hurt a little, but it was no cause for concern. It wasn't the anniversary of her brother's death or of the plane crash. She hadn't lost a patient today or had any tough surgeries or stressful board decisions to make. It was just your average Tuesday. They had even gotten home early and Meredith and Derek had Sofia for the night. The girls had been promised a sleepover weeks ago. Yep, there was nothing special about today.
Except that there was. While checking her email this morning, Arizona had seen the reminder to sign up for the annual marathon she and her family used to run every summer in Annapolis. The Colonel always made a big deal about it; he had been running this race since before he joined the Marines. Hell, Arizona couldn't remember a summer growing up that they didn't go. Even after Tim died and Mom and the Colonel finally stopped going, she still ran it in memory of him. This would be the first year she hadn't run it since she was fifteen. Now, running was one of the few things she would never be able to do again; forget talking, just thinking about it made her sad. Even if she could talk about it, Callie wouldn't really be able to understand why she was so upset and that would probably just make Arizona feel even worse.
Ever since she could remember Arizona had liked to run. Her mom often joked that she had practically come out of the womb running. When she was a child, she had so much energy that half the time people didn't really know what to do with her. Her parents put her in sports, she was good at them too, but she had never been the best team player and most individual sports were just plain boring. Besides, no sport could ever make her feel the same way she felt while running. Maybe part of it had been the Colonel waking her and Tim up at the crack of dawn whenever he came back from his early morning run. His whistling always seemed to echo down the hall and into her room. Once they were old enough, the Colonel would let her and Tim run with him. He only had two rules: they couldn't stop and they had to keep up. Sure it was hard at first, but being a natural competitor, Arizona made sure she always kept up with the boys. The more they ran, the easier it became and before long Arizona couldn't go a day without running at least a few miles. Even amidst the long, grueling hours of medical school and residency, Arizona found time in her schedule.
There was just something about running that Arizona couldn't explain to people. I mean who in their right mind would purposely put their body through the pain and stress of running? It was one of those things, if it had to be explained there was no way you would ever understand. It was never about getting in shape, there were plenty of things she could do for that. Sure Arizona prided herself on her physical fitness, it certainly helped in the OR, but that was never the reason she had kept running for all those years. She ran because she had to. Because her body craved the physical exertion. Because her mind craved the release. She ran because after Tim died, it was one of the only things she could do without bursting into tears. Because at that point, running had become more than just a hobby, it had become her lifeline.
Running, well, it was indescribable. There weren't enough words in the dictionary that could help her explain why she loved it so much. It was a feeling more than anything. It was that feeling of utter exhaustion at the end of a run. The feeling of her lungs gasping for air, muscles twitching in pain and heart beating so hard it could break her ribs and jump out of her chest. The feeling of sweat dripping down her body, soaking her from head to toe. It was the wind that blew through her hair and the soft, rhythmic thump of her shoes hitting the ground. It was seeing the incline in front of her and finding that little bit of extra energy to push herself over it. It was the feeling of accomplishment. It was the runner's high that was more euphoric than any drug out there. But more than all of that, running was her safety net. It had been the one thing throughout Arizona's life that she had had complete control over. But not anymore, one rash decision on her part and just like that, it too had been ripped out from under her.
Arizona fought to keep the tears at bay as she took off her prosthetic and climbed into bed. If Callie saw that she had been crying, oh God no, she didn't really want to think about what would happen. It would only make her upset over something she had no control over and she was already upset enough. No, what she needed was a distraction, something to stop the wheels in her head from turning. So instead, she listened to Callie's cute yet meaningless ramblings about upcoming surgeries and resident drama. She loved the sound of Callie's voice; it was one of those things Arizona could listen to and never grow tired of hearing. At night, it had a calming effect over Arizona which usually helped her fall asleep, but tonight she had no such luck. Before long Arizona could only feel the hum of Callie's slow, steady breathing against her chest. Callie nestled in closer, wrapping her arm across Arizona's middle and tangling one of her legs with Arizona's good one.
Arizona could hear the calm, even ticking of the clock from the living room as she stared at the ceiling. Something about the sound haunted her. It was too loud, too even, too... familiar. She closed her eyes, trying to will herself to sleep, but the ticking only grew louder, overwhelming her senses. Arizona wanted to get up, to make the now dreadful sound go away, but upon opening her eyes again she was no longer in the comfort of Callie's embrace. The ticking was no longer ticking, but the pounding of her feet against the terrain below her. She was running. She was really running. Man did she miss this. The high was so much better than she remembered. Arizona pushed herself harder, willing her legs to move faster and faster until she was at a sprint. Nothing could stop her now; she was whole again. It wasn't until a sharp pain caused Arizona to stumble, tripping her and sending her crashing to the hard packed earth below her.
Arizona didn't realize she was screaming until Cristina's voice overpowered hers, telling her to shut up. Looking around, she could see it. The woods, the plane. The crazed looks on the faces of Meredith and Cristina. All of it. They were back in the woods.
She awoke with a jolt, heart still racing. That couldn't have been a dream. It was too real to be a dream. Arizona came up with the only solution that seemed plausible to her sleepy brain. She must have dreamed about the plane crash. She didn't really lose her leg. Lexi and Mark didn't really die. Everything was fine. Everyone was fine. She would even have proof once she pulled the covers back. Arizona did just that but there it was staring her straight in the face: that awful stump. In a matter of seconds her world came crashing back down in front of her. It really did happen. Tears flooded her eyes as she let her reality sink in yet again. Sure she may have been born a runner, but she would die a cripple.