A/N: Just another one of my one shot ranting where I take Bella and kind of turn her in to myself, as per usual. Not meant to be depressing, just meant to be written for venting purposes.
Bella had done it again, just gone and out right fucked up in the eyes of her un-appreciating father. She had always fucked up in his eyes and nothing she ever did was right. It never would be, he was impossible to please and impossible to get any type of positive recognition from. That's always how Charlie had been, expecting only the best from his daughter.
She always felt too pressured though, too scared , anxious and depressed. She never could find a release from the pain that she was forced to feel every day. Nothing ever helped, not the cutting and not the starving herself from food. Not even the adrenaline of literally fighting for her life after over dosing on medications could ever cut away the pain that left an aching reminder in her head every day.
Every time she messed up the constant insults came. She was apparently an ungrateful brat, useless, just a cause for a nervous breakdown to any person she ever came in contact with. Though many argued that was untrue. Charlie wouldn't lie to her though, if that's what Charlie though of her, then surely what he says must be the story.
Another thing about Bella is that she is a diabetic, and that made her already unstable moods even more up in the air. Anything that would be alright with a normal person would have her tearing your throat out before you could even process what's happening. She always cried and said she couldn't help it, and she couldn't. She tried her best to act well, but certain things just set her off.
So there, she had done it again. Lost her temper and all her control and just started freaking out at her father after he had accused her yet again of being ungrateful and threatened that if she didn't smarten up, she'd end up going in some type of 'home' and living the hard life that other children live. She was petrified of that, Bella didn't think she could handle it there.
Yet, she couldn't handle it with Charlie either. She planned of how she could somehow get away from him every day, but nothing ever seemed to work out. She'd never get away.
The yelling and the crying always gave her severe headaches, and Charlie had started to experience chest pains, that the doctor had assured was only to stress. Bella liked Dr. Cullen, he was a pretty cool man. She admired how compassionate he was and adored how he had actually noticed the misery she felt, and that he gave her an option to go and speak to him, if she ever wanted to.
Bella was also starting to experience something new, every time an extremely overwhelming fight happened, she'd start to shake really hard, hyperventilate and then become nauseated. She was wondering if just becoming void of all feeling would work.
Maybe that state of mind and the emptiness would help her not feel any type of pain anymore, something out there had to take away what she went through. Something had to help her get through the remainder of the High School days stuck with her father, and his constant insults.
That was it, Bella had made her choice. She didn't want to feel anymore, she wanted to block the world up and just have a void state of mind. Just enough thought and understanding to focus in her studies at school, but not enough to care about what anyone ever said to her.
Emotions were too controlling and overpowering for her to handle, and she vowed to never feel them again. Her slate was now clean, from this day forward. Was it the right choice? No, perhaps it wasn't. However it was the choice that appealed to her the most.
Something to make the pain go away, that's what it is.
Oh, please someone just make this pain go away.