"Prim, why are you still out?" I ask from the little girl sitting on one of the many benches that have been dragged to the square. She is sitting completely still with her knees pressed to her chest, and her head leaning on her knees. She looks so small. In the darkness that is soon to come, I might have just walk by, without even noticing her.
She says nothing, but takes a quick glance at me and then at the big screen that has been blank for couple of hours now. Last time we saw Katniss, she was singing a lullaby to a dying girl about Prim's age. People at the square wept and I had to look away myself. Still I can see the tears that rolled from Katniss' eyes and dropped to the dead girl's forehead. Tonight we also saw her make her first kill with bow and arrow.
And suddenly it is clear to me why Prim is still out there, her face hidden from the world. I drop the game bag I was holding in my hands and move closer to Prim. Gently I wrap my arm around her tiny body and she doesn't resist.
"Prim, you don't have to worry about Katniss. She is clever. She is a good hunter. I'm sure she will come home to us," I try sounding reassuring, although it's hard. Watching Katniss everyday on that screen is hard.
I can feel the shoulders under my arm starting to move. I've spent enough time with my siblings, even with Prim herself, to know what this little movement means, but I don't know what else to do than hold her tighter. I rock her gently, my mind furiously trying to come up with something that will make her feel better.
"If she hadn't volunteer, we didn't have to watch her die," Prim's voice sounds hoarse and her words shock me.
"Prim, don't say things like that. She has made it this far, hasn't she? She will survive. And she volunteered, because she loves you so much. She could not handle loosing you. You are the single most important thing to Katniss. She would never let anything happen to you," but I know Prim knows all this, and it hasn't made any difference in her thoughts. Suddenly I understand how much she is like her sister even though they are so different. She's wishing that she would be in the arena instead of Katniss, so Katniss could live.
"You shouldn't have carried me away. I should have gone up," her whisper is hardly louder than the wind itself, but I catch every word.
I pull myself away from Prim, leaving enough room between us, so I can see her. I lift her face up with my hand, and look her straight in the eye. She looks scared, like a wounded fox.
"No matter what you tell to yourself, you couldn't have changed what happened. The moment that slip was drawn from the reaping bowl, Katniss was going to be the one in the arena. If I didn't carry you away, the piecekeepers would have," I try to keep my face expression soft, because I don't want Prim to lock herself away again. She still doesn't look too happy, so I continue and try to smile a little, "And besides she is doing great. There isn't that many of them left anymore, and she just blew up the careers' food making them more vulnerable."
But still Prim isn't convinced. I am the oldest of the kids in my house, and always naturally been worried about the little ones in the house, but I have never understood, not before this moment, that they worry about me just as I worry about them. Just like Prim here is worried sick about Katniss. Wanting to be the one dying rather than her.
"I know I can't make this better, only Katniss can by winning and coming home. But I promise you that I will watch the game every night with you; with you and your mother. Okay?" I say hoping to get some kind of reaction out of her, but I get nothing else than I tiny nod. Then she closes the space between us placing her head on my shoulder. I am her big brother now.
"That girl couldn't be much older than me," it's more of a statement than a question. I nod.
"And I'm sure with her death, she is just more determined to win," I say.
Neither of us talks in a while. Her little hand seeks mine out and she holds it tight. Only after I can feel her head sliding off from my shoulder, I know we have been here too long. She is half asleep when I pick her up into my arms. I awkwardly grab my game back and start moving towards the Seam.
Now the need to get Katniss home is even more urgent. Of course I want her home, but I know I will be able to move on if she doesn't. The person who I'm not so sure will make it through it, is Prim.