It's the twenty-third of September.

This day comes and goes every year, but even though it has been sixteen long years, this date is difficult all the same. The emotions still weigh heavy on me as I lie awake in my bed staring up at the ceiling, my mind now engulfed with feelings I cannot rid myself of. I begin to feel my chocolate hued irises well up with tears and I force myself to cease this full blown meltdown that's brewing. I sit up in bed wiping away the tears that have so many times defeated me in the past.

'No!' I think to myself, filling my lungs with a sharp intake of breath.

I can't let this possess me anymore. I won't…

As I raise slowly from the mattress, I glance toward the nightstand beside me. A picture of me and my mother is at the end of my intent gaze. The picture holds so many memories, seemingly frozen in time. My innocence, happiness, childhood. It was today especially that I realize how much was lost on this day sixteen years ago, though the other three hundred sixty four days are just as difficult.

I grab my necklace hanging beside my bed, and I feel just the a hint of a smile spread across my lips as I close the clasp around my neck. I run my finger over the gold heart shaped locket that now lay against my collarbone, and in this instant I can feel my mother here with me. The locket was a present for my first day of first grade. On the back an engraving that reads 'I love you, my sweet Elena'. I wear it every day. I rummage through my drawers, retrieving a few slightly wrinkled items and quickly dress myself in my favorite pair of dark wash jeans and a plain black v-neck to accompany them.

I make my way down the stairs toward the foyer and I am instantly struck by the shards of sunlight poking through from behind the curtains. I slip into the cardigan that lay on the entryway table and make my way out of the front door, leaving the grimness of home behind me. The moment I step outside I'm pinged by the sensation of the cool fall's day against my bare neck as I start off down the sidewalk. I really should have worn a scarf.

I know my destination well as I've come here every year for sixteen consecutive years. I glance around along the way, admiring the immaculately trimmed grass, and trees with leaves of rustic red, yellow, and orange hues. Mystic Falls really is something special this time of year.

Coming now to the opening of a dirt covered path, I begin the long trek down through the now much denser trees which line the walkway. I cross my arms over my chest to try and rid myself of the chill as my mind flashes back to my childhood. I remember coming here with my mother on special occasions, and when my mother was at work, I remember showing my best friend Damon this seemingly magical land.

Damon….
My mind deviates, and all I can see in front of me is Damon and myself running through these woods as children, and the fort Damon's father built for us so I could get away from my father. When reality comes rushing back, I realize the vivid colors and senses that I had just experience were all just a distant memory. The trail I walk now lacks the vibrancy of my memories, everything now is simply muted and washed out.

In the back of my mind I wondered how he is. 'No!' I tell myself. I don't. He hurt me, he left me here by myself and never thought of me again. How could he? Why? My thoughts trail off once I reach my final destination. A bench. The bench. Where me and my mother would sit, overlooking the vast lake. A wonderland, so far away from reality.

I sit here on the bench by the brook of the lake, the soothing ebb and flow of the water so relaxing. I close my eyes and let my lungs fill with the cool day's air, tranquility cocoons me like a warm blanket.

My eyes flicker shut...

'Two children run through the densely scattered trees, grabbing handfuls of leaves that had covered the ground and throwing them in the air for them to fall back on themselves. They were running carefree, kicking up the leaves that had painted the ground. "I bet you can't catch me Damon!" Elena exclaimed, running as quickly as her short legs could manage. Damon was much faster than her, yet he pretended as though he couldn't catch up to her. "Go easy on me!" Damon shouted, and just moments later he'd scooped Elena up into a tight embrace, as they fell to the ground together. A soft harmonic giggle left Elena's lips as she sat there beside her friend, genuinely happy. Reaching around in the soil below the layer of leaves, she found a small twig. She began to brush away a clearance in the soil, and dug the twig through the dirt carving out their initials. 'E+D' A bright smile lit up Elena's face. "You promise we'll be friends forever… Right?" Elena questioned, looking at him through her angelic lashes. "I promise." Damon replied genuinely. She felt alive when she was with him, he made her forget. He made her happy.'

The wind howls angrily and a large gust of air steals me from my daydream. I look before me, but all I see now are the bare trees against the dull gray sky. It's funny how memories work, isn't it? They can bring such utter euphoria but then you're faced with the cold, hard reality of it all.

I find myself constantly wondering what life would be like had things happened differently. If my mother was still alive. If I'd had grown up in a loving home. If Damon had stayed. I lost myself when I lost him. He was my savior. My life began to spiral downward, my depression got the best of me. For years I have held out a glimmer of hope that one day my life would fall into place. But here I am, now sixteen years later and I am just as lost as the day it happened.