Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Note: Hey everyone. This is a one-shot I wrote a while ago. It was for a contest I never got the time to enter. So here you have it.
I've also written a collab with Lehava for the anonymous "Write That Tune" contest. Voting is now open, you may go here to check the entries: http: / / www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net /u/2718251/# (You can also find the link on my profile)
Anyway, I hope you enjoy 'Miss You More'! But keep in mind that it's not exactly a happy tale.
Miss You More
Dense fog envelopes the pristine water as the early morning sun struggles to burn through. All is silent except for the soothing sound of the water moving softly in the wind. The slightly cool breeze caresses my face and I close my eyes, breathing it in.
My fingers tap the guitar sitting on my lap, slowly, in tune with the song playing in my head. I can see her face behind my eyelids, as beautiful as always, smiling at me. I sigh and stare at the water ahead, wishing she was here, with me.
"Edward?"
I jump, startled, and turn around to face… her. My mouth opens and closes a few times as I struggle to speak, but nothing comes out. I sigh again and stare at her. She is wearing a simple, yet beautiful, white dress; her long wavy brown hair cascading around her shoulders. She stands a few feet away from me, smiling brightly.
"It's been a few days," she whispers. "I've missed you."
I smile and nod. She always had the tendency of voicing the thoughts I couldn't; it was as if she could read my mind. "I know, I'm sorry. I've missed you, too." I hold my hand out for her to take. I want her close to me; I want to feel her skin against mine.
"It's not your fault," she says, walking towards me. She takes my hand and sits, facing me. "What were you playing?"
I look down at my guitar and sigh. "Nothing," I whisper, putting it aside. "I can't play."
"Of course you can!" she argues.
I shake my head, but say nothing in return. I don't want to play for her –she would get angry if she knew the song wandering in my head right now. Then she would get sad the second she hears the lyrics.
"What have you been up to without me?" she asks in a teasing tone.
"Oh, not much. You know, just the same as always."
She laughs and shakes her head at me. It had always been a sort of inside joke. She would tease me with something and I would always follow her lead. We had fun with it at least. It was one of the best things about being with her; she brought all kinds of emotions. She made me happy.
"Bella," I sigh. "I miss you."
She stares deep into my eyes for a long time, trying to convey how she feels. She was always the better one at reading people, while I suck at it. But, if there is something I would never get wrong, it is reading her face. She was an open book to me, always have been.
When her big brown eyes stared intently at me it only meant she wanted me to read her. She didn't want to voice her feelings, and she didn't need to. Just a glance at her would tell me everything I needed to know. She is just as desperate as I am, but she wants to pretend nothing is wrong.
I smile sadly at her in agreement, and she crawls closer to me. Bella sits on my lap and wraps her arms around my neck, laying her cheek on my shoulder. She takes a deep breath and then sighs contently as I hug her closer to my body and nuzzle her hair with my nose. She smells of strawberries, like always, so sweet!
"Do you remember that day at the beach? When we first met?" she whispers. I can almost hear the smile in her voice.
I stare at the water for what feels like forever before sighing and agreeing. How could I forget that day? It was the best day of my life; I met the love of my life. I met the girl I thought would be by my side for as long as I lived, the girl that would be there for me no matter what, and I for her.
"It was the best summer ever!" Bella giggles. "The beginning of the life I always wanted."
Despite the sudden tightening of my chest and the cold feeling running through me, despite the pain, I smile. The beginning of the life we both wished for, the life that almost happened.
Not every story has a happy ending I guess.
It's not until I hear her soft voice reply that I realize I had spoken my thought out loud. "That's not true," she says. "Every story has its happy ending. It might not be what you expect, but it's always there. Always."
"How is that so?" I frown.
"Don't do that!" she scoffs, running her finger across my forehead, soothing the lines that had formed there. "You look older."
I snort. "I am old."
"Edward! Stop that, you're barely thirty!"
"I wish I was old…" I whisper, staring away. So I wouldn't need to be away from you much longer, I think to myself.
"I know what you're thinking," Bella says sternly. "And I'll repeat myself once again, Edward. Don't be stupid!" While talking, she gets up from my lap and stands with her hands on her hips facing away from me. "You make me sad when you say things like that, baby. Where's the Edward I met, so full of life and cheer?"
He's gone, he left with you, I think, but to her my mouth replies: "I'm sorry."
"I don't want apologies, I want you back," she whispers, finally turning to face me again, her eyes sad.
The sadness her eyes reflect is too much for me to take, so I look down at my lap. It feels like something is pressing so hard on my chest that breathing doesn't come easily anymore. The knots in my throat were making it impossible to swallow, even though there was nothing to swallow because my mouth was dry. I can feel Bella's little hand squeezing my shoulder, and when I look up, I see her mouth moving. She was talking to me, probably trying to calm me down, but I can't hear her. My ears don't register her soft voice; I can only hear the loud and fast beating of my heart, now invading all my senses.
Bella's wide, panicked eyes scream at me, but I hear nothing. She shakes my shoulders, but I feel nothing. Soon my eyes sight starts to get blurry and then everything turns black. It's not until the warmth of her body starts passing through to mine that I realize that she has me cradled in her arms. She holds me close against her chest, squeezing tightly, and rubbing my back in a soothing motion.
I try to concentrate on the beating of her heart and tune my own to it. When the tightness in my chest starts waving away, I take deep breaths. I can now hear Bella's whispering voice shushing me softly. She keeps me close until she's sure I'm okay again, but never lets go of my hand.
"Are you okay?" she asks worriedly, squeezing my hand.
"I'm fine," I whisper in defeat.
I'm not fine. Fine is an understatement given the conditions I am under. I will never be fine if she's not with me. I pull away from her with a sight and, sit facing the water, next to her.
I need her.
"I need you, too," she whispers in reply to my thoughts – thoughts I didn't realize I had spoken aloud yet again. "I need you more than you could ever imagine."
"I could say the same." I can see her sad face looking at me. I look away, dipping my fingers lightly into the cool water. "But it's not, I need you."
She snorts softly, putting both of her hands to the sides of my face, forcing me to look at her. She stared deep into my eyes, searching, and then she crashes her mouth to mine. Her lips move urgently against mine, almost forcefully. She fists and pulls my hair with her hands. It's like my body awakens with her touch, setting me on fire.
My lips start moving against hers, too. My tongue caresses her bottom lip, asking for permission, and she grants it. My hands travel from her face down her arms, and come to rest on her hips. I pull her up in my lap, crashing her body to mine.
Soon we are both panting, clothes disheveled and hair tangled. We break apart, trying to catch our breaths and suddenly Bella starts giggling. I watch her in awe as she lays on her back next to me with her hands over her stomach, laughing.
"What's so funny?" I ask, but she doesn't hear me through her laughter.
You know the funny thing about seeing someone else laughing; it makes you laugh, too. And her laugh is just so beautiful, so contagious, that not soon after I find myself laughing with her.
She wipes her eyes and sits straight, fixing her hair, a smile still lingering on her face, when she apologizes, explaining why she started laughing in the first place.
And while she talks, it's like I can see it happening in front of my eyes; us, barely eighteen, kissing like crazy. You can say that after a few dates, and me being so 'old-fashioned' –though I would argue that my parents taught me how to treat a lady, I wasn't old-fashioned – Bella couldn't take it anymore and attacked me with her lips. It was an intense night.
"You were so silly," she giggles, reassuming her position on my lap.
We talk and talk, remembering how silly we were. Time never seems to pass by when I'm with her. I could see her eyeing my guitar longingly now and then, until she can't take it anymore and finally asks again.
"Sing something for me, Edward? Please?" Her big brown eyes plead with me, begging me to play something for her. "It's been such a long time since you sang something for me; I miss it so much…"
"No," I say sternly. "I won't. You won't like the song."
"I don't care which song it is, I just want to hear your voice singing."
She knows very well the power she has over me, and she also knows how to use it. When I sigh in defeat, she squeals in delight and moves from her position on my lap. I take the guitar in my hands and sigh again, wondering if it's really a good idea to sing her the song that was earlier in my mind, but knowing my mind won't let me rest until I get it out.
So slowly I start playing. She recognizes the song from the very first verse. Her face morphs from excited to emotionless as the first few verses run through, but I keep going.
It's been raining since you left me
Now I'm drowning in the flood
You see I've always been a fighter
But without you I give up
When I finally launch into the chorus, her face turns incredibly sad, but there was something in her eyes telling me not to stop. And so I don't. My voice wasn't more than a whisper against the soft strings of the guitar.
And I will love you, baby – Always
And I'll be there forever and a day – Always
I'll be there till the stars don't shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don't rhyme
And I know when I die, you'll be on my mind
And I'll love you – Always
She looks away from me then, effectively clouding my vision of her face. Her hair covers half of her profile and she looks down, staring at her hands. I consider stopping now, but the thing is, I don't want to. I want her to know how I feel, how I've felt since that last day.
Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life
Some that made us laugh, some that made us cry
One that made you have to say goodbye
What I'd give to run my fingers through –
"Stop!" she screams, cutting me off middle-phrased.
When she finally looks at me, I see the anger I was expecting, but I also see hurt and pain. My hurt and pain reflected in her eyes.
"Why did you play that song?" she demands angrily.
I shrug nonchalantly and look away, not wanting to tell her the truth. I knew the anger was coming and yet, I played the damn song anyway. Everything was going perfect and I had to ruin it. But what was I supposed to do? She asked for it. I can't pretend it doesn't hurt anymore. Because it does, a hell of a lot more than what I care to admit. But when her eyes fill with tears, I regret doing it.
"I didn't want it! I didn't want to leave you!" she screams again, the tears falling over her cheeks.
For what feels like the millionth time in the morning, I sigh. I knew this was coming, and yet I never tried to stop it. "I know, love," I whisper, bringing her body close to me, hugging her tightly.
I just miss you.
Her shoulders shake as she releases all the sadness and hurt off of her body. I pat her back lightly, shushing her, but my eyes remain dry. Not a tear forms in them, not the usual sting brought by unreleased pain, not the choking knot in my throat. There's nothing, nothing but an empty feeling.
"I didn't want to leave you, I didn't want to leave you…" she repeats over and over through her crying. I try asking her to stop saying it, but she doesn't hear me. I knew she didn't mean to leave me, I knew it wasn't her fault. I knew all those things, but it wouldn't change the fact that I missed her, that I needed her. I needed her more than I ever needed anyone before in my life.
She was everything I ever wanted, and when I lost her, my world came tumbling down. The pieces were scattered all over the floor and I couldn't pick them up. I have stopped trying because a life without her isn't a life at all. I will always miss her, I will always need her, but she will never be here with me again. Not in the way I want her to, because it's too late for that now. I can only see her through my twisted and broken mind. She's no more than an illusion, and I'm fully aware of that.
But although she's not real, she's as real as I will ever get. That's all that matters to me now. Just then I realize what she meant when she said that everyone gets their happy ending. Ours just wasn't here yet. She was still here… in a way. That's what she wanted me to know, that she might not be here physically, but she was here, because she was a part of me.
"Mr. Masen!" a female voice calls, interrupting my thoughts.
I look back to see a strange woman, dressed completely in white, walking our way, holding what looks like a tray. Bella sighs, wiping her eyes.
"What are you doing out there, Mr. Masen?" asks the woman as she comes closer to us, her voice somehow soothing. "Who are you talking to?" At my lack of response, she continues. "It's time for your medicine."
It's time for your medicine.
Bella squeezes my hand softly, calling for my attention. I look at her and she smiles, but her eyes tell a different story. She looks sad; she knows what this means. And my heart breaks a little at the prospect of having to, yet again, let her go.
"Don't take so long this time," she whispers, leaning forward to kiss my nose. "I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you more."
Author's Note: The song sang by Edward is "Always" by Bon Jovi.
Thanks for reading. Please review.