First off...this is not a happy fic.

There will be a happy ending of course. But...not a happy fic. It's not going to be very many chapters...probably 4 or 5, but they'll be kinda long I think, so there's that. I also think it'll be a fic inspired a lot by the band Red. I recommend them. Highly.

Anyway! This is more of a prologue than an actual chapter. I don't know what urged this on...I think it was during a fit of depression after watching 6.20 for the fifth time, and I may have been a bit drunk. So yeah.

I have no warnings for you to heed for this chapter (outside of minor drug use), but...there will be warnings. I'll warn y'all so don't worry.

I don't know why I'm posting this either, I'm just a glutton for punishment. I'm hoping I'll be update regularly, but with trying to finish up my mini-bang in 2 weeks time and then I'll be in the process of moving 2200 miles and starting school and such. Dunno when the time will pop up, but I'll try my hardest. I blame the people on Twitter, the snippet I posted earlier was taken well which ended up with me wanting to post. I should have learned by now.

ANYWAY. Sorry for babbling. I hope you guys enjoy.

All your secrets crawl inside
You keep them safe, you let them hide
You feel them drinking in your pain to kill the memories
So close your eyes and let it hurt
Lie to Me (Denial) - Red

Dean and Castiel had been friends ever since the Milton family had moved into the house next door. The strange boy had come over one day when Dean and Sam had been playing Cops and Robbers in the front yard.

Castiel had watched, asked what they were doing and then asked if he could play with them after Dean had explained the rules.

They had been nine years old then and had been best friends ever since.

They stuck together through everything, even when in high school during junior year they were accepted into different social circles. Dean, captain of the baseball team, Castiel captain of the debate team.

Castiel was the "weird guy" and people generally avoided him and his intense staring. Dean knew Cas' "weirdness" was just his way of dealing with his less than pleasant home life. His mother was a little off; Dean could remember seeing her dancing in the rain in nothing but her nightgown one time. Cas' father had disappeared long before Cas and his family had moved into town. So it was just Castiel, his mother and Uncle Zachariah in the house. Castiel's sister Anna and brother Gabriel had left the house not long after moving in, going off to live with their oldest brother Michael.

Dean suspected sometimes that Cas' home life was worse than the other boy let on. Castiel always carefully avoided the subject and deflected whenever it was brought up. Dean worried, as did Sam and even Dean's parents seemed to worry. Probably why they always let Cas stay over whenever he wanted to without question.

Like now, even though it was a school night Castiel was stretched out on Dean's floor, arms folded behind his head, gaze focused on the ceiling. Dean was trying to sleep but he couldn't, Cas' tear streaked face was burned into his mind. When Dean had asked what was wrong Cas had wiped his eyes, lifted his chin in that defiant way of his and simply asked if he could stay over for the night. Naturally, he could.

"Cas? You awake?"

"Yes."

Dean hesitated, turning onto his side so he could look down at Cas, "What happened tonight?"

Cas was silent for so long Dean thought Cas was going to ignore him. Cas did in a way, "You think insanity is genetic?"

"Cas-"

"Seriously Dean. My mom's crazy…you think I could be crazy too?"

"You're not crazy Cas."

"Not yet anyway." Cas' head turned a little and they stared at each other, Dean trying to puzzle what was going through the other boy's head.

Finally, Dean said, "None of your other siblings are crazy. Except Gabe maybe."

Cas chuckled then said quietly, "None of them have to live over there though."

"What happened Cas?" Sometimes if Dean pushed enough he could get a resemblance of an actual answer. Usually it was something his mother had done or said, on most occasions Cas didn't answer though.

Tonight was no exception either. Cas rolled onto his side, back facing Dean, "Goodnight Dean."

"Cas…"

"Goodnight." Dean sighed and refocused his attention on the ceiling above his bed, listening to Cas' breaths. Neither of them fell asleep that night.

Everything went downhill after that.

Dean really should have been able to figure it out that night.

It started slowly. A joint here and there, sneaking alcohol from the fridge and drinking more than was necessary at parties.

When senior year rolled around Dean hardly knew Castiel anymore. They were still friends, still talked and ate lunch together, but Castiel had changed over the summer. He was someone Dean didn't recognize now. Dean would never turn his back on Cas though, something had happened to change Cas like this and Dean would help wherever he could, whenever he could. Even if Cas never asked for it.

Cas had spent the summer under house arrest, the final week of junior year he'd punched their French teacher in the face for something that had been said to Cas. Dean had hardly seen Cas since. Only on the few days that Zachariah wasn't around did Cas come into the backyard and sit at the very edge of his boundary. They would just sit and talk while Dean did his chores around the backyard and Cas would apply stickers or paint obscene things on the tracking bracelet around his ankle.

After that, Cas moved onto heavier drugs, although he favored pills and alcohol, he was constantly shoving them down his throat whenever he found some. There was hardly a day that Cas was completely sober, he was always on something. Even in school.

He'd been suspended more than once from school for having a bottle of some kind of alcohol and several bottles of pills stashed in his locker.

When Cas came back to school, the rumors came with him.

Rumors of blowjobs in the restroom or out behind the gym. Someone even said they'd seen Cas in an alleyway, shoved against a wall while some stranger fucked him.

Dean didn't want to believe any of it, but with Cas' new behavioral changes, there was the strong possibility it was all true.

Dean didn't know how to talk to this Castiel, didn't know how to help him. He'd even gone so far as to ask his mom for help, his mom who used to dote on Cas, make sure he'd eat and was comfortable. But she'd only shaken her head, warned Dean to stay away from Castiel now because he was trouble and she didn't want Dean falling into that trouble.

He'd persisted though, reminding her of how much she'd adored Cas and his quiet, awkward ways. Told her he was trying to help, trying to bring that Cas back. She'd shaken her head and told him there wasn't much they could do for him if Castiel didn't want to be helped.

Dean had stopped going to his parents for his help, seeing that they'd already given up on Cas.

Tonight the two of them were sprawled in the grass in Cas' backyard. Dean had snaked one of his Dad's beers and was slowly drinking it down while Cas lazily sucked on a joint he'd rolled a few minutes before.

"Cas?"

"Hmm?" Dean turned his head to look at him, "What happened to you?"

Cas laughed, it was a dry, brittle sounding laugh. Hollow. Dean hated it.

Cas blew out the acrid smoke, turned his own head to face Dean, he chuckled again and muttered, "Life."

"And what's happening in your life Cas? I'm just trying to help here." He wanted his friend back.

Before Cas could respond the backdoor slammed open, Zachariah silhouetted in the light from the kitchen, "Castiel!"

Dean felt Cas tense beside him before sitting and snubbing out his joint then turned and looked towards his uncle.

"Get inside. Now!" Castiel sighed and Zachariah disappeared inside again. The two teens pulled themselves upright; Dean turned and looked at Cas who was staring at the house with a look on his face that Dean couldn't decipher.

"Guess I'll see you tomorrow Cas?"

Cas nodded and hesitated before heading inside. He gave Dean a pained looked, it almost looked like the old Cas, the one that had always snuck into Dean's room in the middle of night and left before the sun could rise, just so he could get away from his mother's screaming.

Castiel's hand landed on Dean's shoulder for a moment, he squeezed gently and whispered, "You can't help me Dean. No one can." With that, he turned and walked away, backdoor clicking shut behind him.

"The hell I can't." Dean growled, fists clenched at his side.

A week later, Cas dropped out of school. It was a shock to everyone, Cas had been a good student, had been on the honor roll and top of the senior class. He'd been on track to have his pick at colleges, to make something of himself.

Well, before everything changed that was.

Dean tried not to be too surprised about it now as he stood in the hallway, watching Cas empty out his locker. Dean sighed and slowly walked towards him, "Cas?"

Cas looked up, smiled when he saw Dean. It was an actual smile too, not one of the drugged out or bitter smiles that Cas was so fond of. Dean was probably the only person who could drag an actual smile out of Castiel these days.

"Hey Dean."

"What are you doin' man?" Cas shook his head, gently pulled the few pictures he had in his locker down and snapped it shut.

"You already know what I'm doing Dean."

"Why? We're so close to graduation."

"I wouldn't be graduating anyway Dean, and there's no way I'm sticking around for an extra year." Dean watched as Cas lifted his bag from the floor and slung it over his shoulder and tucked the pictures carefully into his pocket.

Cas stared at Dean for a moment, eyes soft and sad before Cas built up his walls again, "I'll see you around Dean." Dean could only stand there and watch as Cas turned and walked down the hallway and out of the school.

"Wait…wait. Cas dropped out? Cas?" Sam asked later that night when Dean had told him.

"Yeah."

"Why?" Dean had forgotten that Sam had been good friends with Cas as well. Sam had spent his summers with them both and it had been Cas that had helped him with homework and had provided the stimulating conversation that Sam required. Sam was just as concerned about Cas as Dean was.

Dean looked through the bedroom window, it faced the Milton household and he could see Cas and Zachariah in the kitchen from here. Zachariah was pacing around the room, waving his hands around while Cas just sat there, gaze fixed on the floor.

Dean sighed and turned away, he was trying to piece this together, he had a feeling it was all there in front of him but he was missing something.

Sam's gaze was fixed out the window as well, brow furrowed. It was his serious thinking face.

"Spit it out Sammy."

"Do you think…maybe that they…"

"What?" Sam fidgeted for a minute, turned away from the window and fixed his gaze on Dean.

"You think maybe Cas is abused?" Dean blinked at his little brother, then shook his head.

"No way. Cas wouldn't just sit there and take it. Neither would Gabriel and Anna."

"Maybe they don't know."

"Cas still wouldn't just sit there and take it Sam. He's too much of a stubborn little bastard."

"I don't know Dean; it all depends on how long it's been happening. We don't know anything." Sammy always had been too smart for his own good. Dean stared through the window again; Sam sighed and left the room.

Dean vowed to talk to Cas about it tomorrow.

In the morning, there was an envelope with Dean's name printed on it in Cas' neat handwriting and Cas was gone.

Dean never opened that envelope.