IvanxChouji

A:N CRACK ADDICTS BEWARE!So me and my friend (Gearhead Fenton) were at school, and we were searching up crack pairings, just for laughs. And so, we decided to write a one-shot about the best crack pairing crossover we could think of. Rated T for some sexy times.

We do not know why you are reading this, but God bless your soul. If you end up actually enjoying this, we suggest you seek psychiatric help immediately. Thanks! ~LuneLaLouve & Gearhead Fenton.

He could've sworn Agnes could get him a better mission than this. Some ninja village? A life-threatening mission? Seemed legit.

"Hey. You over there." Ivan tilted his head in response to the voice.

"Huh?"

A small, plump young boy, chewing on some pork ribs, bounded his way towards him. His thousand chins overlapped his chest, his filthy brown hair running down his back. And yet, in a disgusting, shuddery kind of way, he was rather charming.

"You must be that guy we called down for help. Origami something or other."

Ivan was taken aback with this little fat man's commentary. "CYCLONE! ORIGAMI CYCLONE! SHU! SHU!"

The brown haired boy before him simply threw his head back in laughter.

"I like you already! Come on let me show you 'round!"

Ivan turned bright crimson, and scowled. The duo began their stroll through the town of Konohagakure. As it turned out, the little guy's name was Chouji Akimichi, and his favourite food was… well. Everything. Their little 'tour' of the town mainly consisted of his favourite restaurants and side commentary about Ivan's 'dashing hair'. The restaurant talk was cool, but for some odd reason, Ivan's heart fluttered at the young boy's compliments.

Just as the two began warming up to each other, faint sounds of screaming and crying came from afar.

"Chouji!" A young, black haired man came running towards the duo. "No time left for courtesy calls! They're here!"

In seconds flat, oddly dressed ninja jumped buildings and houses, causing chaos everywhere.

"Come on, Origami- boy!"

Chouji charged away immediately. Ivan stood still for a few more seconds, reminiscing the past few minutes with this new boy, and ran off to help.

Things happened in a blur, he didn't even know how it happened. The last thing he remembered was being blasted down by what seemed like a thousand shuriken, and two strong arms wrapping around his waist and taking him to safety.

Slowly, with time, Ivan's eyelids inched away from one another. The first thing he saw was brown hair.

"Ch-Chouji?"

"Origami! Hey! Wake up! Are you alright?"

"Wh-What happened?"

"I guess this place is a little different from where you're from, huh? You did do really well though… Can't say I'm not impressed," Chouji winked at the young man which only resulted in a beet red face.

"You saved my life?" Ivan whispered. Their faces were inches apart.

"Yeah… I guess I did." Closer.

Ivan could feel his heart beating and the blood rushing to his face, making it hot.

"Chouji… I " His words were cut short by Chouji's tender lips pressing against his own. He could feel the heat rising in him, and as soon as he could fully realize what was going on, the young shinobi pulled back. He then noticed that he wasn't exactly reciprocating the kiss.

"Is that all the thanks I get for saving your ass back there? Or do you just not like me?" Chouji sighed.

"I understand if you don't… I've never really been with someone before. I think it's because they judge me by my weight without ever getting the chance to really know me… I swear to you, I'm just big boned!"

"I think you're charming." Ivan blurted out.

He could see Chouji's blush flushing over his face. This time Ivan took the initiative close in. He planted his soft lips on Chouji's mouth, taking his time to gently caress his lips with his tongue. At first the brunette was shocked by Ivan's actions, but soon, his finger were interlaced in the strands of the blonde's hair, moving in closer until their faces were completely against each other. Ivan mimicked his actions and pulled his hands through Chouji's hair, tugging and pulling at it needily. They began moaning and grunting, their bodies pressing against one another. As their passion grew, they became more desperate, kneading and grasping at each other. The two then disappeared into a nearby house.

Konoha was never the same again.