A/N Don't even ask. I don't know either.
"Mmm...Kevin," Will gasps.
Kevin Bacon is straddling him on the bed, blue eyes blazing with lust as he trails a large, strong hand down Will's chest. "You know, I've had A Few Good Men...but you might just be the best."
Will bites his lip, staring up at the other man hungrily.
"Are you ready to get loose? And I mean...Footloose?" Kevin rolls his hips for emphasis.
"Uh-huh," Will murmurs excitedly between breaths, hastily working to unfasten his tie.
Kevin leans down and kisses him ferociously, then licks from his neck to his ear and whispers,
"Maybe even...A Little Vicious?"
Will's hands clutch fistfuls of the actor's hair. He throws his head back in euphoria.
"Oh yes," he nods, breathing lustfully. "I want you now, Kevin."
Kevin takes Will's hands and pins them to the mattress, eyes flashing playfully. "Are you sure you're prepared to experience the six degrees of Kevin Bacon?" he says dramatically.
"Yes, come here," Will hooks a leg around Kevin and pulls him on top of him. Kevin grabs his shirt and tears it open, buttons flying everywhere. Will is too far gone to care as he feels the man's hands caressing his chest.
"I gotta say," Kevin breathes. "I'm quite enjoying The Truman Show."
"...You weren't even in that movie." Will interjects, sitting up slightly.
"Yes. But I was in Apollo 13 with Ed Harris, and he was in The Truman Show."
"Ah. Okay."
The two men dive back in two a searing, passionate kiss.
"Bacon," Grace yells.
Will sits up in bed, startled. Grace is standing over him, arms crossed.
"Bacon? What? I wasn't having sex with Kevin Bacon," he says defensively. "I totally wasn't just having sex with Kevin Bacon."
"...No, I meant it's 9AM. You promised bacon for breakfast yesterday, and I'm hungry."
"Right. Right, sorry." Will is flustered. "Just give me...uh…" He glances down. "...Five minutes."
Grace snorts.
"Yeah, more like thirty seconds."
"Hey!"
"Also, Jack's here. And he's not happy with you."
"Jeez, just give me a minute. Why is everyone riding me about breakfast? Can't anyone make their own Kevin Bacon? - I mean…" Will blushes, before sighing. "Never mind. I'll be out soon."
Will dives into the bathroom to take care of himself, then dons himself in his shorty robe and heads towards the living area.
Jack is sitting at the table, poised but clearly impatient. As Will walks sleepily into the room, he slowly puts down the newspaper he'd been pretending to read.
"Ah, William Truman. Doing the walk of shame, I see."
Will rubs a hand over his face, still sleep-addled.
"What the hell are you talking about, Jack," he murmurs in reply, opening the refrigerator.
"You think I didn't hear you just now? Mmm, Kevin, take me now, Kevin. It made me want to barf." Jack enunciates a barfing notion, knocking over the salt and pepper shakers in the process. "Just out of curiosity, though...which Kevin was it?" He raises an accusatory eyebrow.
Will can feel his face flushing red. He stares into the fridge, embarrassed.
"...You heard that?"
"The whole street heard it. The whole city heard it. Heck, it was even on the news just now. Sad, balding forty-year old queen fantasizes about Doug Heffernan."
"It was not Kevin James!" Will hisses, turning and slamming the fridge door shut. "It was...another Kevin." He purses his lips, before wincing. "Was I really that loud?"
"Nah, you're good," Jack says offhandedly. "The only reason I heard it is because I was in your room just now, trying on your new skinny jeans. Which by the way, look so much better on me."
"Keep them," Will says.
"Already taken them." Jack juts out a leg to admire his own calves. "Anyway...about this Kevin."
"I'm not talking about it, Jack."
"Kevin Costner?"
"No."
"Kevin Spacey?"
"No."
"I've got it. Kevin Smith."
"No, Jack. Drop it!" Will starts to prepare breakfast, turning his back to Jack and ducking his head. "Now, tell me what you want with your...breakfast?"
Jack narrows his eyes and fixes Will with an accusatory glare.
"Hmm...guilty posture...beet red face...avoidance of the word 'bacon'..." he stabs his hand in Will's direction. "YouvebeenhavingsexwithKevinBacon!"
"I can explain!" Will says, turning around.
"You know I've got dibs on Kevin Bacon, Will! How could you do this to me?"
"It just happened! I mean, I've had sex dreams about a lot of people, and it never meant anything. I've had sex dreams about Grace, for god's sake!" Will yells defensively.
"Gee, thanks," Grace mutters from the couch, without looking away from her magazine.
"Uh, we all know your gross hetero dreams were nothing more than manifestation of feelings of hierarchal inferiority and lack of personal sexual fulfilment!" Jack spits. "There was none of that psychological crap when you were all up on Kevin, rutting and squawking like one of those overfed pigs on Animal Planet!"
"Okay, okay, Jack, this is crazy." He holds his hands up in a pseudo-surrender stance. "I'm not interested in Kevin Bacon. Honestly, I don't even think he's all that good-looking."
"Just to play devil's advocate," Grace pipes up, "back when we were dating, didn't you spent the entire time looking over my shoulder at my movie poster for Quicksilver just to get through foreplay?"
"YOUDIDWHAT?!" Jack screams.
"In my defense," Will says hastily, backing away, "It was between that and one of her stuffed unicorns."
Jack turns stiffly, folding his arms and clenching his jaw.
"You know, William, I'm not sure our friendship can survive this betrayal."
"Jack…" Will says, pouting. "If it makes you feel any better, the sex dream wasn't even that hot."
"Why, because he saw your gross muffin top and balding head, and left you high and dry?" Jack says hopefully.
"No, he just spent the whole time making bad puns about his own movies. Most of them ...didn't even make sense."
"Well. You're probably not cultured enough to understand the legend that is Kevin Bacon. I mean, you've seen what, Footloose and that's it?"
"Pretty much," Will concedes. "So, are we good?"
He holds his arms out for a hug. Jack pretends to consider, before sighing and going in for a quick squeeze. Will envelopes his friend in a tight embrace, shooting Grace a relieved look over his shoulder.
Jack pulls back. "Yikes, someone needs to work out."
Will claps a hand on Jack's shoulder. "Love you too, buddy."
"Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go see Karen's tailor to get these jeans taken in. Your love handles have really done on a number on them."
Will hangs his head in amusement as Jack leaves the apartment.
Grace glances across at Will, a smile playing at her lips.
"So, be honest," she drawls. "How was Loverboy really?"
"Please, Grace," Will says, shaking his head. "I think I've heard enough Kevin Bacon puns to last me a lifetime." He pauses on his way back to the kitchen. "It was pretty hot, though."
"Knew it."
A/N I'll be honest - I don't know why I wrote this. I really have no idea what possessed me to write this but I'm glad I did, because I had a freaking ball. Hopefully some of you caught the "six degrees" reference I did in the first section (I think it's a pretty neat phenomena, look it up!) and of course a nod to 5.02 "Bacon and Eggs", a hilarious episode.
Unfortunately Kevin Bacon isn't listed in the characters, so I couldn't tag him, but I thought he was a hilarious addition to the show in the two episodes he was in. Out of the fics I've written this one required the most research, so please, leave me a review and tell me what you think!