It seems that this is what it feels like, bittersweet. And yet with that, I can't put into mind why. I don't understand why it is so bittersweet. And yet, here I am, left to drown in it, calmly wondering; patiently waiting. Even if I am drowning, it feels warm, welcoming. The dark depths envelope my being in a tight embrace, caressing me gently. It feels warm again and I can't help but crave it. It had been cold, nowadays, and warmth was hard to find. A necessity bordering desperation, you can say, but I couldn't make myself care about it. I accepted the darkness that continues to pull me in a loving embrace, like how the darkness accepts me as well. I continue to drown in it, and yet it doesn't even hurt. As I continue the descent, the darkness slowly creeps out, strokes of luminescence replace the once warm darkness that envelopes me. As it replaces the darkness, it slowly felt cold, unwelcoming, scorning. I hate it as much as the light hates me.
Suddenly, something resonates amidst the silence, and again, and again. Slowly, different buzzing sounds echo. Intensifying, they begin to hurt so much. It is like each word is a stab of a knife, and I can't do anything but bleed. As they intensify, they too become clearer and clearer, until I can understand the words that resound. Ah, I know those voices, those voices who haunt me in my own Land of Dreams; who taunt me about my failures; who scorn me every single time. It seems that they took me away from the loving darkness and brought me back to the hellish radiance.
When I woke up, everything went back to being monochromatic and dull. As I sat up, faces began to swarm my point of view. Ah, it was them indeed who kidnapped me from the darkness. The faces then contort to one of anger, one of disgust, one of nonchalance, and one of worry; each and every single face I can recognize and yet, those faces are as unwelcoming as the sudden radiance. A scream and a sob then pierce the atmosphere, and yet both sound too genuine, as if it was practiced likened to lines in a libretto. Amidst the weird sincerity, a new face joins the crowd whose curtness reminds me of my younger cousin. As the new face comes into view, the four faces then leave, a closing door as a reply.
The new face then examines me under a steeled gaze, and with a checklist and a pen in hand, they then scrutinized me under a criteria unknown to me. The face then greets with a friendly tone, asking about my well-being, in which my only reply was a sad, silent smile. With my smile, they then ask me several questions, in which each of my reply either consisted of a sad smile or a slight shake of the head, and that reply partnered with a check on the list. When they had finished, they had thanked me in a strange tone that left me curious and had left in silence. That then heralded the return of the same four faces, and that too heralded the return of something indescribably painful. As they somewhat began to mother-hen me, the luminous object intensified, the temperature being way too cold even for me to bear, until I once more blacked out, except that the loving darkness wasn't there. All that were present were sneering faces, words so toxic spew out of their mouths, poisoning my every being.
It had been a week since my trip into that loving darkness and yet everything was still monochromatic. My scenery still hasn't changed and I don't think it will change for a while, not without those four faces haunting me in my sleep and hovering over me while I am awake. As I gaze out by my window, seeing the currently darkening cerulean skies, currently sitting on my wheelchair, I ponder on how I can get back to that place devoid of anything but warmth; I truly hated and am still hating the luminous object that brought it away, bringing with its sudden appearance a glacial empire. Silent, I continued to gaze out until I fell into a reverie. When I was pulled out of it, I faintly heard fingers snapping. With that grabbing my attention at once, I saw the once face contorted with nonchalance distorting to something like worry. Nonplussed at the sudden distortion, I tilted my head to show them my state of confusion, but that didn't elicit any response from them. Wheeled away from my window, I was brought downstairs to the dining room. With my forgetfulness that dusk had already passed, the three other faces then came into view. Ah, it seems to be dinner time, I thought, and began to eat silently, shrugging the scrutinizing gazes I got from them whilst doing so.
As nighttime dragged on, I was wheeled back into my room and gently carried onto my bed. Unresponsive as I was a week ago, I just stared at their face, blank and nonchalant. When they had bode good night to me, they quietly left my room. Lying down on my bed, all I did was stare at the ceiling, resuming my pondering. As I pondering, I failed to notice that sleep was slowly taking over me until I descended into my Land of Dreams once more. Ah, another nightmare to endure until morning, great.
Ah, there comes that feeling once more, that bittersweet feeling. I felt happy that the darkness that loved me so dearly came back to embrace me. This time, I vowed to myself, that I wouldn't ever leave it again. It felt warm, loving even, once more, enveloping me more and more. As my descent toward the dark depths continued, the warmth grew slightly in intensity, and with that, I felt more loved. With each great descent downwards, I could hear a faint song becoming louder and louder, a song that seemed familiar to me. When it seemed that I had reached the deepest part of the deep darkness, the song became clear, and with that clarity, it brought with it more warmth and love to me. The song, sung by mother, lulled me into a peaceful slumber. At least in this darkness, I can find warmth and the love that my mother had before. I truly never wanted to leave, and I never did.
A.N: Hello! In all honesty, this just came to mind in a weird fashion and it continued to bug me, so I decided to write about it. I hope you'd like it! Also, I'd like for you guys to guess on whose perspective this drabble is told. ~LoT