Disclaimer: This is pretty much completely crackfic. I apologize.
Artie rubbed his eyes harshly, blinking back the lack of sleep of the past few days. Thank god it was summer and he could sleep as late as he wanted... and suddenly, his alarm blared loudly. He shook his head and, not really thinking, he shot up in bed. The clock read 7:30, but suddenly, that was not his only concern. He was in Tina's room. What the hell did they do last night? Shit.
He glanced around quickly and saw no sign of his girlfriend or even evidence that he himself had been here. Where was his wheelchair? Oh man, he was gonna be in trouble. Artie wiped his eyes again... and that was another thing, he could see without his glasses. He was scared to call for her, to say anything without her parents hearing. "Tina?" Mrs. Cohen-Chang called from the other room.
Artie didn't want to risk answering. He just blinked, staring at the messy room before him. Her clothes were everywhere; sweatshirts, fishnet stockings... underwear. Usually she cleaned up a bit before he came, but this looked like she hadn't even tried. Artie glanced down at his hands, his body curiously. Only, it wasn't his anymore.
Apparently, he was Tina Cohen-Chang now.
Gasping, he jumped out of bed and planted both feet on the plush carpet. Damn, that felt good. He took a moment, just feeling the soft texture between his toes, daring to stretch his legs like he hadn't done for years. He shook his head suddenly and rushed to her bathroom. He caught her reflection suddenly and stared for a few long moments. Wow. How come he never noticed how beautiful she looked? Even the first thing in the morning without makeup, even when she was really a he. OK, this was weird.
Artie rushed to get ready, knowing he had to find Tina as soon as possible and try to switch themselves back. Even though it felt great to move around freely (and dance! he even tried a little snoopy dance just for fun), he didn't want to be in his girlfriend's body for long. Unless... well, yeah.
He dug through her drawers, not even sure what he should wear. He loved that his own waredrobe was so simple; white shirt, jeans, sweater vest. iItwas one thing he could control in his life. Girls wore such complicated things! Especially Tina, who had her own unique style. Pants... he definitely decided to wear pants.
Finally, he ran out of her room, stopping quickly to grab some breakfast and kiss her mom on the cheek. He wondered if Tina did that, and judging by the surprised look on her mom's face, probably not. He pushed open the porch door and was hit by a sudden gust of winter wind. Winter? It was July.
"Mom, what's the date?" He asked tentatively, going back inside for a jacket and hat. Her voice sounded strange now; distant and kind of tinny. It was like being at the other end of a long distance call.
"November 12," the woman yelled from the kitchen. "Why?"
Shit. Not only had he switched bodies with her, but he'd gone back in time to one of the worst weeks of their relationship: stuttergate.
Artie shook his head, now certain he had to find Tina right now. Would she know what was going on? Would she remember Quinn having her baby, losing Regionals and regaining the choir room anyway? Artie sure hoped so; it would make this so much easier. He jumped off her porch and ran in the direction of home.
It wasn't long until he saw her... or rather, himself. He watched as the boy struggled down the street, clearly not used to pushing himself for long distances. His mouth was turned down, fighting against the harsh wind and doing it all wrong. Artie rushed across the street to her. "Tina?" he whispered carefully. He couldn't even contemplate who it might be if he was wrong.
The boy glanced up at him, clearly upset and exhausted. Note to self: his sad face was not very flattering. "What do you want?" She said in that frustrated tone that was so distinct. He would know her voice anywhere, even inside his own body. She pushed hard on the boy's wheels, but Artie was too fast for her. He knew exactly what to do; he grabbed her wrist gently, but firmly. That stopped her from going anywhere.
"What do you want?" She repeated flatly.
"I want to switch us back, Tee. You don't deserve to be like this."
"What if I do?" She asked sadly. "You said so yourself. I'll never really understand what it's like. Well, I guess now I do."
"What are you talking about? I thought we were past this." Artie tried to look into her eyes, to see her soul, but she just looked away.
"Why? You were right. I lied to you. I guess this is my punishment."
Artie dropped her wrist softly and watched as she wheeled off. She didn't remember anything. "Wait, Tina," he called. "Who won Sectionals?"
She looked back, confused. "Sectionals aren't for three weeks, you idiot." She just rolled her eyes, turned around and she was gone.
This was going to be a lot harder than Artie had expected.
Artie's mind wouldn't shut up as he went to her classes, did her school work and avoided the jocks who stared at her body. Kurt and Mercedes tried to start a conversation with her at lunch, but Artie just got up and left, figuring it was better to just avoid the situation. Tina was nowhere to be found.
He wandered around the halls of McKinley, trying to think of a reason why he had been sent back here. He'd learned his lesson a long time ago. He'd overreacted to Tina's confession and that was that. Why beat a dead horse by sending him back here, in a girl's body, none the less? And what was maybe even worse was that Tina didn't even remember all the good times. Maybe this would be sort of acceptable if they could laugh about it together, try to figure out some way back together, but Tina didn't even want to talk to him. And Artie kind of didn't blame her.
Artie shook off the negative thoughts; it was pointless to relive the past that had already happened... or rather, was happening now. Find Tina, he thought. That's the best thing to do and than they could work this out. Where would he be, if he was Tina, playing himself?
The choir room.
He turned in that direction and set off decidedly. Tina sometimes spent lunch in the choir room even now. She needed her space and Artie respected that. Artie could only guess how she must be feeling now. It was almost as if she thought she deserved this... but why?
It seemed to take Artie forever to walk down the abandoned hallway. The air was almost too still and he could feel someone's presence lurking in the shadows. "W-W-Who's there?" he stuttered automatically, than almost winced.
A tall boy crept out of the shadows and his familiar, creepy smile spread across his face. "Jesse?" Artie breathed carefully.
"I knew you'd know who I was. I'm kinda famous in the show choir circuit."
"What do you want from me?" The girl backed up a bit as he approached. Suddenly, Artie remembered that Sectionals hadn't even happened yet. Jesse St. James should be halfway across the state, practicing for his own sectionals. "Why are you here?"
"I have a proposal for you," he said coolly. Did Tina actually know this jerk?
He decided to play it cool. "Well?"
"Come join our glee club. We could use talent like you."
Artie took a step back. "What are you talking about?" He looked down at his body. Yep, still Tina. "What about Rachel?"
"She's too dramatic. We need somebody who's willing to work with us as a team. I've heard good things about you, Tina. I can get you some solos, if you get a makeover of course."
Artie couldn't quite wrap his head around what was happening, but he didn't have to think too hard to know this could be awesome. Knowing that he could prevent all the drama of Jesse ever joining New Directions Knowing that they would still lose Regionals, despite everything. Knowing that he could sing and dance... and well, dance. It was almost enough to convince him to get the hell out of dodge and go join Vocal Adrenaline. He wouldn't have given it a second thought if he wasn't currently a girl.
And than it hit him. Tina had said no, the first time around. For whatever reason, she had decided to stay in a club where she was basically always in the background. She had stayed in a school where she basically had no friends. And she had hung out with a guy who basically hated her. Why? She could have been one of the stars of Vocal Adrenaline and helped them win Regionals, but she didn't.
Suddenly, Artie remembered all the times she helped him out, took one for the time, and generally just smiled in the background. Somehow, he never realized just how selfless she really was. She was willing to give up the prestige and social status of being in Vocal Adrenaline to help out her team, to stay true to who she was and to stay with her friends. Artie smiled softly and felt his heart swell with pride as he said, "No thanks," and turned away from Jesse St. James.
He walked through the empty school until he reached New Direction's practice room and sure enough, the boy sat in the corner, looking uncomfortable in his skin. Artie approached Tina slowly. "Look, we should probably talk about this."
Tina just shrugged, "You were right. I guess I never really understood what it was like."
"But I didn't understand you either, Tee. You have it hard too. You give so much and nobody really appreciates that, least of all me."
"This really sucks," He looked up suddenly, turning around to face Tina.
She nodded. "I'm sorry, Artie."
Artie looked out the window; the summer sun was glistening down on him and somehow everything was right again. He smiled softly, "Don't be." As he took the hand of his girlfriend, he promised himself never to take advantage of her again.