Title: Turks Domestic Argument
Author: Enide Dear
Rating: some blood and lemon flavoured condoms
Pairing: Reno and Rude
A/N: I read the prompt 'Newly wed secret agents having domestic argument during a mission' and my brain immediately burped this XD

"All I'm saying is, it wouldn't kill you to replace the fucking TP in the shitter when it's empty." Reno paused to get his breath back. His knuckles stung and he shook his hand to loosen the fingers. "I'm starting to feel like a fucking maid back home."

Rude just grunted for answer as he was hauling the still struggling client back up on his feet.

"Newly weds," he muttered to the bloodied man who was staring at them in disbelief. "Just back from out honey moon and he's been bitching ever since." He hit the man a few times in the gut for good measure and the guy slumped back to the ground.

Reno kicked him a few times in the ribs with a steel-toed boot but there was no response. Shrugging, the two Turks grabbed an ankle each and started pulling the client back towards Shinra HQ:

"I ain't bitching! All I'm saying is I aint gonna do all the shitty work at home! Like, I already buy all the groceries…."

"You buy nothing but snacks and alcohol. You'd die from scurvy if it weren't for lemon flavoured condoms."

The guy's head bounced on the cobbles behind them.

"So not true, yo! I ate a banana at the executive meeting, like, not two months ago!"

"You didn't eat that banana."

"It was in my mouth. Repeatedly. It counts."

"It worked as an amazing distraction, I'll give you that. And anyway bananas don't have any vitamin C."

"When did you become a fucking expert on healthy living?!"

"Since I hooked up with you. Been smuggling ground up vitamin pills in your morning beer for years. You are always too tired to notice."

"You fucking bastard!" Shocked by the betrayal, Reno dropped the client's leg, which bounced on the hard ground, evicting a groan from the man. The two Turks studied him for a second but as nothing more interesting were forthcoming Reno grabbed the ankle again and they resumed their slow walk and drag. "I knew I wasn't feeling this good all these years just because you have such a great dick!"

"And lemon flavoured condoms. And don't think I don't know you have been smuggling Regain into the shower gel. Give it up; I'm never going to get as good hair as you."

"I aint never fiving up. Gonna keep trying to get you to feel as good as I can. Even if it means I have to replace the TP all the fucking time."

"Ditto. Even if it means having to buy take out from that wutainese place you like every night and paying them extra to smuggle down vegetables in your fried pork."

"….that's actually fucking cute you know."

They stopped for some sloppy kissing, unconcerned by the long trail of blood the client had left on the street.

"Maybe we could get housekeeping." Rude muttered, pressing Reno's lanky body against him, feeling the way the red-head shivered in delight as he did so.

"Yeah. And I know just a little blonde trooper who would look great in a maid's dress."