this is weird all the way through. i haven't updated in ages, sorry! schoolwork out the wazoo, as my friend says.

"You're insane!"

"No, see, if you look at it this way—"

"I refuse! You're wrong!"

"Oh, shut up!" Maureen giggled and looped her arm through Collins'. The air was balmy, foretelling the impending spring. Trees looked vaguely misshapen, covered as they were in layers of tiny green buds. Snow melted on the ground, sending icy streams of grungy water through the gutters to the drains. Spring was coming. The first spring of what Maureen thought of as The Year.

The Year after Angel died and Mimi came back from the dead. The Year after she and Joanne split so many times. The Year where Mark would find someone who could be better for him than she could be, and where Roger and Mimi could finally come together as solidly as they could. The Year that Collins would finally be able to move on with life and leave his grief for Angel behind.

"The thing about you, Maureen, is that you're as hard-headed as asphalt," Collins declared. He joined in with her laughter, taking his arm out of hers and putting it around her shoulders. She pressed close to him, taking comfort in the happiness she could feel radiating from him. Best friends since before she could remember, it had always been Maureen and Collins, Collins and Maureen. She had always felt his emotions more keenly than others. When he got the scholarship to MIT, she had felt his jubilation. When she had first seen him with Angel, she had sensed his ecstasy, his certainty of his love for Angel. When Angel had died, Maureen couldn't stand to be around him at times, such was the potency of his grief. Now, months after her death, Maureen could feel him starting to heal. For instance, he was laughing beside her right now, his mouth stretched into an easy grin and his arm tight around her shoulders.

"I am not. I just have extremely strong opinions," Maureen protested. Collins groaned.

"Well, I think—"

"That's stupid."

"Maureen, stop—"

"You're wrong."

"What the hell are—"

"No, that's bad. See? I told you, it's just strong opinions." Maureen smirked. Collins burst into laughter again, leaning heavily on her. Maureen held him up, grinning.

"Jesus Christ, Maureen, you are something else."

"You know you love me."

"Fine, fine, you're the best, okay? You're the best." Maureen smiled and shimmied a little. It felt wonderful to see him so engaged, so cheerful, so happy…he was truly starting to recover. Maureen felt sure that things might begin to return to normal.

And then Collins kissed her.

Maureen would have sworn on a stack of Bibles that her heart stopped. Literally. The total, utter shock of the kiss froze her body, shutting off her heart for the long seconds that she stood there, his lips pressed to hers, every part of her stiff and numb. Her brain reeled. Only her lips had any feeling. His were soft.

The kiss lasted maybe four seconds, though they seemed to stretch into interminable hours, months, years. It would have lasted for a shorter time, but Maureen could not regain control of her body in time to pull away before Collins did. And he did; tentatively, slowly, fearfully. For a moment they stood there, staring at each other. Then Collins turned and leaned against the building they were passing, his back up against the brick and his face tilted towards the sky, eyes closed as if in meditation. Maureen didn't move at first, finally managing to relax her body enough to take a step back. Her breathing was heavy and quick, as though she had just run a large distance very fast. She felt vaguely dizzy.

"Wha…wha…" Who was that stuttering? Maureen realized the half-strangled noises were coming from her throat. She cleared it and forced herself to look at Collins, who was still leaning almost placidly against the wall.

"What was that, Collins?" she croaked. He didn't respond. Maureen took a deep breath and asked again.

"Collins, why did you do that?" This time he moved. He looked down and opened his eyes, staring at her with an intensity that almost knocked her off-balance. Then he pressed one hand to his forehead and looked farther down, bowing his head. Maureen found that she was trembling. People streamed past them, people with places to go and others they needed to see. None of them knew what had just happened. None of them cared.

"Collins, say something." Her voice cracked. Maureen tried to calm herself down, but it was impossible. How did you calm down when your gay best friend who had recently lost a lover kissed you, even with the knowledge that you were an involved lesbian? Not a usual scenario. Maureen was lost.

Collins was trembling too, she saw. His shoulders were shaking badly, but it seemed a different sort of shaking, unlike the reflexive shivers that were coursing through her bodies. No, Maureen could tell it was something different. Soon she saw what.

He was crying. Small, stifled sobs that escaped his throat in a sort of pained grunt. Maureen could see tears falling to the ground from his down-turned face. For a moment, she wanted to hug him, stand him upright, wipe the tears away. Then her mind kicked her body and told it to behave.

"Maureen…Maureen, I'm so sorry…" His voice was hoarse and choked. She could hardly discern the words. Maureen curled her hand into a fist.

"Collins…"

"Oh god, Maureen, I'm just…I don't…I'm so sorry…" He was crying harder now, trying to force it down in vain. Maureen felt another urge to hug him, and this time she didn't squash it. Her body moving with absolutely no help from her brain, Maureen put her arms around her best friend, hugging him close and nudging his bowed head onto her shoulder. He immediately wrapped his arms around her, clinging to her with a sort of despair. Maureen pressed him against her and muttered, "Shhhh, shhhh, you're good, you're good…" never stopping to think that she was the one who had just been kissed without warning. Collins had been there for her so many times, and she had been there for him. He needed his best friend. That alone told her she was doing the right thing.

"Okay? You okay?" she said softly, finally drawing back. Collins, his face streaked and shiny with tears, nodded and used his sleeve to wipe his face. His eyes were red and swollen, and he looked somehow lost. Maureen wanted to comfort him more, but she knew she deserved an explanation, and she was going to get it.

"Collins, why did you do that?" she said as forcefully as she could, trying to summon the bossiness inside of her. Collins sighed and pressed two fingers to his temples, avoiding her eyes. She waited, hands on her hips, still trembling slightly. Finally, Collins looked up and met her gaze.

"Maureen…I don't know why I…it's complicated…"

"Collins, you owe it to me to explain that. Now." Ah, there was her familiar brassiness. Maureen instantly felt more in control of herself. Collins seemed to find it stabilizing as well, for he straightened and took a deep, calming breath.

"Yes. I do owe you…but it's hard to say it, because I don't know what I was thinking. It all sounded right in my head…" he said ruefully. Maureen smiled in spite of herself. With a prod from her brain, she walked over and leaned against the wall beside him. He took that as a sign to start talking.

"Look, I know that things seemed better with me lately…like I'm getting over what happened, getting over her. Maureen, I want to get over her, or at least enough over her so that I don't have the nightmares anymore, or so that the memories don't hurt so much. I can't take it…do you understand? I can't go a day without getting hit by it again and again…" She nodded slowly.

"I get it, Collins. I just wish you had told me instead of…well, doing that." He shrugged.

"I don't think you wish it more than I do," Collins said, raising an eyebrow. He scratched his head and sighed. "But, see…I have been feeling better lately. When I'm spending time with Mark or Roger…or you. Especially you." Maureen felt her stomach twist a little. "And I kept thinking about how you were the only one who's always been there for me ever single time, the only one who's never…who's never left me alone." He looked away, but she knew who he was thinking about. Angel, the person he had loved more than anything…but who had left him in the end.

"Maureen…I guess I just wanted to feel like I had with her again, to feel happy just because I'm with you. And I do feel like that when I'm with you, and so…"

"So you thought that it could mean there was something more between us than just being friends," she finished for him. He nodded slowly. Maureen sighed and gazed up at the sky, which was a crisp clear blue, for once. She understood what Collins had been thinking…but she was slightly frightened by it. She knew that, underneath everything, she loved Joanne just as much as Collins had loved Angel. But even during the biggest fights, she had never entertained the notion of romantic feelings for him. It was never something that she'd imagined either of them doing.

"Look, I'm really sorry, I should never have done that…and now I can see how obvious it is that I was being an idiot. If you're angry about it…I understand. You deserve to be." Collins looked down at the ground. Maureen sighed and ran a hand through her tangled hair. Then she gave him a solid whack on the shoulder.

"Ow!" Collins yelped, jumping away from her. Maureen was laughing and shaking her head, one hand pressed to her stomach. Collins stared at her, confused. "Um, Maureen? You okay?" She just laughed harder, finally crumpling downwards into a crouch as her legs gave way. She fell sideways and knocked against his leg, laughing so hard that tears streamed down her cheeks and she began to sound like a donkey. People began to give her strange looks and a wide birth as they walked by. Collins wasn't exactly sure what to do at this point.

"Oh man…oh man oh man oh man…oh man," Maureen gasped, choking out the words between peals of laughter. She reached up one hand and waved it vaguely at him. "Help me up…oh dear god, help me up, will y—will y—" And then she couldn't talk for laughing. A puzzled Collins took her hand and hauled her to her feet. Maureen leaned against his shoulder, her body jerking back and forth with hilarity. Collins found himself giggling from the pure infectiousness of her laughter. He forced himself to stop.

"Holy crap…sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry…" she finally managed, the laughter winding down into incessant giggling, which soon ceased altogether. She wiped tears from her face, panting and grinning. Collins hesitantly touched her arm.

"Maureen? Dare I ask what the hell that was?" he asked. Maureen shrugged and giggled a little more.

"Collins…hon, I have absolutely no idea, and I love it that way. You know me well enough by now, don't you?" He stared at her a little more. Then a slow grin spread over his face.

"You're not…you're not pissed at me?" She rolled her eyes and whapped him on the shoulder again. Collins cried out and grabbed the sore place on his shoulder.

"Ow, damn it! Stop that!"

"Collins, you total idiot, do you really think I'd be mad at you for something like that? You're my best friend, boy. You've gone through a lot, and I get it. But baby…I didn't know you were still feeling that bad about her. I don't want you to feel that bad…you know that, right?" She placed a hand on his shoulder, gently this time. He nodded slowly. "You should tell me this, okay? I want to do everything I can to help you out…apart from kissing you, that is." He groaned and threw up his hands.

"Let us never speak of this again, all right?" She nodded and giggled again. Collins stepped back warily. "You're not going to start spazzing out again, are you?" She shook her head and giggled again.

"No, I was just thinking…usually, I screw up so damn much, and you're the one that bails me out. Now, you screwed up and I'm bailing you out. Funny how the world works, isn't it?" Collins sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Maureen…how do I answer that? Let's see…" And before she could do a thing, Collins reached out with both hands and flicked her cheeks, ears, nose, and lips in rapid succession, making her squeal with shock and stumble backwards into an approaching man. Then he took off down the street.

"What the—get back here!" Maureen shrieked, pushing herself off from the man she had bumped into and racing after Collins. As she ran, she grinned.

Things had gone from normal to Twilight Zone to normal in five minutes flat

Just another day.

oh GOD, i have a twisted mind. the laughing fit, by the way, is something i do in exceedingly awkward situations. don't ask em why, it just makes everything twice as awkward...but i'm special that way.