Disclaimer: I own nothing but my own mind.

Broken

"Right, so it's my house tonight?" Rachel grinned at Kurt; the two diva's had become best friends over the past year – of course, with a few typical ups and downs that could be expected of a friendship between the two biggest diva's anyone had ever met, but other than that, the two spent most of their time together.

"I cannot wait, a nice, girly night in." Kurt laughed, his arm in Rachel's as they walked out of school, "Oh wonderful, Summer is heading our way." Kurt muttered, rolling her eyes as the new girl in town made her way over to the two teens, a cigarette in her mouth as she did.

Rachel laughed a little, "She's not that bad when you get to know her," She shrugged and grinned at the other girl, who returned the smile before shooting a glare at Kurt. He rolled his eyes and moved his arm from his best friend's – who, he had to admit, was perhaps a little too desperate to make friends with too many people – motioning for her to join him.

"Want a smoke?" Rachel stared down at the cigarette in Summer's hand, watching her put in her mouth slowly, still grinning. She gasped when Kurt grabbed her arm a little too roughly and pulled her away, "No she does not! Now, we have to go, come on Rachel."

Rachel hated to admit it, even to her best friend but she had always wanted to try something new, something nobody would ever expect from goody-two-shoes Rachel Berry. "I'll catch up in a minute." She smiled at her friend, trying to reassure him,

"Rachel." He gritted his teeth before storming off in full diva fashion, Rachel laughed a little, watching him try to hide around a corner. She shrugged and turned back to Summer, taking the cigarette from her before putting it in her own mouth,

"Don't suck it in too hard." Summer advised her, smirking when Rachel coughed before handing it back to the girl, "You know, you're pretty cool, Berry... even if you do hang out with a bunch of losers."

"Those losers are some of my best friends..." She murmured, shrugging as she looked behind her to wave at Kurt who had a look of disgust on his face,

"Right, sorry." Summer rolled her eyes and handed the cigarette back to Rachel, who sucked in the smoke one more time. "I better go before he kills me," She finally said after a moment, handing it back to her before turning around,

"Yeah, I'll see you around, Berry." Rachel waved behind her, her attention focused on a now very angry Kurt. "What in the Barbara were you thinking?" He put his hands on his hips, reminding Rachel of a mother scolding her naughty child,

"Oh, come on Kurt.. live a little?" She offered a small smile, grabbing his arm once more as they carried on walking, "Can we just forget about it?" She finally said, looking at her fellow diva as innocently as possible, grinning when he sighed in defeat. She knew Kurt would just love to give her the biggest lecture of her life right now but she didn't want the argument, and by the looks of things, neither did Kurt.

Maybe tonight will actually end in us still being friends for the first time during a sleepover, she thought to herself. She shook her head at the thought, remembering all the past sleepovers when one of them had stormed off, and ended up sleeping apart because of an argument over a song or a musical. She could only hope tonight would be different.

~ … ~

"I know daddy.. but..."

"Look, Rachel, there is no way out of this. You will have to stay with Shelby this weekend and that's the end of it." She sighed as she stared down at her daddy, and her dad, the decision had been made a while ago that Rachel needed a mother figure in her life and after a long discussion, something had been drawn up. But Rachel still found it hard to forgive and forget, no matter how hard she tried.

"It's not fair.. I have plans..."

"You haven't seen her out of school in ages."

Rachel groaned, "Yeah, and it's not just my fault." She rolled her eyes, starting to walk out of the door, not wanting to get into this regular argument once more. "And where do you think you are going?"

"To tell Kurt that I am being forced away against my own will!" She screams back at her dad, slamming the door behind her as she carried on walking, ignoring the calls from both of them. It wasn't fair, Shelby gave her up a long time ago, came back and rejected her and now she wants her back.

She hated her so much, she walked out on Rachel last year, and to be honest, she would have been fine to leave it at that but then she came back, wanted contact once more, decided she was in the wrong. She sighed loudly and carried on walking to Kurt's house; they were supposed to have a sleepover, they had everything planned but now she was going to have to spend three whole days with someone she didn't even like.

"Hey," Rachel smiled when Kurt opened the door, staring at the girl, "Why are you here so early?"

"I can't come tonight." Rachel sighed, biting her lower lip, "Dad and Daddy want me to spend time with Shelby, I'm stuck in that hell hole for the whole weekend." She walked into the kitchen and jumped on the counter as Kurt started making them both a drink.

"I don't even get along with that woman, Kurt, they know that, I just don't see why they want me to have a relationship with her after so long."

"Maybe they want you to have a mother in your life." Kurt could understand that, his mother had died so long ago and he longed to have a mother that could care for him, and unlike Rachel, he could never get a chance to have a relationship with a woman he loved so much, but knew so little about.

"I guess.. but still.." She wrinkles her nose in disgust, looking down at the drink she held so tight in her hands as she thought about her mother, "She told me she was my mother, not my mom, I was never the daughter she wanted. And then suddenly... she wants me to be that daughter and I don't even know if I want to be anymore." She sighed as Kurt looked at her strangely, "What?"

"It's nothing, it's just.. you never talk about her."

"I know.. it's not easy. I just.. she made me feel so horrible. It was like I couldn't be good enough for her, she made me feel guilty that she gave me up and I hated that she could make me feel that way." Kurt nodded, wrapping his arms around the girl, who gratefully accepted the act of comfort, wrapping her own arms around her best friend.

"I don't know if I should hate her or love her." She whispered in the end, frowning slightly,

"Just... make an effort this weekend, try and get along and see how it goes." He smiles, knowing he always gave the best advice, even if the answer seemed to simple. Rachel just nodded slightly and jumped off the counter, "I guess I should get going. She's picking me up in an hour.. wish me luck."

"Good luck." Kurt grinned at her, waving her as she ran out of his house and down the street. Rachel felt better about the visit, maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would be, maybe her mother really had changed her mind and maybe Rachel had grown up enough so there won't be too many arguments.

"Dad? Daddy?" She walked into the house,

"Rachel?" She laughed and nodded, "Who else would it be?" She smiled at her dad's and kissed them both on the cheek before walking to her bedroom to pack a bag,

"You're in a better mood." Her dad raised an eyebrow, following his daughter into the bedroom, "Well yes, I had a discussion with Kurt and he managed to calm me down."

Her dad nodded and smiled a little, "That's good, so you're alright with going now?" She nodded and carried on packing, thinking of the weekend ahead. It took her a while to decipher what was important and what was not on her list of things she could not possibly live without – her Barbara records for one – over the next three days but finally she was done.

"Your mother will be here soon." Rachel nodded at her daddy and sat down, not saying a word. She had given up on Shelby last year, she wasn't about to start getting her hopes up, not yet anyway.

It wasn't long until she came, thankfully on her own – Rachel didn't know how she felt about the whole Beth incident yet. She listened as Shelby talked to her about her life, about Beth, about the apartment... everything. She talked non stop about why she came back and how much she had discovered about herself when she became a mother to Beth. Rachel smiled and nodded when it seemed appropriate, laughed when Shelby did. All the while thinking about this new life she had made, the life she wanted her to be a part of now – sixteen years later.

That evening she sat on the table with her mother, watching Beth in her high chair, "So, how do you find school?" Shelby finally asked, breaking the tension,

"It's good... I enjoy my lessons, so that's something." She shrugged, never really knowing how to answer that question. "I tutor Finn sometimes in Math, it helps me too."

"Finn is that tall one in Glee, right?" Rachel nodded, "Yeah.. he's my boyfriend." Shelby looks shocked, nodding a little, "And how long have you two been dating?"

"Just over a year.. he's amazing." Rachel grinned as she thought about him, oddly feeling at ease the moment she did. He was the best thing that had ever happened to her, he got along well with her dad's, he got on with Kurt – well, he was Kurt's step-brother after all and Finn Hudson was just an amazing person.

Shelby nodded and picked up Beth, "I'm going to bath this one and then put her to bed, and then probably get to bed myself. I'll see you in the morning, okay?" Rachel nodded, trying to hide her hurt as she stood up, watching her mother and her new baby leave.

She sighed, walking over to the kitchen, noticing a bottle of wine on the counter. She picked it up, biting her lip.. it was just a little something, just to take away the hurt and the loneliness. It couldn't do any harm, could it?

She gulped down the warm liquid, burning the back of her throat after the first taste, but then it felt fine. She smiled to herself as she drunk a little more.

It was exactly what she wanted, she wanted to feel nothing. She wanted to be free from all the pain she felt for the first time. The alcohol had given her this.