AN: Slender fans...BEHOLD! This is my first shot at a Slender fic. This is what I call an 'Anti-CreepyPasta' Meaning I shall be poking fun and virtually questioning every bit of our favorite scary stories of video games. So sit back and relax have yourself a laugh or two. Please don't take this as mocking the fandom just making something comedic. And please no flaming or trolling. I can do well without.

-F**K YOU, SLENDER MAN!-

Okay. I finally went and did it. And it nearly caused me to go literally insane and tear my computer into pieces.

After some rather intense peer pressure, I got off my lazy ass and downloaded Slender: The Eight Pages. I never played the game, nor have I seen gameplay footage. I was told that I need to go around this dark forest and collect 8 pages...

WOOOOOW.

Sure. Collect 8 freaking notebook pages. Totally not as epic and enticing as Poke'Mon, The Legend of Zelda, or Final Fantasy VII.

And so, I begin playing Slender in a dark forest-which suspiciously looks like the forest from friggin' Blair Witch Project-with only a flashlight to light my way.

OOOOOOOO, SPOOOOKY..

Not to mention it looks like Chino Hills during the winter. xP

After 15 minutes of aimlessly wandering around(with no expectations btw), hearing nothing but crickets chirping and the sound of my AI feet against the dirt path, I finally came across the first page on a tree.

'ALWAYS WATCHING. YES NO'

...Cool, but it would've been more interesting if it read:

'BEWARE OF YOGI'

Then my screen tells me I've collected one of the eight pages. Now we're getting somewhere. Suddenly I hear music. Da hell? Why all the sudden am I hearing ominous music? Is this like supposed to happen everytime I pick up a page?

Then, after looking around with the damn flashlight I see this weird dude in a suit.

I didn't know this game had NPCs :O

But as quickly as I saw him, my screen suddenly started staticing leaving me totally confused out of my damn mind until it's totally covered in static and this freaking shrill noise, blasting my ear drums out.

If this stupid thing turns out to be a god dang screamer, I'm gonna be pissed.

The screen blinks with an up close shot of the Slender Man's face. Then fades to black, with text of how many pages I retrieved and 'Continue?'

...

..WHAT THE FUCK?! I JUST GOT KILLED BY A GOD DAMN MANNEQUIN IN GOD DAMN SUIT! WHY IS THIS SCARY?! THIS IS BULLSHIT!

Because I inherited my mother's need to win games, I of course clicked Continue. This time I don't even bother to read the pages. Already this asshole Slender Man is annoying the fuck out of me. This is NOT scary at all. It's annoying as hell. I mean seriously, I'm walking like molasses here, I've got nothing but a damn flashlight that will actually run out of power and I'm increasingly getting pissed off at the fact that I can't seem to win at this shit.

SERIOUSLY, HAS ANYONE EVER WON THIS SHIT?!

But no, this game is practically rigged to get me killed by the stupid mannequin in a suit.

WHY CAN'T I HAVE A ROCKET LAUNCHER?! MY KINGDOM FOR AN RPG!

This is just like where you can't do a damn thing to defend yourself.

Except no blood...and bodies...and blood.

You know what? I'll bet this game is based off a creepypasta.

Wait a minute...IT IS A FREAKING CREEPYPASTA! GOD DAMMIT!

FUCK CREEPYPASTAS, FUCK THIS GAME.

FUCK YOU SLENDER MAN!

A few days after quitting the Slender game, my curiosity was piqued again. I started exploring other versions of the game on YouTube. There's one that's set inside an old hospice center-which looks remarkably like one of those places that Ghost Adventures visted-and instead of pages, we're collecting poetry. And the Slender Man has tweezers for hands.

Well, huzzah!

Still...

Fuck you, Slender Man.

Wait...

I just realized...

that's he's also like Herobrine from Minecraft

...dammit

..fuck you, Herobrine...